Sincerely, Lieutenant Cullen
by LuvCullens
Summary: *COMPLETE* There's one thing a soldier loves to recieve: mail. For Lt. Edward Cullen, it is no different. So when he receives a letter from a woman he doesn't know, he writes back. Can two people fall in love without ever meeting and endure all that comes their way?
1. Get Over It

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

**Chapter 1**

"Bella, it's been a month. Get over it." Emmett snapped at his little sister, his hands thrown into the air.

"Emmett," Rosalie chastised from Bella's side.

"No Rosalie, I'm tired of it. Bella, you're stronger than this. No matter how much you have driven me crazy growing up, I always thought of you as tough. You never let anyone get to you and you never let anything get in your way. Now you're letting that jackass and witch of a roommate ruin you. Why? You were too good for him anyway. Get. Over. It."

Tears streamed down Bella's cheeks. "That's a lot easier said than done. You have no idea, Emmett. No idea what I am going through!"

"You're right; I've never had my heart broken. The only person I've ever loved has worshipped me all my life." Emmett winked over at his wife with a wicked grin.

"You're an idiot, and not helping." Rosalie shook her head at her husband's lack of compassion.

Bella stood up to leave the room and Emmett grabbed her by her shoulders. "Look at me Bella. I didn't come in here to make you feel like crap, but you can't sit around all summer, crying on the phone to my pregnant wife and think that is going to help you get over it.

"You are absolutely right. I can't understand, but I watched a buddy of mine go through a hell of a lot more than this and I never saw him slip from his responsibilities for a minute. His family life is not great, his fiancé' crushed him, and the guy's got nobody watching out for him. He never gets letters or packages, ever, for crying out loud. Never once have I ever seen him sitting around crying and letting his life pass him by.

"You know I'm not one for all that psycho babble crap but I think talking to someone who has been through something similar can help. He can understand and maybe he can let you in on what got him through it. Besides, he could really use some mail and a friend. Here…" Emmett handed her a small square of paper with a name and address scribbled on it. "… if you can think about someone other than yourself for a while, you might write him, he could use the mail."

Emmett leaned over and lovingly kissed his wife, placing his hand on her tiny baby bump. "I'm going hiking with my dad. I'll be back in a few hours, I love you."

Emmett headed for the door and then turned toward his little sister. "I love you too, Bells. I just want to see the old you again."

Bella nodded and looked down at the paper in her hand. Lieutenant Edward Cullen.

No matter how much time Edward spent in the sun his skin never seemed to adjust. He always felt the uncomfortable burn on his back and neck while he ran. For some reason though, it was never bothersome enough to put his shirt back on. The heat was cooled by the constant dribbles of sweat falling down from his broad shoulders to the waistline of his pants. This was Edward's time, his very own. Not for his country, not because he was told he had to, not because he was worried about staying in shape. His running time was his therapeutic time. He could be alone with nobody telling him what to do or asking him what to do. He could think about personal things in his life that he had to separate himself from while doing his job. His head always cleared after this time of exertion and he was ready to go back to work and perform to the best of his ability.

June 29th, today, would have been he and Tanya's seventh anniversary. Yes, he thought, a run was definitely necessary today. It had been over two years and the memories still plagued him. His muscles tightened in frustration as he thought of what it would take to get her completely out of his mind for good. Every day it was getting a little better but not fast enough. He was a man; he didn't think he should be affected this way. He sometimes felt he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, which was the curse of men who took their jobs in the military seriously. They were protecting their entire country from the evil in the world, so how did he have the time to worry about one woman? One woman who completely destroyed him two years ago.

Letting out a small growl, Edward dropped to his hands and toes, just yards away from his barracks and started his push-up and sit-up regimen. He still wasn't ready to be around the other guys yet.

"Cullen."

Edward's eyes flashed toward the voice calling him, slightly annoyed at the interruption. "Yeah?"

"Letter for you."

It had been only a matter of days since he last received a letter from his mother. Could something have happened to cause her to write so soon? In one swift motion, Edward was on his feet and striding toward the young boy holding his letter toward him.

"Thanks," he mumbled, brows furrowed together, his eyes gazing at the blue envelope. He read the sender's name. Bella McCarty. Images of all of his acquaintances and family flashed through his mind, coming up empty of who Bella McCarty could be. He'd never heard the name before. His eyes darted to the middle of the envelope to make sure it was addressed to him, and there, in an elegant script, was his name. Lieutenant Edward Cullen.

A thrill of excitement and curiosity coursed through him as he wondered what female was sending him a letter and why. Returning to his barracks, he dropped to the edge of his cot, and pulled a pocket knife out from under his bed to cut the envelope open. His nervous hands unfolded the paper while his eyes darted around to see that there were only two other soldiers in the room. Both were asleep. Feeling confident in his privacy he began to read his letter.

_Lieutenant Cullen,_

_I know that you don't know me, but you know my brother. I call him the most annoying creature on the earth, but you would probably refer to him as Lieutenant Emmett McCarty. However, if you know him well, it's highly possible that you refer to him as I do._

A grin spread across his face and a small chuckle escaped his lips. He did, indeed, know Emmett McCarty, and could completely understand why a sibling of his would find him annoying. Edward mostly found him to be humorous and honest, but he couldn't help but wonder why Emmett's sister would be writing him.

_He is the one that gave me your name and address, so you can blame him if I annoy you. If I don't annoy you, and we keep up a correspondence, let's not give him any credit. In fact, I would really appreciate it if you didn't even tell him I wrote to you. I would never want him to know that I took his advice and listened to him._

_While Emmett was home for a weekend at the beginning of this summer, I was going through somewhat of a crisis that was causing me to be an unpleasant person to be around. In Emmett's own tender and loving way, he called me selfish and told me to get over it. Yeah, he has quite a way with words. What stuck with me, though, was when he mentioned you. He said that you had been through something similar to what I'm going through. He even blabbered about what a good example you were because you didn't sit around and cry about your misfortune. So here I am, "selfish" enough to write to a complete stranger, with hope that he can teach me how to "get over it," in Emmett's words._

_Let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Bella McCarty. I am 21 years old. I attend UCLA where I'm finishing my degree in education. Currently, I am home for the summer at my parents' in Forks, Washington. I have been tutoring kids over the summer and keeping Rosalie (Emmett's wife) company. There is not a whole lot else to tell you about me. I love to read, hike, and camp. I know you must be jealous of my kick ass life, but hey, I'm in Forks, what else is there to do?_

_As for what happened that has me all in dramatics, well you may not think it's a big deal, but it is to me. In fact, it caused my whole world to come crashing down. During finals week of winter quarter, I came home from studying early and found my roommate, Jessica, with my boyfriend, Mike. When I say with, I don't mean quizzing each other for their finals. It made me so sick that I literally threw up in the middle of my apartment living room and have avoided both ever since. I will be seeing them this next year and my stomach turns just thinking about it._

_My summer is coming to an end quicker than I would like and I'm still not over everything. I know I'll have to face my demons upon my return to school, so I'm kind of desperate for any help I can get. Emmett said that you would be able to help and I hope you can. _

_I hope this letter finds you safe and happy. Please write and tell me about yourself, how you've managed to cope through your situation and, most of all, tell me something humiliating about my brother._

_Thanks for all that you are doing for our country and my freedom,_

_Bella McCarty_

Edward read through the letter one more time and then folded the paper, returning it to its envelope. Though his excitement over receiving a letter lingered –he was grateful for the mail— Edward was confused by this girl. Who writes a letter to a stranger, asking for help with a personal situation?

Bella. He'd heard stories of her, but he couldn't remember specifics. He wished he'd paid better attention now. Bella's humor and wit was amusing, yet he was disturbed by the anger that flashed through her words when explaining what had happened. Edward's thoughts drifted toward his past.

Jolted back from flashbacks of his own experience, Edward took out the letter one last time and traced a finger over the indentation of Bella's handwriting. What moron had done this to such a sweet girl? Yeah, he decided, this guy had to be a moron to hurt McCarty's sister. At the thought, Edward smirked then put the letter back inside the envelope.

He couldn't decide now what his response would be. He didn't even know if he'd respond at all. Right now, struggling through his emotions from the letter, were old, simmering emotions he didn't want to dredge up. And on top of that was the feeling of betrayal. How could Emmett have shared such personal information of his with someone else? Sister or not, Edward had told Emmett everything in confidence.

Running his fingers along the edge of the envelope, he decided to think about it later. He pulled a metal box out from under his bed and stored the letter safely inside. He grabbed his towel from his locker and headed for a much needed shower.

Running from her car, up to the front porch, Bella tried to avoid some of the torrential downpour. She had spent the last two hours working with a ten year old boy who still couldn't read. While tutoring kids and helping them to better themselves was rewarding, it could also be so frustrating. She needed a mental break. Once safe, she sat herself down on the rickety porch swing and removed her tennis shoes that were now a lovely shade of mud, and then quickly peeled off her rain jacket. Sighing from exhaustion, she pulled her knees up to her chest while the swing swayed back and forth, as if it were comforting her. One minute she felt she couldn't live without being surrounded in green and the smell of rain, the next, she thought she would combust if she didn't feel the sun on her face. Today she was missing the sun. As she surveyed her wet surroundings, she noticed the mailbox full of mail and jumped up to retrieve it.

Back on the swing, she sifted through the mail, unsure why because nothing was ever for her. "Electric bill, coupons, ads, ads, magazine… "

Bella stopped her mumbling as she came to a letter addressed to her from Lt. Edward Cullen. A grin spread across her face and she leaped from the swing and headed for her room, leaving her jacket and shoes behind. Throwing herself across her bed, she made quick work of opening the letter.

_Miss Bella McCarty,_

_I want to thank you for your letter. Though I was shocked to receive a letter from a complete stranger, it definitely made my day. I was surprised to find out that Emmett had told you a little about me and asked you to write to me. I admit, I feel slightly embarrassed that one of my fellow soldiers had to beg on my behalf, but I'll take it. I completely agree about keeping this from Emmett, for I worry that I might end up indebted to him for setting up this correspondence. Owing Emmett would be very similar to owing the devil._

Bella rolled onto her back with an amused grin. Edward must know Emmett well, because Emmett was the devil.

_Let me tell you a little about myself. Hopefully I can make myself sound a little less pathetic than your brother did. My name is Edward, I am twenty- seven years old, and I'm from Chicago, Illinois. I have been in the army for three years. That is about all for me, so, you see, your life is quite interesting._

_Education, huh? Are you going for a Master's or are you planning on teaching? What kinds of books do you read? I am quite the reader also. _

_I am sorry to hear about your circumstances with your ex and your roommate. I don't know what to say other than… that sucks. I get why Emmett said I would understand. I understand all to well what you are going through. Six months into my service, I received a letter from my fiancé informing me that she wanted to call of our engagement. She said and I quote, "I never intended to marry a man in the military." She wanted an executive, apparently; someone who could give her more monetarily and be around more than I'm able._

A gasp escaped Bella's throat. "What a witch!"

_How I never saw through Tanya before is beyond me. A year later she married my cousin. It took me a very long time to get over the hurt and anger. If I'm being completely honest, I am still not a hundred percent over it. My mother wrote me a letter basically telling me the same thing Emmett said to you, except my mother did it in a much kinder way. She told me that I deserved better and not to waste my heart or time on someone who could disregard me so easily. She also threw in a lecture on making sure I was ready to meet someone new; someone who will adore me. Okay, that's a bit much. But she was right. I don't want to be sitting around, heartbroken and sick over Tanya and miss a chance at the real thing. Though I doubt I'll find someone out here surrounded by a bunch of soldiers— nor am I looking – I know my mother is right. _

Bella's lower lip began to tremble. She knew exactly what he was feeling. She too felt like she never wanted to love anyone again. It wouldn't be worth the risk of getting heartbroken once more.

_I destroyed all of my letters from Tanya and decided I was done mourning her. Luckily, I am kept busy here and if I do have down time, I run, which always helps._

_Unfortunately, Emmett is right. You need to get over it. They are the ones who destroyed your relationships. You've let this ruin your summer, but you can't let them take anything else away from you. Start running, I swear it will help._

"Running? You can't run in Forks without catching pneumonia," Bella mumbled.

_Thanks for your letter. Don't feel obligated to write back, but I would enjoy hearing from you again._

_Have a great week._

_Edward Cullen_

Grateful to have found someone that had been through the same thing she had, Bella would most definitely write him again. Deep in her heart, she thanked Emmett for the introduction to Lieutenant Cullen, even though she would never tell him so. Walking to her desk, she pulled out her blue stationary and immediately began her letter to Edward.

**Author Notes: **Hello, all of my old friends. I know I said I was not going to write anymore fan fiction, but this idea kept creeping into my head for weeks and refused to leave. I had to get it down in words and who better to share it with than all of you.

You all know how much I love reviews, please let me know what you think of the chapter so I know if I should proceed.


	2. Getting To Know You

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

The slightest shift in the sagebrush near the horizon caught Edward's attention he lay flat on the ground looking through the scope on his SAM-R. He dug his toes into the sand, braced his elbows on the earth below him, and took aim. A decoy emerged from its twiggy barrier and in a half a second, Edward firing his weapon, caused it to explode into shards. The sound of several guns firing rang through Edward's ears causing, a grin to spread across his face as he saw every decoy explode in front of him. His crew was good. They had hit every target in a phenomenal amount of time.

In one swift motion Edward was on his feet, calling in his platoon.

All of the men stood, forming a ring around their leader, slightly winded. "Great job, fellas. I think we're good for the day. Go wash the stink off you."

"Yes, Sir," the soldiers answered in unison and then they scattered away.

Smiling, Edward made his way back to the barracks. This was the life— even with all the sacrifices he'd made, like Tanya. With a grimace, he reached his barracks stomach rumbling. As much as he was hungry, he needed a shower more.

Private Johnson exited Edward's room and saluted him. "Sir, I just dropped your mail on your bed."

"Thank you," he answered quickly, a thrill sweeping through him. He'd been hoping to get a letter from Bella. But what if it wasn't from her? Trying to squelch his excitement, Edward focused on the blue envelope lying on his bed his heart leapt. It was the same blue envelope Bella's last letter had come in.

After dropping his equipment beside his bed, he immediately tore into the envelope. Receiving a letter was a highlight in any GI's day, but this was not just a letter. This stranger had made him laugh, smile, and had even conjured up an anger he didn't think him possible of.

_Dear Edward,_

_I was really excited to get your letter. Ever since I was a little girl, I'd always wanted a pen pal. Only when I was dreaming about my pen pal, I thought it would be an eight year old girl, from France, with some blonde ringlets. I guess a man in his twenties, serving in the military will suffice._

A smirk crept over Edward's face.

_I was deeply disappointed with your letter though. You neglected to share something humiliating about my brother. I will wait patiently for it in your next letter, but it better be good. I am glad we are on the same page about keeping this from Emmett. _

_So you are twenty-seven and have only been in the army three years. Why is that? Did you have to spend your prime partying it up? I hope you weren't a drunken, man-whore in your younger years. Man-Whore equals no letters. _

_Are you a White Sox fan or a Cubs fan? I've never been to Chicago. Do you miss it? Would you like to live there again when your service in the Marines is up? I'm sure your life is more interesting than you let on. I just think I need to coax you into filling in all the blanks. Okay, I will stop with the interrogation._

_As of right now, my career path is teaching. I would love to study literature and be a professor. The problem is, I love literature but not the intellectual snobs. They're already starting to seep into my classes and I am still in an undergraduate program. I avoid them and their judgmental attitudes at all costs. I think that a true lover of books can appreciate all genres, all authors, styles, and depths. Including fluff. Unfortunately not all agree. A couple of my fellow students caught me reading one of those vampire books. It isn't the most well written book and there isn't any depth, but every once in a while I need to read some fluff. Something that requires no thought, but makes me feel good. It's my guilty pleasure. I was completely harassed for my choice of reading. Word spread through my class and I was quickly snubbed. _

_So, my plan is to teach high school English and hopefully instill a love of books with some of the younger generation and let them know that they can read anything they want. Well, I probably wouldn't encourage porn. I will read just about anything, my favorite book is Jane Eyre, but some of the other tops of my list are Gone With the Wind, Water for Elephants, Pride and Prejudice, The Count of Monte Cristo, and I am embarrassed to say that I adore the Twilight books. What are your favorites?_

Damn, Edward thought, why did she have to love those blasted vampire books? No man could live up to the expectations that come from girls who read that crud.

_I am truly sorry to hear what your fiancé did to you. Many choice names ran through my mind for her, but I won't repeat them in case you still love her. I will keep thinking them though._

Edward laughed. There was a long period of time where he would have been protective of Tanya but not anymore.

_Your mother is perfectly right; you need someone who will adore you for who you are, not what you do for a living. Your strength and attitude about all of this has inspired me. Just knowing someone out there understands, has been there, and survived, is enough to make me want to fight past all of this. I have to tell you that one of my biggest annoyances with the recovery process is everyone telling me I was too good for him. Really? Then why did he leave me? Why did he decide someone else was worth leaving me for? And why did I love him so much? It just doesn't make sense to me. _

_Do you think you will fall in love again? And, if you do, do you think you will trust her and believe that she wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with her? I really worry that even if I do fall in love again, all I will do is spend my time worrying that he will leave me or fall in love with the next woman he sees. Am I crazy?_

Edward ran his fingers through his hair –or lack thereof— and let out a long breath. He hoped she wasn't crazy because if she was, so was he.

_Was Tanya the only person you loved? Mike was my first real love and lover. Wow, I can't believe I just told you that. For some reason I feel like I can tell you anything. I guess that's the beauty of letters, right? Anyway, I dated through high school and my first year of college, but nobody I would commit to or sleep with. Then Mike came along and he was everything I thought I wanted, but mostly he made me feel like I was the only woman on Earth that mattered. Who doesn't want that? I gave him everything, my time, my body, my heart, and he threw it all back in my face. I wonder if years from now I will be one of those people that say, "I thought I was in love but now I know I wasn't." Do you feel that way about Tanya?_

_Running? Did you suggest I start to run because I weigh five hundred pounds? That's really rude. Just because I have to be moved with a crane doesn't give you the right to use my heart break as an opportunity to put me on an exercise regimen. I'm kidding; I only weigh three hundred pounds. Kidding… I've got you wondering now, don't I?_

She was right; he couldn't help but wonder how big she was or if it was just a game. He was hoping for a game.

_I have been tutoring a boy named Franky who was unable to read when I met him. We have been working together all summer and we are reading the book of his choice, Diary of a Whimpy Kid. Those books are quite hilarious. You should check them out on your down time. Anyway it's about a boy who is just starting Jr. High and he's a little small for his age. He makes reference to some of the boys at his new school having mustaches already. Well, Franky informed me today that he can tell he is already getting a mustache since he will be starting middle school next year and asked if I thought he would look handsome with one. It took all of my self-control not to laugh. I could tell he truly thought he was going to sprout a mustache in the next couple of weeks. _

_Thank you again for your letter, I really appreciate it. I hope to hear from you again. _

_Be Safe!_

_Bella McCarty_

Edward's cheeks were starting to cramp from smiling the whole time he read her letter. He loved her sarcasm and enjoyed how playful she was, as if they had known each other for years.

Interrupting his thoughts, McCarty approached his room, roaring in laughter. In a hurry, Edward threw the letter back into the envelope and stuck it into his metal box. He was just putting the lid on the box when Emmett's head popped in the doorway.

"Cullen, we're getting a pick- up game together. You in?"

"When?" Edward asked. He really wanted to eat first.

"In about an hour."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"All right, later." Emmett waved his hand as he left the room.

Once alone again, Edward replaced the box under his bed and dropped onto his thin mattress. Bella's letter had thrilled him and he couldn't wait to hear from her again. Unfortunately, correspondence by mail took forever while deployed. Sighing, he stared up at the ceiling, unsure if he should give her his email address. He could probably call her, but for her to call him would be too expensive. No. Maybe snail-mail was the best route for them. Plus, there was something more intimate about a hand written letter opposed to an email.

"Bella, where are you headed?" Charlie called from the raggedy brown recliner which sat directly in front of the flat screen TV.

Reluctantly, Bella walked over to her enquiring father. "I'm going running," she answered while playing with the string of her hoodie.

Charlie's eye darted over toward his daughter, who had never run a day in her life. "Um, you're going running? As in two feet moving in sync, quickly, down a wet, paved road? Where you will sweat and possibly become out of breath?"

Bella let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes, I believe that could define running, and, yes, that is what I am going to do."

Jaw hanging open, Charlie's face shifted into one of concern. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, a friend just suggested this might be a way to help me get over my… issues."

Charlie started to laugh. "While I'm glad you're trying to find a way to get over your _issues_, does your friend know you can barely walk without falling?"

"Real funny, dad. For your information, I've been running, well, mostly slow jogging, for a couple of weeks now." Bella spun on her heels to leave.

"Tell the truth, how many times have you fallen?" He was completely laughing now.

There was no way Bella was going to admit to the two falls and several almost falls she'd had. Most people slipped and fell while running on wet asphalt, right? She couldn't be the only one. She may be a little coordination-challenged, but she wasn't as bad as her dad was making her sound. "You're not being very nice, dad. I now know where Emmett got his sensitive side from." Her hand curled around the metal doorknob to head out before the rain got too bad.

"Speaking of Emmett, I think you got a letter from him today. It's on the table by the door."

Bella's heart skipped. Emmett would never have written her a letter. The only time Emmett ever mailed her anything was the time he mailed her a newspaper clipping advertising tryouts to be a Seahawks cheerleader. It was a double whammy because one; he knew Bella couldn't stand cheerleaders, and two; well, her obvious lack of coordination. Growing up, Emmett loved to put Bella in situations that put her awkwardness on display. Once during his senior year, Emmett had shoved Bella into the center of a dance circle and nobody would let her out until she danced. She cringed remembering how awful she'd looked. She'd made Elaine from Seinfeld look good.

Grabbing the only envelope that lay on the table, she grinned at Edward's block lettering addressed to her. She shoved the little treasure into her jacket and then ran out into the jungle mist that promised to turn into rain soon. Bella sprinted to her old orange truck and jumped inside. There was no way she was going to wait until after her run to read her letter from her new friend.

_Dear Bella,_

_Thank you, again, for your letters. I get excited when I see your blue envelopes waiting for me. My mom, being the only family I have, is the only one that normally writes to me and her letters are sparse. Of course, my main supporter stopped writing a little over two years ago. _

One of Bella's four letter names for Tanya ran through her mind.

_So, you noticed my omission of the Emmett story, huh? Typically, we don't share our inside stories with civilians and Emmett would kill me if he ever found out; hence my avoidance. However; you seem like someone I can trust. In the military, perfection is expected in everything you do, particularly in the cleanliness in your barracks and your person. One afternoon when we were in Officer Training School one of our Colonels showed up for a surprise inspection. Everyone was lined up while he slowly investigated our uniforms, hygiene, boots, etc. While standing there, we all started to smell a horrible smell and were struggling to keep our solemn expressions. We all noticed our inspector crinkling his nose and looking around for the source of the potent stench. Once he approached Emmett his face became completely contorted. He yelled at Emmett, "Lieutenant, what is that wretched smell coming off you?" Emmett was trembling and said, "I don't know, Sir." Emmett looked like he was going to piss himself. Turned out, somehow, and we still to this day can't figure out how, Emmett's boot tread was coated in animal feces. Our Colonel went ballistic. Emmett was on latrine duty for a month. Needless to say, he carried quite a few horrible nicknames for the rest or our OTS class. Hopefully that story will get you through your day. It got me through weeks._

Nobody had ever made Emmett nervous, let alone scared. She would have given anything to see Emmett literally shaking in his crap-covered boots.

_I'd like to know more about you and your family. Hopefully there is more to it than Emmett._

_I did not start my career in the Marines late because I was partying. I have never been much of the partying type. Again, like I said, my life has always been boring. I went to Northwestern University right after high school. I graduated in accounting, and was hired out of school with the accounting firm KPMG. My mother really wanted me to go into accounting, job security and all. I worked there for a little over two years and was miserable. I hated wearing a tie to work every day, I hated being inside during all of the daylight hours, and I felt like nothing I did made a difference in the world. I wanted to do something more with my life. I thought the military would be a good opportunity. So even though my mother and Tanya were completely against it, I decided to join the Marines. I have now been here for three years and I couldn't be happier. Even though it is what destroyed my engagement._

"She's still a witch." Bella saw red thinking about someone who could let their love of money and power over shadow the happiness of their lover.

_I am a White Sox fan. Do you follow baseball? Maybe one day in the future I'll take you to a game. _

_I don't plan on returning to Chicago. After being away from the cold so long I have become a snow pansy. I went to visit my mom last winter and I just stayed hidden in the house, avoiding the snow. It is a beautiful city and you should definitely go and visit sometime. I would just recommend the spring or fall._

_I have to admit I am slightly relieved you're going to teach and not be an intellectual snob. When I think of literature majors, I do tend to think of those people that traipse around campus in dress clothing and try to fake a British accent and quote Tolstoy and Dante'. _

Bella laughed because there were people in some of her classes that matched the exact description Edward just gave. She, too, couldn't stand them.

_My mother is an avid reader and taught me the love of books at a young age. I think it's great that you want to try and teach that to the next generation. Nobody reads anymore. I am sure by the time my kids are grown there won't even be libraries or real books. Everyone will get their information from the internet and read all of their books off electronic readers. You have great taste in books. The Count of Monte Cristo is my favorite. I am highly disappointed and now question your intelligence though, because of your love for those vampire books. Hopefully I will be able to get past this flaw someday._

"Typical male, they're all just jealous," she thought. She couldn't be mad at him though, considering she kept her Twilight obsession a secret from most of her friends.

_While you seem to be nervous and not understand your openness with me, I am grateful for it. I love how candid our letters have become. I worry that you value my opinion on love a little more than you should. I have been through the same experience as you and I am further along in the recovery process but I am very inexperienced in this aspect of life. I admire the fact that you saved all of those important parts of yourself for someone you loved. I wish I had done the same in my life. Tanya is not the only woman I have been with but she was the only woman I had ever loved. I think that I really did love her. I can't say for sure, because I have never loved another so there is nothing for me to compare it to. If I can determine it by how devastated I was by what she did to me, I can only assume that I was completely in love with her. I am not in love with her anymore and I am glad I was finally able to get to that point. I know you will get there too. The day your first letter arrived was actually what would have been our anniversary. So receiving your letter was a much welcomed distraction. _

_I am kind of curious as to some of the names you have for Tanya, I won't be offended if you wanted to share. I am sure they would make me laugh since you always make me laugh. _

_I haven't been on a date since Tanya and I broke up. I have no way of knowing what it will be like when either of us get back out there again and possibly give our hearts away again. I wish I could assure you that you will be able to fall in love again and that you will live happily ever after, but I can't make that promise. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did. The way we feel, our reluctance, it can't be crazy. If it is then maybe we can roam the earth being crazy together. _

_As risky and scary as it all seems, I do hope that I can find it someday and I hope it's better than the last time. I really hope you can decide to want it and have it in your life also._

_My mother taught me better than to ever ask a girl how much she weighs, so I won't ask you that. But I will ask what you look like? _

_Did you consider running? I run five miles as often as I can, in addition to our daily training here on the base. Days that I can't run are very hard on me. It has become an addiction. I promise it will work. You will forget all about him and move on. Plus, it will help you shed a couple hundred pounds, assuming you do weigh three hundred or more pounds which, of course, would not matter to me._

_I will let you in on a secret, I am up for a promotion and I am really excited about it. They will let me know when I return to base. This makes me a little more anxious to get back to the states._

_Happy running and have a great week. Thanks again for your correspondence._

_Edward_

As Bella reread some of her letter from Edward, rain started to pounce on her windshield and she knew she needed to head out before it started to rain too hard. She put Edward's letter into its envelope and shoved it into her glove box.

Running at a steady and stable pace, Bella thought of Edward the entire time. He'd been right. Running did distract her from Mike. It made her think of a Marine whom she was thrilled to get to know.

**Author's Notes:**

It was brought to my attention last chapter that there is another story in the fandom called, Sincerely, Sergeant Mason. I want my readers to know that I was completely unaware of this story and I am completely against plagiarizing anyone's work. I have been in contact with the other author and it is all fine. If you are looking for another military correspondence fic to read, you can go check hers out.

I have to thank Pears13. She is a super beta and a writing genius.

I am planning on updating Sincerely, Lieutenant Cullen, about once a week. It could become every two weeks in the summer while my munchkins are home.

Leave me some love, please.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Hi, all of my loyal readers. I know that this chapter is long overdue, but my beta is on hiatus and I have been trying to wait for her to get to this chapter. I have given up and decided to post this chapter for all of you even though there may be errors. Please be forgiving if it's not perfect since it has not been beta'd.

xxx

Edward had to talk himself through each footstep back to his bunk. He was exhausted. They had been doing some training all through the night and now the sun was starting to rise and he hadn't slept in over twenty four hours.

"Cullen, wait up." Edward turned his head to see McCarty running toward him.

"What's up, brother?" Emmett asked clasping his hand on Edward's shoulder.

"Not much, I'm exhausted. I'm going to sleep as long as they'll let me. Then I'll get up, to do this all over again."

"Wow, you do need to sleep, Grumpy."

"How are you always on, McCarty? Do you live on Red Bull?"

"Don't hate on my awesomeness."

"I'll work on it," Edward laughed. He felt like it was literally impossible to stay in a bad mood when in the presence of this guy.

"I heard you're up for a promotion."

"Yeah, I guess they must be pretty hard-up for some sharp shooters if they want me."

Emmett blew out an exasperated breath. "Don't play that humble card with me Cullen. You know you're good, you always have been. I'm surprised it took them this long to realize you're the best of the best."

"Well, it's not a done deal yet. I've got to go through some more training and get in some practice time." Emmett nodded in understanding. "Hey, you want to go get some target shooting in with me later?"

"Sure, just come and find me. Do you realize that there are only sixty more days until we're back at Pendelton?" Emmett said with a glow on his face. Edward nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. "You're not excited to be back in the states?"

"I don't have a beautiful wife waiting at home for me, Emmett. So being here really isn't that different than being at home. Well, that's not completely true, the food at home is better."

"That's true, my friend. I need a freakin' cheeseburger and fries like you wouldn't believe. I could also use a little something, something from my wife."

"Not what I need to hear, Emmett."

"Edward, you need a woman. That's what will cheer you up," Emmett said winking at Edward.

"Nope, that's not what I need."

"Dude, you can't stay celibate forever. I'm not saying you need to get married, you just need a little female companionship."

Edward shook his head and laughed it off. "Aren't you having a baby soon?"

"Yeah, Rose is due three weeks after we get back."

Emmett's attention was easily distracted and he went into a full blown discussion about his baby girl that was soon arriving.

By the time Edward made it back to his barracks he was too tired to even take off his clothes. He dropped onto the mattress and was asleep within seconds, without a thought crossing his mind.

Voices started to filter into Edward's mind, breaking him from his deep slumber. He rolled over onto his side and heard a crinkle under his shoulder. He let his eyelids slip open long enough to look at the watch on his wrist. Eleven. He'd slept five hours. More than he'd expected. He could hear men outside and a couple of men having a conversation at the other end of the room. His eyes opened wider and he knew he was officially up for the day.

Throwing his legs over the edge of the bed, he pushed up on his elbow, hearing the crinkling sound again. He looked over and saw a blue envelope crushed underneath him. It must have come yesterday and he didn't notice it before he crashed this morning. Quickly, he sat up and opened his letter.

_Dear Edward,_

_First of all let me thank you for the story. It got me through my day. Someday I will come up with a way of torturing him with that information without disclosing my source. I am now even further indebted to you._

_I will tell you about my family as long as you tell me all about yours in return. My parents Renee and Charlie are great. They have been together since they were in high school and absolutely adore each other. It can be quite disturbing sometimes. You'd think they would get sick of each other after thirty years. I don't think I will ever find love like theirs in my lifetime. My dad is the chief of police and was in the Air Force before that. My mom is a nurse and has always been a full time mom, even now that we are adults— if you can call Emmett an adult. Emmett is four years older than me and has tortured me my whole life. I wouldn't trade him for the world though. Don't ever tell him I said that. Rosalie, his wife, has been my best friend since we were nine years old. When we were twelve she decided she was in love with my older brother. It was quite nauseating. Most of the time, she kept her thoughts to herself, for my benefit. For some reason, he finally noticed her when we were seventeen, perv. He patiently waited for her to turn eighteen and then he wouldn't leave her alone, perv again. _

Edward pictured Emmett waiting a year to date Rosalie. He had seen pictures of Rosalie and she was beautiful. Not really Edward's type, but still pretty. He didn't think Emmett had it in him to wait that long. He laughed imagining Emmett's frustration.

_They were married two years later. Rosalie is just over two months away from having their first baby and I am so excited to be an aunt. Rosalie is spending the summer with us in Forks, while Emmett is gone and so she and I can spend some time together. I think she felt sorry for me after listening to me cry on the phone those first weeks after the incident. I'm the baby and the only girl. My dad hovers over me and is worried every man on earth is out to destroy my virtue. My mom is cool, we talk like we are friends but she also lays down the law when she needs to. She never really had to, I was a good kid. I figured Emmett gave them enough grief; I should lighten their load as much as possible. Like you, I never really spent my time partying either. Emmett spent his entire life embarrassing me and making fun of me. Sometimes it's really funny and sometimes just annoying. No guy dared to mess with me in fear of my older brother. I really am lucky to have such a great family._

Bella had the picture perfect family. Edward felt a little envious.

_You are quite the modest, smarty pants. Northwestern, done in four years, and then hired by one of the big four accounting firms. Very impressive, my friend, but even more impressive to me is your courage to go after what you wanted. I admire the fact that you want to spend your life doing something other than making a buck. You want to contribute to the greater good. You are true to yourself. I have to admit I am thoroughly intimidated by you. I was before but now it's at a whole other level._

_Are you happy in the Marines? I don't even know where you are? How long have you been there? What are your plans in terms of a career in the military? And of course, do you have a tattoo and what is it? I think it's a military requirement. My mom completely lost her cool when Emmett came home with his first one._

_Just to warn you, if I ever run into Tanya I will be forced to call her crazy and possibly use the right hook that Emmett taught me before my first date. Can I count on you to do the same if you ever run into Mike?_

Edward laughed out loud causing him to cough the sleep from his throat. He loved that they had written only a few letters and already they were so comfortable with each other and he loved that Bella was already protective of him. What he'd give to see Tanya's reaction if someone like Bella confronted her.

_I am a baseball fan, football fan, and basketball fan. It's kind of impossible not to be, growing up with Emmett and my dad. They are sports junkies. I know sports and I enjoy watching them but I don't play them. I have avoided the admission of my lack of coordination for a while, but now I have to admit that I am probably one of the clumsiest people you will ever meet or write __to__. I hope you never have to witness it._

_Very wise of you to not ask how much I weigh. Your mother raised you well. I was thinking it would be kind of fun if we didn't say what each other looked like. I already have an image of you in my head and I am assuming you do of me, so let's just keep it at that. Maybe, someday, if we ever meet, it will be that much more exciting. Although, I am pretty confident you will be disappointed._

He was sure she was crazy. She had to be beautiful. At least that is how he had pictured her, and then he started to picture Emmett as a female. This image caused him to shudder and not in a good way. Only a woman would not want to know what the other looked like, but he would go along with it.

_You will be proud to know I have taken up running, well, let's call it a brisk jog. I am working my way toward running. My family is in shock over my new routine and they constantly make fun of me – you know the whole coordination thing. I will admit this to you and only you; I have had quite a few falls on my runs. I don't think it is just my lack of coordination, it is that combined with constant wet pavement and mud, and a lack of focus. My mind is always on something else. I imagine you never have this problem though. You could probably run with your eyes closed and still look like an advertisement for Runner's World._

_The running is working, you were so right. I can think so logically and make sense of so much when I'm out on the pavement. I have to admit I've been running even more this week. School starts in two weeks and I'm so terrified to run into Jessica or Mike. I've come a long way, there are days that I don't even think of them and I haven't cried in two weeks. I'm so scared that once I see them, my world will come crashing down again and I'll have to start all over. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Right now, I can honestly say that I hope that I never fall in love again._

For some reason the last sentence caused Edward's stomach to turn and he didn't understand it.

H_e always made me feel good about myself. He was the first adult relationship I had, and it felt good to have a man look at me the way he did. I really miss having someone there all of the time. Looking back now though, I know that the relationship wasn't right. The attraction was there, we had fun, and he understood me, but I realize he wasn't my best friend and I think for a relationship to be successful, you have to be each other's best friend. Is that strange? I think that realization is what made me start to move on from the heartache. Of course, that understanding came while I was out running. Was Tanya your best friend? What do you miss about your relationship with her?_

_School will keep me busy, so I know I will have less time to think of these things. The down side to school keeping me busy, is I won't have time to sit around waiting for your letters like I do now. I hope I will be able to write as frequently as I do now. Never take it personal if there are delays in my letters. Just always keep in mind that you are writing to a complete nerd and I take my studies very seriously. I am thinking of you though… maybe more than I should._

Excitement poured through Edward's veins. He had been feeling an irrational pleasure from his correspondence with Bella and it made him feel a great deal of relief to know that it wasn't one sided. He began to wonder if she too reread letters, thought of him often, and wondered if they would ever meet. Edward, suddenly felt scared by the unusually fast attachment he was developing for this girl he barely knew.

_I hope you have a great week and you are able to avoid Emmett as much as possible. _

_Your Friend,_

_Bella McCarty_

_P.S. Since you were so gentlemanly to still write and not ask how much I weigh, I will tell you I weigh 122 pounds. You can breathe again._

Edward laughed as he folded the letter. She only weighed 122 pounds. She was lighter than he thought she would be. How could someone the size of Emmett have such a tiny sister?

Emmett's sister was quickly becoming one of his favorite people and he couldn't wait for another letter from her.

xxx

"To Bella," four lovely girls raised their glasses in a toast to their friend.

"Stop you guys. I'll be back at Thanksgiving." Bella blushed.

"This is your last year of school. You are going to be the first one of our friends to graduate from college." Rosalie declared, taking a drink of her water.

"We are so proud of you," beamed Leah.

"Plus we'll miss you like crazy," chimed in Angela.

"You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for. I wish I could take you all with me."Bella reached next to her and squeezed Angela's hand. "Going back would be so much easier if I had you guys with me."

"Bella, the base is not far from school. If either of them gives you any crap call me and I will come and kick some cheating-ass." Rosalie promised with a wicked grin.

"Rosalie, can't you just cross your legs and keep that baby in there until I can visit for Thanksgiving? I can't stand the thought of you having her while I am gone." Rosalie rolled her eyes and laughed at Bella's unreasonable plea. "I'm serious. She will be almost a month old by the time I see her."

"Again, we aren't that far away." Rosalie let out a sigh, knowing how obsessive Bella was with her school work she could almost guarantee she wouldn't take a weekend off. "We'll send you pictures. We could even Skype and I'll let you watch her throw up or watch me change her diaper."

"Gross! I can't believe I'm going to miss my niece being born. What if Emmett isn't back from his deployment and you are all alone? I could just defer a quarter and go stay with you at the base."

"Emmett will be there in plenty of time, if not I have Renee. Don't even think about deferring school because of me or this baby and don't try to act like wanting to skip a quarter has anything to do with this baby either." Bella's eyes immediately dropped to the ground avoiding the gazes of her friends and the sudden seriousness of the group. "You have come such a long way these last few weeks. You are going to be fine."

Leah wrapped an arm around Bella's shoulder. "Rosalie is right you aren't even the same person you were at the beginning of the summer. I don't know anyone as strong and determined as you."

"You guys are right, I have felt better. But… what if I see one of them and it all comes back. I don't know if I am ready for it. I feel like I finally got put back together, but if I see them again I am going to break into a million pieces once more."

As gracefully as her rounded belly would let her, Rosalie rose out of her chair and came to kneel down beside her sister-in-law and best friend. "It will probably be hard the first time you see them. It'll make you feel broken and insecure, but you will feel that much stronger when it's over. Seeing them is inevitable, Bella. You need to just get it over with. It will actually help you to move on. It's like ripping off a Band-Aid, you know it's going to hurt but you do it real fast to get it over with."

"I don't know," Bella sighed as she shook her dropped head from side to side.

"Remember when we were thirteen and I was in love with Emmett and he was dating that slut, Irina?" A small smile started to tug at Bella's lips. "I didn't want to hang out there anymore because I wanted to cry every time I saw them together. You wouldn't let me. You said I couldn't let your jackass of a brother ruin our fun."

The entire group laughed remembering the extremes Rosalie had taken to get Emmett's attention in their younger years.

Bella looked at Rosalie, "I was going to murder him in his sleep if he drove my best friend away. I never would have thought you two would end up together."

"We may not have if you hadn't forced me to get over my insecurities. Without you I wouldn't have been parading my sixteen year old body in front of him before he left to go back to college and gotten his attention."

Leah jumped into the conversation, "Rosalie, that was your sexy figure looking like a twenty-one year-old super model, you know, the kind of models that actually eat and have curves. Any man would have been blind not to see you."

"Hey, and none of you forget my boobs are real too." Laughter erupted again as Rosalie pushed out her enormous pregnant chest for everyone to see. That was one of the things Bella loved about her friends, no matter how dire the circumstances they could always make her laugh. Rosalie's face sobered and she looked Bella straight in the eye. "You can do this, Bella. I know you can. You are stronger than you think. You are going to face them and move on. I know that there is someone else out there for you. You're going to look back on this time and wonder why the hell you were crying over Mike Newton."

"Rosalie is right, Bella. I have total confidence in you." Angela cooed in Bella's ear.

"Plus, you're going to get up to school find the hottest guy on campus, make him fall in love with you, and then flaunt it in that jack-asses face," Leah threw in.

Bella's thoughts immediately turned to Edward Cullen and she couldn't help the flutter in her stomach. She didn't need the hottest guy on campus. She was content with Edward's friendship and letters of reassurance. "I don't need a guy. I think I'm done for a while."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and headed back to her seat. With her back turned to Bella she said, "What about your pen pal?" When Rosalie turned around she had a knowing look on her face.

Bella's face immediately turned a shade of crimson and she wondered if Rosalie knew about her letters from Edward. "Oh, that's just a friend from school. Nobody I would be interested in romantically."

"Maybe it's someone you should be interested in romantically. I noticed you started feeling better as soon as the letters started coming around. I don't' think that is a coincidence."

"What letters?" Angela leaned in curiously.

Bella swallowed hard. "Just, some letters from a friend at school. Just being supportive, giving me some advice." Bella knew her voice sounded unsure and nervous, but she couldn't talk to her friends about Edward. There were no secrets between Rosalie and Emmett and she and Edward agreed not to tell her over-bearing brother. It sucked keeping something so great from your best friends.

Her friends all sat eyeing her. Not one believing a word coming from her mouth. But, they knew how fragile Bella was and they didn't want to push her. Besides if there was something to say, Bella would eventually tell them.

The next afternoon Bella was ready to head out for her daily run/ therapy session. As she bounded down the stairs she saw Rosalie sitting on the couch.

"I'm going running Rosalie, do you want to come?"

"You know I don't do sweaty, unless it's with your brother."

Making a gagging noise, Bella turned to leave.

As Bella jogged down the street on an unusually sunny day, her thoughts were only on the quickly approaching return to school. She knew Rosalie was right, it was better just to get it over with, but it was a lot easier said than done. It was inevitable that she would see Jessica; they were in the same major and had a lot of classes together through the last three years. Luckily, she had been able to sell her apartment contract to someone else. She made sure to do that as soon as the whole blow up had happened. There was no way she would room with Jessica the next quarter. Instead, Bella would be living in a different apartment with some girl she'd briefly met last quarter.

Mike would be a little easier to avoid. They were both in their last year of school and because of their differences in majors none of their classes should be in the same buildings. She'd also avoid the library as much as possible since Mike spent a lot of time there.

They could have broken up for all she knew. Hell, they may never have actually gotten together. That would solve half of her problem. The thought of seeing either of them made her blood boil, but the thought of seeing them together turned her stomach, and made her sick.

As she approached her driveway, Bella slowed her jog to a walk and tried to recover her breath. Once inside, enjoying bottle of water she leaned against the tile counter, she noticed a pile of mail on the table. She went to the stack and leafed through it, disappointed there was no letter for her. She'd been expecting a letter from Edward as his last two letters had arrived on Thursdays and she didn't get one last Thursday. Defeated, she headed for her bedroom and stripped out of her sweaty clothes and then threw on her robe before heading into the bathroom. On her way out of her room, something caught her eye. Lying on the middle of her bed was an envelope.

It took all of her strength to muffle the squeal that threatened to escape her throat. She tore into the letter, not even reading the envelope.

_Dear Bella,_

_You are not indebted to me. You're letters are what I look forward to and that is enough payment for anything I could possibly do for you. _

_Your family sounds idyllic. I won't have much to tell you about mine. I think I told you before that my father was a military man. What I didn't mention was that I have never met him. My mom and he met one-night at a bar where the men from the navy frequented while they were ported. They had a one night stand and my mom ended up pregnant. I know about his career in the navy, I saw his picture, and some simple facts and history about him that I found in the military archives. He died before I was able to locate him. My mom was a great mother when I was young. She was attentive, she read to me all of the time, she was at every one of my games, and there for every award I received. But once I was an adult, I guess she became hungry for companionship. She is now constantly transitioning from man to man. She moves constantly, and has become somewhat dependent on me financially. I hear from her frequently when she is without a boyfriend, but when she has one, I can go months without a word from her. She is a grown woman so I can't get mad at her for how she chooses to live her life, but I worry about her all of the time. I just wish she could find someone to make her happy. I am an only child, so that about wraps it up._

Bella's heart clenched for this man and she suddenly felt like the most selfish human being on earth. Here she has been whining to him about a boyfriend problem and telling him how wonderful her family was and Edward was basically alone. How could a mother be so selfish and how could a son be so understanding?

_I am extremely happy in the Marines. I think it was a good choice for me. I am currently in Afghanistan, but I am sure you got that from my letters. I can't be more specific, but I will say I have a great view of the desert. I came in the same deployment as your brother, so as he informed me the other day we are down to less than sixty days until we return. I'm stationed at Camp Pendleton and I love the weather there. I have two more years with the Marines before I decide if I want to re-up. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get there. As of right now, being single, the economy in the toilet, and not much family, I will probably reenlist. I do have a tattoo. Two, actually. I have some tribal art on my left shoulder and a small Marine Corps symbol on my back over my right shoulder blade. I'm sure that one day I'm going to completely regret them, but what's done is done. What do you think of tattoo's, sexy or hideous?_

Bella thought, on the right body, definitely sexy. She knew in her gut Edward would have the right body.

_I might pay for a ticket to see your right hook getting used. I will warn you that Tanya does have a mouth on her when she is mad. _

She laughed knowing Emmett would probably say the same thing. Emmett always tried to get her and Rosalie to fist fight when they were arguing as young girls. Who was she kidding; he'd encourage it now if Rosalie wouldn't turn around and hit him instead.

_I would definitely knock the ex out for you. I might expect some payment in return though. We could discuss that when we meet._

"Was he flirting?" Bella wondered as a grin covered her face.

_I'm going to admit to being slightly disappointed that you aren't going to tell me what you look like or send me a picture. I might have to snoop around Emmett's bunk. I'm only kidding, I can respect you trying to keep it mysterious for whatever your reasons. Although, I was quite relieved you don't weight five hundred pounds._

Nerves ran through her. What if they did meet one day and he was disappointed? What if he thought she was going to be pretty? Bella had always thought of herself as plain, would he be let down?

_I have to say, Bella, you are becoming one of the most interesting and appealing women I have ever known. I love the fact that you can enjoy sports. Sports are a big part of my past time, whether watching or playing. _

_I wouldn't laugh at your lack of coordination, I find the flaw slightly endearing. I haven't witnessed it yet, so I can't' say for sure what my reaction will be. I guess we'll only know when we get to take a run together someday._

_I am proud of you for running and starting to see things more clearly. I can't imagine your fear of running into your ex. I never had to experience that and probably never will. Just keep doing what you're doing and remember that you have me in your corner, no matter how far away I am. I know you will do fine, just go home and run as soon as it's over and do what you're doing because it's working for you. _

_I had never thought of the whole best friend thing in a relationship before and I think you are right. You need to be best friends along with an undying attraction to each other. My relationship with Tanya could have been so much better had we really been best friends. Thanks to you, I now know that this is something that will be important to me if I ever decide to put myself out there again. I've had two years to get over Tanya and I can say that the only thing I miss about our relationship is the companionship. I miss having someone to hug, kiss, hold, eat with, talk to, and receive letters from. It sucks being alone sometimes._

For some reason, Bella suddenly had a desperate desire to meet Edward and touch him. She wished they could have this conversation in person so she could hug him.

_Wow, I really turned into a downer there for a minute. I am sure you will be leaving for school shortly and I hope you have fun. Good luck with everything with Mike, I'll be thinking about you. Stay focused, and remember, _**I **_think you are too good for him. Don't forget to send me your school address in your next letter. _

_Your Friend,_

_Edward_

_P.S. I think of you more than I should._

Bella reread the last part of the letter at least three times before she put it down. Her stomach was in a flurry and she was sure she was looking way more into it than she should. Did he really think about her? Did he really think she could be too good for a man? These thoughts would plague her for days.

xxx

**Author Notes:**

Fan fiction is choosing to be very difficult right now. I have noticed that my page-breaks have not shown up the last two chapters. I am confident that you readers were able to see the transitions even though my cute little squiggles weren't there to alert you of the change in perspective. I am going with little x's this time and hoping that they work. Sorry, and hopefully I'll get it figured out.

Those of you that are with me after reading Change of Heart, know that I love to give a good rec with my chapters. This time I am going to rec an author. Two of her stories own me, one is almost done and the other just got started. Her name is pattyrose and her stories are "This is Who I Am a Twilight Fanfic? and "If We Ever Meet Again" I love them both and highly recommend them. Check her out and leave some reviews.

You guys have been awesome with your reviews. I am so grateful. Please keep it up. Reviews are almost as exciting as my husband finishing the last classes of his masters program.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

"Alice, quit talking. This lab is for people studying," Bella hissed.

"What? I can't help it if there are some mighty fine gentlemen in this room. They need to be analyzed and discussed. Are those not things that need to be done in a lab?" Bella laughed as quietly as she could.

Alice was Bella's new roommate and favorite person in L.A. Bella had been nervous about moving in with someone that she hardly knew and it ended up being the best thing that could have happened to her. Alice was nothing like Bella, but was everything that complimented her. She was outgoing, funny, fashionable, smart, and someone easy to confide in. Within hours of meeting again, they were the best of friends and spent all of their free time together.

"Let's go, I'm starving besides I think I've done enough studying today." Alice raised an eyebrow at Bella, knowing Bella was never done studying. "Well, I'm done until it's time for my evening studying."

Alice shook her head and laughed. The two girls started accumulating their belongings. With her messenger bag slung over her shoulder, Bella pushed the door open and exited the lab.

"I really think you should go back in there and talk to that guy. He was totally eyeing you, Bella," Alice whined.

"He wasn't eyeing me."

"Yes, he was. You never notice any of the guys that are checking you out. What I can't decide is if it's because that jerk-off Mike completely ruined you or if it's because of your little soldier boy."

A blushing Bella whispered, "Hush, Alice."

Alice started to laugh. "I knew it. I knew you had a thing for…"

Alice's voice was silenced when she slammed into Bella's back.

Bella had abruptly stopped. Her limbs stilled, her blood ran cold, and her heart screeched to a halt. Only yards away stood Mike and Jessica, wrapped in each other's arms.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked confused.

Bella didn't stir. She couldn't get her brain to wrap around anything other than what laid before her. She knew the second Alice became aware of what had her entranced, when a gasp escaped her throat and her small hand gripped Bella's elbow.

"Come on, Bella, let's go," she plead.

Tears began to pour down Bella's cheeks and she felt her hands start to tremble. Then she felt another blow; its magnitude was off the Richter scale. As Jessica's hand slid down Mike's arm, Bella covered her mouth and ran for the nearest restroom.

xxx

Edward reloaded his sniper rifle as a slew of swear words to escaped his mouth. He'd missed almost half of his targets. This was not good. Every day he was missing more and more shots and was furious. This was completely unacceptable.

"Get your head in the game, Cullen," he chastised himself.

It had been five weeks since he wrote Bella and still hadn't heard anything from her. She'd been consistent in her letters. Until now, he had received one every two weeks. As the days passed he worried more and more that something had happened to her or that she wasn't interested in writing him anymore. He knew he had been more forward and maybe a little bit of a flirt in his last letter, but after a lot of mental debate he had thought it would be acceptable. Maybe he had misread her openness. Maybe all she wanted was a buddy. What had he done? Her letters had become the only thing he had to anticipate anymore and he'd blown it. He still hadn't heard from his mom. His focus was going to crap, and now, no letter.

He could not do this, not again. When Tanya had dumped him it had definitely taken a mental toll on him, then in turn, affecting his ability to perform his job. It had kept him from a promotion two years ago. He was not about to let another girl interfere with yet another promotion. A long breath escaped his lungs. He braced his gun against his shoulder, dug his heels into the dirt, and took another shot. This time he hit his target directly.

"What's going on Lieutenant?" Edward jumped to his feet at the sound of his commanding officer.

"Just having an off day, Sir."

"It seems you've had an 'off' couple of days."

"Yes, Sir."

"I think you're done for the day." Edward's eyes widened and darted to meet his Sergeant's eyes. "I'm not saying anything, Cullen. Just take a breather today and come back tomorrow with your head in the game and nowhere else. You can't afford to have an 'off' day right now."

"Sir, I'm fine…" Edward's superior raised his brows at him in a challenging manner. "Yes, Sir."

Edward grabbed his gun and headed for his barracks. As soon as he was out of hearing range, he yelled out an explicative and slammed his fist into the tire of the nearest all terrain vehicle.

Once back in his barrack, Edward stripped down and changed into some running clothes. Within minutes he was out in the blistering desert heat and running harder than he had run in a long time. Anger pumped through his veins. He was disappointed in himself for being so easily distracted and for his inability to compartmentalize his life better. Pumping his arms harder and lengthening his stride, his pace quickened to a speed he'd never run before. His body burned and ached but with every step. He felt his confusion and anxiety seep from his mind and body. Yes, this was why he ran. This is why he worked his body to the point of exhaustion; to clear his mind and to get focused.

By the time Edward was back at camp, he felt ready to do his job, to be the best soldier he could, and get passed his uneasiness with Bella. As he approached the cluster of barracks— he currently called home— his attention was drawn to a group of men huddled together. Unconsciously his heart leapt knowing it was mail being distributed. Edward stood with the group of impatient men trying to seem uninterested. It took every bit of self control to keep his threatening smile hidden as he spotted a familiar blue envelope in the middle of the stack being dispersed.

Shifting his weight from side to side, chewing the inside of his cheek to keep his face solemn, he patiently waited. Finally, after what felt like an hour he heard, "Cullen."

He took a casual step forward and retrieved his treasure and retreated. Edward stripped himself of his sweat soaked t-shirt, toed off his shoes, then opened his letter with his knife. He laid himself back against his wool blanket and gently pulled the letter from its envelope.

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to reply to your lovely letter. I hope that you didn't think I had flaked on you or that I wasn't thinking of you. My last week in Forks was a little chaotic; packing, spending time with family and friends, and getting some of my reading for the next quarter done. The first two weeks of school were crazy busy. I was getting readjusted, trying to find a part time job, and studying. I study a lot. I am sorry. I was thinking of you often, it just kept getting put off a day and then the time had passed me by. _

Edward's insides flooded with relief, it hadn't been him and she was still writing.

_The last two weeks have been particularly hard though. I wanted to be less of an emotional mess before I wrote to you._

His heart clenched. He knew immediately this had something to do with that scumbag Mike.

_I saw him… I saw them… and it devastated me. I thought I was fine, I was sure I was over it, but I'm not. I was walking down a hall and they were in each other's arms, kissing, speaking with their eyes, and then I saw it. She had an engagement ring on her hand. I felt like a piece of my chest was ripped from my body. I can't talk about it anymore, I'm done crying._

_I spent the weekend moping and then Rosalie called and told me to find whatever it was that got me through the summer. It was you Edward. I went running and read your letters over and over again, and it helped. I still feel raw inside, but I'm better, thanks to you._

The thrill that ran through Edward was undeniable, knowing he had been a part of making her feel better. Still, it didn't take away from the pain he felt for her.

_My new roommate, Alice, is wonderful. We have become instant friends and she has been so supportive through all of this. She is a tiny little thing but she is sassy — in a non-annoying way. She has a friend Jasper that is here all of the time, but I am pretty sure he wants more than friendship. He's a really nice guy. She is a marketing major. She eventually wants to have her own clothing line. She considers me her project. I am not the most fashion forward person. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. She actually got me to wear a dress to school for the first time since first grade. She is now trying to get me to wear more makeup, but that will take a while. _

High-maintenance girls were not Edward's thing. He let out a sigh of relief at her confession.

_See, I tried to keep the clumsiness, the plainness, and the instability that is me from you, but slowly I am letting it trickle in through these letters. I'm sure I am getting the better end of this friendship._

_I was lucky enough to get a part time job in the library. There couldn't be a more perfect job for me, right? I work the weekends and evenings. Alice says its crap and it totally interferes with our socializing, but really I'm okay with it. Plus, it's less time I have to spend fighting with her over me wearing shoes with heels._

Edward laughed out loud. He was _really_ starting to like this no nonsense girl.

_My classes are going to be time consuming this quarter. A lot of paper writing, a lot of reading, and of course the inevitable studying. In January I start my student teaching. Then my life will become even more insane, but I just tell myself that this is my last year. I can endure it. _

_You would be impressed with my running skills, Edward. My speed has increased a lot and I haven't had a fall in a few weeks. No matter how horrible I feel, I am always ten times better when I get back. My head gets cleared and by the time I start to feel the sadness creeping in again, it's time for another run. Maybe it's all psychological. Whatever it is, I'll take it. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but these last weeks while I have been particularly emotional and upset, I have noticed I am running much faster than I thought I could. _

Thinking of the run he'd been on just a half hour before, he knew all too well what she was talking about_._

_I just pulled out your last letter and I wanted to make comments about some of the things you said. I think this is the obsessive student side of me, so bare with me. I'm sorry to hear about your worries over your mother. That can't be easy. I'm sure she loves you and thinks of you often, even if you don't see it in her efforts. What phase is she in right now? Your tattoos sound… very… appealing. If we ever meet you will have to show them to me. _

A flutter ran through Edward's stomach with thoughts of Bella seeing his upper body bare.

_I would never be brave enough to get a tattoo. They are too permanent and I am too much of a thinker. Wow, the more I read what I tell you about myself, the more I realize how boring I really am. Why are you even writing me?_

He could think of a million reasons why.

_I am so sorry for how long it took me to write you and I promise never to do that again. It may not have bothered you, but it would really upset me if I didn't hear from you for that long of a time. Thank you for being such a great friend to me. I don't know how I would have survived my heart break without you. Let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you. Be Safe._

_Yours,_

_Bella_

Setting the letter down on his stomach, Edward threw his arm over his eyes. He felt frustrated and helpless. He wanted to be there for Bella, now. He didn't want her to wait another week or so to hear from him. He didn't want to endure a couple of weeks before he heard from her again. He hated the fact that the letter had lacked her usual easiness and humor. He couldn't stand the thought of her being in pain and he was on another continent, useless to her.

Edward sat upright, quickly, Bella's letter slipping to his lap. He could call her. He'd have to wait until tonight because of the time difference. He'd have to get permission, but since he never made any calls he was sure he would be allowed. With a new quick to his step he grabbed his towel and clothes and headed for the showers.

As soon as Edward had shoved down his dinner, he quickly made his way to the offices. The waiting had made it the longest day ever. Once in the office, he sat at the computers trying to find a phone number for Bella. With only a name and address he thought it would be hard, but it ended up being fairly easy. Grabbing the satellite phone he headed out to a bench that stood secluded but close enough to the offices to maintain a signal.

Edward took several deep breaths and then dialed with shaky fingers before he lost his nerve.

"Hello?" answered a very excited voice. Edward felt like his throat was closed up all of the sudden. "Hello, is someone there?"

Edward cleared his throat, "Um, yes Ma'am. Could I please speak to Bella McCarty?"

"Oh, she's not home. Can I take a message?" Disappointment shot through his soul.

"Sure, can you tell her that Edward Cullen called, please?"

"Oh, my gosh! Edward Cullen. As in the letter writer, Lieutenant Cullen?"

A small smile spread across Edward's face knowing that Bella must have talked about him to her roommate. "Yes, Ma'am. She won't be able to call me back, so can you let her know I'll just try again another time?"

"No!" Edward was stunned silent by the scream coming from the female at the other end of the phone. "I mean, she'd be really disappointed if she missed your call. Let me give you her cell phone number."

"Okay, thank you."

Alice repeated Bella's number three times and then said, "Bella doesn't answer numbers she doesn't know. Can you wait five minutes and let me call her and tell her you are calling so she'll answer?"

"Sure, I don't want to be too much trouble."

"No, no trouble at all." Alice was speaking a million words a minute. "Call her in five minutes."

The phone line went dead and Edward sat trying to figure out what happened. Alice sounded like the biggest ball of energy he'd ever encountered. Now he would wait. He looked at the phone constantly waiting for the minutes to go by. He couldn't stand it anymore and dialed the new phone number after four minutes.

The phone rang once. "Hello," came the most melodic voice Edward had ever heard.

"Is this Bella McCarty?"

"Yes," a voice stuttered out.

"Bella, this is Edward Cullen." Edward ran his sweaty palm down the length of his pants. "Is it okay that I'm calling you? Your roommate gave me your cell number and I…"

"It's fine," she interrupted. "It's more than fine. I can't believe you're on the phone. How are you?"

A wide grin spread across his face. "I'm fine. I got your letter today."

"Oh."

"I was worried. If you aren't busy, I thought we could talk."

"I could never be too busy." Her enthusiasm was contagious and Edward stood and began to kick at the pebbles on the ground.

"How are you hanging in there?"

"Um, I'm getting by." He knew she was holding back. He didn't want her to. He wanted her to tell him everything. He wanted to hear everything.

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"It's not that. I just don't know if I want to spend my first conversation with you, talking about… that."

"You can talk to me, Bella."

"I can't believe I'm on the phone with you. " A sigh rang through the phone. "Edward, it was awful. I had been studying with Alice and was heading home. I got half way down the hall, looked up and there they were against the wall kissing and laughing. I felt like someone kicked me in the gut. They looked so happy and it made me feel horrible about myself."

"Why?"

"Because, he was my boyfriend and she was my best friend. Neither of them were phased by what they did to me and I was devastated… for months. They broke me and they were perfectly happy together." Edward could hear the trembling in her voice, giving away her tears.

"So, did you talk to them?"

"No, before I could even wrap my head around the fact that they were together, she slid her hand down his arm and there was a huge diamond ring on her finger. Once I saw that, my lunch started coming back up and I ran."

"Did they see you?"

"I don't think so."

"Do you think you want to confront them?"

"Not any time soon. I need to be stronger before that happens."

"How have you been handling it?"

"Well, after twenty minutes of retching in the bathroom, I spent the rest of the night crying in bed."

"I'm sorry, I hate knowing you're going through all of this. It's like I can feel everything with Tanya all over again." Edward could remember all too clearly the emotions Bella was talking about. He sat himself back down and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Don't say that, you'll make me feel horrible."

"I'm sorry. Has it been getting easier?"

"Ever since Rosalie told me to find what made me better the last time, it's been better."

The phone stood silent for a minute. "Bella?"

"It was you Edward, even though you are thousands of miles away. All of your advice, your humor, and support. It has gotten me through the hard times this summer and slowly you're helping me again. I couldn't have done it without you." Strength was returning to her voice.

Edward had no idea what to say. He didn't do emotional well. "No Bella, I just gave you some ideas. You're strong. You did that yourself."

"You know, I knew it was possible that they would still be together, but never that they would be engaged. He and I were together for three years and he never even mentioned marriage. They've been together three months and they're getting married."

"What was wrong with me?" she plead, and Edward's heart clenched.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Bella. You two just weren't supposed to be."

"Yeah," she said through a sniffle.

"I'll be back in the states soon. Do you want me to kill him?" She giggled at the threat, but then went silent. Unable to stand the silence, Edward went on. "Do you want to be with him, Bella?"

"What?"

"Do you want to be with Mike?" Edward unknowingly held his breath hoping her response was no. As the seconds ticked on, his pulse quickened.

"No," she finally answered, sounding relieved.

"Then why are you letting them upset you?" Silence. "I don't want to sound like a jerk ,but if you don't want to be with him, then who cares if he's marrying her."

Sniffles filtered through the line. "You're right."

"I know it hurts like hell, Bella. Someone choosing another, when you chose them. It sucks. Bella, I feel like I've really gotten to know you. You seem like such a great girl and if that ass can't see that, he doesn't deserve you."

"I know you're right, but that doesn't make it hurt less."

"Of course not. I get that, probably more than anyone else does and I'm here for you."

The line was silent. Edward worried that he had lost the connection.

"Bella?"

"I'm here… I wish you were here." Edward's heart jumped in his chest.

"Me too. I feel so useless to you."

"I hate the fact that you have to think I am this helpless, pathetic, girl."

"I don't think that about you."

"Good, because I am actually a pretty hard-core chic."

Edward laughed. He now had the sound of her humorous voice to go with the wittiness in her letters. "I don't doubt that at all. You survived growing up with Emmett, so you would have to be one of the toughest people on earth." She was laughing again and that made Edward smile.

"Hey, once you get to know me, you may wonder how Emmett survived me. Ask Alice, she will tell you how annoying I can be. I don't cooperate at all during her makeovers."

Edward was laughing. "I'm glad."

"Did you get to talk to her when you called?"

"I did. She was insightful and quite the ball of energy."

"Do I even want to know what that means?"

A chuckle escaped Edward's mouth. "Well, she definitely knows who I am."

"Yes she does." Bella hesitated. "Does that bother you?"

"Not at all. You talk to her about me?" Edward swished his foot around in the dirt. He felt like a kid in fifth grade asking a girl if she liked anyone in the class.

"Sort of."

"Sort of?" Bella giggled and it was the most beautiful sound Edward thought he'd ever heard. "I want to know you, Edward."

"You do."

"No, I want to know all of the things you like and dislike, what you hope for out of life, what you sleep in, what your favorite foods and movies are."

"You picture what I'm sleeping in?"

"I don't know where that came from."

"Your subconscious."

"I… I…"

"Bella, we've got time and a lot of notebook paper. I want to know you too."

"What's your favorite treat?"

"That's random."

"I know, but what is it?"

"Snickers Bar," Edward answered quickly.

"Good choice."

"How about you?"

"Mmmm, that's easy. Lemoncello Cream Torte from the Cheesecake Factory."

"Never had it."

"Oh, I will introduce you to its deliciousness one day."

"Really, is that a promise?"

There was a short pause and then," How much longer until you're back in the states?"

"Fifteen days."

"And then you'll be back at Pendleton?"

"Yes."

"You know that's not very far from me." Edward's heart accelerated at the thought of meeting Bella in person. "Maybe I'll take you out for some dessert."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Well… what if… I don't..."

"What?"

"What if you're disappointed?"

"Not possible, unless you really do weight five hundred pounds." Edward couldn't believe how easily their conversation flowed.

"Oh, hey" she exclaimed. "I almost forgot. You're up for a promotion?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't like talking about himself. "Yeah."

"Well, what is it?"

"Special Ops, apparently I have a pretty good shot."

"Why do I have a feeling you are down playing yourself?"

"I'm not. I've got all of you fooled into thinking I'm a good guy, but really I'm the bad guy." Bella's laugh, made Edward wish, he were more comedic so he could hear her laugh all of the time.

"Edward, I…"

Edward was interrupted from his conversation with Bella by someone calling his name.

"Bella, can you hang on a second."

"Sure." Edward dropped the phone to his lap.

"What?" he yelled. Private Yorkie came trotting toward him.

"Captain's looking for you."

"I'll be right there." Yorkie nodded and turned and ran the other direction.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and brought the phone back up to his ear. "Bella, you there?"

"I'm here."

"I need to go; my Captain needs to see me."

"Oh, okay. Thank you so much for calling me; it was… it was perfect."

"It was. I'll write you soon."

"Okay."

"Goodbye, Bella" Edward said reluctantly.

"Edward," she said quickly. "Thank you for… for everything." Edward could tell there was something she wasn't saying.

"Take care."

"Be Safe."

"Bye."

Reluctantly Edward closed the phone. He felt a feeling that could only be described as victory. He leapt to his feet doing a little fist pump in the air and went to find his captain.

xxx

Bella couldn't wipe off the ridiculous smile that had resided on her face since the second she heard Edward's voice. Her cheeks were starting to ache and she was sure she looked silly walking home looking like she'd just won the lottery.

As she walked into her apartment, she dropped her back pack and leaned back against the door. She felt like she'd floated all the way home and was now living in a haze.

Alice quickly remedied the situation. "OH! MY! GOSH! Bella, I cannot believe he called you. He sounded so sexy. Tell me everything." Alice grabbed onto Bella's hand and dragged her toward the couch, plopping herself down. "Every detail."

Bella let a giggle escape. A giggle! She despised giggles and here she was doing it.

Alice bounced on her knees. "You are so smitten and I think it's fabulous. Please, give me something."

Bella dropped down onto the couch next to her roommate and sighed. "I can't believe he called me. He was… he sounded… he made me feel… just… perfect."

"He did sound dreamy on the phone, Bella. Did you give him your phone number? Why did he call?"

"No, I don't know how he got our number. I thought we were far from a phone call."

"Apparently he didn't," Alice blurted wiggling her eyebrows.

Bella rolled her eyes. "He got my letter about Jess and Mike."

"Oh," Alice's face dropped worried that talking about it might have made Bella regress. "Did you tell him everything?"

"Yeah, I'd mention most of it in my letter and then what I didn't write, we discussed on the phone." Bella let out a long breath. "I swear, Alice, it's like he has some magical power to know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. Every time I get a letter, I feel like I can do anything. After talking to him on the phone, I feel like I could care less about Mike and Jess."

Alice leapt across the couch wrapping Bella in her arms. "Do you mean that? Are you really over him?"

Bella looked Alice straight in the eyes, "Yeah. Why do I need to waste my time crying over someone who doesn't want me? And if I'm being honest, I don't even want him. Not when I have someone who gets me and cares about my well being. Someone who knows all the right things to say and makes me shiver when I hear his voice. Not that Edward wants me, wants me, but he's a great friend."

"Bella! You like him, a lot."

"Of course not, he's practically a stranger."

Alice's tiny arms crossed over her chest and she quirked up one eyebrow, making Bella retreat into her own head. There was no way she could be falling for Edward. She'd never met him, she didn't even know what he looked like –well she was fairly confident he would be gorgeous— she was not on the market for a relationship, and she could not do long distance anyway. Even knowing all of that, she couldn't disregard the way he made her feel. His letters were all she looked forward to and the phone call had been more exciting to her than every Christmas morning combined. According to his letters and what she knew of him, he was the perfect man as far as she was concerned. She wouldn't deny that she REALLY liked him though. It wasn't a big deal, because she really liked Josh Duhamel too and that wasn't going anywhere.

"I like him, okay!" Alice's eyebrow arched impossibly higher. "A lot, I like him a lot."

"I knew it. Bella, I'm so happy for you. I'm glad you have some guy that makes your heart go pitter patter, but more than that, I am so glad you are finally over that loser Mike."

"You have no idea." Bella slid to the edge of the couch. She needed to do something with all of this crazy energy she was feeling. "I'm going to go for a run, wanna come?" Bella knew Alice would say no. There was too big of a chance of her looking unkempt.

"No, Jasper is coming over; he's helping me with my homework."

"Oh please, Alice. You could pass that class with your eyes closed."

A sly smile swept across her face as she held her hands out for Bella to help pull her up. "I know, but I like having Jasper lean over me as he helps me with my work. He smells divine and he gets covered in goose bumps when I breathe on his neck."

"Put him out of his misery and kiss him already."

"Mmm, great idea, Bella. I might just do that," she said over her shoulder as she retreated down the hallway.

Thirty minutes later Bella was on the sidewalk putting in her ear buds as she began her jog. The sun was warm on her neck and she relished in the California heat.

Another set of footsteps became in sync with hers and she turned toward the sound. Next to her was a massive and tall body. One that she recognized. He was tan, had jet black hair, and very attractive. With a dangerous, flirty smile, he winked at her. She quickly turned her face in the other direction.

"I'm Jake," he said with an incredibly deep voice.

"Bella. I've seen you around." Bella glanced left and then right before crossing the street.

"I'm sure you have." Bella rolled her eyes at his arrogance. She got her fill of cockiness living with Emmett her whole life. "What? I was just referring to the fact that we live in the same building and we seem to be out running at the same time, quite often."

"Is that where I've seen you?"

"I see, so now you are going to try and put me in my place?"

"No, it's just I'm kind of in a zone when I'm running. I don't notice who's around me."

Jake shook his head from side to side. "That's not very safe of you to be running unaware of your surroundings. Maybe you could use a big, burly man to run alongside and protect you."

"I'll have to look into finding one."

"Wow, you are a spunky one, aren't you?" He had a huge grin with perfect, bright, white teeth.

"No, I just know that I can hold my own. I don't need some complete stranger to keep me safe."

"How about, just some company?"

Bella eyed him and then stared at the road ahead of her. "I guess you can tag along… for today. But are you going to be like one of those lost puppies, where I let you hang around for a minute and then I can't get rid of you?"

"I'm no puppy, a wolf maybe, but not a puppy. I'm sure by the end of this run you'll want to adopt me."

"I doubt that."

"We'll see." He nudged her shoulder and let out a loud laugh. Bella shook her head and picked up her pace.

xxx

Thank you Lynelle, for stepping in and saving the day. You're the best.

I posted this a little early. My hubby and I leave in the morning for a weekend without the kids. We are celebrating our eleven year wedding anniversary. Yeah!

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews are almost as good as a phone call from Edward. Who am I kidding it's not even close.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

Bella walked in the door with Jake close on her heels. It had become a ritual after their run that Jake would hang out for a while. He had gone running with her five days a week, for the last two weeks. At first she'd been annoyed having someone around, but then it ended up being nice having someone to talk to and challenge her during her regimen. She looked up and saw Alice and Jasper canoodling on the couch. This, too, had become a regular occurrence ever since their first kiss two weeks ago.

"Hi Jasper," Bella said as she proceeded into the kitchen. Jasper responded with a smile. "Jake, do you want some water?"

"Sure."

Bella handed a bottle to Jake and took a long pull of her own water. Bella looked over at Alice who was busy glaring at Jake. Alice could not stand Jake, and Bella had no idea why. Bella and Jake had quickly become friends after their first run together. Their conversation was easy and Jake made Bella laugh. She didn't understand how two people she liked couldn't get along. It was actually only Alice. Jake seemed to have no problem with her. In fact, it seemed nothing bothered Jake. Ever. He was the most laid back person she'd ever met.

"Alice," Bella hissed.

"What?" Alice asked in innocence. Bella raised her eyebrows toward her in chastisement. Alice let out a sigh and Jasper laughed and kissed her on the cheek. "How was your run?" Alice made it clear the question was directed only at Bella.

"Great, you should try it some time."

"I'll pass," she answered uninterested. Then, quickly her face morphed into one of pure excitement. "Oh Bella, you got some mail today. I put it on your desk." Her perfectly sculpted eyebrows wiggled at her.

Bella's instincts were to sprint to her room. The only mail Alice would be excited about was a letter from Edward. Jake being there caused a problem. She wanted to get rid of him, but didn't want to be rude. She knew that as long as that letter sat in her room she would think of nothing else. There had to be a nice way to end this hang out session.

Turning toward Jake she tried to sound casual. "Oh, shoot, Jake I completely forgot I've got a lot of studying to do and I promised Alice I would do the dishes tonight, so… "

"I can take a hint." Jake winked at her and headed toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alice. Bye, Jasper."

"Later," Jasper called. Alice of course didn't respond.

"Bye, Jake," Bella said closing the door behind him.

Bella slowly turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. Quirking an eyebrow at Alice, she gave her a silent reprimand.

"What? He stinks." Alice whined.

"Alice, he's my friend. You should be nice."

"Bella, that boy wants to be more than your friend."

"No he doesn't."

Alice jammed her elbow into Jasper's ribs. "Tell her, honey."

Jasper looked at Alice like a smitten fool. "I like it when you call me honey."

He leaned forward to kiss her and she smacked her hands together in front of his eyes. "Focus, Jasper!"

Jasper shook his head and looked up at Bella. "Oh yeah, Bella that guy is definitely hoping to get a taste of you."

Bella's stomach turned inside of her. "Well, it doesn't matter. I'm not interested in him that way. He's just my friend."

"Maybe you need to make sure he knows that," Alice suggested.

Bella thought about arguing, but really all she wanted to do was go and read the letter she knew was waiting for her. "Okay, we'll talk later. Where did you say my letter was?"

With a look of elation Alice raised up on her knees. "It's on your desk."

"Thanks." Without a glance Bella was headed toward her room.

There it sat on the desk; she could have sworn that a glowing light from the heavens shone down on it. She toed off her shoes and snatched the letter as she dropped down into the oversized chair in the corner of the bedroom. Her cell phone chirped on the desk and she peeked at it before opening the letter. One missed call from Rosalie. She'd call her later.

_Dear Bella,_

_I hope this letter finds you happier than you were in your last letter. Hopefully your determination I heard over the phone, to put Mike behind you, has stayed strong. You don't need to linger in the hurt caused by your douche of an ex. A day hasn't passed that I haven't thought of you. I hope you're feeling like yourself again and have moved on from this crappy time in your life. _

_I wanted you to know how much I enjoyed our conversation. I was so nervous to call. I wasn't sure if I was crossing a line when I did. I just had to know that you were okay and I didn't want to wait weeks for another letter to arrive. Your voice sounded a lot like I imagined it would, and our conversation was comfortable— at least on my end— just like our letters. The excitement of that conversation carried with me for days._

Sigh; that's all Bella wanted to do right now. Then she instantly felt like the lame girls on those teeny-bopper movies that sigh out loud upon seeing or thinking about their dream boy. She refused to let the "lame sigh" escape, and kept reading.

_I'm sorry that our conversation was cut short, but duty called. I have to admit, while talking was great, I get such a rush when I receive your letters. It's something so different than a phone conversation or being face to face with someone. There is a freedom to be exactly who I am and not worry about the expression I will see or the response you will give. Plus, there is no going back. The letter is long gone before I realize what an idiot I sound like and there is nothing I can do to redeem myself. I assume it's the same with you and it thrills me to know I am reading who you really are, with no pretenses. Your letter is something tangible, I can hold it in my hand, relive the contents over and over if I choose, and I feel like there is always a piece of you with me._

Even though she was never one for big romantic gestures or cheesiness, Edward's words made her insides melt. She knew if he were there with her, she would launch a lustful attack on him.

_There was a mission preparing to be launched. That was why I had to end our phone call. It wasn't anything huge, but still nothing I am allowed to share with you. I love being a part of the Marines and fighting for our country is something I firmly believe in. However, it isn't always constant reward and pay-offs as I'm sure you can imagine. I can deal with the training, the physical toll, the lack of sleep, the time away from home, and the loneliness. Not a problem. What I really struggle with, is the aftermath of the battle. The innocent lives that have to be taken because some coward is desperate for more power, is heartbreaking. The faces of those victims stick with me and I wonder if I will ever be able to erase the images from my brain. Anger rages through me when I think of the men, women and children that fall prey to their own leaders. I wish I could save them all and I know I can't; it kills me. I feel an ache in my chest for days following. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels this way. Emotions are not something we discuss out here with each other. We all tend to keep it bottled up. At least I do. Others may have spouses or parents they can talk to about it. I feel fortunate that I now have you. For some reason I am always comfortable telling you anything. _

Her heart broke a little for the man she was starting to care so deeply for. Some men would get kicks off of their power and revenge, but not this man. Edward saw the big picture. He knew why he served, and served well, but he didn't forget the victims of war. This was also why she struggled with the idea of ever being involved with a man in the military. She knew. Just as he worried about the innocent people in other countries, she worried about all of the innocent lives of the men and women fighting for her country. If the man she loved became one of those victims, she wasn't sure if she could survive. She didn't think she was strong enough. Her entire life she had worried about her dad and brother. It was almost more than she could handle. Could she do it for the duration of her life for a man she would love hundred times more?

_Wow, see those last two paragraphs? I sound like such a pansy. Those are perfect examples of what I was talking about; saying things in a letter that I would never say out loud. I'm sure I'm going to want to kick my own ass later for writing these things to you._

A much needed laugh escaped Bella after the intensity of her thoughts.

_You're going to have a great semester. I can feel it. Mike is behind you. You have a job which is perfect for you. You are brilliant. Your roommate sounds idyllic for you. You are going to be an aunt. You are going to lose a hundred pounds running. Kidding… I think. Most importantly, your penmanship is going to improve from all of the letters you will be writing me._

_I think I'm going to have to strongly disagree with you on the whole "I'm getting the better end of the bargain" accusation. You don't seem to see yourself clearly. The things that you think make you unappealing, I find likeable. You aren't emotional; you're passionate about your interests and the people you care about. You aren't plain; you're real and natural. That's a good thing. I can't handle high-maintenance. Not that that's a bad way to be, it's just not what I want in a woman… not that you're trying to be what I want... forget it… it's a good thing to be who you are. What you consider clumsy; well, that could be free entertainment._

This man was perfect. He had to have a flaw. He was a dream come true and she was terrified of finding out that it was just a delusion. What if he ended up being some perpetrator that wanted to capture and kill her slowly and painfully? Times like this made her wish she could talk to Emmett and find out if he was in fact, this amazing.

_Thank you for your words about my mom in the last letter. I do know that she loves me. She's just… I don't know... Hopefully it's a midlife crisis. I still haven't heard from her. It's been two months. I'll be back at Pendleton soon and it will be easier to locate her and know what's going on with her. The holidays are coming soon and I really hope she's around. Luckily she has a PO Box. So I still write to her in hopes that when her current relationship ends, my letters will be waiting and can distract her from her new found despair._

_Wow, this letter is pathetic isn't it? Maybe you should be getting paid as my psychologist since you have to hear all of my whining. See, you are getting the better end of the deal. _

Instead of laughing, her heart hurt for him.

_I am curious about something you wrote in your last letter. You said that you think my tattoos sound "appealing." What does that mean? Maybe you could explain that. Or was that a slip of the hand… kind of like when you said you wondered what I sleep in? If I could, I'd wink at you right now. You will learn that I love to tease. Making someone stammer, backpedal, or turn red from embarrassment is awesome._

He'd be elated if he could see the crimson blush that she could feel from her neck to the top of her head. She was so humiliated that she said those things out loud or in pen.

_Have you ever gone shooting? I assume that since you grew up in a military family, that you have, but with girls you never know. I know, that was a horrible stereotype, but close to the truth._

_Emmett is getting extremely anxious to get home to Rosalie and for the baby to come. It's almost annoying being around him. You can feel the excitement rolling off of him in waves. I want to give him Ritalin or something so he'll calm down. There are a few guys that are in the same boat as him; wives expecting and wanting to be home with their families. However, Emmett takes the cake. He's constantly talking about how his kid will be so lucky to get his good looks and charm. He says that so many people think their kids are cute, but, really they are hideous. But because he and Rosalie both look so good, he is positive the baby will be attractive. His other level of excitement comes from his anticipation of Rosalie having her hot body back and the things he's going to do to her. His words not mine. I probably shouldn't have told you that last part. Whenever I roll my eyes at him or tell him to shut the hell up, he tells me I'm just pissed because I need to get laid. That seems to be his solution to a lot of my problems._

Bella shook her head, not surprised at all by Emmett's behavior. It was so… him. What an idiot! She grinned as she pictured Rose's reaction when she would tell her what Emmett had said. Just as quickly, the smile fell when she realized she couldn't.

_How is school? Work? Alice? Did she and that guy ever get together? Are you going home for any of the holidays? When is your birthday? Sorry to bombard you with questions, these are just things I wonder about you._

_I hope you have a great week and I look forward to hearing from you soon. I'll probably be back at Pendleton the next time I hear from you. It will be nice to know you aren't so far away._

_Your Favorite Correspondent,_

_Edward_

_P.S. Don't be embarrassed about the "wondering what I wear to bed" comment. Ever since that conversation, I often find myself wondering the same thing about you._

Bella was so unbelievably red, that she felt hot to the touch. How could she have made those slip ups about the tattoos and what he wears to bed? However, the heat also could have been due to the flutters in her stomach at his confession. Did he really wander what she wore to bed? Would he be disappointed to find out she wears old T-shirts and yoga pants?

Bella read the letter two more times before finally putting it away. She lay on her bed letting her imagination run away from her as she thought of the possibilities that could come from this budding friendship.

She knew she was really starting to like this man A LOT! But, what did she want? She wasn't sure if she even wanted to be in love with anyone again. She'd also always told herself she wasn't going to fall in love with a soldier. She was all about self-preservation, even more so now that her heart had been broken. She would be damaged beyond repair if something happened over seas to a boyfriend or spouse. However, there was nothing in her life that made her smile like this man's letters did. What if she was getting ahead of herself? It was very possible Edward just wanted a correspondent and someone to flirt with, but he didn't seem like that type. How much could she really tell about him in a letter?

Letting out a sigh of frustration, she grabbed her phone and called Rosalie.

"Hi, Bells. Where were you?"

"I was on a run and then I had some mail to go through."

"Really, mail? Who from?"

Bella rolled her eyes as she chastised herself. "Uh… nobody in particular… you know… just bills and school stuff."

"Hmmm. Hey, you know I was thinking you should come down for a weekend visit. Maybe you could bring that friend that wrote you all those letters this summer. I'd love to meet the guy that saved us all from your crying."

Bella knew that Rosalie was on to her. "Those letters didn't fix my problems."

"Bull crap, Bella. Don't lie to me."

"Fine, they helped. How are you feeling?"

"Don't try and change the subject. Are you going to try and tell me those letters aren't what fixed you again, after you saw the newly engaged jerks?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Fine. Whatever!"

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm starting to get a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I think this baby is going to come soon. She just has to stay in a little longer so Emmett will be here."

"I'm sure he will. Although, if he wasn't it might be a good thing. I worry about you killing him in the delivery room." Rosalie and Bella both laughed.

Bella heard Rosalie's name being called in the back ground. "Where are you?"

Rosalie sighed, "Where else would I be? I'm at the doctor. If I'm not home, I'm here. I need to go, they are calling me back."

"Okay, keep me posted. I love you."

"Love you too. Oh, hey, quick question. What was the name of that lieutenant Emmett told you to write during the summer?"

Before Bella had a chance to think about why Rosalie was asking the question she blurted, "Edward Cullen." Immediately she squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth together.

Rosalie's laugh chimed through the phone. "Thanks, Bella. You just answered a question that's been plaguing me for months."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked nervously.

Rosalie laughed again. "Bye, Bella."

xxx

Edward lay with his head resting against his duffle bag trying to sleep during the long flight back home. One would think that lying against a metal airplane, with no air conditioning, and the sound of loud propellers in your ear would be miserable, but Edward didn't mind. The cool metal against his back soothed him from the heat. The vibrations and hum of the engine were calming. Most of the anxious conversation that had filled the plane at the beginning of the flight had calmed down and the majority of the men now slept.

He didn't know why he couldn't sleep. It wasn't for a lack of exhaustion, because his body was definitely fatigued. It wasn't because of excitement, because he'd probably be the only person getting off of the plane without a single loved one waiting for him. He was anxious to see if he had a letter waiting for him from his mom or from Bella. He knew chances were he wouldn't hear from Bella again before coming home, but he still had hoped.

Eventually his eyes closed and he fell into a peaceful slumber.

He didn't know how long he had been asleep when he was snapped awake by a reoccurring dream he'd been having. Sweat covered his forehead, his heart hammered in his chest, and his breath was erratic. He sat up and snagged his water bottle that lay next to his bag. He took a long swig and calmed his breathing. Then he threw himself back down on his bag.

It was always the same dream. He and his platoon are sent to an abandoned building where an American woman has been taken hostage by a terrorist. Armed, they surround the building and try to negotiate with the man. Without success, they eventually go in by force. Once inside, the only sound is the blaring eruption of gunfire. There isn't one man firing, but dozens. The gunfire goes on for minutes, but feels like hours. Finally, it ends and they begin to search the building. Avoiding the corpses that lay strewn around, they begin their search for the woman. As he climbs up a rickety set of stairs, he hears a howling cry come from around the corner. It's Emmett. Edward sprints in his direction. He finds Emmett sitting on the ground holding a woman with long, dark, chestnut hair and a tiny frame in his arms. Blood oozes through Emmett's two giant hands that cover the majority of her back. As Edward approaches and is about to take the woman from Emmett's arms, Emmett looks at him grief stricken and cries, "Its Bella!"

This is when he always wakes up.

The plane is full of excitement now and Edward knows that they must be close to home. He leaned his back against the side of the plane and rested his forearms over his knees. He was growing tired of this nightmare. He hadn't even met this woman yet and already his fear of losing her was attacking his subconscious. Edward was all about order, control, and routine. He was not adapting well to this aspect of life he had no control over. He couldn't control when he heard from, spoke to, or saw her. He couldn't control his feelings that were growing at a rapid speed. He couldn't control her feelings for him. It drove him crazy.

Before Edward knew it, they were again back on American soil and he was thrilled. He silently thanked God for his safe return home and for the wonderful freedom he has because of this great country.

Quickly, Edward battled his way through the throngs of people holding signs and squealing at the sight of their loved ones. He'd thought after years of this he'd get used to the empty feeling that engulfed him when returning home to nobody, but he hadn't. Jumping into the awaiting jeep of one of his buddies, he headed home, with a lump in his throat.

The jeep came to stop at the curb outside of Edward's home. "Thanks for the lift, man."

"Not a problem. You want to hit a bar tonight?"

Edward glanced out the front windshield wondering if he felt like hitting the bar scene. "Nah, I think I want to order a pizza, enjoy some Sports Center, maybe catch a game, and sleep in my own bed tonight."

"I think your plan sounds better than what I had in mind. Maybe we'll hit the bar in a couple of days."

Edward reached out and shook his friend's hand. "Sounds good."

Finally, he started to feel a lick of excitement grow inside of him. He was home. He hadn't been avoiding anything when he declined his friends offer; he really wanted to be at home for a while.

Edward turned his key in the lock, dropped his bag just inside the door, and pulled it closed behind him. He walked half a block down to his mailbox. He had a nice size stack, but he could see there was no blue envelope. Slightly disappointed, he pulled out his mail, and a key fell to the ground. Excitement filled him because he knew that meant he had a package. He didn't care who it was from. It could be from the Home Shopping Network; he was thrilled to have received a package. But, if he was being honest, he really hoped it was from Bella. He fumbled with the lock for a moment and pulled out the brown parcel that sat inside the metal box. Setting his mail on top of the mailboxes he reached and pulled out the package and zeroed in on the return address. A wide grin spread across his face. There it was. The name he was hoping for: Bella McCarty.

"Yes!" he whispered to himself. He grabbed his mail and headed back to his house at a much quicker speed.

Once inside, Edward didn't waste any time cutting the box open. When he saw what was inside he let out a loud laugh. It was a Halloween care package. There was a plastic jack-o-lantern bucket filled with _King Size Snickers_ bars, a DVD of Michael Jackson's _Thriller_, two mini pumpkins, and some glow sticks.

Edward's heart swelled. This was one of the best things anyone had ever sent him. Neither Tanya nor his mom had ever sent him a package. He felt like a kid on Christmas morning. He pulled everything out setting them in a row down the center of his coffee table. At the bottom of the box was a roll of scotch tape and a letter. He furrowed his brows and wondered why she would send him scotch tape.

He pulled out the blue envelope and saw there was writing on the front.

_Happy Halloween, Edward! I figured I could give you a little trick with your treat. I wasn't sure if you would receive this at home or abroad. So I gave you some tape in case you didn't have any access. Good luck!_

Still confused, he opened the unsealed envelope to find about sixty pieces paper, cut into different shaped pieces, in three different colors. Falling back against the seat of his couch he started to laugh. Good thing he had not made plans to go out tonight, it looked like this was what he'd be doing all night.

Edward laid the envelope on the coffee table and got prepared for his night in. He ordered a pizza, took a long hot shower, put on some pajama pants, put away the rest of his gifts from his package, found a Lakers game on TV, and spread out all of the pieces to his letter.

The child inside of him was so excited about the puzzle, he felt giddy. He couldn't wait to see what she had written. He got to work and actually become engrossed in the challenge.

After five slices of pizza, a Mountain Dew, an awesome third quarter by the Lakers, and about thirty minutes of piecing and taping, he finally had it put together— all three sheets of it. He clicked off the flat screen and sat back up on the couch, letter in hand.

_Dear Edward,_

_Happy Halloween! I hope you enjoyed your package and had fun putting your letter together. I feel bad if it made you angry. I just thought this would be kind of fun. I knew you were getting home the day after Halloween and everyone has to have a pumpkin, so I made sure you had two. Plus you can keep them until Thanksgiving. I hope they aren't mushy. Thriller is a Halloween requirement. Rosalie and I memorized this dance when we were young. I'm not going to lie. When I hear it on the radio my body twitches on its own accord wanting to break out in dance. You now understand my random question of wanting to know your favorite treats. After this package you might be the one who weighs five hundred pounds. The glow sticks… there's really no reason other than, who doesn't love glow sticks? I hope you like it._

_Thank you so much for your phone call. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed. Don't ever think that you would be bothering me. That couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, I hope that you've held onto my number._

The number sat in his wallet and he had no intention of ever removing it. Her confession pleased him; he knew that what he felt during that conversation couldn't have been one sided.

_When I read what you wrote about our letter writing, I felt like you were reading my mind. I feel exactly the same way. _**_My penmanship will improve from all of the letters I will be writing to you? Hmm, I can take a subtle hint. I didn't realize you thought my penmanship needed improvement. I will work on it so that you don't have to struggle to read my chicken scratch. I could ease up on my letter writing so that I can spend time working on it if that will make you happy._**

Edward loved her sassiness.

_I am going to admit something to you that is completely embarrassing. I keep all of your letters tied together with a ribbon, like my grandmother did when she wrote my grandfather during World War II. They sit in my nightstand because sometimes at night I like to just pull out a random letter and read it before I go to sleep. How's that for a confession?_

The corner of Edward's mouth twitched and quickly turned into a smile.

_I'm not pro-war, Edward, but I'm also not against our military doing what they need to do. I am grateful for men and women like you that dedicate your life to protecting me and this great country we are privileged to live in. "Can't we all get along?" — I had to throw in that Rodney King quote, the letter was getting intense— but I know that's not a reality. While there are innocent people being hurt, you need to remember all of the faces that will live on and maybe have a better way of life because of what you do. I know the victims' faces will still torment you, that nothing I say will take that away, but I know you can survive it. I truly admire the strength I know you have, that I never will. All of the fear and torture I have felt over the war have been selfish; worrying about my dad, my brother, and friends. I know the horror you feel about losing your fellow soldiers is times ten what mine is. My stomach turns just thinking about what you must see on a regular basis. I think that what you are feeling has to be normal. If you didn't feel that way, I would think you didn't have a soul and I know you have a soul. I can't thank you enough for your dedication to your job. I admire your strength, your compassion, your endurance, and your skill. I hope that you know you can always talk to me about your feelings and I will never judge you. I'm glad you can share these things with me. I know you're not looking for a solution, but just fulfilling the need to get it off your chest. Anytime you need to vent, I'm listening… reading. I will also never let you kick your own ass._

Edward's chest tightened at Bella's words. Somehow he felt like this woman really cared about him and what he did.

_I will let you kick Emmett's though. If he wasn't about to be the father of my only niece, I'd kick his ass for the stupid things he says. He is such an idiot and I wish I could tell Rosalie because she would kill him. I don't know why all of you don't just beat the crap out of him. _

_Okay, you are probably right about most females not being able to handle a gun. I, on the other hand, am quite efficient with a hand gun. My father taught me at a young age how to shoot a gun. Emmett reinforced it when I was older in case I ever needed to "destroy a guy's manhood, when he couldn't keep his hands to himself." Emmett's words not mine. I have never fired an automatic riffle though. Maybe you could teach me some time._

Arousal seeped through his body as he pictured wrapping his arms around Bella, teaching her how to fire a riffle. He imagined she would look hot with the butt of the gun pressed up against her shoulder. Damn, he wished he knew what she looked like.

_Let's see if I can answer your plethora of questions. Alice is fine. She and Jasper are disgustingly in love. They are always here and always all over each other. Even when they aren't touching, they are talking with their eyes. It's enough to make me want to throw-up. The upside to it is that she spends more time with him and less time playing dress up Bella. _

_School is going really well. As long as I stay on top of my studying, it should be another semester of straight A's. _

_Work is fabulous. I just shelve books, read, shelve books, study, shelve books, help some moron who doesn't know their way around a library and then I get to go home. I did discover a downfall to this job though. When I got hired on for the job, I made sure to get time off for Thanksgiving weekend and Christmas week so I could go home. But since I did that, I can't get a weekend off to go and see Rosalie and Emmett when they have the baby. I will have to wait until Thanksgiving. I just realized you will probably get to see her before me. You suck!_

He laughed and then immediately felt remorseful realizing that could have been an opportunity to meet her and now he won't get that chance.

_You just missed my birthday. It was September 13. When is yours? My parents got me the best birthday present ever; a Kindle. I don't know how I ever read without it before. They also gave me an Amazon gift card so I can buy myself books for the next couple of months. That was so much better than last year when they gave me a bunch of gift cards to fast food places. They thought it was a great idea for a college student— I am not really a fast food eater. I think I still have most of them._

_Since you got to give me the third degree, I think I should get to do the same. Do you have any hobbies (non-military related)? What are three things that really annoy you? Do you drink and/or smoke? And I still want to know what you wear to bed._

_You would be amazed at my mad running skills. I am running five days a week and about five miles each run. I can't say that it is due to my disciplined regimen or anything like that. I found a running buddy and he has been a huge motivation. If I don't feel like running he'll come in and grab me off of my bed and make me go._

Red filled Edward's vision. He had no right, but he felt raging jealously over this new running companion. Who was this guy to be her running motivator? That was _his _thing with her. What the hell was this guy doing in her bedroom? What if….what if… if she was interested in this guy? He felt himself quickly becoming possessive of this woman and he hated the fact that she was so far away from him.

_He's becoming a good friend. The only problem is that Alice hates him, so it is a little awkward when we hang out._

Suddenly, Alice became one of Edward's favorite people.

_Well, I saved the best news for last. I have seen Mike and Jessica several times now on campus and I didn't ever get upset. I am truly over it. My heart still jumps when I see them, but it doesn't ache anymore. I have decided against approaching them about what they did. There is no point. All it would do is upset me again and I don't want them to know they got the better of me. I can honestly say my heart is free of Mike. _

_Thank you for your letters and friendship. They mean so much to me. I hope you made it home safely or will make it home safely. Good luck with your promotion and I hope I hear from you really soon. _

_Yours, _

_Bella_

_P.S. Yoga pants and a t-shirt. How about you? And when I said your tattoos sounded appealing; I really meant sexy, assuming you have a rockin' body like I imagine you do._

He assumed she was referring to what she wore to bed and he was a little turned on. He hoped that she thought he had a "rockin' body." He couldn't be sure though. Edward knew he took care of himself and was in shape, but what women want is as varying as the stars in the sky.

Edward smiled and folded up his letter. He dragged himself up the stairs and climbed into his bed, letter in hand. His body relaxed against his soft mattress and he closed his eyes with the words of Bella's letter scrolling on the back of his eyelids.

xxx

**Author's Notes: **

Big hugs to my friend, Lynelle. She jumped in as beta and because she's all around awesome.

You guys were so awesome with your reviews and congratulations last chapter, I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Leave me another review; they are almost as good as Edward wanting to know what you wear to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

There is a lot of Rosalie and Emmett this chapter, I hope you don't mind. They have to be involved at this point. Those of you who have been with me since "Change of Heart," know that I adore Emmett and the dynamic between him and Rosalie is pure entertainment. Enjoy!

xxx

Bella let out an irritated sigh. "Is Rosalie done feeding her yet? I'm sick of looking at your ugly mug."

"Bella, you are the only female on earth that wouldn't pay big bucks to check me out all day long." Emmett wagged his eyebrows showing every ounce of his cockiness. "Besides, I am not going to rush Rosalie into putting those bad girls away." Bella saw a hand smack Emmett on the back of his head. She started laughing. Only Rosalie could do something like that and live long enough to do it again. Emmett ducked his head down and started to rub the back of his head. "Ouch, Babe, that hurt."

"You're a pig! Move over," Rosalie demanded and then quickly replaced Emmett's spot in front of the computer.

All of a sudden, Bella's whole world zeroed in on the image filling her computer monitor; the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen. Her brand new niece; pink wrinkled flesh, squinty eyes, puckered lips, and a tiny hand poking out of the white hospital blanket she was swaddled in. Rosalie held her in her arms as if she'd been a mother for years, as opposed to the two days it had been.

"You're both beautiful," Bella cooed as tears filled her eyes.

"Thank you," sounded Emmett and Rosalie simultaneously.

Rosalie gave an exaggerated eye roll. "Not you, you oaf!"

Bella laughed through her tears. "I was talking about my sweet new baby and her mommy— which, by the way, looks way too good for having just delivered a baby two days ago."

"Thanks, but you only think that because I just took a shower and you can only see my face. My stomach is all squishy and wrinkly and my boobs are obscenely massive." Emmett's face jumped into the camera and he nodded his head in approval with a wide grin on his face. "Knock it off! You aren't coming near these for a long time." Emmett's expression fell and he disappeared from the computer screen. Bella loved the dynamic of those two. She admired Rosalie's ability to make Emmett tuck tail and run— someone on this earth had to have that gift.

"Hold her up closer. I want to get a good look at her." With a radiant glow that only a new mother could have, Rosalie quickly appeased Bella's request. "She's beautiful. I wish I could hold her."

"She is, isn't she? Just hang in there a few weeks and I'll let you hold her as much as you want."

"Did you guys finally decide on a name? Does she have hair under that cap? How was the labor—?"

"Slow down with the questions. We finally agreed on Tessa. She's as bald as a cue ball. The only thing I can tell you about the delivery is, don't ever do it, Bella. It's awful."

Bella laughed and sat engrossed listening as Rosalie told her all about Tessa's arrival. Emmett had only been home a couple of hours and Rosalie was in the middle of welcoming him home properly, when the contractions started. The contractions continued off and on for almost a week before they were the real thing. Surprisingly, Emmett was a perfect partner through the entire process. Rosalie said that he sobbed like a little girl when he held his baby girl for the first time. Uncharacteristically, Emmett didn't deny the crying. He just smiled at his infant and rubbed her little ball of a fist. Rosalie had progressed so quickly that she didn't get an epidural; therefore, her attitude of never having another baby.

Bella couldn't comprehend loving anything more than she loved her little niece who instantly captured her heart. For the first time ever, Bella felt her biological clock tick. She longed for the day she would have a baby of her own. She flushed the thought from her mind quickly. Having a baby required a daddy and she was far from having one of those. _Maybe Edward?_ Bella almost leapt from her seat as the crazy thought flashed into her head. _What was that?_ She quickly pushed the ridiculous thought from her mind and went back to staring at her new favorite girl. Her chest ached to hold the little bundle. Only three more weeks, she could handle it. Hopefully, the time would pass quickly.

Emmett stood up and took the baby from Rosalie. Tessa was no longer in Bella's line of vision and she felt sadness creep into her with the void.

"Rosalie, I am so happy for you guys and I wish I could be there. I need to get going. I have to be to work in thirty minutes."

"I thought you worked nights on Saturdays?"

"Normally I do. I swapped with someone so I could go with Jake to the UCLA vs. USC game."

"That'll be a good game. It seems like you and Jake have been spending a lot of time together. Is that going somewhere?"

Without hesitation, Bella answered, "NO! He's just a friend."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Why, is he ugly?"

"No, he's actually really good looking."

"But… "

"But, I just don't think of him that way." Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"Is there anyone you do think of that way?"

"No." Avoiding Rosalie's eyes, she stared down at her hands that were ringing in her lap.

"Bella, I know you've been holding out on me for a while now." Bella's head snapped up. "I'll leave it alone, because I'm sure you have a valid reason for keeping it to yourself. One of these days though, you're going to tell me everything."

Bella nodded, and gave a tinge of a smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"Is it the guy you've been writing?"

"Rosalie, I…" Bella hesitated and let out a sigh. "… I need to go to work."

"Okay. Have a good time. I love you."

Her best friend's understanding was almost enough to make Bella cry. She sucked in a deep breath, removing the lump from her throat, and blinked back the threatening tears. Today had been too emotional. "I love you too. Hold up my baby one more time." Emmett held up Tessa and Bella felt a tear fall from her eye. "Kiss her for me and I'll see you guys in a couple of weeks."

Six hours later, Bella trudged into her room. It had been a long day and it wasn't over yet. She had been up for an early run on the beach with Jake, spent time online with her family, then worked the worst shift ever at the library, and to top it off, her car got a flat tire on the way home. All she wanted to do was take a hot shower and curl up in bed for the night. However, that wasn't an option. Jake was picking her up in an hour for the game. Letting out a groan, Bella started undressing. She could at least get in the hot shower.

She flicked on the bathroom light and nearly leapt in excitement. Taped onto her mirror was a letter from Edward. On it was a _Post-It_ note that said, "I wish I could see your face right now. Love you, Alice." Bella smiled. She really loved Alice and the wonderful friend she was to her.

Bella snatched the letter and wrapped a towel around her body before running to her bed. She might have to skip the shower. Definitely worth it.

_Dear Bella,_

_You are the absolute best. You're package was freaking awesome. Coming back to base was kind of a rough time for me. But your package was waiting, making it one of the best days ever. I didn't get the package until November 2, so I celebrated Halloween a little late. The Snickers are delicious. You're going to ruin my abs. Which, I need to keep up, since you have it in your head that I have a rockin' body. I wouldn't want to disappoint you._

Bella was completely giddy. She was positive he could never disappoint her. He was a freaking Marine and ran like a machine. He had to be built like a Greek God.

_I loved the puzzle, very clever my friend. All of your letters are always awesome, but it was fun to anticipate it so much while assembling it. By the way, I don't think you have horrible penmanship. That was my subtle way of asking you to write me as frequently as possible. In the future I'll have to be clearer on what my desires are from you._

Heat spread through Bella's entire body at what she assumed was an innuendo from this man of perfection. Her hands started to tremble, her mouth fell agape, and her heartbeat was out of control. Her mind couldn't help but wonder what he would desire from her.

_I'm warning you now, that if we ever meet, I am going to beg you to perform the _Thriller_ dance for me. So get ready to shake those hips._

A laugh escaped her smiling lips.

_We are all settled back into our everyday, base life. Hold on tight because you are about to read the most exciting words of your life. I hope you can sense the sarcasm in my writing. My job while on base is __I'm an accountant. They tend to find something you have experience with and put you to work doing it. The plus side of this job is that it gives me some release for my nerdy math side and I get to see all of my years of education put to some use. There is a huge difference between this accounting and public accounting though. My days are shorter, I don't have to wear a shirt and tie, and when my day is over I get to go outside and exert myself with fire weapons. Other than my job, my day consists of cleaning, training, and running._

_I received my promotion. I'm pretty excited about it. I am now Captain Cullen, instead of Lieutenant Cullen. It sounds really fancy, but really it just means I get my ass chewed out if anyone in my squad screws up and I get to carry more equipment. My squad is made up of a specific group of men that tend to be a little bit more specialized at shooting a weapon than others._

The side of Bella's mouth quirked up in a half smile_. _Edward's humility was admirable. She knew he was down playing his promotion and his capabilities.

_Another benefit to my promotion is that I'm not the old guy as much as I was before. Because of my late start, I am years older than most of my peers. The majority of these guys joined right after high school. So, the further up I move in rankings, the less I feel like a geriatric._

_Bella, sometimes I think you are the perfect woman. Your response to my thoughts about being in combat was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for not lecturing me, pitying me, or down playing my feelings. Your offer to listen and be there for me is more than I could have ever asked. I hope that you meant it, because I will be taking you up on it._

Anytime, anywhere!

_I feel honored that you would keep my letters tied together in your nightstand. You shouldn't be embarrassed. It did kind of make me feel bad, because I have always thrown yours away._

"What?" Bella gasped.

_I'm kidding. _

Bella let out a sigh of relief.

_They are kept safely in a box under my bed and I too pull them out and read them frequently. _

It was reassuring when Edward wrote things that let her know he thought of her or was interested in her. It gave her a sense of security that her growing feelings weren't one sided.

_Anytime you want to learn how to fire a real weapon, I will be glad to take you. In fact, I think we should plan on it. I'd like to think I could teach you a thing or two._

A smirk covered Bella's face, "I'm sure you can… and I'm a waiting student."

_I'm sorry you won't get to see your niece until Thanksgiving. I'm sure you aren't going to miss much in that couple of weeks. I'll try not to rub it in when I see her before you. I'm confident that will make me her favorite person and not you._

Somehow Bella was able to smile at his teasing, but pout about missing her niece simultaneously.

_I guess it's my turn to answer your questions. My birthday is June 20__th__. By the way, I am completely jealous of your Kindle ownership. My hobbies are reading and running as you already know. I also play the piano. I am a bit rusty since there aren't many pianos out in the desert. Three things that really annoy me, I'm going to have to go with lying, _Lebron James_, and shin splints._

Bella could not agree more on all three of those annoyances. She loved the fact that lying was on his list. She'd had her share of liars and she no longer had any tolerance for it. His annoyance with it reassured her a little more that she was safe with him.

_I do not smoke, never have. I drink occasionally. Mostly at a celebration or night out with the guys, but you won't find me in a bar very often. How about you? When I'm home, my bedtime attire is usually a pair of basketball shorts or underwear; when I'm deployed, usually sweats and a t-shirt. On that note, thank you for letting me know what you wear to bed. I can rest easy now— actually no, knowing what you sleep in made it harder for me to sleep._

No words came to her mind, just a panted breath.

_Wow, I am extremely impressed with your running regimen. You are turning into a hard-core runner. Maybe next month you'll be on the cover of _Runner's World_. From my experience though, I have found that to really reap the rewards of a good run, it should be done alone. How can you really clear your head, if someone is talking to you the whole time? I mean… you can do whatever you want, I just… I would just make sure you have days where you run without a partner. _

Did she sense jealousy or did he really think it was better to run alone? Bella thought it would be kind of cool if Edward was covetous of her and Jake's runs. She would definitely be envious if he told her that he was running with some girl. She could fantasize that he would feel the same.

_Bella, I am so proud of you for your triumph over Mike and Jessica. I wish we could go out this weekend and celebrate. I'd buy you a Mike and Jessica piñata and we'd beat it with a metal bat. Then we would climb a mountain, you know be all symbolic of you conquering Mike. Then we would end it with as many servings you want of the lemon cake you like so much._

Laughter erupted from Bella's throat. She loved his plan and wished more than anything that they could really carry it out. Her stomach clenched missing the man she didn't really know, so much that it hurt.

_Since we are trying to get to know each other better, I'm hoping it won't get on your nerves if I give you another list of questions. If you aren't up for it, skip to the next paragraph. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be? What was the first book you purchased on your Kindle? What are your pet peeves? Describe your fantasy kiss._

What? What was that last question? She couldn't tell him that… could she? She really liked this new flirty Edward.

_Thank you for your friendship, Bella. I am so glad you found me. I'll patiently sit here waiting for your next letter. Have a great week._

_You're always on my mind,_

_Edward_

Bella glanced at the clock and saw that she had fifteen minutes until Jacob would be there. She jumped up from the bed and threw on a pair of jeans and a Bruins t-shirt. She ran into the bathroom and took a glance at herself. Alice would be sorely disappointed at her frumpiness. Oh well, she was going to a sporting event and it wasn't a date, so who cares. She washed her face, put on some deodorant, and threw her hair up in a ponytail. She glanced at the clock again as she pulled flip flops out of her closet. She still had five minutes. With an elated grin, she jumped onto her bed and pulled out the letter again. She would reread her favorite parts until Jacob got there.

She was strewn across her bed, with a wicked grin across her face, reading about what Edward wears to bed, when she heard Jacob's voice from the doorway.

"What's got you so engrossed and smiling so big?" He asked with his arms crossed his chest and a smirk on his face.

"A letter. I didn't even hear you come in. You ready to go?" Bella folded her correspondence and dropped it into her nightstand.

"Yup, let's go."

Bella grabbed her sweatshirt and headed toward the door.

"So… who was the letter from?" Jake asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

"My friend Edward."

"Oh, someone you grew up with?"

"No." Jake opened the car door and she slid into the leather seat.

Jake put on his seatbelt and started the engine. "Is he a boyfriend?"

"No."

"Are you going to make me ask a hundred questions to find out who this guy is that had you smiling like you just won the lottery?" Bella sensed some tension in his voice and it annoyed her.

"He's a friend of mine, Jake, and I am really confused about why you think I owe you an explanation of who my letter is from," Bella snapped.

Jake gripped the steering wheel tightly and let out a long breath. "You're right; it's none of my business. I'm sorry."

Bella turned in her seat and faced out the front windshield. "It's all right," she mumbled, still feeling slightly annoyed. "Let's go to the game. I want to see some Bruins kick some Trojan ass."

"You got it." Jake shifted into gear and pulled away from the curb.

xxx

Rosalie felt Emmett's weight dip the mattress beside her. She was exhausted and didn't want to wake up. It had been a long night with Tessa. Unwillingly, she opened her eye. Any reluctance she had about waking up seeped from her body at the sight before her. Emmett sat smiling at her with his gorgeous dimples in full force, Tessa wrapped up in his arms.

"Hey, Beautiful," Emmett said as he cupped her cheek and rubbed gently with his thumb. "I need to get going. I've got that pickup game with some of the guys."

"What time is it?" Rosalie asked stretching across the mattress. Emmett's eye zeroed in on Rosalie's arched back and rising chest. Rosalie snickered. "Emmett you still have four weeks before you have free reign over me.

Sulking like a child who had his favorite toy taken away he muttered, "I know." Then he looked over at Tessa. "You're lucky I think you're worth it."

Rosalie laughed and sat up kissing her husband whom she adored with every fiber of her being. "Go have fun with the boys."

Emmett handed Rosalie the baby after kissing her cheeks. "She's been changed and is ready to sleep if you want to feed her, then you both could go back to sleep."

"You are so good to me. Why can't you let everyone see this side of you?"

Grabbing his shoes from the closet, Emmett sat back down on the side of the bed. "I've got a reputation to up hold, Babe." He bent over and started tying his shoes. "Oh hey, just a heads up. I'm going to be brining one of the guys home with me to see the baby."

Rosalie raised an eyebrow at him. She was not feeling back to herself yet and hated having visitors. Plus, she worried about someone bringing in germs and getting the baby sick. "Who?"

"Edward Cullen, do you want me to bring back some lunch for all of us?"

Rosalie's interest peaked and a plan started forming in her head. "No, Edward probably doesn't get home cooked meals very often. I'll make something."

"You're the best and the sexiest." Emmett leaned down and kissed his wife goodbye.

"Hey, Em, I was thinking since Edward is always all alone, we should invite him to come to Forks with us for Thanksgiving."

Emmett's brows furrowed together. "Really? You don't think he'd be bored with just our family?"

Rosalie worked hard to control the laugh that wanted to escape her throat. "No, not at all. In fact I think we'd be surprised how much he will enjoy it. How much we all will enjoy it."

Shrugging his shoulders Emmett said, "All right, I'll ask him."

"Thanks, you're a good friend. I'll see you around noon?"

"Yeah."

Rosalie lay back with her infant snuggled against her shoulder and a wicked smile across her face.

After taking a short nap with Tessa, Rosalie grudgingly got in the shower and tried to make herself presentable. Unfortunately, she couldn't stay in pajamas forever. She prepared some tacos and made her grandmother's triple layer brownies. She had twenty minutes left to sit and relax before the boys would be back.

xxx

"Hi, Edward," Rosalie said coming out of the kitchen. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. Edward returned the hug awkwardly. He was never really a touchy feely kind of guy.

"Hi, Rosalie. You look great. You really didn't have to make us lunch. It smells delicious."

Emmett came barreling into the room, Tessa in arms. "Check her out, Edward." Emmett's face was beaming with fatherly pride.

"She's adorable. Good thing she looks nothing like you, Emmett."

Rosalie laughed as she left to set the food on the table.

"She looks just like me. What are you talking about?"

Edward's brows pulled together and he leaned in closer to the baby. "I don't know. They all kind of look the same to me."

"Get out of my house," Emmett barked. They both laughed. "I'm going to go take a quick shower. Here can you hold her? Rosalie's finishing up lunch."

Edward's eyes doubled in size and held his palms out at Emmett taking a step backward. "Emmett, I've never held a baby before."

"It's easy. It's like holding a football. Just don't throw her." Then without waiting for a response, Emmett shoved Tessa into his arms and hurried down the hallway.

Edward's whole body tensed. He felt more nervous holding this baby than he felt holding a live grenade. He adjusted her into the crook of his arm and rested his other hand over her stomach. A sliver of a smile immersed as he realized holding a baby wasn't so hard.

Edward made his way across the room and began looking at pictures that lined the top of the entertainment center. He smiled at all of the fun photos of the couple. He admired that they truly had a happy marriage. Suddenly, his body froze and his heart began to hammer in his chest. In the back corner was an eight by ten frame of a family. Emmett stood in the middle dressed in a tux— obviously his wedding day— his arms wrapped around what appeared to be his parents. On the end was a beautiful brunette, with deep brown eyes, and a stunning smile linking arms with Emmett's father. It had to be Bella. Edward quickly peeked over his shoulder to see Rosalie busy in the kitchen and could still hear the water running from the bathroom. Carefully he shifted the tiny ball of flesh from one arm into the other, then reached up and grabbed the picture he was so fascinated with.

Edward's heart beat wildly. She was more stunning than he could have ever anticipated, but yet he felt like he already knew this was what she'd look like. He couldn't take his eyes off of her smiling face. He wanted to take the picture and run. An uncontrollable radiance engulfed his face. He couldn't believe he now knew what she looked like.

Tessa started to squirm and she let out a little cry. Edward shushed her and started to bounce her in his arms. She quieted at his actions and he immediately wondered how he knew to do that.

"Here, I'll take her," Rosalie said from next to Edward.

Edward cringed as he realized he still held the family picture in his hand. "Thanks. Sorry, I guess I'm not that good with babies."

"No, you did fine. She's just hungry." Rosalie pulled the baby from Edward's arms and kissed her on the cheek. Edward tried to nonchalantly return the frame to its home. He felt Rosalie's eyes on him the whole time.

"That's Emmett's family. His parents, Charlie and Rene, and his little sister and my best friend, Bella."

At the sound of her name Edward's eyes flicked back to the image of Bella on their own accord. Kicking himself, he focused his attention back on Rosalie. She was eyeing him with a knowing look that made Edward very nervous.

"She's pretty, isn't she?" She asked flashing her eyes toward the picture he'd just replaced.

Trying to clear the frog from his throat, Edward made an awkward sound and asked, "Who?"

"Bella, Emmett's sister."

Edward looked back at the frame and nodded. "Yes, she is."

"And that photo doesn't do her any justice." Rosalie gave Edward a sly smile and then Emmett walked into the room.

"Is lunch ready?" He asked rubbing his stomach.

"Sure is, Babe. I'm going to go feed the baby, you two go ahead and start."

Edward felt like his stomach was torn in knots. He had no idea how he was supposed to eat anything. He had a suspicion that Rosalie knew about his and Bella's relationship… friendship… correspondence... whatever it was he had going on with her.

The time passed quickly as Edward watched Emmett stuff his face and enjoyed the easy way he and Emmett were able to converse and be silent. Edward had a hard time focusing on anything Emmett was saying. All he could think about was Bella. Edward forced himself to eat some food, so he wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. Rosalie returned just as they were digging into the brownies. She made herself a plate and then sat down at the table.

"Where's Tessa?" Emmett asked with a mouthful of brownies.

"Gross, Emmett. Wait until your mouth is empty. She's asleep," Rosalie chastised. She then turned and focused her attention on the other table occupant. "So Edward, what are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

Edward popped his head up slightly confused by the random question. "Um, nothing. I'll be staying here at the base."

"You don't want to go home?"

"No, my mom's… with a boyfriend… I'm just staying here." He shrugged his shoulders and took another bite of his brownie.

Emmett jumped into the conversation, "Dude that sucks. My mom makes the best turkey dinner ever. I'd die if I didn't have it."

Edward saw the searing look Rosalie was giving her husband, but was unaware of Rosalie's foot slamming into Emmett's shin. "Owe!" Emmett cried. Edward saw him look at his wife in confusion. Rose glared at Emmett and then nodded her head towards Edward.

Edward felt completely awkward. Were they going to have fight?

Something flickered in Emmett's expression as he and his wife stared each other down. Then his head turned toward Edward. "Hey, will you come to Forks with us for Thanksgiving?"

Several different emotions ran rapid through Edward after Emmett extended the generous invitation. He was grateful to have Emmett as a friend and that his friend would watch out for him. At the same time, it made him feel embarrassed that he was a charity case. However, the prominent emotion running through him was excitement. He would be able to meet Bella! He'd spend an entire weekend with her... and her family of course.

His eyes darted to Rosalie wondering if this was another one of those moments when Emmett blurts things out without really thinking. Rosalie nodded her head enthusiastically with an inviting smile.

"Um…" In an uncontrollable reaction to the thought made Edward's eyes flit to the picture above the TV. There was no way he would let his pride override this opportunity to meet the girl that had so quickly captured his every thought for the past couple of months. "If you're sure it's okay, I'd love to."

xxx

**Author's Notes:**

If you love Rosalie and Emmett as much as I do, go check out SR's, "The Ice Queen, and Mister McCarty." If you haven't been reading this one already you are missing out on way too much in life.

Thank you Lynelle for letting me reap the rewards of your college education! You're the super-beta.

You know I love me some reviews. Almost as much as the idea of Edward and Bella finally meeting.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

I have to offer a huge apology to my readers right now. While I try to make sure a lot of my information is accurate, sometimes my research skills fail me and they did last chapter. I wrote that Edward was promoted from Lieutenant to Sergeant, when actuality that would be a demotion. I would never demote my Edward that is unfathomable. The correct promotion would be to Captain. So, Edward is Captain Cullen. Again, I am so sorry for my error and I thank my reviewers who pointed it out to me.

Also, you might want to glimpse back and read Edward's last letter to Bella. She makes a lot of references to his letter in this chapter. Sorry, for the notes. Go ahead and read now.

Xxx

The tension within Edward was ready to explode. He was still clueless about his mother's whereabouts. His usual sources had been as left in the dark about her location as he was. He was ready to go to the police after he forced himself to contact his last source. To make matters worse, he hadn't heard from Bella this week. Her letters always helped no matter the circumstances. Right now he was overdue and desperate for her words. He might combust if he didn't hear from his mom or from Bella, soon.

Hands fisted, teeth clenched, toes bouncing, body dripping with sweat, Edward sucked in a long breath and went back to his relentless attack on his punching bag. He'd been at it for hours and was wound up so tight he might uncoil. Letting out a frustrated growl, he threw his shoulder into the bag and began kicking using all of the force his long, muscular, legs could exert. After forty minutes he gave up. It wasn't working. He needed to make the phone call, deal with the situation, and get it over with. He unwrapped his hands and grabbed a towel to wipe down his face.

Edward snagged his phone from the night stand and replaced it with a half empty water bottle. With shaking hands he dialed the number he'd had memorized for years, but wanted to forget.

"This is Tanya." Edward dug his palm into one of his tightly clenched eyes. Something stormed through his chest at the sound of her voice, which only angered him further.

Regardless of what Tanya had done to her son, Esme Cullen had always considered her the daughter she never had. Initially when Esme and Tanya were still in contact after Edward had been so carelessly thrown to the wayside, Edward had been hurt and angry with his mother. He didn't understand how she could still want to be close with someone who destroyed her only child. Once Edward made it very clear to Esme he never wanted her to mention anything about Tanya to him again, he really didn't care who his mom talked to. This was just another example of Esme's selfish nature and Edward's suffering because of her choices.

"Tanya, it's Edward," he announced gruffly.

There was a pregnant pause. Then Tanya answered with a sound of surprise. "Edward… how are you?"

In no mood for ridiculously fake pleasantries, Edward got right to the point. "I'd be a lot better if I knew where my mother was. Do you think you can help me with that?"

"You always were direct weren't you?" She waited for a response, but got none. "She's been in South America for the last month with Alex."

"Who's Alex, the latest conquest?"

Edward's sarcasm always annoyed Tanya and he could hear that annoyance in her response right now. "He's your mother's boyfriend of five months."

"That's funny, I haven't heard anything about him," Edward's voice was full of disdain.

"She's very happy, Edward. They're touring through all of the South American countries. I'm completely jealous."

"Yeah, right. You wouldn't be caught dead anywhere other than a four star hotel." Tanya let out an irritated sigh. "How is she paying for all of this? Did you lend her money?"

"No, I don't have that kind of money to give away. If I did, I'd be on my own vacation. She paid for it with the money from the sale of her house." Tanya divulged this information as if it were no big deal and Edward was ready to explode.

"What? She sold her house?" Edward shouted.

In a regretful tone she asked, "You didn't know?"

"No! Why would she tell me? I'm only her son."

"Maybe if you were around—"

She was instantly cut off. "Don't go there Tanya. The only reason she didn't tell me is because she knew I would tell her not to. Which is exactly what you should have told her."

"Me?" she squealed.

"You know how she feels about you, Tanya. She would have listened to you."

"She's not my mother, she's yours."

Edward felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He couldn't believe how easily Tanya was disregarding Esme. Tanya conveniently used Esme as a mother to suit her own selfish needs. However, when it came to the hard stuff, Tanya easily resigned her daughter role. Nevertheless, Tanya was right, Esme was _his_ mother. How was he supposed to be a son and take care of her, when he had to call his ex fiancé to find out where his mother was or that she had sold her house. When did his life get so screwed up? He ran his hands through his hair and pulled on the ends trying to inflict some other pain to take away from the ache building in his chest. He didn't know what else he could have done or can do. He couldn't lock his mother in a house for the ninety days or longer he was gone. He couldn't hook her up to a _LoJack _system. He couldn't quit the Marines. He couldn't think of how he could have prevented this or come up with a different solution. She'd be back in his life in a few months devastated from her break up and expect him to put all of the pieces back together. Only now, he'd also have to find her a place to live.

"You're right," Edward whispered. He sounded completely defeated.

"Look, Edward, none of this is your problem. You couldn't have changed the situation. She's going to do what she's going to do. You're a good son. You just got stuck with a really… self-centered mother. She'll be back and you'll fix everything like you always do. But… one of these days, Edward… you are going to have to stop bandaging her wounds and let her deal with her consequences. Otherwise, this will be what you deal with for the rest of your life."

"I can't not help her, Tanya. She's my mom."

"Exactly! She should be taking care of you." If Edward didn't know better, he might have mistaken Tanya's interference with caring.

Tanya was right, but he couldn't change things. This was just the way his life was. The lump building in his throat made him scared to speak. He couldn't do this, not on the phone, not with Tanya.

"Thanks, Tanya. Let me know if you hear from her again."

"I will. I'm so sorry Edward…. for your mom… for us… for everything."

Sounding like a broken man he answered, "Yeah. Good-bye."

"Bye."

A burning flared in Edward's chest and he couldn't figure out if it was the rekindling of what he'd been through with Tanya, the anger at his mom for her stupid choices, the crushing emptiness of not having a single person in your life looking out for you, the exhaustion of taking care of a parent, or the absolute pain of bottled up anger. He felt the lump creeping up in his throat further and the burn of tears behind his eyes. He refused to break down.

He leapt from the couch, grabbed his keys, and burst out his front door. The moment he was over the threshold he was running. The wind on his face rushed the tears escaping his eyes down his cheeks, but he refused to reach up and wipe them. Instead, he pretended they weren't there and ran even harder.

An hour and a half later, Edward was walking down his street, hands resting on his hips and head dropped down toward the ground. He had been able to alleviate a great deal of his stress. His burdens still settled a heavy weight on his shoulders, but nothing he couldn't bear. He dragged his forearm across his eyebrows wiping the sweat threatening to drop into his eyes, when his eyes caught a glance of the neighbor's daughter, walking away from his front door with her little dog in tow.

"Hi, Chloe. Were you looking for me?"

Her head darted in his direction and she gave a little salute. "Yes, Sir." Edward couldn't help but smile as she began skipping toward him. "My mommy told me to bring this to you. She said it was in our mail yesterday, and sorry she didn't bring it over sooner." Her little hands held out something more valuable than any treasure on earth; Bella's blue envelope.

"Well, thank you, Miss Chloe. I appreciate it." He took the letter from her hand and waved as she turned and skipped towards her home.

Edward dashed into the house and showered faster than he ever had in his life. He wrapped a white towel around his waist, grabbed the letter, and took a seat on his couch.

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm sure you already know, but you can pretend to be surprised and excited for me. I'm an Auntie and I'm so thrilled!_

Edward smiled, knowing that if they were having this conversation in person he would pretend he had no idea about the baby, because he wouldn't want to squash her excitement.

_I was able to Skype with Rose and Emmett and I saw her, she is so precious. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so quickly. Her name is Tessa and she owned me the second I saw her. I can't believe how tiny she is. I wonder if she will seem that small in person. She looks a lot like Emmett. Of course I will never tell him that because he thinks she's gorgeous and we don't need it going to his head. I can't wait to hold her in less than two weeks. I plan on holding her the entire five days I am at my parent's house for the holiday. _

"Not if I can help it. I want Bella time too," Edward mumbled under his breath.

_Okay now that you've endured my excitement, I want to know if you've seen her already. Was she perfect? Did you hold her? Does she already like you better than me? If she does it won't last. I'm determined to be the favorite person in her life. Are you a baby person? Most guys I know are weirded out by babies._

Was he a baby person? He didn't think he was. He was terrified when Emmett handed Tessa to him, but once he was holding her it felt natural. That could have been due to the fact that every bit of his focus was on the picture of Bella.

_Edward, you don't have to be subtle in you requests from me. Just come right out and tell me what you desire. I'll do my best to accommodate. _

A hard gulp went through Edward's throat. He was completely floored at her blatant flirting. He felt his stomach tighten and knew that this girl would own him as much as she said Tessa owned her.

_Don't worry; I don't need to be asked to write you frequently, I love writing you. As long as you're writing me, you'll always get one in return._

_I'm not going to lie, you're job doesn't sound… exciting, but I'm sure that it's important. I know that writing papers all day does not sound appealing to you and math was always my worst subject. We can be equally bored with each other's occupation. How many hours are you usually in the office? Are you alone in your office or do you work with people? _

_CONGRATULATIONS! I am so proud and excited for you. I think it's admirable you trying to be humble about your promotion, but it _is_ a big deal. You need to be proud of yourself. Stroke your own ego a little. Maybe I'll only refer to you as 'Captain' from now on. Should I salute you? I hate to break it to you Edward, but you aren't just an old guy in the military, you're just getting old. Don't worry I've always wanted a father figure type pen pal._

He didn't know if he should laugh because of her amazing quick wittedness or be worried she really considered him an old man. Either way, he was still smiling.

_Speaking of jobs, I received my student teaching assignment. I'm going to be at Beverly Hills High School. I still haven't decided if I'm excited or let down. The plus side about the school is that it's really close to campus— most people have to drive a long distance in L.A. traffic, which sucks. Also, I imagine that these students might be more serious about their studies as opposed to students in Inglewood; this will make teaching more enjoyable. The downfalls: I don't know if I want to be surrounded by the rich and famous, you know how I feel about snobbery. I don't do politics in the education system— I know that it is impossible, but I can try. Another down side for me, but a plus for Alice, is putting more effort into my appearance. Hopefully it all works out. Oh, and in case you were wondering, they did not film Beverly Hills 90210 at Beverly Hills High School, and Beverly Hills's zip code is not 90210. I thought you would want to know, I was thoroughly disappointed._

_I am glad you still get your running time in. I'm getting the impression you might spontaneously combust if you didn't._

She had no idea.

_I'm sure you're right about me needing time to run alone. While Jake is fun to run with and he is motivational, I feel like my runs have become less therapeutic for me. It's too bad you don't like to run with anyone, I was thinking one day we would. It's probably best if we don't, because I am sure I would either slow you down, or die from exertion._

Edward felt like he would stutter all over the place if he were to try and verbally express that it would be okay for her to run with him, just not this Jake guy. He didn't care if he had to run in tap shoes, he wanted to run with her.

_I'll have you know, your little kidding joke in your last letter nearly crushed me. When you said you threw my letters away, one; I felt so stupid for confessing that I keep yours by my bed tied in a ribbon. Two; I was disappointed that you didn't value me as much as I do you. Luckily you redeemed the situation and I went back into Edwardland as I read my letter. _

A wide grin spread across Edward's face. He wondered if she knew that he would consider that last paragraph a confession as well as a chastisement. Edwardland?

_Wow, I can't believe you play the piano. I have always wanted to play an instrument, but I am worried I might be tone deaf. See, I give away too much of how inept I am at everything other than reading a book. One of these days I will figure out something I am good at and then I will brag about myself to you._

Edward could think of a million things she was good at or things he would soon find out she was good at. His mind flashed back to that picture he saw of her. He imagined her perfectly full lips would work like magic against his. He was sure she'd be perfect at that. He shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts, and tried to focus on the letter in hand.

_I back you a hundred percent on the things that annoy you. My pet peeves would be: men in skinny jeans, anyone from the Jersey Shore, and the fact that a movie is never as good as a book. I'm thrilled you don't smoke. Kissing a man with smoker's breath is disgusting… not that I'm assuming that we will kiss… I hope that… gah, never mind. _

He snickered imagining how flustered she must have been. He knew because he experienced the same thing when writing some of his letters to her. He planned on kissing her, and he wondered why she hadn't realized that yet.

_I guess that answers you about whether or not I smoke. I don't drink either. No reason really, I just never saw the appeal._

_Your plan for celebrating my defeat over Mike was brilliant. You made me smile. I wish we could have done that, it would have been perfect. There are so many things we write in our letters that we say we are going to do if we ever meet. Do you think we are ever going to meet? _

YES! A knowing smile crossed his face. If only she knew about Thanksgiving. Edward set the letter down and dropped back against the couch. He ran his hands through his wet hair and squeezed his eyes shut. Did he want to tell her he was coming? He thought it would be fun to see her surprised and catch her unprepared. Although, another part of him wondered if it was fair or if she would be upset.

_I feel like there is such a short time before you're leaving again. I'm scared the opportunity will pass us by and then it will never happen. Part of me is nervous to meet you. What if it's awkward and then we don't write anymore? What would I have to look forward to? Plus, I would miss you._

Edward's heart clenched. He would be lonely without her. He wouldn't just miss having someone, he would miss having_ her._

_Okay, let's see if I can answer all of your questions. If I could travel anywhere… that's hard because I've never been anywhere and there are so many places I would love to see. England, because I could visit the many historical sites of my favorite authors. Hawaii, because I think I'm the only person who hasn't been. Plus, who wouldn't love a tropical island? Brazil would be amazing; the Amazon, Carnival, and I hear they have some beautiful secluded islands off of the coast. If I had to choose one I would probably go with Brazil. The first book I purchased on my Kindle was _Jane Eyre_— it's my favorite book— technically it wasn't my first purchase since it was a free download. My first purchase was, _Divergent _by Veronica Roth. It was a really good book._

_My fantasy kiss, wow! You said once that you loved to tease people and make them blush. Well, I will tell you that you succeeded with that question. In fact, I feel the heat rising through my body as I think about answering it. I have been forward with you in some of these letters and that is amazing, because I am not a flirty girl _at all_. The only reason I think I have been able to do so is because I don't have to see your face or worry about rejection. Telling a man how I want to be kissed is way out of my comfort zone, so you should feel lucky I am going to attempt to answer this._

Edward's palms began to sweat with anticipation. He rubbed them down his towel and leaned forward resting his forearms on his knees.

_There isn't one particular way I would want to be kissed that would make it a fantasy kiss. I guess an amazing kiss would involve the perfect kisser. That doesn't mean someone who has had loads of practice and has it down to an art. He would know me. He would know when I want it to be passionate and aggressive, or slow and cherished. Let me take charge when I want, or he would take command when I need to be controlled. Tease me when I want to be tortured in a good way. He would know my sensitive spots and when I longed and needed to be kissed there. That is the best way I can think of to explain it, because you can't be kissed the same way every time and always have the same reaction. I'm not asking for much right? Maybe that's why I've never had the perfect kiss. I would know because I would have kicked up my heel in the middle of the kiss— I'm just teasing, that's a girl joke. I will say that some of my favorite romantic movies have all had scenes where they kiss in the rain: _Say Anything, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Notebook, 50 First Dates, Pride and Prejudice_ (with Keira Knightley, not my favorite version), _Spiderman, Bridget Jones' Diary 2. _I have always wanted to kiss in the rain, but never have._

Edward felt nervous. If that wasn't pressure on a man he didn't know what was. She wanted a freakin' mind reader. He wasn't sure he could ever meet those kinds of expectations. He'd never kissed in the rain, either. That was something he could do. Something he would… soon.

_I'd like you to answer the same question, along with some others. Describe the physical traits of your perfect woman._

He didn't really have a type. He had dated an assortment of women. Different women were attractive for different reasons, at different times. But, once he saw Bella that changed. She really was what he considered beautiful. A wicked, almost evil grin, spread over Edward's face. He would describe Bella just as he saw her in the picture. He would give anything to be a fly on the wall when she reads it. What would she think?

_When was the last time you cried? If you could buy anything, money not an issue, what would it be? What do you plan to make Emmett do now that you are his superior?_

A burst of laughter escaped his chest.

_My thoughts have run away from me again and this letter has grown too long. I never run out of things I want to say to you or things I want to know about you. You probably have to read my letters in sections because you don't have enough free time to read it in one sitting._

He would always make the time.

_Have a great week. In case I don't hear from you before Thanksgiving, I hope you have a wonderful holiday._

_Wishing you were here,_

_Bella_

Edward wished he was there too. The time wouldn't pass quick enough for him to be with her. He couldn't believe how quickly she could lighten his burdens without trying. He was still bothered by his mother's situation, but he didn't feel defeated like he had just a half hour earlier.

Feeling exhausted, Edward lay back on the couch and rested Bella's letter on his bare chest. He was physically and mentally exhausted. He needed a rest from the constant turmoil over his mother and tried to sleep. Thirty minutes later he gave up, he couldn't think of anything other than what he wanted to say to Bella, definitely an improvement from stressing over family drama.

Heading toward his bedroom, he pulled off his towel and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts. He grabbed a notebook and pen and sat himself at the dining room table. He started scribbling words down on the paper, but nothing was coming out how he wanted it to. A half hour later he had crumpled up five different drafts of a letter, frustrated by his inability to say what he wanted, Edward shoved his paper away from him and slumped back in his chair. He ran his hands through his hair and let out an irritated growl. Eyes zeroing in on his wallet and cell phone sitting on the counter, a thought crossed his mind. There was no reason he couldn't pull out that little piece of paper that held Bella's phone number and just call her. He stared for several seconds before determination took over. He rose from the chair and grabbed his wallet and phone.

He dialed her home number and listened to the drawn out rings as he paced his kitchen floor. His heart skipped when he heard a voice and then it slowed when he realized it was an answering machine. Deciding against a message he hung up and dialed her cell phone number.

"Hello?" Edward grinned just at the sound of her voice.

"Bella, it's Edward Cullen."

"Hi, how are you?" Edward's grin spread further hearing the excitement in her voice.

"I'm okay. I was worried I wouldn't be able to catch you or that you wouldn't answer if you didn't know the number."

"Yeah, usually I don't, but I knew that the 760 area code would be Emmett, Rose, or… you."

Edward's heart accelerated in his chest. "I just got your letter and wanted to call you instead of writing you. I mean, you'll still get a letter. I really just wanted to hear your voice and talk."

"I'm glad you did."

"Are you at work?"

"No, I'm on my way."

"Oh…"

"Don't worry; I don't start for twenty minutes. Even so I'd go in a little late."

"I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Stop wasting our minutes." Edward laughed at her teasing.

"I've missed you. Is that possible to miss someone you've never met?"

"It has to be because I miss you all of the time. My heart just leapt out of my chest when I heard your voice."

"Oh, Bella I wish you were here." Edward let out a long breath as he walked into his bedroom.

"What's wrong?" Bella's tone suggested she knew something was wrong and not wondering. Edward loved the fact that she knew him.

"Uh… "

"Talk to me, Edward."

Dropping his head back on his mattress, Edward clenched his eyes shut and let out a frustrated groan. He then proceeded to tell her all that he had learned about his mother. Bella listened quietly and Edward wondered what she was thinking. He was pretty sure no girl wanted to deal with a guy that had as much baggage as he did.

"I'm so sorry," she said. Her voice was overflowing with sympathy and Edward felt comfort in her words. "You don't deserve all of this. I wish I could hug you."

His arms almost ached to have her there. "Me too."

A small sigh came through the line, "Edward…" Edward sensed the change of tone in her voice. "Maybe it's time for you to be the child and let your mom be the grown up. Let her solve her own problems."

Edward couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was almost the same thing Tanya had said to him this morning— he wouldn't tell her that though. The weird thing was that he had been angry when Tanya suggested it to him. Coming from Bella it was different. Maybe it was because he knew Bella didn't have a selfish bone in her body and Tanya thought only of herself. Somehow, knowing that Bella thought that it would be okay to let his mom stand on her two feet, made the option a little more doable.

"I'll think about it."

"Are you mad I said that?" Bella sounded nervous.

"No," he replied quickly. He really wasn't mad either.

"How did you feel talking to Tanya again?" Her voice was hesitant and Edward could have sworn he heard a disgusted tone in Bella's voice when she said Tanya's name.

"I don't know. I really didn't want to have to call her, she was my last resort. She was nice, it's just… it's…" Edward didn't know how to explain it, but Bella knew.

"Awkward, uncomfortable, slightly painful?"

"Yes, yes, and not really painful. It does rekindle a little bit of anger though."

"So… you don't feel… any of your old feelings come back?"

Edward let out a bark of a laugh. "NO! If anything I always end up wondering why I was ever with her. You want to know something creepy?"

"Yeah."

"She really is a lot like my mom. I guess what they say about girls marrying someone like their father, applies to men and their mothers too."

"I wouldn't be surprised if I marry someone kind of like my dad."

"Kill me if I ever marry someone like my mom… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that. That was wrong."

"There is nothing wrong with feeling that way, Edward."

"I just… I would never want my children to go through some of the things I've been through."

"You're a good person, Edward."

"Thanks, so are you." There was an awkward silence.

"If you aren't going to be with your mom for Thanksgiving, what are you doing?"

Edward's nerves kicked in. He was a horrible liar. He would simply have to practice some omission. "Some friends of mine from base invited me to spend the holiday with them."

"Oh… that's nice of them." Bella sounded disappointed. Edward wondered if Bella might have invited him to Forks had he not had plans.

"Yeah, they're great. When do you head out?"

"Next week. We should meet after Thanksgiving, before you leave again."

Edward's grin was on the verge of splitting his face. "I think that's a great idea."

"I have your number now, so I will call you over the break and we will set something up."

"Sounds good. Are you looking for excuses to call me?" Edward teased.

"Do I need one?" She quipped right back.

"Touché."

"I need to go; my shift starts in a couple of minutes."

"Okay, I'm going to try and get a letter to you before you head home."

"You better."

"Bella… your uh… the way you described your perfect kiss…"

"Yeah," Bella asked barely above a whisper.

"I… I think we need to try that out sometime." Edward could feel heat running through his body and he could feel the pulsing of his heartbeat in his face.

There was a long pause and Edward worried he'd gone too far. "Yeah," Bella stuttered. "I thought that was a given."

"Good, maybe I'll make your heel kick up," Edward started to laugh at his attempt of a joke.

"I bet you'll make my toes curl." Bella gasped, "Did I just say that out loud?"

Edward erupted into a fit of laughter. "Bella, are you blushing?"

"Furiously."

"Good. I can't wait to see that in person."

They were silent for a moment. "I have to go."

"Okay."

"Everything will work out with your mom. I promise."

"Thank you, Bella. Have a good day."

"I will. Good bye."

"Bye." Reluctantly, both parties hung up the line.

xxx

Bella shoved her boarding pass into the front pocket of her backpack and then pulled on the zipper and dug around for her magazine. When she pulled it out she saw there was a piece of paper sticking up from the top of the cover. It wasn't a piece of paper; it was a letter from Edward. She smiled.

Earlier that day, Alice had said with a twinkle in her eye, "Bella, I put something in your backpack to help pass the time." Bella should have known it was more than the magazine she'd found during the cab ride. Dang, that little pixie, for always getting to the mailbox first. She did have to give it to Alice; nothing could make waiting on this plane delay pass any quicker than rereading a letter over and over from Edward.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm glad we had the chance to talk last week. I needed to get that off of my chest and you did promise to always be a listening ear. I bet you didn't count on me taking you up on that so soon. I gave a lot of consideration to your advice about my mom and I think you're right. I could never abandon my mom or let her be homeless or anything. But, I've never really given her a chance to fix her own problems. I've always jumped in and bailed her out of whatever sticky spot she got herself into. She survived before me and while I was a child, there is no reason she can't do it now. I just wish she would let me know she's okay. That way I could have the part of my brain she seems to consume back._

Bella couldn't believe what a good son he was.

_Congratulations on becoming an aunt! I have to confess that when I received your letter, I had already held her. She is very cute, but I can't tell who she looks like. When they are that tiny they all look the same to me. When we were chatting, Tessa did tell me that I am awesome and she would never meet anyone cooler than me. I'm not sure how you think you are going to worm your way into her heart, but I'm pretty sure I'm there to stay. _

Only one word kept going through her mind while she read his words about Tessa; adorable.

_I'm in the office about five hours a day. There are four other people in the office. Two of them drive me insane. They have to be capable people to have their jobs, but for some reason they don't know what they are doing when I am there. They ask me questions every five minutes. I guess it's quicker to ask me instead of researching their answers or spending time figuring it out themselves. How am I supposed to get my work done when they have me doing theirs? I wonder if the Marines would let me work from home._

_You know it never crossed my mind that I could mess with Emmett now. I'll have to think of how I could use my powers for evil. Got any ideas?_

Plenty!

_I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I joked about throwing your letters away. Bella, if my house caught on fire, your letters would be one of the things I would grab and take with me. Don't ever think I don't value you. What's Edwardland by the way?_

How embarrassing. She couldn't believe she wrote that.

_I don't think I could top your definition of the perfect kiss, so I am not going to try. I will say that I think the perfect kiss has to involve the perfect person for you. I am just going to say that reading about your fantasy kiss got me almost as worked up as any kiss I've ever experienced. _

Bella felt all heated, now. She glanced around the terminal wondering if anyone could tell what she was reading or thinking.

_Now I have to answer your questions. The perfect woman? Hmm, let me think. Definitely long, brunette hair, chocolate brown eyes, fair skin, about 5'5'', small frame, full lips, and a heart shaped face. _

Bella's eyes bugged out of her head. It was so weird; it was like he was describing her. Her stomach filled with butterflies and her anxiousness to meet him just multiplied by a hundred.

_Last week… right after I found out about my mom._

Bella scrunched her eyebrows together confused by the vague sentence, and then she remembered a question she'd asked him. A small "O" formed on Bella's lips. Edward was referring to the last time he cried, without drawing attention to himself. But like most women, she saw nothing wrong with a man who shed a tear when needed.

_Honestly, I can't think of what I would buy if money were no object. I'll have to think about it and let you know in another letter._

_Bella, I have so many plans for us when we finally meet, it is ridiculous. We are going to eat that dessert you love so much. We are going to go shooting. We are going to kiss, a lot. Talk for hours. You are going to do the _Thriller_ dance for me. Most importantly, we are going to go running together. I can't think of a more perfect partner to spend one of my favorite obsessions with. I have it all planned out._

Bella could hardly wait. She'd catch a different flight if she could right now.

_I'm sorry to cut this short, but I need to get going and I want you to have this before you leave. Have fun on your holiday. I'll see you very soon._

See you soon? Bella scrunched her eyebrows, what did that mean?

_Yours,_

_Edward_

**Author's Notes:**

The next chapter may not be up within a week. The kids are finally out of school and we are going camping at the beach for a few days. I will do my best, though.

Thank you to my friend who always pulls through on the beta job. You're the best Nellers.

You all need to check out a great story, SR recommended this a couple of updates ago so you may already know about it, but it is so good it requires a second recommendation. It's called, _A River Between_ by _WildRedPoppies_. She writes sexual tension better than anyone in the fandom. Leave her some reviews and let her know I sent you. Happy Reading.

Please leave me a review; it will help me write all about Edward and Bella's fun times together in Forks.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Thank you Lynelle for taking time out of your busy life to beta my chapters. You're great.

xxx

Edward finished replacing the cushions back on the couch, and then stacked his pillow, perfectly folded sheets, and blanket in a neat stack at the end of his makeshift bed. As he reached for his bag, he was startled by an unexpected voice.

"Edward, I really wish you would have taken Bella's room. I know she wouldn't mind."

Edward turned around and smiled at the woman whom looked like an older version of Bella. "No Ma'am, there is no way I am taking your daughter's room on her vacation."

Renee began to argue with him for the hundredth time over the sleeping arrangements when Edward stopped her. "The couch is perfectly fine. Trust me, your couch is more comfortable than anywhere else I sleep while I'm abroad."

"Well, Bella should be here in a couple of hours and I am sure she will help me convince you to take her room."

Edward unleashed his striking smile that could win him any argument. "We'll see."

Renee gave him a look of surrender. "I am making breakfast and you will not refuse that."

"I promise I will never say no to food. I will gladly be at your mercy when it comes to filling my stomach."

"Good," she said with an elated smile. "I love to cook and even more, I love cooking for people who love to eat."

"Well then, I think you will be a happy woman this week."

Renee tilted her head to the side eyeing Edward. "Not that I'm not thrilled to have you here, but where are your parents?"

Edward's hand went up to grab at the back of his neck, a habit he had when he felt anxious. "Ah, I've never known my father and my mother is currently in South America with her boyfriend."

"Awe, she must be heartbroken over missing you. Will she be back before you are deployed again?"

"Most likely no. On both accounts."

Renee's eyes widened and then filled with sorrow when she saw that Edward was telling the truth. "I'm sorry." She reached out and rubbed Edward's bicep.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "It is what it is, Ma'am."

"You stop calling me Ma'am, call me Renee."

"Okay," he said with his crooked grin. "Is it alright if I take a shower? Will I wake anyone?"

"You can have anything you want in this house including my daughter." Edward's eyes bugged and Renee gave a devilish grin. "I would love to have you for a son in-law. I don't know how you haven't been snatched up yet."

Renee's face became tender and she reached up and rubbed Edward's cheek. "All moms love their children, even if they don't know how to be a mother." Edward's face sobered and his eyes darted toward the ground. Before he realized what was happening, Renee's arms were wrapped around him. Edward stood unmoving for a moment. Then he awkwardly patted Renee's back and eventually returned her hug. Edward felt his chest tighten at this meager act of affection and embraced the motherly act of kindness.

"You looked like you could use a hug."

Edward's throat tightened and he nodded his head. His eyes darted back down to his toes curling in the carpet.

Sensing Edward's discomfort, Renee continued,"Of course you can take a shower. You won't wake anyone. Charlie left two hours ago to pick up Bella from the airport. I heard Rosalie up with Tessa, and Emmett sleeps like the dead when he's at home."

"Okay, thank you. I'll hurry and then I can come and help you with breakfast." He picked up his bag and headed for the bathroom.

"You are on vacation young man; you'll do no such thing. You will let me take care of you. I would never be able to live with myself if my guest slept on a couch _and _made his own meals. You're taking away my happiness by not letting me take care of you."

Edward smiled, thinking he could get used to this maternal attention. He then headed down the hallway for a shower.

Soon after, Edward was showered and dressed. He had spent a little more time getting ready this morning since today was the day he'd finally meet Bella. He had stuffed his stomach with some of the best blueberry Belgian waffles and bacon he'd ever had. Consequently, he wished he hadn't since his stomach was now in knots due to Bella's quickly approaching arrival. Against Renee's protest, he'd helped wash the dishes and was now enjoying and observing the dynamic of the McCarty clan.

Edward sat at the old wood table with his back toward the bay window, Emmett sat across from him, Rosalie at his side, and Renee sitting on a barstool at the island with Tessa in her arms. Edward felt like he was going to explode any moment with anticipation. He worried he was being rude because he had neglected the conversation at hand, but he just couldn't concentrate on anything. He almost threw up when he heard two car doors slam just outside the window at his back. His heart rate accelerated to a lethal speed and his palms began to sweat. Before he could even consider what was about to happen, he heard the front door slam open and a voice that was music to his ears.

"Where is she?" Yelled Bella's voice. Footsteps echoed on the stairwell as she yelled again, "Where's the baby? She's mine. She's mine every minute I'm here."

The entire room burst into laughter and Emmett called, "We're in the kitchen, Bells."

Edward's eyes had barely darted toward the kitchen door when she came barreling through it. She didn't see him, she didn't see any adults. She only saw Tessa. In two strides she was in front of Renee and taking the infant into her arms.

"Hi, Baby. I'm your Auntie Bella. You are so precious." Bella cooed at her niece talking in a high pitched voice. Edward couldn't control the smile spreading across his face as he watched Bella fall in love with her little niece. She was stunning, more stunning than any woman Edward had ever seen. Her affection for her family made her even more endearing. She would be an amazing mother. Edward's thoughts halted wondering why he'd made that observation.

Bella continued to smother her niece with love. "I love you so much. I'm going to be your favorite person… nobody else." Edward saw the corner of her mouth twitch and wondered if, she too, was thinking about his threat that he was Tessa's favorite.

Charlie wandered into the kitchen and plopped himself next to Edward. He nearly blocked Edward's view of the woman who currently held him completely captivated and he felt a twinge of anger toward this human barrier.

"You know the rest of us still exist, Honey," Renee whined. "Do we even get a hello or a hug?"

Bella looked up at her mom guiltily. "Sorry, Mom, I've just been dying to meet her and she is so cute." Shifting the baby in her arms, Bella leaned forward and embraced her mom. "Hi, Mom I missed you." She then kissed her on the cheek and went back to the bundle in her arms.

"What about the rest of us, are we chop liver?" Emmett whined.

"Geez, can't I have a minute with the baby?" She said with a grin, finally looking in the direction of the table. Her eyes scanned the group; she did a double take as she glanced back toward Edward and then held his gaze. Edward's face began to heat and his stomach started to turn. He wondered what was going through her head while she analyzed him. As their gazes continued to hold, Edward felt every face in the room turn in their direction looking back and forth between the two of them.

Edward forced his eyes away from Bella and looked at Rosalie's watchful eye. She gave him a wicked grin and then rose from her seat.

Rosalie wrapped her arms around Bella. "Hey, Girl! How was your flight?" Rosalie took Tessa from Bella's arms and for some reason, Bella didn't resist.

"Fine." Bella was listening to Rosalie, but her eyes kept darting back towards Edward's awaiting eyes.

Emmett stood from the table and took his sister in a giant bear hug. "Missed you, Baby Sister."

Bella made a face as if she were in pain. "Missed you, too. Let me go Em, I can't breathe."

Emmett dropped his arms from around Bella and Edward longed for his own arms to replace them. "Come here, Bella. I want to introduce you to a friend of mine," Emmett said, pulling her toward the table. "Bella, this is my friend, Captain Cullen." Bella's eyes doubled in size and her mouth dropped open. "He's going to spend Thanksgiving with us."

Edward's heart thrummed in his chest and he stood from his chair extending his hand toward hers. He couldn't believe that this moment was finally happening. "It's Edward." As soon as her hand was in his, an electrical current swept through his body and he could see that she felt it too. "Nice to meet you, Bella."

She didn't move. She didn't say a word. Her hand was stiff in his hand. Edward's heart came to a screeching halt. Was she angry that he showed up at her house? Was she disappointed with what she saw? Edward started to feel like he couldn't breathe.

Xxx

Bella couldn't wrap her head around what was happening at that moment. Her excitement was barely contained with the thoughts of meeting her niece. Factoring Edward into this weekend made her wonder if she was capable of feeling this much pleasure at once. She was pretty sure she was going to explode at any moment.

He was beautiful, more attractive than any human being should ever be. There was no way this specimen of a man is the one that had been writing her, flirting with her, and winning her heart. She was out of his league. She knew it would sound crazy if she said it out loud, but as soon as she saw him in the room, she knew it was him. She felt it in her gut. She couldn't quit looking at him. She was consumed by some kind of magnetic pull, tugging at every molecule in her body, drawing her towards _him_.

Now she had her hand wrapped in his. Edward's dazzling green eyes were entranced with hers. She couldn't find her voice; her mouth was as dry as the most arid dessert. She felt tears of joy starting to prick behind her eyes. The words from his last letter flashed through her mind, "I'll see you soon." He had planned this, planned to see her!

Edward broke their trance and began to scan the people surrounding them. A look of insecurity began to engulf his face. His hand dropped from hers and he shoved it deep into the pocket of his perfectly fitting jeans. She could feel all eyes in the room trained on her state of craziness.

_Get it together Bella, you are ruining this moment, _she chastised herself_._

Pulling in a deep breath, she broadened her shoulders, and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, I… I thought you were someone I knew… you caught me off guard. I didn't mean to be so… unwelcoming. It's a pleasure to meet you, Edward." His name on her tongue was the sweetest taste she could ever desire. She extended her hand again and he looked at her in hesitance. She winked and gave him her most sincere smile. Relief flooded his expression and the corner of his mouth rose into the most enchanting smile she'd ever seen. His hand wrapped back around her sweaty hand and her body pulsed with the electricity she felt the first time he'd touched her.

Renee's voice interrupted the awkward moment everyone was witnessing. "Bella, you're going to make him think our family is a bunch of crazies. He already knows Emmett for crying out loud."

The room erupted in laughter and Bella was snapped out of her Edward induced trance. Bella had to look away from his brilliant smile while there was a distraction. In an attempt to regain composure, she focused on her breaths becoming slow and measured. When she turned around, her eyes were immediately met by Rosalie's. Rosalie could stare down anyone until they gave her what was wanted. Her best friend could have been an interrogator. Bella's stomach knotted, knowing without a doubt that Rosalie knew about her and Edward and that the miracle worker behind this dream visitor in her home was her sneaky and wonderful sister-in-law. She wanted to run from and kiss Rosalie at the same time.

"Well ladies, we have some pies to make for tomorrow afternoon and I believe that you boys have some fishing to do," Renee said as she started pulling out her baking tools.

"You heard the lady, let's go boys. Emmett, grab Edward a jacket and rain slicker," Charlie said as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Edward's never been fishing, maybe he should stay here and bake some pies," Emmett ribbed.

"I'm sure Edward can figure it out. Y_ou_ can do it," Charlie said challenging his son playfully.

"Thank you, Sir," Edward said. Bella wanted to listen to that velvety voice every minute for the rest of her life.

Everyone began to scatter in different directions. "Mom, I'm going to put my stuff in my room and take a quick shower and then I'll be back. I'm in charge of apple right?"

"Of course, you make it the best."

Bella retrieved her bag from the entry way, took one last glance at Edward, and escaped to her bedroom. Collapsing on the edge of her bed she began breathing heavily as she began to fully grasp what was happening. Edward was here, in her house, with her, for days. She shoved her face into her pillow and let out a girlie scream. Her cheeks were starting to burn from smiling; they were going to be cramped up by the end of the weekend. She needed to shower to calm herself. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and cringed. She had made plans of what outfit she would wear the first time she met Edward and she was going to let Alice do her hair and makeup. Instead she had on no makeup, her hair was in a messy knot at the back of her head, and she was in tennis shoes, worn jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Well, she thought, it can only go up hill from here.

She retrieved her toiletry bag and a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. Without looking up, she swung her door open, and stepped across the hall toward the bathroom, slamming right into a warm, solid, body. Strong hands wrapped around her biceps and she looked up into Edward's smiling face. She smiled back and held his penetrating gaze.

Barely above a whisper, he asked, "Are you mad?"

"About what?" Her brain was in a hazy fog as she continued to be spellbound by his green orbs.

"That I'm here, without telling you."

"No!" She practically yelled.

"Shh," he laughed. She was fully aware that their bodies were still pressed against each other, his hands still holding onto her, and their faces only inches apart.

"Did you already know you were coming here when I talked to you last week?" She couldn't believe how easily they dove right into conversation as if they'd met a hundred times before.

He nodded. "Rosalie invited me. I have a feeling she's onto us."

"Me too. Do you think Emmett knows?"

"No, I think Rosalie is the only one."

"What exactly do you think Rosalie knows?" She quirked an eyebrow at him and his grin expanded.

"I don't know, she's your sister-in-law. What do you think?" Bella felt her face heat. Edward reached up and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "There it is, I've been anxious to see that blush."

Bella dropped her face down in embarrassment. Edward's fingers lifted her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. "You're beautiful."

Stunned silent, she just gawked at him and then shook herself from her daze. "No, I'm not. I didn't think I would see anyone and I—"

"No, you're beautiful. More than I had imagined and hoped for." Edward's words cut her off.

"So are you," she whispered.

Her stomach started doing summersaults as she realized his head was descending toward hers. Her tongue darted out unconsciously and wet her lips. His hand slid around her neck, his thumb caressing her cheek sending goose bumps over her entire body. She could feel the heat of his breath against her face and she thought she was going to pass out. She couldn't breathe.

"Relax," he whispered. Instinctively she obeyed his request and she closed her eyes. His lips were only millimeters from her own. Her heart was embarrassingly out of control. She knew he had to be fully aware of it.

"Edward, let's go!" Emmett's voice roared from the living room. They both jumped and Edward released her of all physical contact.

"I have to go," he said disappointed.

She had never hated her brother more than she did right then. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

"Bye." He continued to stand where he was a good ten seconds before he actually walked away.

Bella watched Edward's lithe body disappear down the hall and let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. She cursed Emmett under her breath and headed for a much needed shower.

Bella spent the rest of the afternoon with the other McCarty women. After her shower she went right to work on her apple pie. Focusing on something other than Edward was a good thing. The shower had definitely calmed the raging hormones that Edward had erupted within her, but it didn't ease the giddiness that was bubbling just below the surface. Renee went over the menu for the next day and who would be responsible for what food and what time they would need to start their assignment. Thanksgiving dinner was a work of art and Renee was Picasso. While Bella cored and sliced the apples, she told them all about school, Alice, her job, and her student teaching assignment. While she relayed the information to her family, she realized that due to the fact she had Edward to confide in, she really hadn't shared that much with her family about this semester. Guilt nudged its way in as she felt like she'd failed as a daughter and friend. They'd all been there for her through the Mike disaster and she had moved on without them once Edward was there for her.

"Well, Bella, I am glad you are finally over that retched Mike Newton. You look a hundred times better than when you were home over the summer."

Bella nodded with a smile on her face. "Yes, I am glad that is over and behind me." It registered in her mind that she was actually smiling about something that included Mike's name. Progress, she had definitely made leaps and bounds of progress and she knew exactly why that was possible. Her eyes darted to the clock wondering how long the boys would stay gone.

"Every time I see his mother in town, I want to lay into her about what a horrible son she has. How was I fooled by that little boy?"

"Well, he wasn't a little boy when he did that to me. And he had us all fooled."

"Not me," Rosalie jumped in. "I never liked the guy. I always thought he was slimy. I tried to warn you didn't I?"

"Yes, but Rose you don't like most people."

Rose smirked and shrugged her shoulders.

"So are there any new boys that have caught your eye at school?" Her mother prodded.

"Nope." She could answer that honestly. Edward was not from or at school.

"Really? You seem so nauseatingly happy lately, I assumed there had to be someone," Rosalie dubbed in. Damn that Rosalie and her really good instincts. Rosalie and Bella were locked in a stare down.

Renee went on, "You're only young once, honey. You need to get out there, play the field."

"I'm fine."

"Speaking of boys. Your brother's friend, Edward, he's quite a looker."

Rosalie and Bella both gasped and widened their eyes at Renee. "What? Just because I'm old enough to be his mother doesn't mean I don't notice a good looking boy when I see one, and he is so sweet."

Bella's cheeks flushed and she walked to the fridge and grabbed her pie crust.

"He is a really good guy," Rosalie acknowledged. "Emmett tells me his mom is almost nonexistent most of the time. He's basically alone."

"Poor guy. I kind of sensed that. Why doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"He had a fiancé when he first started in the military years ago, but she dumped him and married his cousin." Rosalie raised her eyebrows and nodded her head as if she had just shared the most amazing gossip ever. Bella didn't like it.

"NO!" Renee gasped. "Any girl would be crazy to break up with a man like that." Renee shook her head as she finished sprinkling the pecans on her pie.

"Emmett is always trying to get him to go out, but he's not interested at all." She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe he's gay?"

Bella's grip tightened on the rolling pin and she looked down and realized she had rolled out her pie crust as thin as a piece of wax paper. _Dammit! _She was so worked up over what Rosalie was saying about Edward she'd forgotten what she was doing. She grabbed all of the dough and began to knead it into a ball again.

"No, way!" Renee said unconvinced.

"You okay?" Rosalie asked, eying Bella's dough. Bella nodded and went back to her crust. Bella caught a glimpse of a smirk across Rosalie's face. "Anyways, I guess we will find out. Emmett is setting him up on a date with Lauren Mallory while we are here."

"What?" Bella practically screamed.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Renee asked closing the oven and setting the timer.

"Nothing, I just… I don't think… isn't Lauren dating someone?"

"No, they broke up." Rosalie answered nonchalantly. "I think they'd be good for each other. Lauren's smart, nice, she'd be great about writing him—"

"She's a slut!" Bella hissed before she realized what she was saying. Bella slapped her hand over her mouth and squinted her eyes shut.

Rosalie burst into hysterics and Renee gasped. With her hand over her chest, Renee asked, "How could you say that, Bella? Lauren's your friend."

"I know, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. I just don't think that she is the right kind of girl for Edward."

"How would you know, Bella? You don't even know him," Rosalie challenged.

Bella opened and closed her mouth several times. She couldn't come up with a valid reason why Edward shouldn't be set up with her friend, but she refused to sit back and watch Edward with anyone but her.

Rosalie proceeded, "Well, Angela, Ben, Emmett, and I are going out and I just think it's rude to make Edward be the fifth wheel."

Before she could give any consideration to her words, Bella said, "I'll go with you guys."

"I thought you were going to watch Tessa so Em and I could go out?"

"Uh…um…," Bella stammered. "Mom, you'll watch her right?"

Rosalie and Renee looked at each other totally confused. Bella had made it clear to the entire family that she was not doing anything but staying with Tessa the whole vacation. Now the first opportunity she had she wanted to go out with her brother, his wife, and a stranger.

"Sure, Bella."

Tessa's tiny cries could be heard through the house and Bella ran to get her. She loved her niece even more since she'd given her an escape.

By the time Bella made it back to the kitchen, the conversation had drifted to more important matters; all of the infamous going-on's in Forks, Washington. Bella trained her eyes on the baby in arms and rolled her eyes at the small town gossip.

Once Rosalie had finished her pumpkin pie, she took Tessa from Bella so she could feed her. Bella retrieved the rest of her dough and began cutting it into strips to make the lattice for the top of the pie.

Bella's thoughts were really only focused on one thing; Edward. The minutes seemed like hours as she anxiously awaited his return. After a nice lunch out, attempting to read a book while everyone else napped, and cleaning out some of the junk in her closet, Bella could not take the waiting anymore. She was literally going to go insane. She changed into running clothes and stuck her head in her mom's room.

"Mom, I'm going to go for a run. I'll be back by dinner."

"Okay, come sit with me a minute though." Bella hesitantly walked across the carpet and sat on the edge of her mom's bed.

Renee tucked a loose strand of Bella's hair behind her ear and eyed her daughter. "Are you happy, Honey?"

"Yes."

"Good. You know what you decide to do with your life is your decision and I would never interfere… as long as you're truly happy." Bella threw her arms around her mom's neck.

"Thank you, Mom, you've always been the best."

"I try," Renee replied giving a smug look. Both women laughed.

Bella twiddled her fingers and looked up at her mom with a questioning look. She'd been wanting to ask her mom and Rosalie about something, but didn't want to approach Rosalie with her _all knowing_ looks. "Mom, is it hard to be in love and with a man who is always overseas?"

Renee grasped her daughter's hand, stopping her from her nervous motions. "Of course nobody wants to be away from the person they love." She paused as she glanced at her wedding picture on the dresser. "But, Bella, every minute with your dad is worth the hundreds I have to be away from him. The circumstances weren't ideal when we married, but I knew that the time was short and one day his time would be done and we would never have to be apart again."

"If you could do it over, would you have married a man in the military?"

"Bella, you can't help who you fall in love with and I've loved your dad for as long as I can remember. I wouldn't trade him for anything."

Bella looked down at her hands. She knew her resolve to not be involved with a man actively enlisted in the military was wavering. Meeting Edward today had only reaffirmed the feelings that had kindled through her letters.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Is there something else you wanted to talk about?" Renee seemed truly curious.

"No." Thinking of a quick recovery she said, "I just see how hard it is for Rosalie to be alone so much and I wondered if it was that way for you too."

"Okay," Renee said as she hugged her daughter.

"I better get going if I am going to be back before dinner." Bella smiled at her mom and retreated from the room.

She stepped out onto the front porch and looked up as she heard the sound of her dad's truck rumbling down the street. She felt like jumping up and down and yelling, "He's back, He's back!" Instead she calmly walked down the steps toward the driveway and gave a small wave.

Xxx

It had been the longest day of Edward's life. Not that he didn't find pleasure in fishing, but sitting in unmoving silence is not his idea of a good distraction. All he could think about was how he'd almost kissed Bella. How good she smelled. How soft her skin was. How gorgeous she was. How good her body felt against his.

As the truck turned into the drive, Edward's eyes zeroed in on the beauty standing on the porch. He noticed she was wearing running shoes. His eyes slowly ascended toward her face noticing her tight fitted clothing revealing her perfect silhouette, and her silky hair tied up in a swinging ponytail. He didn't know why, but the fact that she was ready to run made her even more attractive.

The three men slid out of the truck and Emmett wrapped his arms around Bella.

"Stop, Emmett! You stink like fish," she cried. Of course, this only encouraged him to hug her tighter and bury her face in his shirt. Bella continued to squeal and Edward wanted to punch Emmett in the back for making her uncomfortable.

"Let your sister go, Emmett," Charlie mumbled, as he pulled the fishing poles from the bed of the truck.

Emmett let her go reluctantly. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a run." Her eyes darted toward Edward and he felt like doing the happy dance.

"No, you're not. It's almost dark."

"What? Am I twelve years old? I'm going." Bella squared her shoulders and clenched her jaw. Nobody was telling her what she could and could not do and Edward found her even more appealing.

"Bella," Charlie chimed in as he came to stand next to her. "Your brother's right. Once it's dark, who knows who or what's lurking in the woods. I'd rather you wait until morning."

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "This is ridiculous. I'm a grown woman. I don't care—"

"I'll go with her." Edward's voice interrupted the family argument. Everyone's heads snapped toward the visitor, Bella's jaw hanging open. "I mean, if that's okay with Bella."

He looked toward her and raised his brows; silently asking permission. She snapped her jaw shut and nodded her head. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll wait out here for you."

The men passed by Bella and before they were out of ear shot Emmett said, "Sorry about that, Edward. You don't have to go with her. I didn't bring you here to babysit my sister."

Edward looked over his shoulder at a fuming Bella. He eyed her slowly and blatantly and said, "It's alright, Emmett. I don't think it will be that bad. Besides, I could use the exercise."

When the men walked in the house, Charlie and Emmett headed to the kitchen to find their wives and Edward went straight to his bag and headed for the restroom. As he changed his clothes he congratulated himself for creating an opportunity to be alone with Bella. He wasn't just going to be alone with Bella, he was running with Bella. Something he had been anticipating for months. He couldn't help the evil smirk as the thought crossed his mind that maybe Bella would find she'd rather run with him than the loser she'd been running with. As Edward made his way down the stairs he debated if it was rude to escape out the door rather than say hello to Renee and Rosalie. Once he heard the laughter coming from the kitchen he decided they would never notice he was gone.

Once Edward was out in the crisp, wooded air, he took notice of Bella standing alongside the truck with her heel pulled up to her backside stretching her quads. She peered over her shoulder at him and smiled. He felt his blood pulsing through his body. He made his descent toward her and began mimicking her stretches.

"Thanks for going with me. My dad and brother can be a little protective."

"Don't be too hard on them. I can kind of see why they would behave the way they do. I feel a little of that protectiveness toward you and it's not because I think you're incapable. It's just part of my natural instinct to want to protect you." There was a pause and then he went on, "I've been waiting a long time for this, Bella."

"You've been waiting a long time for what?" She asked in innocence looking up through her thick eyelashes.

"To run with you. To meet you. To be alone with you. For… you."

Bella's eyes grew wide and her face flushed. She grabbed his hand and pulled him around to the back of the truck. He followed willingly. As soon as they were at the end of the long driveway she threw her arms around him. His reaction was rapid; she was immediately engulfed in his muscular arms.

Bella's muffled voice came from his sweatshirt. "I've wanted to hug you since I saw you and I couldn't wait any longer."

Edward pulled her tighter against his body and stroked the back of her hair. "I feel like this isn't real. I've been waiting to meet you for so long and now that it's happening, I feel like it can't really be happening."

Bella nodded her head against his chest. "Exactly."

He held her for a moment longer and then she looked up at him. Her big brown eyes bore into his and he desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. Using both of his hands, he pushed the stray hairs away from her face. Suddenly, it became clear to him what her eyes were saying. She wanted him to kiss her. He wanted to, badly, but not like this. Not standing behind a truck hiding from her family.

"Come on let's go. We probably shouldn't be gone too long." He grabbed her tiny hand in his and pulled her toward the road. "Lead the way."

Bella took off at a decent speed and Edward kept pace alongside her. "Okay, I'm sorry if I slow you down."

"You won't slow me down. Can you give me a warning if you're going to fall though? I want to get a picture of it with my phone."

Bella swatted at his arm. "I should have never told you about my clumsiness. Besides, I have come a long ways since I started running. I never fall. You can ask Jake."

Edward's smile sobered and he tried to smile again before Bella noticed. Edward did not want to be a jealous guy, but he didn't like the idea of this Jake character spending so much time with Bella… _his_ Bella. Bella seemed to catch Edward's change in demeanor and studied him.

Edward tried to change the subject. "So, where are we headed?"

"I've got a three mile loop I usually take."

"It's so weird to run in a wooded area. With no street lights it almost feels like solitude."

"It's great, huh."

"The company is." Bella blushed again and he wanted to reach out and touch her face. He resisted.

"Did you have fun fishing today?"

"It was… quiet."

Bella's sweet laughter filled his ears and Edward had to glance at her. "Yes, fishing is quiet and boring."

"Yes, it was boring, but I could see where it might be a good chance to get out and just think. I just didn't have the patience for it today."

Her face darted toward the sky as rain started to drop. "Can you handle running in the rain, California Boy?"

"Of course I can."

"Why didn't you have the patience for fishing today?"

"You know why." He looked at her over his shoulder. She looked at him and shook her head, as if she had no clue.

He knew he should wait for the perfect moment, but he couldn't resist any longer. Kissing her was going to happen, and it was going to happen now. He grabbed her hand and pulled her off of the road.

"Where are we going?"

He didn't answer her. About twenty feet off of the road was an old wooden fence lined with trees. The sun was nearly gone and there was just a tinge of light. He stopped at the fence and positioned her back against one of the wooden posts. In a protective pose, he braced both hands against the warped wood trapping her between his arms. Water dripped down her face even though the canopy of trees above them blocked most of the rain from reaching them. Edward angled his face so he was looking down directly into her eyes.

"I couldn't stand it on that boat today because all I could think about was you. Because that fishing trip pulled me away from kissing you. Because there is nowhere on this earth I'd rather be than be with you." Edward took another step toward her and their bodies were a whisper against each other. His tongue darted out and swept away the rain that lingered on his upper lip. "It took everything out of me not to stand up in that boat and tell your father and brother to turn around and take me back to you. To tell them that I have been writing you for months, that you'd changed my life, and that I was falling for you."

Bella's throat constricted and released as she took a large swallow. Her gorgeous eyes blinked rapidly, never stopping her penetrating stare into his soul, but she didn't vocally respond.

"Are you scared?"

She shook her head.

"Bella, you had to know." His fingertips barely grazed her cheeks as they slowly made their way down to her neck. Their eyes locked on each other. Edward's thumb reached up and brushed away a raindrop that lingered on her lower lip. "You had to know that my feelings for you grew deeper with every letter and every phone call." His gaze intensified, his heart thrumming in his chest. Panic started to take over as he wondered if he'd gone too far. Was she not feeling the same way he felt? Every second of her silence was ripping away at his heart. He leaned forward resting his forehead against hers. "Say something," he begged.

"I'm falling in love with you too," she whispered.

The words were barely out of her mouth before his lips were on hers. She pulled at him in every way. Her soul belonged with his. His body craved her and could never be satisfied. He needed her emotionally; she could fill any crack in his heart. He needed and wanted to protect her. His need for her was evident in his aggressive and powerful kisses. Her lips were like the softest satin against his. She tasted like the sweetest nectar God created. She met the movements of his lips stroke for stroke. Their kiss was like a perfectly choreographed dance. He groaned when he felt her arms wrap tightly around him, fisting his t-shirt in her hands and raise up on her toes. He held onto her neck gently turning her head and neck in different directions as he changed the angles of their kiss. His lips travelled to her neck kissing and licking at the rain drop covered flesh. A soft whimper escaped her lips and he smiled against her earlobe as he sucked it into his mouth. When he felt her shiver in his arms, he pulled away.

Bella blinked several times as she stared into Edward's eyes. "You just gave me my fantasy kiss."

Edward gave her a glowing smile. "Bella, that was only the beginning."

**Author's Notes:**

They finally met. What did you think? Let me know if I did them justice.

I am totally going to age myself right now, but since I consider all of my reader's friends, I have to share some of my excitement with you. Friday night, I went to the NKOTBSB (New Kids on The Block/Backstreet Boys) Concert and it was amazing. I have loved New Kids for twenty years. It made me feel like a giddy teenager again. Which of these bands did you love and what was your favorite song?


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

Bella was sure any form of celestial glory would pale in comparison to being in Edward's arms. His lean form pressed against Bella's body; the feel of his muscular arms engulfing her body against his; his silky, plump, strong, lips working with her own; the sensual sounds escaping his lips; all supported the fact that Captain Edward Cullen was a work of art that only God was capable of creating. Bella was in heaven and she had no intention of ever leaving.

When Edward halted the magic, he was working on her neck and ear. It took all she had not to throw herself down on the ground and beg for more. Only inches away, Edward's green eyes remained glued to his partner's and she smiled.

"You just gave me my fantasy kiss," Bella sighed.

"Bella, that was only the beginning." With a heart flip flopping in her chest; Bella gave Edward a beaming smile that overtook her countenance.

Tiny feminine fingers wrapped around a thick bare neck and Edward's lips were pulled back against her own. Edward kissed her like she'd only ever dreamed. He was very much in control as he brought her body to a new awakening, but maneuvered her with a tenderness that made her full heart swell. Once their breaths had been exhausted, he pulled away.

"Everyone's going to be wondering where we are," Edward panted. Bella nodded in return. Her euphoria caused her to go completely mute. "We should probably go." Bella nodded, again. "Could we consider this our workout for the day?" Again, with the nod. "Are you able to speak?"

A small laugh escaped Bella's lips. "I just need to breathe a minute, and wrap my thoughts around the last twenty minutes." Edward smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"We really need to head back or you are going to have some explaining to do." His emerald eye disappeared in a flash as he winked at her.

"No!"

Edward's brows rose with a questioning look. "So… I'm just your dirty little secret?"

"No, not at all. It's just that… I don't know how Emmett… or my father will react. I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving for anyone… including you. I don't want it to be ruined for… us. Does that make any sense?"

"What you're saying is you're worried about your temperamental brother freaking out, kicking my ass, and locking you in a closet; or, your father pulling out his loaded gun and using it on a man that has been secretly seeing his daughter and his now sleeping in his house."

"Basically." Bella giggled and grabbed onto the front of Edward's t-shirt. "Is that what we're doing? We're seeing each other?" Her brows rose in question and her heart beat in anticipation.

Before he answered, Edward pulled her closer and rested his hands on the small of her back. "Yes, I don't usually kiss random girls the way I just kissed you. Bella, I don't want to be your secret… anything, and I don't like to play games."

Bella began to panic. She did not want Edward to think she was the kind of girl that hooked up with random guys and she definitely didn't want to seem like a tease. "No, neither do I. I'll tell them as soon as the weekend is over. I just want to enjoy our short time together."

Edward kissed her quickly, laced his fingers with hers, and pulled her back toward the road. "Just promise me that won't be our last kiss."

"No way! Not even if you wanted it to be."

Edward and Bella spent the rest of the evening stealing glances, touches, winks, smiles, and looks of desire. When Edward had placed his hand on Bella's thigh during dinner, it required all of her will power not to lean in and kiss him. When Edward handed Bella the dinner dishes, she was washing, their fingers caressed against each other a little longer than required. During the scrabble match Edward would reward Bella's high scoring words with a dazzling smile, and her insides would melt. Their hidden feelings made the night drag by impossibly slow, but also made it one of the most anticipatory nights either had experienced in a long time. Bella's giddiness made her feel like a teenager again.

By eleven o'clock everyone had begun retreating to bed. Charlie was the last to make his exit from the living room. He checked all of the doors to make sure they were locked, turned off the kitchen lights, and closed the blinds on the sliding glass door. "Bella, you should get to bed. Poor Edward here can't go to bed until everyone's off the couch."

Bella felt Edward stiffen next to her. "Actually, Sir I'm still kind of wound up from the game. I was going to watch a movie. You and Bella are more than welcome to watch it with me."

Bella chanted in her head, "Go to bed! Go to bed! Go to bed!"

"Thanks for the offer, but this old man's got to get some shut eye." Charlie stood waiting for Bella.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not tired yet. I think I'll watch a movie, if he's watching anything good."

"Oh, to be young again." Charlie stretched and headed toward the stairs. "Good-night, kids."

"Good night," Edward and Bella said in unison.

Bella stood from the couch and opened the DVD cabinet and started scanning the selection.

"Hey, I thought I was picking the movie," Edward said walking over toward his bag. Bella's eyes followed his every move. She admired his awesome backside as he bent over to retrieve something from his bag. "Here," Edward said as he tossed Bella a DVD case.

Bella caught it and flipped it over to see what it was and laughter erupted from her mouth. She immediately slammed her hand over her lips, to quiet herself.

"Sshh," Edward hissed. "What's so funny?" Edward asked with a stone faced expression.

"_Thriller_! Really?"

"What? I want to see the famous Bella McCarty moves while she does the _Thriller_ dance." Edward settled himself against the couch, slung his ankle over his knee, and threw both arms over the back. He looked completely ready to be entertained.

Bella was shaking her head. "You're crazy. I'm not dancing for you."

A mischievous look filled Edward's eyes. "Never?"

Bella caught Edward's double meaning and felt heat course from the tip of her toes to the top of her head; the inevitable blush covering her face and neck. He had an amazing gift of stunning her into silence. While she was skilled at blatant flirting in a letter, she was incapable of doing so in person.

Edward made his way toward Bella and caressed her face. "Red looks good on you." He leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "I don't think it really matters what movie you put on." Bella widened her eyes in shock. "Get your mind out of the gutter," he teased. Her cheeks turned into a burnt red because she knew he was right. For some reason his little innuendos sent her mind where it shouldn't be. "I thought we would be able to talk."

Bella put in a flick and before the title even appeared, they were engrossed in their own conversation.

Edward's head rested lazily against the back of the couch. "You never told me in your letters you were psychotically competitive."

"I am not," Bella answered indignantly. She sat on her knees facing Edward.

"You challenged almost every word that was played— including Emmett's four letter words, and I think you were going to cry when they wouldn't allow you to use earstone."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she nearly yelled, "Well, I don't know why they didn't believe me that it is one word!"

Edward began to laugh as her anger started to flare again. "Look at you." He reached over and grabbed her hand. "Come here." He tugged on her hand.

"No," she said pulling her hand from his and fighting a smile. Her family was well aware of her tendency to have to win every game they played, but she was sure to an outsider she looked ridiculous. There was one thing Bella knew really well and that was words. Of course she would have to win a game that was based on words. Anyone would have to understand that. It seemed reasonable to her.

"I didn't expect to see that kind of intensity at Scrabble. Sometimes I worried that you were going to flip the game board over." He was not improving her mood. "I like that you're competitive." Bella softened inside a little. She loved that he complimented her so freely. She wished she had the ability to do so in return. "You should see me when I play sports. I can get quite… passionate." She still refused to answer him. Edward sat up straighter and then leaned toward Bella, putting his lips right next to her ear. "I'm going to tell you a secret about how deeply competitive I can get." Bella's breath hitched just feeling the air leave his mouth and caress her neck. "Remember when you told me about Jake in your letters." Bella nodded, incapable of speaking while Edward's face continued to linger so closely. "I went nuts inside. I didn't want anyone running with you, but me. I definitely didn't want him anywhere near your bedroom. I felt like I had some kind of entitlement over you and I did not like the idea of sharing. I had to go running after I read your letter because I thought I might explode. Then I gave you some bull crap excuse about why you shouldn't run with anyone else." Bella couldn't help the elation she felt at his confession and it showed on her face. She had wondered if this was the case when she read his suggestion in his letter, but brushed it off as wishful thinking.

"Technically that would be jealousy and not competitiveness," she smirked.

"No." Edward pulled back and appraised Bella's form. "No, Bella, you are definitely a prize to be won."

Bella's jaw hung open completely unaware of how to respond. A million options ran through her mind and she didn't know which to follow. When she looked at him, he continued to ogle her seductively and then his expression changed. Bella couldn't read what had changed and it unnerved her. The only sounds filtering the room were the low volume of the TV, the hum of the refrigerator, the splashes of raindrops on the windows, and the creaks of an old house. Without warning Edward reached out and wrapped his hands around her waist. He pulled her body until she was sitting on his lap, the side of her body pressed against his chest. Bella immediately snuggled her head under his chin. The electric current that always occurred during contact was still there, but there was something more she couldn't identify.

Edward kissed the top of Bella's head and spoke into her hair. "Bella… Bella you scare the hell out of me." A long breath escaped his throat.

Bella knew why he was afraid. Trusting another human being after being crushed the way they both had makes jumping in again scarier than jumping off a cliff with an invisible end. Feelings' growing leaps and bounds, and quicker than your mind can wrap around is terrifying. Her fingers dragged up and down Edward's cotton covered chest. "You scare me," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Edward, I've told myself my entire life I would never get involved with a man in the military." She immediately felt him go taut beneath her. She lifted her head, looked him straight in the eye, and bracketed his face with her hands. "Not for the same reasons as _her_." She waited until she felt him relax beneath her; she dropped her hands into her lap and went on, "Edward, when I love someone… I love them with my whole heart. Growing up with a dad that was always overseas and then a brother who followed, was really hard on me. I never knew when or if they were going to come back. I couldn't watch the news during war because I was sure they were going to show my brother or dad as the next victim of war. Or, worse than dead, they would be captured by an enemy and tortured, starved, beaten, and then killed. I hated it. Every prayer, every birthday wish, every letter to Santa, all were asking for my dad and brother to come home safe and never leave again. Once my dad retired, I felt like the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and I could enjoy life again. Heaviness still weighs on me now when I think of Emmett and it will until his time is done.

"I never wanted to fall in love with someone that was going to leave me. Someone that would cause me so much worry I would make myself sick. Someone who's unknown return would leave me in agony. Someone I had to worry would fall in love with someone else while they were away. Someone that would always be more passionate and more committed to their job than they were to me." Bella felt the tears falling from her eyes and the lump bubbling up her throat. "I know…" her voice cracked and the sobbing began. "I know that I am the most selfish person on the earth to be saying these things and that you must be disgusted with me, but it's how I feel."

The pads of Edward's thumb gently wiped away the tears falling from her eyes. "No, I don't. Nobody wants to set themselves up for heartbreak and loneliness. What you're feeling is valid. Of course I hope you'll change your mind, but I'm not going to try and persuade or convince you. This is a decision only you can make." Silence dragged out. Edward rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and let out a groan. "Please make your decision soon though. I couldn't handle it if this went much further and you decided to end this," he said, with his hand motioning between the two of them.

Bella looked into Edward's eyes. "I hate my self-preservation defense mechanism. It is constantly creeping into my mind reminding me what it was like with my dad, what it was like with Mike when he broke my heart, and what it feels like when you are so far away— I know that now that we've met it will only be worse. But… but my heart… my heart says I need to grab on to you and never let go."

"I'm going to say that I think it's always better to go with your heart." A small giggle mingled with Bella's quaking cry escaped. "The only guarantees I can give you for all your concerns are one; I would never cheat on you. It's not who I am. I could never live with myself if I did that to someone I cared about."

Relief flooded Bella's system. Deep down she already knew that about him but it was still reassuring to hear.

"Two; I would never be more passionate about anything than I would be about a woman I give myself to. When you are a part of something as big as the Marines, you carry the weight of an entire country on your shoulders. Every soul is counting on you to protect them. That is not something that should be taken lightly. I am committed to my responsibilities to my country and the people that live within it. Just as I am one hundred percent devoted to a person I give my heart to."

Bella started to cry even harder. "Why are you so good and I'm so selfish?"

"I have no idea where this is headed, Bella. I can't tell you if it will last a month, a year, or forever, but I can tell you that if I had a reason to settle, I would not reenlist."

Bella's eyes darted from her lap toward the man holding her in his arms. "I thought you said…"

"Bella, I'm not getting any younger. I'm ready for the next phase in my life. I'm done with dating and game playing. I'm ready to find a wife, have a family, and I am lucky enough to have an education that will allow me to have a nine-to-five job so that I can have a normal family life. I know what I said, and if I am as alone at that time as I was before you, I would reenlist. But, things change."

"I don't know what to do."

Edward took hold of Bella's face and forced her to look at him instead of her lap. "We've gotten ahead of ourselves. We don't need to make any of these decisions now. I know what direction I want to head in. I want to give us a try. But for now, I hope that we can still write the way that we have been, and when we are together, we can be like we are right now. That's all I would expect from you… for now."

Bella sucked in a breath to answer, but he covered her lips with a sweet kiss.

"Just think about it. Let me know before I go back to Pendleton."

Bella nodded her head at him. "Thank you."

Out of nowhere the _Thriller_ DVD reappeared. "Will you do this for me now?"

Bella shook her head and started laughing. She appreciated him changing the subject and trying to lighten the mood.

He tossed the DVD on his bag and sighed, "Well it was worth a try, right?"

"You look tired."

Edward reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes and escaped into the feelings he created within her. "It's been a long and exciting day."

"The best day."

Pulling her neck gently towards his, Edward enraptured her in a heated kiss. Her arms instantly wound around his neck and she changed the angle of their kiss. Edward's arms wrapped tightly around her waist and he pulled her body so tight against his it almost took her breath away. A moan escaped his mouth as she made her way down his neck. As she retraced her path back to his jaw she took a detour to his ear and captured it between her teeth, earning a growl from Edward as his fingers dug into her hips.

_Click._

In half a second she was off of Edward's lap and pushing her hair back from her face. Edward sat motionless and completely confused.

Leaning closer toward him she said, "I think I heard a door open."

Edward's eyes darted toward the darkened hallway and he leaned a little further away from Bella.

"I'm going to call it a night." Bella stood from the couch.

"Okay." Disappointment was written all over his face.

As Bella started to walk away she looked over her shoulder and smiled. "I'm glad we had this talk."

"Me too."

Xxx

After Bella had brushed her teeth and washed her face, she crept across the hall into her bedroom trying not to wake anyone up. Once inside her door she reached into her bag and grabbed her pajamas.

"You're not going to get naked are you?" Rosalie's whispered voice asked.

Bella let out a gasp as she jumped against the door, ready to run for it. Slowly, as logic returned she turned from the door. "Geez, Rosalie, you scared me to death."

"Sorry." Bella took in Rosalie's relaxed expression and knew that she wasn't sorry. "You're up late. What have you been doing?"

With an exaggerated eye roll, Bella walked toward the bed and dropped herself down next to her sister-in-law. "Just spit it out already."

"I want the truth."

Not wanting to succumb to Rosalie's powers so quickly, Bella tried to drag it out. "Fine, your hips are a little wider since you had the baby."

An audible gasp came from Rosalie and she glared at Bella. "You take that back."

"Fine."

Silence lingered in the room.

Rosalie's weakened voice asked, "Are they really?"

"No!" Bella said in exasperation. "I just know exactly what to say to get under your skin."

"Why are you leaving me out of your life?" Guilt flooded Bella. Rosalie sounded truly hurt by Bella's omission of her growing relationship with Edward.

"I'm not leaving you out."

"Does your new friend Alice know?"

"Yes, because she's not married to my brother."

"So, my promotion from best friend to sister was actually a demotion?"

"When did you get so sensitive?"

"When I had a baby. Apparently along with my hips, my hormones have gotten out of control."

Bella reached over and grabbed onto Rosalie's hand. "How long have you known?"

"I knew during the summer when you made such a dramatic change for the better, that a man had to be behind it." Bella resented that Rosalie was insinuating a man was the only way to fix your problems, but she kept quiet to hear what she said. "You were being so hush-hush about it; I had to do a little snooping. I saw you were receiving mail and then I remembered that conversation you and Emmett had. I never would have thought you would have written to a stranger."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"I figured it was him, but I couldn't remember who Emmett was talking about. I blame it on the pregnancy. Then you told me his name on the phone."

Bella remembered how Rosalie had caught her off guard and she just spit out Edward's name. "You practiced trickery."

"Well you weren't telling me. I gave you so many opportunities."

"It wasn't that I didn't want to tell you, I just didn't want Emmett to know."

Rosalie sat up on the bed and looked down at Bella. "Just because I married him doesn't mean he has to know everything." Bella raised her brows at Rosalie, in a yeah right expression. Rosalie huffed. "My husband deserves to know _everything_ about _me_. He doesn't have to know everything about everyone I know."

Bella contemplated what Rosalie was saying. "So you would keep a secret about me if it didn't involve you?"

"Of course, does Emmett know why Edward's here?" Bella realized if Rosalie was going to say something to Emmett she probably already would have. Bella felt like a jerk. She should have known she could trust Rosalie with anything. "See, I've kept my suspicions to myself. Bella, if your life was in danger, yes, I would tell Emmett. If you found out you had a fatal disease, yes, I would tell him. If you had a stalker, yes, I would tell him. But, I will not tell him about your love life."

"I'm sorry." Bella smiled at Rosalie and Rosalie gave a nonchalant shrug back. "How did you get him here anyway?"

Rosalie gave her a look that said it was the simplest puzzle she'd ever solved. "I was thrilled when Emmett said Edward was coming over for a visit after Tessa was born. I knew it was my chance to confirm my suspicions. Edward made it way too easy. I caught him staring at a family picture that you were in. He was so entranced. I knew it wasn't the photo quality or Emmett that had him so captivated. That was the proof I needed. I had already suggested to Emmett that we invite Edward because of his crappy family situation. Once I was sure, I made Emmett invite him that night."

"You are such a conspirator."

"Oh please, you should have seen his reaction when we invited him and yours when you saw him. That is not the work of a conspirator that is the work of a genius."

"Or, the work of my hero." Bella sat up and hugged Rosalie. "Will you keep it between us until the weekend is over?"

"Why?" Rosalie looked utterly confused.

"I don't know what dad and Em's reactions are going to be and I don't want to risk ruining the weekend. I promise I will come clean after the weekend."

Rosalie took a long deep breath and raised one eyebrow. "Fine, I guess sometimes your brother and father can be a little protective of you."

"A little?"

"Fine, they are controlling and neurotic." Rosalie lay back down on the pillow. "Don't worry I'll keep your little secret."

Bella sighed and snuggled next to her friend. "You're the best."

"I know. You aren't getting off that easy though. I want to know all about it."

Bella was more than willing to accommodate Rosalie's request. She could never tire of talking about Edward. She pulled Edward's letters out of her bag and told her everything. Rosalie was engrossed in scanning the letters as Bella went on and on about her first letter, his advice, his phone calls, her feelings, their kiss, and their couch time that night.

Holding up some of the letters she'd read, Rosalie said, "This is like a fairytale, Bella."

"I know… well…. up until tonight when I ruined it."

Tearing her eyes away from the letters, Rosalie asked, "What are you talking about?"

Bella told Rosalie everything she had told Edward. Her tears came back as she was flooded with all of the emotions she felt and fear that she'd ruined the most perfect thing in her life.

Rosalie hugged Bella and Bella sobbed even harder as she clung to her best friend.

"It's not that bad, Bella."

"Yes it is, he probably thinks I am the most self-centered—"

"Not that." Bella pulled out of Rosalie's embrace and looked at her confused. "I mean being in love with someone in the military."

Bella swiped at her tears and looked to Rosalie the same way a child looks at a teacher. "Tell me, Rosalie. How do you do it?"

She shrugged. "I love him." Bella was baffled and was sure it showed on her face. "Bella, every relationship in the world has problems. There is no such thing as a perfect man or relationship. There are far worse things you could deal with; an adulterer, a gambler, a man who won't work, an abuser, a professional athlete, an alcoholic, a drug addict. Should I go on?"

Bella shook her head. "I've been selfish to think that way."

"Bella, just because I think that it is worth the risk, doesn't mean it isn't hard. It is hard for all of the reasons you said… but Emmett's worth it. My happiness is worth it. Tessa was worth it. Their time gone is short if you look at the big picture. They won't do this forever. If you can find a man that you love with your whole heart and he loves you equally, don't pass up the opportunity. The time will pass quickly when he's away. You find ways to distract yourself."

"That's the thing," Bella interrupted. "It doesn't pass quickly. I feel like we've been writing forever and we are just meeting. I don't think I can get enough of him before he's going to leave again."

Rosalie smiled. "You're relationship is new. That part will ease with time. Edward is right. You don't need to think about forever yet. You guys have just begun. Would you rather worry and be scared sometimes, but have him, or worry about him and be without him?" Bella looked confused. "You already care deeply for him. That's obvious. Just because you decide not to progress into a full on relationship doesn't mean you won't still care and worry about him."

Bella knew what Rosalie said was true. Her heart was already invested. Even if they didn't label what they had, it didn't mean all that she felt was going to disappear.

Tessa's cries sounded through the walls and Rosalie leapt to her feet. She loved Bella and would always be there for her, but there would always be two people that came first and one of them was calling for her.

Rosalie grabbed onto the door knob and turned. "Go with your gut, Bella." She bit her lip and let out a breath. "He's a good guy. You both deserve to be happy."

Bella jumped from the bed and hugged Rosalie. "Thank you, I'm so lucky to have you as a best friend."

"I know you are." She winked at Bella and walked out of the room.

Before Bella could even turn around, Rosalie's head popped back in the room. "Your problems aren't over, Sweetie. I wasn't kidding earlier when I said Emmett wants to set Edward up with Lauren. He already invited her. Be prepared, unless you want to fess up."

Rosalie left and Bella felt like she was going to throw up.

Xxx

Edward kicked off the blanket again. He'd been in a battle with the blanket for the last hour, on, off, on, off. He shoved himself up into a sitting position and buried his head in his hands.

Sleep would not find Edward. How could he possibly sleep with all that had happened today? He finally met Bella and knew he loved her instantly. He'd kissed her, and oh man, it had been the best feeling on the earth. He never wanted to stop. They'd talked, really talked, and it was good. Her concern over their relationship terrified him. He wasn't ready to lose her.

He'd lost Tanya because of his career choice and it had devastated him. He wasn't prepared for what it would do to him if Bella did the same. For the first time he began to resent his choice to join the military.

_Why was this happening again? _He questioned.

He threw himself back down on the couch again and drummed his fingers against his bare chest. The sound of a door opening and closing made him freeze. He couldn't control the anticipation that zipped through him hoping Bella was coming back. He lay, holding his breath, but she never came. He knew it was wishful thinking. He flung his arm over his forehead and groaned in frustration. He began assembling a gun in his mind, hoping that would distract him from other thoughts and put him to sleep. By the time he had started assembling his third gun, he was asleep.

"Edward." He wanted to smile as he heard the sound of the most enchanting voice calling him. His arm was on fire as the gentlest caresses worked their way up and down his arm. This was the best dream ever. Bella was there calling him and touching him.

"Edward." The haze was clearing and Edward realized it wasn't a dream. His senses were flooded with the sound of her voice, the feel of her skin, the scent that was uniquely Bella. Bella was next to him.

His eyes blinked open and he could see her kneeled down next to him.

"Hey," she whispered. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

Edward rose up on one elbow and faced her. "It's okay. Is something wrong?" His voice was husky and he tried to clear it.

"No, nothing's wrong. I just couldn't sleep and I knew I wouldn't until I told you something."

"What?" Edward dragged his fingers across her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear, concern written all over his face. His stomach turned a little wondering if this was something he wanted to know or not.

"You're worth it."

Edward had no idea what she was talking about. Had he not been asleep just seconds ago he might have been able to follow her train of thought, but everything was foggy right now.

Her smile widened. "I'm sorry. You're still asleep. We'll talk tomorrow." She leaned over and kissed his forehead and stood to walk away.

Edward wasn't ready for her to leave and he wanted to know what she meant. He leapt up from the couch and grabbed her shoulders spinning her toward him. "Come here. Don't leave."

When her hands rested on the bare skin of his chest his mind took a completely different direction than it should have. Shaking himself from his distracted thought, he looked back at Bella. "What did you mean, 'I'm worth it?'"

"What we were talking about earlier… my worries… about you and… us."

Edward gave her a nod as their previous conversation ran through his mind; the conversation that had kept him from sleep.

Bella chewed on her lip and wrung her fingers. He didn't like how nervous she looked; butterflies began to fill his stomach.

"I just had a long talk with Rosalie, who officially knows about us by the way." Edward gave a half smile— this was nothing he hadn't already suspected. "I asked her what it was like being with someone who was enlisted and she explained so much to me." She looked up holding his gaze. "She told me to follow my gut."

Edward tried to wait patiently. "And?"

"I think you're worth it. I want to be with you while I can have you with me, and then I will wait patiently when I can't."

Edward's insides were dancing, but he wouldn't let himself get too excited yet. He tilted Bella's chin so they were locked in a stare. "You're sure? I don't want you changing your mind in a couple of weeks because you felt pressured by me or Rosalie to do something you don't want to do. If you've felt this way your entire life, I don't expect you to change your mind in a couple of hours."

"When I made that decision it was a long time ago. It was before you. I want you, and the idea of not having you is far worse than any worries I could have while you're away."

Edward's heart felt like it would pound right out of his chest. He grabbed onto Bella and held her against him. She hugged him back and then he felt her lips brush over his chest and he got weak in the knees. He pulled her face up and kissed her hoping with that one action she would be able to comprehend all that he was feeling. He made the decision while his lips danced with hers; he was going to jump into this thing with both feet.

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry about the delayed chapter. I did warn you all they would slow down a little once the kiddies were out of school. I am done with the next chapter so it shouldn't be that long.

I want you all to know that I have the best beta ever. I received a package from her in the mail last week and it was a U.S. Marines t-shirt. The only thing that could have made that day better was if Edward had been wearing it inside that package.

It's my birthday this week. I'm thinking as presents you should all leave me a review, please.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

Thanksgiving with Bella's family felt like being in a movie on the Hallmark channel. The holiday with the McCarty's was delicious, traditional, and heartwarming. They partook in all of the traditional Thanksgiving staples; ate off of china that had been passed down through generations, Renee gave a word of prayer before the meal, Charlie carved the turkey, and the delicatessen meal was topped off with a smorgasbord of mouth-watering pies. The McCarty's had a family tradition that Edward found brilliant and planned to incorporate to his own family one day. They solved the one problem he always had with Thanksgiving. Eating dinner around three or four and by eight or nine you're starving again, but nobody wants to cook that late. At nine o'clock they set the table again and everyone makes turkey and cranberry sandwiches, followed by another round of pie. Brilliant! He could eat Thanksgiving dinner with that family every year for the rest of his life.

The next morning Edward was able to take part in another one of their customs; cutting down the Christmas tree the day after the feast. Edward was roped into some manual labor, when Charlie suggested that the extra young buck take over his responsibility this year and let the old guy watch. Hence, Edward found himself sawing the tree with Emmett. Edward didn't complain. He was grateful for the exercise after the previous day's gorge fest. Following the woodland adventure, they spent the afternoon putting up decorations and trimming the tree, while listening to Bing Crosby. Several times over the course of the last three days Edward had to ask himself if it was all real. He was enamored with Bella and her family and relished in the traditional family experience he was able to share with her. He added this holiday to a list of many things he was grateful to Bella for.

Up until this moment— standing off with Emmett— it had been some of the best days of his life. Now, with just a few words, Emmett was turning it all around.

"What?" Edward looked at Emmett with bulging eyes and fists clenched.

"Don't worry, dude she's hot," Emmett replied with a smile. He was completely oblivious to the havoc he was wreaking on those he loved the most.

"I don't want to be set up." He looked at Rosalie and Bella for help. Rosalie raised her hands up, making it clear she was staying out of it. Bella gnawed on her lip and looked like she might cry, but didn't say a word.

"Don't look at them for escape. They'll tell you, Lauren is great. She's one of their best friends."

Edward groaned. This situation could not be any more screwed up then it was right then. In that moment he wanted to throttle Emmett. Because of Emmett's irrational temper and borderline grizzly bear behavior, Bella was too terrified to admit to her and Edward's relationship. He couldn't be completely upset with the guy. In Emmett's own way he thought he was being a good friend. Plus, Emmett was the whole reason Edward was there… with Bella. Edward just wished Emmett would quit thinking he needed to fix the female absence in Edward's life. He was doing just fine on his own. Edward rubbed at his face with both palms attempting to rub away his frustration.

"It's not that I don't trust you Emmett, she's probably a great girl. I'm just not interested in being set up."

"Oh come on! Edward, have you even been on a date since Tanya? I'm not asking you to marry her, just talk, have a few drinks, and be social. You need to get back in the saddle. Your pretty boy looks won't last forever."

"Thanks, Em."

"Sorry, sometimes the truth hurts."

Edward stood from his chair and began pacing. He wondered how things had gotten so screwed up.

Emmett waited patiently, but when Edward didn't respond, he tried to mend the situation. "It's just drinks. Hey, if you're you think she's hideous, Bella will be there as a buffer. Right, Bella?"

Everyone looked at Bella expectantly. Edward was thrilled at the reminder that Bella would be there. As he looked at Bella, he could have sworn she was fighting a smile. Regardless of how nice this Lauren girl was, Edward had every intention as using Bella to escape the unwanted date.

Bella continued to chew at her lip and looked back and forth between Edward and Emmett.

"Bella?" Emmett asked impatiently.

"Yeah, of course. If Lauren is too much for Edward, I'll help him out."

"See, Edward. Problem solved. Best case scenario you end up going home with someone other than us. Worst case scenario, you hang out with Bella and come home with us." Edward could only think about how backwards that statement was. Best case scenario for Edward was Lauren never shows up and he spends the evening with Bella.

A lot of Edward's uneasiness came from his worry over Bella's discomfort. How awkward was this going to be for her? A realization occurred to Edward that eased his mind a little. Bella was the one that wanted their relationship to be a secret. She could end this charade anytime she wanted, but she hadn't. Maybe this date would give her the push she needed to be honest about them.

He turned toward Emmett and said, "Fine, I'll go." He swore he heard a slight gasp from Bella, but he didn't look at her.

"That a boy," Emmett cheered throwing up a fist pump.

Edward could feel the tension rolling off of Bella from behind him. He could see Rosalie's eyes darting back and forth between him and Bella. Emmett went back to watching television as if he didn't have a care in the world. Edward thought he was going to go crazy if he didn't get out of the house that instant.

"I'm going for a run." Without waiting for a response from anyone, he grabbed his bag and headed for the bathroom.

While Edward changed his clothes, his thoughts kept returning to Bella. He completely understood her reasoning for why she was keeping quiet through the weekend. To be honest, he was kind of scared to be in a house with Charlie and Emmett when they found out he was seeing Bella. Neither of them seemed to be rational when it came to anything related to Bella. He didn't judge them, because he'd never been a brother or a father and he wasn't positive he wouldn't be the exact same way if the roles were reversed. He had no idea how to resolve the situation so that everyone could be happy. Edward didn't want to lead this poor girl on, but with women you never knew how friendly you could be without them taking it the wrong way. On the other hand, Edward could not snub a girl who was innocent in the whole situation. The bitter sweet part of it all was that Bella would be sitting right there watching, either fuming or getting her feelings hurt. Edward wanted to punch something. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and quickly tied his shoes and left the room.

As Edward headed for the door, he called, "See you in a while."

"Later," Emmett yelled.

As the door shut behind him, Edward closed his eyes and took in a long, deep breath, relishing in the scent of nature. He'd always loved the smell of rain, throwing in pine needles and wood made it a heavenly aroma.

"Took you long enough." Edward was snapped from his nature induced trance by Bella's voice. His heart leapt. There on the sidewalk was his girl, waiting for him, in her running attire.

"I didn't realize I had a partner on my excursion," he said with a smirk.

"Why would I miss a chance to have some alone time with you?" Bella snaked her arms around his waist and rose up on her toes to kiss him.

Edward welcomed the kiss and kissed her again. "You better enjoy this while you can since you'll be watching me on a date with someone else tonight," Edward teased. Partly to get her to kiss him more and maybe subconsciously he was baiting her for an opportunity to convince her to end the charade.

Bella dropped her arms. "That was mean."

Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "You could fix it if you wanted to."

Bella snatched his hand and dragged him down the street. "Do you want me to tell them?"

"It's your decision Bella. You know them better than I do."

"That's right, they are my family. I know them. I know how they will react. I know what the rest of the weekend will be like. You don't! If you want to risk never having a moment alone, my brother getting pissed off, and my dad giving you the third degree watching your every move, then let's go. I'll tell them right now."

Edward turned his back on Bella and took a few steps away. He clamped his hands around the back of his neck and let out a low growl. "Why would they act so ridiculous? Am I that horrible of a person? Would it repulse them to have you with me?" The words were spat out so quickly Bella didn't have a chance to answer. "Of course, I don't want those things. But, damn, Bella, we only have today and tomorrow together and then we're going to be apart for who knows how long." A pang stung at his chest at the reality of his words. "I want to be able to hold your hand, kiss you, hug you, whisper in your ear, whenever I want and have it be okay. And I definitely do not want to have to go on a date with someone else; particularly with you at the same table."

Bella threw her arms around him. He pulled her against him tightly. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she pulled away just enough to look at him. Her hands held onto his neck and her thumb stroked his soft flesh.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. I'm just frustrated. I never thought I would be in this situation at my age."

"Cause you're an old guy?" She grinned at him and she was awarded with one in return. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pulling her into a tighter hug. "My family is a little obsessive with anything involving me. I told you that before in one of my letters. It's not you. Nobody will ever be good enough for me. They will be mad that we never told them about our correspondence. They will think I'm rebounding. They are going to think you are too old for me, just because you are Emmett's friend. They are going to worry about me being hurt when you leave. All ridiculous reasons, but the reasons aren't ridiculous to them. Even when I tell them after we leave they are going to be mad. Probably even more upset because I kept it a secret all weekend. But, we will be gone. They won't be able to interfere with our time together. They can't eavesdrop or tag along anywhere. By the time we see them again, they will be more rational, have accepted it, see how happy I am because of you, and love you."

"I know, I've understood why you want to keep this quiet and I can handle that. But, Bella, this date thing is putting me over the edge."

"I'll take care of it."

"What do you mean?" Edward was thoroughly confused.

"Just trust me. It won't be an issue." Pulling him back closer she kissed him again. "Do you honestly think I would sit back and watch some girl flirt with you or touch you? You underestimated me if you did."

Edward pressed her firmly against his body and kissed her hard. With every word spoken with this woman, every touch of her skin, every breath on his neck, he started to fall more and more in love with her.

xxx

"Hello?" A spunky voice called through the phone.

"Lauren?"

"Bella, oh my gosh, how are you?"

"I'm great. How are you?"

"Awesome. We need to get together."

"I know. What are you doing right now?"

"Nothing."

"Rosalie and I were thinking we should meet for our traditional milkshakes?"

"Awesome."

"See you in thirty."

"Kay, bye."

Twenty-five minutes later Bella entered the tiny coffee shop she'd sat in a million times. The smell of coffee, grease and cinnamon rolls assaulted Bella's senses. The sound of old men debating politics, the sound of the sizzling griddle, and the bell ringing over the door, filled Bella with nostalgia. Growing up, she and her girlfriends used to meet weekly for breakfast. And by breakfast, she meant milkshakes at ten in the morning. They would update each other on all of their week's events and love lives. As they got older, it only happened once or twice a year when they were all home for vacations or holidays. She and Rosalie sat in their usual booth and Rosalie ordered herself water and a milkshake for Bella.

"Why aren't you getting a shake?" Bella asked confused. Rosalie was interrupting tradition.

"I've got to watch my hips," she snapped.

"Oh stop it; you don't have an insecure bone in your body. I was just messing with you."

A shrieking sound came from behind Bella and she turned to see Angela and Lauren walking toward them. As much as she resented the fact that Lauren was supposed to be going out with Edward, Lauren still was one of her best friends. Bella stood from the booth and hugged both of her friends.

"It's been too long," Angela whined over Bella's shoulder as they hugged.

"Where's the baby?" Lauren demanded.

Rosalie shrugged. "I left her home with her dad. I wanted to enjoy my girl time." Lauren and Angela both let out a sigh of disappointment. "I'll bring her by before I leave, I promise."

Both seemed to be appeased by Rosalie's pledge and the four women sat down together. Angela and Lauren ordered their shakes and then the four women delved into their gossip and catch-up session. Bella learned that Angela was back together with Eric Yorkie, not really Bella's person of choice, but whatever made her friend happy. Lauren was thrilled to announce that she had been approved for a loan to open her own cupcake store in Seattle. Rosalie told them all about the baby. Bella bored them with school talk.

Finally, the opportunity that Bella had been waiting for arrived.

"So, I am so excited about our double date tonight, Rosalie. Tell me all about him."

"Edward's cool."

Bella's foot kicked Rosalie under the table, _traitor_. Bella had pleaded with Rosalie all the way to the diner to persuade Lauren not to go out with Edward. Rosalie had surrendered with an exasperated sigh and told Bella she'd do her best. Rosalie gave Bella a hard look, clearly not happy with Bella's pushiness.

Rosalie cleared her throat. "Nice guy, nothing to write home about. I think Emmett feels bad for him because he hasn't had a date in years."

Lauren, raised her eyebrows. "What's wrong with him?"

"Um, I don't know. What would you say is the problem, Bella?" Rosalie gave Bella a knowing look and watched Bella squirm.

Bella was slightly annoyed by the game Rosalie was playing. Bella guessed it was Rosalie's revenge for the hip comment. Shrugging one shoulder, Bella responded, "How would I know? I just met the guy."

All eyes darted back toward Rosalie who sat twirling a piece of hair with her finger.

"Rosalie!" Lauren moaned impatiently.

"I guess his constant bad breath might bug some women. I don't really know him that well. It could just be this week. The times I've been around him, he's had rancid mouth." Rosalie shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe it could be that he's a close talker. That combined with the breath, it's a deadly combination."

Bella was doing her best not laugh as Rosalie sat up straighter in her seat. "Oh, I just remember something Emmett had told me about him a few years ago. Em said that when they first joined the Marines Edward was given the nickname Nub, because his junk was so small." Bella nearly spit her milkshake out all over the table and started to choke.

Angela beat on Bella's back a little and asked, "Are you okay?"

Bella coughed a little more. "Yeah, fine. Just went down the wrong pipe."

Bella looked over in time to see Lauren with a scowl on her face.

Rosalie jumped in, "Don't worry though, Lauren. He's got a really nice personality." She patted Lauren's hand and gave her a sympathetic nod. "I'm sure you two will hit it off fine."

Bella wanted to bow down to Rosalie's genius performance. Bella thought she should get an Emmy for that convincing performance. She almost had Bella wondering if the nub story was true. Almost.

Lauren, true to herself, started to stutter out an excuse. "Well, the thing is I totally forgot I have this family thing tonight and I can't make it. I feel really bad, could you tell Emmett for me."

"Awe," Rosalie and Bella both whined at the same time. "Are you sure," Rosalie asked with a look of disappointment.

"I'm sorry. My mom would kill me if I bailed."

"That's too bad."

For another hour, Bella had to control herself from leaping up and doing the happy dance. Mission accomplished. Finally, Lauren and Angela left and now she was on her way back home… to Edward.

"You so owe me," Rosalie said never taking her eye off the road.

"I know."

"I knew Lauren was shallow when it came to guys, but I didn't think she would relinquish that easily."

Bella looked at Rosalie with a quirked brow. "Really, I did. As much as I love Lauren, she has always been one of those girls that is a seven, but expects her men to be tens. She'll be single forever."

"You're generous, Bella. I love her, but I'd say she's a six." Both women burst into laughter.

xxx

"Bella, let's go." Emmett yelled up the stairs.

Edward finished rolling up the sleeves of his black dress shirt, waiting for Bella so they could leave for their night out. He was now enthusiastic about the evening since Emmett told him Lauren couldn't make it. He was curious what Bella had done to resolve their dilemma. He looked up just in time to see Bella coming down the stairs. She looked beautiful. Instead of her normal, natural, wavy hair it was stick straight and hung down to the middle of her back. She had dark makeup around her eyes, Edward preferred her natural, but this looked good too. She wore really tight jeans, some high heels, and a dark purple, low cut, silk, ruffled tank. She took his breath away. The smile she gave him once she reached the bottom of the stairs made her even more stunning.

As the foursome made their way to the car, Edward leaned his mouth down to Bella's ear. "Interesting turn of events."

Bella turned toward him. "What?"

"Rosalie told Emmett Lauren couldn't make it tonight." Without seeing her face, Edward knew she was smiling. "Now, what could have happened at your 'girl bonding' this morning, which would make Lauren back out of a date? Got any ideas?"

Edward opened the door for Bella and she glanced in his direction. She shook her head slightly and shrugged her shoulders. Feigning ignorance, Bella batted her eyelashes and answered with a smirk, "I have no idea."

Edward couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sure you don't." Edward pinched her side and she giggled as she ducked into the car.

Once seated inside Edward leaned in and whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?" Bella said still playing as if she were clueless. Edward smirked at the minx he desperately wanted to kiss.

Growing up and attending college in Chicago and then living on a military base, Edward never had to drive more than twenty minutes for a night out. Emmett shed some light on the reasoning for the traveling. True, that while they had a bar in Forks, the only entertainment there was sitting and watching all of the locals get drunk and anything you said or did would be through the town circuit in less than an hour. Bella referenced it to that bar scene from the movie _Sweet Home Alabama_. He was blown away that the McCarty's had to drive an hour to Port Angeles to meet up with friends. And from what he heard, calling it a city was a stretch. While the drive seemed long just to go listen to some music and get some drinks, he didn't mind the time spent in the back seat with Bella. For that, he would drive all the way to Chicago just for a five minute visit. He loved the way he could sense Bella holding her breath when he would drag a finger slowly down her leg. He loved the way her thumb gently drew circles on his hand while their fingers were laced. He loved the way her scent lingered in his senses after his lips rested against her silky skin. He loved the heat he could feel rolling off of her body and against his. He felt perfectly content, with Bella by his side.

Once they arrived at Eclipse, Edward unfolded his legs from the backseat of the Mercedes and held his hand out to help Bella from the car. Emmett caught a glance of this and shook his head.

"Why are you always trying to be so chivalrous?" Emmett laughed.

Edward rolled his eyes. "You know what chivalrous means?" He smirked at his friend. "It's called manners."

"Whatever." Emmett wrapped his arm around his wife and headed into the club. Bella and Edward followed, Edward's hand never leaving the small of Bella's back.

"You guys get us a table; I'll go and get us some drinks." Emmett yelled over the music being played on stage. "Babe, you want some water or a virgin drink?"

"Surprise me," Rosalie said uninterested.

"Bella?"

"Water please."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Edward?"

"I'll have water too."

"You've got to be kidding me. I drove out here for drinks and dancing, and I'm the only one drinking. What's wrong with you Edward?"

"I'm going to be the designated driver."

"Wuss." Emmett spun on his heel and walked away.

Bella leaned into Edward. "You can drink if you want to. I don't mind."

"Nah, I never really saw the appeal." Edward smiled when he saw that Bella recognized he was quoting her letter.

The music was awesome. It wasn't thumping techno rubbish. They had different bands taking stage and performing throughout the night. He noticed Bella tended to get excited over the quieter more acoustic music. Edward was a lover of all music, he was completely happy with the performances. The conversation was easy with this group. A lot of the time Edward sat quietly listening while the other three reminisced. He didn't mind, it gave him a chance to learn more about Bella and he liked watching her get excited over the memories.

"This is one of my favorite songs," Bella sighed as Dave Matthews Band, _You and Me_, started to play.

Edward really liked the song too. "Well then, you should dance to it." Edward held out his hand and Bella's face lit up.

"Really?"

"No, I just wanted to get you excited." Bella's face fell a little. "Bella, of course I want to dance." Bella stepped down from her stool and took his hand.

Edward pulled her toward the other side of the dance floor. He was going to enjoy this dance with her without prying eyes and without her worrying her brother would see. The moment Edward turned and faced Bella he felt like everything moved in slow motion and all of their surroundings turned into a swirl of color. Almost to the beat of the music, he pulled her hand that had been laced with his and placed it on his shoulder. He smiled when she lithely moved it up, resting her fingers around his neck. Goose bumps ran from his neck down his back in reaction to her touch. His now free hand slid around her waist, resting it at the small of her back. He knew if he moved his hand only centimeters, it would slide down the slope to her very tight and inviting jeans. A deep swallow moved down his throat and he felt his Adam's apple bob up and down. Gently, but firmly, he pulled her body against his. Their bodies were now flushed against each other from chest to knees. Bella's eyes looked up and met Edward's as her tongue darted out and wet her lips. Never leaving her gaze, Edward reached down and took her other hand and placed it against his chest. Slowly their bodies start to move to the beat of the music, their feet barely moving.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

"So are you."

Edward released Bella's hand on his chest and slid it around to her back. To a stranger it would appear that they were swaying as they hugged. Turning his head into the spot where her neck and shoulder collide, he brushed his lips against her exposed flesh. He smiled as he felt her suck in a breath, and he repeated it again.

The music finally filtered into Edward's head, breaking his Bella induced haze. Once aware of the words, he started to sing along, next to her ear. Every time his lips brushed against her ear, she would lean further into his body, causing Edward to beam. Dancing with Bella this way would be something he would remember forever.

xxx

Regrettably, they pulled apart from each other as the music ended and walked in the direction of the table. Bella halted at the sight before her.

"Damn!" Bella muttered.

"What?" Edward followed Bella's line of vision and saw there was a third person at their table. "Lauren?"

Bella nodded. She released Edward's hand, straightened her shoulders and walked toward the awaiting group. She might as well get this over with and prepare for a miserable evening. At least she'd had one amazing dance with Edward.

"Edward, Bella, look who showed up," Rosalie announced through tight lips. She was giving Bella the, _I had no idea,_ look.

"Hey, Lauren," Bella walked over and hugged her friend and then took the open seat next to her. Taking this stool assured her that Lauren would not be sitting next to Edward. Edward smirked and she was sure he knew what she was doing.

Edward reached across the table and shook Lauren's hand. "Nice to meet you, Lauren. I'm Edward."

"The pleasure is mine."

Lauren made a terrible attempt at looking sweet and submissive, but ended up looking like she had something in her eye. Lauren was just a disaster when it came to men. Bella could never figure out how someone as talented, kind, and smart as Lauren could be as awkward as Mark Zuckerberg with the opposite sex.

Edward grabbed a stool from another table and sat next to Emmett.

"What do you think of Forks, Edward?" Lauren asked.

"I've had a great time."

"Don't lie, Edward. We all have lived here; we know how lame it is." She winked at Edward and Bella thought she was going to hurl.

Edward smiled a genuine smile and Bella gritted her teeth. "Hey, I didn't say the town was great. I just said I've had a good time." Everyone at the table laughed.

"Emmett, why don't we go and get more drinks," Edward suggested.

"You mean waters," Emmett retorted rolling his eyes.

"Lauren, what would you like?" Edward asked always the gentleman.

"Thank you, Edward. I'll have a Sex on the Beach." Lauren attempted to sound sexy, instead it came out tired.

Bella was pretty sure that drink request was something she picked up on some show like, _Sex in the City_. Edward was obviously restraining himself from laughing, but Bella was sure that Lauren would interpret that crooked smile as an invitation.

Edward nodded at Lauren and said, "Sure, we'll be right back."

"That was pathetic, Lauren," Rosalie chastised as she shook her head at her friend.

"What?" Lauren asked exasperated.

"You, trying to be sexy. Quit trying so hard. Be yourself, you'll have more success, I promise."

Bella fought the urge to stand up and punch Rosalie. What was Rosalie thinking trying to help out Lauren? Bella's best defense in the situation was to watch Lauren blow it herself. If Bella were to meet Lauren in a social situation now and watch her with men, she would never be friends with her. It's strange how being friends with someone so long could allow you to over look over some of the horrible ways they evolve.

"Whatever, you have no idea how hard dating is. You've been with Emmett since puberty and up until a few months ago Bella had been the same with Mike." Bella felt slightly sorry for Lauren. Bella watched all of her friends in the dating circuit and she had to admit it looked torturous. "Oh by the way, Rosalie, in all of your warnings, you neglected to tell me how absolutely gorgeous Edward is. I am definitely sleeping with him tonight," Lauren announced as she adjusted her push up bra.

Rosalie spit out her water and started laughing. Bella was torn between slapping Lauren or wrapping her arms and legs around Edward, to mark her territory.

"What? Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had sex?" Lauren whined.

Bella felt Rosalie watching her carefully and came to Bella's rescue taking the conversation in another direction. "What made you change your mind about tonight?"

"I didn't really have a family thing and I didn't feel like sitting at home with my parents while they fight. I figured if he had bad breath I could give him some gum. If he was good looking, it didn't matter if he was a close talker, and let's face it military guys are hot. And I figured that nickname thing didn't matter, I don't sleep with guys on the first date."

Bella stared down Lauren. "You just told us you were going to sleep with him."

"Oh yeah, woops. There's no way that nickname can hold true. Have you seen his body? If I didn't know better, Bella, I would think you were trying to keep him to yourself." Quirking an eyebrow at Bella, Lauren gave her a knowing look.

"It's hot in here. I need to get some air." Bella stood from her seat. Looking at Rose she said, "Let me know when the waters are back."

Bella quickly escaped to the parking lot. She wasn't sure what feelings were more predominant. Her desire to just start running toward home or curl up and cry. How did this evening go from perfect to horrible in a flash? She hoisted herself up onto the trunk of the car and dropped her head into her hands.

"You okay?" Bella's head snapped up at Edward's voice.

He handed her a water bottle. "What are you doing out here?"

"Rosalie sent me to tell you the drinks are at the table. I think Lauren sucked down the first drink in five seconds."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute."

Edward took the few steps toward Bella that closed the distance between them. He placed himself between Bella's two legs and rested his forehead against hers. "You have nothing to be worried about. As far as I'm concerned, this night ended with that perfect dance you and I shared."

Bella couldn't help but smile. "I wish that were true." Bella slid her hand up around Edward's jaw and kissed him. "She's on the prowl; she already informed us she intends to sleep with you." Edward cringed at the information. "While Lauren may not be able to keep a boyfriend, she definitely knows how to seduce a man… at least for one night."

"Well, she's never tried to seduce me. I'm not easily swayed."

Bella smiled and looked at him questioningly.

Edward smirked. "You are more than welcome to try and sway me anytime you want." He leaned in and kissed her. "But, she will never be successful. I better get back inside. I hope you'll come back in soon."

Bella nodded and felt guilty for being such a baby. She hopped down from the car, took a deep breath, a swig of her water, and grabbed Edward by the hand. When he turned to look at her she grabbed a handful of his shirt in both hands and pulled him toward her. In one fluid motion she covered his lips with her own and kissed him forcefully. With that kiss, she was letting him know how desperately she wanted him and claiming him as her own. When Edward pulled away with a hazy look over his face and his beautiful crooked grin pulled up, she knew he understood her meaning.

xxx

Edward groaned inwardly as he approached the table. Lauren had situated herself in the middle of the three stools so that she could guarantee herself a position next to Edward. As he neared the group, she patted the seat next to her. Edward took it and saw that Lauren was already drinking her third drink.

"What do you do Lauren?"

"I bake. I'm opening my own cupcake shop."

"She's not giving herself credit. She is the best." Bella chimed in.

"Seriously, whenever she visits with her treats, I gain five pounds," Rosalie added. Lauren blushed as her friends complimented her. Edward could tell Bella felt bad about being mean earlier. It wasn't Lauren's fault she was set up with an unavailable man.

"That's great." Edward never struggled for conversation on dates, but right now he felt like he'd rather get his teeth pulled. "Have you always lived in Forks?"

"Yes. After high school I went to culinary school in Seattle and I loved it there. I couldn't come back to small town life after that. That's where I live now. I'm only here for the holiday."

"So, is the weather there similar to—"

"Enough small talk." Lauren grabbed Edward's hand. In an automatic reaction he looked up to Bella and saw Bella's eyes blazing at their hands. He could have sworn he saw lasers coming out of them. "Let's dance, Eddie."

Edward cringed he absolutely detested that name. "Um," Edward stalled.

In a great effort Lauren tried to sound seductive, again. "I won't take no for an answer."

Trying not to be rude, he agreed. Begrudgingly, he stood from his chair and followed her to the dance floor. Edward did his best to leave as much space as possible between the two and started to dance. He could see Bella sitting at the table watching them, looking defeated. It made his heart ache a little.

"You know, Edward," Lauren began to speak pulling him from his focus on Bella. "Rosalie over there told me some lies about you." Her voice was slightly slurred and he could smell the alcohol on her breath as she moved in closer.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Really, what did she say?"

Lauren started giggling. "You had severe bad breath and that you were a close talker." Edward wanted to laugh at what Rosalie told her. Lauren moved in even closer, making Edward very uncomfortable. "I'm close to you right now and I can tell you both of those things are not true."

Edward backed away, again. "Good, I'm glad you don't think so."

"Well, there is one more thing that she warned me of."

"What's that?"

"She said that your fellow soldiers nick named you _Nub_, because your package was so small."

Edward started choking on the air he gasped in. It took every bit of his strength not to start laughing hysterically and running over to high five Rosalie and her conspiring mind. He knew Bella had to have recruited Rosalie to get rid of her. He was thrilled Bella had taken the initiative to secure Edward for herself.

Suddenly, Edward was pulled from his light mood as Lauren's lips pressed up against his ear and her hands found his backside. "Are you going to prove to me she's a liar?"

Edward literally felt like he could throw up on the girl. "You seem like a really nice girl, Lauren. I think it only fair that I be honest with you."

"You're gay aren't you?" Lauren stopped her movement and took a step back from Edward.

"What? No!" Edward practically squealed out.

Lauren eyed him as if she didn't believe him.

Edward held both hands up. "I swear, I'm not gay."

Releasing a loud breath, Lauren dropped her shoulders in defeat. "I believe you… you're not that great of a dancer," she stated matter-of-factly.

Edward's mouth fell open. He'd always thought he was a good dancer, but he wasn't trying to initiate any further conversation with Lauren. "Look Lauren, you seem really nice. The thing is, Emmett doesn't know that I am involved with someone already. We haven't gone public with it yet and I'm already feeling guilty just being here with you."

Lauren's eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh, my gosh, are you seeing one of your instructors? It's just like that movie _Top Gun_." A dreamy look came over her face.

"No, I'm not dating an instructor. It's just a new relationship that's all. I'm really sorry you got dragged into this."

"Thanks for being honest with me, Edward. You are an awesome guy."

"Nah, if I were I wouldn't have let you get in this situation."

"I think I'm going to take off," Lauren said as she threw her thumb in the direction of the door.

"It was nice meeting you."

"You too." Lauren hugged him quickly and then spun on her heel leaving the bar.

In a flash Bella was by Edward's side. "What did you say to get rid of her?"

"The truth, I just left you out of it."

"I'm sorry."

Edward winked at her. "I'm just glad we have the rest of the night together, and not just here. I leave tomorrow afternoon. I want to spend every single minute with you until then."

Edward pulled her against his body and began to move their bodies with the music.

"Me too," she sighed.

"I hope you don't plan on getting any sleep tonight." Bella shook her head and Edward leaned in for what would be the first of a million kisses he planned to give her that night.

**Author's Notes:**

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Only one more chapter with them still in Forks.

Thank you Lynelle, for sacrificing your time for me. I love your guts.

You guys have been so amazing with your reviews. Please keep it up, I love them like dancing with Edward to some Dave Matthews Band.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

I am sorry that this update took so long. I swear to you wonderful readers, that I NEVER take that long to update. I absolutely hate it when authors say, "real life, got in the way." However, I had something horrible happen in my personal life and the circumstance made it very difficult for me to write, especially such a romantic chapter. I didn't want to give you guys an update that was not up to par, especially for Edward and Bella's last moments in Forks together. Please forgive me and hopefully a chapter is never this delayed again.

xxx

_Bella's clothes were pasted against her skin due to the sheen of sweat covering every inch of her body. The heat radiating from Edward's body as it pressed against hers did nothing to ease the constant flow of moisture from her pores. She would take it, she welcomed it. It was the sweetest discomfort she'd ever experienced. Edward's body moving in sync with her own was a pleasure that would over power the excruciating heat Bella was feeling._

_When the sounds of the guitar strings being plucked and bongos being tapped flowed through the speakers and into her ears, Bella attempted to make an exit from the dance floor. She never considered herself a smooth enough dancer, to pull off Latin dancing. She made it only a few steps before Edward pulled her back up against his chest._

"_Where are you going?" Edward whispered in her ear._

_Edward kept his hands pressed firmly against Bella's flat belly as she attempted to escape. With feigned effort she tried to pry them away. "Edward, I'm not a sexy dancer and Latin dancing is _sexy_ dancing. Let's take a break and get a drink."_

"_I don't want a drink. I want to dance with my very sexy girlfriend."_

_Bella giggled and then began to protest, "I—"_

"_Just feel my body, Bella." Bella felt her throat tighten and release at the sound of Edward's words. She wondered what exactly Edward was offering with that invitation._

_Without warning, Edward pulled her so that her back was firmly against his chest. He began making long, measured, sweeps of his hips to the slow beat of the music. His long fingers wrapped around her hips, forcing her body to mimic his own movements. When Bella's body had fully relaxed against his and she began to move without his commands, he allowed his hands to release her hips and roam up and down the curves of her silhouette. Bella could feel his touch on every inch of her skin even though his hands only covered a small portion. She sucked in a breath when his lips traveled her neck to her shoulder and back again. Her head fell back against his shoulder and Edward smiled when a whimper escaped her lips. Bella was shocked by the movements her hips were making, she didn't know she could move them this way. Edward eased their bodies down until their knees were bent and then brought them back up again, swaying their frames the entire time._

"_You're very good at this," he murmured._

"_What?" Bella said barely coherent. _

"_Dancing." He kissed her ear. "Being sexy." He kissed her collar bone. "Making me want you." He reached across her body and turned her head, capturing her lips._

Bella had to shake her head, trying to stay focused on the conversation in the car. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to do; she kept sending her mind back to her time on the dance floor with Edward. They had been the most erotic moments of her life and the entire time she'd been clothed, in a public place, and barely kissed. She wanted Emmett to turn the car around and go back.

Edward's fingers skimmed her denim covered thigh and she was immediately focused on the present. Her eyes darted toward him. He gave her a lazy crooked smile and she felt her insides turn to mush.

"We barely even saw you guys tonight. Where were you?" Emmett questioned.

Bella tensed, but Edward remained calm. "We were on the other side of the dance floor. Bella was going to lose her dinner watching her brother bump and grind against his wife all night."

Emmett's face started to flush and the rest of the passengers erupted in laughter. "Seriously," Bella chimed in. "You two should have gotten a room. What you two were doing was completely inappropriate for public."

"Don't you worry, Bella, I saved the really inappropriate behavior for when we get back to the house." Emmett gloated and Rosalie licked her lips seductively at her husband.

Bella made gagging noises from the backseat. Rosalie and Emmett were now in their own anticipatory world.

Bella shuddered as Edward's finger dragged up from her hand to the top of her shoulder at an impossibly slow speed. Goose bumps covered her flesh and she could hardly control the longing coursing through her body. The sexual tension in the car could almost be seen bouncing off of the tinted windows of the car. The haziness she felt in the club began to overtake her again. All sound, movement, color, smell, everything other than Edward blurred out of focus.

Her own lips darted out and wet her anxious mouth. Edward winked at her and laced their fingers together. Bella slid further down in her seat never taking her eyes off of the gorgeous man next to her. She never wanted this night to end.

xxx

Edward was not ready to say good-bye in twelve hours. He wanted to wrap Bella around him and take her on the plane as his carry on item. He dropped his head back against the couch and let out a frustrated groan. He had no idea how he was going to let her go. Shoving himself off the couch, he chastised himself. _Do not waste your valuable time with her, pouting_. He heard the water from the shower turn off and he became more anxious.

He grabbed his shower stuff and his flannel pajama pants and headed for the shower when he heard Bella's bedroom door shut. When he shut himself inside the bathroom, he was assaulted by the smell of Bella; strawberry and lavender. He took several breaths in, committing the smell to his memory.

One shower, one vigorous tooth brushing session, and three coats of deodorant later, Edward entered the living room and found his bed made up on the couch and Bella sitting there waiting for him. His heart leapt at the sight of her and again he had that painful gnawing in his stomach knowing how little time he had left with her.

"You didn't have to make my bed for me," Edward said as he dropped his stuff in his bag and leaned over kissing her on the forehead.

"I wanted to," she said staring down at her fingers looking nervous.

Edward dropped down next to her and pulled her into his arms. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bella?"

"I don't want you to go."

Edward's stomach tightened. "Me neither. Come here." Edward wrapped his fingers around her neck, directing her lips to his own.

As the passion of their kiss increased, Bella made her way onto Edward's lap. Edward loved kissing Bella and having her body up against him, but he didn't want to start something he couldn't finish. He pulled his lips away from hers and smiled at her.

"What?" Bella asked worriedly and slightly out of breath.

"Nothing, it's just that if you don't stop kissing me that way, _Nub_, isn't going to be able to stop."

Bella looked at him confused and then Edward could instantly tell when she figured out what he meant. Her eyes doubled in size and her mouth made a cute little "o" shape. "Lauren told you what Rosalie said?" She gasped.

A quick laugh escaped Edward's mouth. "Yes, she did, and she wanted to know if she could find out if it were true on her own."

"What?" Bella practically screamed.

"Shhh," Edward hissed and laughed at the same time. He loved seeing the shock and awe on Bella's face. "You and your friend are mean to tell such lies."

Bella quirked a brow. "How do I know they are lies?" She asked seductively. Edward felt his arousal shoot the roof at her question. He clenched his hands into fists, resisting the beautiful temptress. Bella leaned in and kissed him with her perfectly full lips. Her hands that resided over his shoulders, slowly made a descent toward his waist line and Edward grabbed her wrists.

Edward pulled away. "I'm telling you, it's definitely a lie. Seriously, we have got to slow down a little, or I won't stop."

"Problem being?"

"I don't want a shot gun pointed at my head when your father comes down the hall and catches me on top of his naked daughter, on his couch."

Bella started to laugh and slid off of his lap. "I guess that wouldn't sound very appealing to you."

As Edward lost contact with Bella, the image of him and Bella wrapped in each other's arms, naked, in the throes of passion made Edward shudder. "Part of it sounded good," Edward said huskily.

Bella took two exaggerated swallows and asked, "What part would that be?"

"The part where I'm on top of you…" Edward leaned over Bella pressing her back against the arm of the couch, dropping his weight on top of her body. "And the part where your naked." His fingers slipped under the edge of her shirt and skimmed her trembling, silky, abdomen. He felt Bella shiver beneath and he smiled knowing she was as turned on as he was. She eyed him warily and he slid his fingers up further causing her to arch her back. His action was rewarded with her sudden attack on his lips. Their kissing was intense and needy. Their hands clung to the other as if they were holding on for dear life; fingers dug into flesh; teeth clamping on earlobes; tongues tangling with force; their chemistry was explosive.

Panting into Edward's ear Bella said, "I thought… I thought… you needed to stop."

Edward paused from his assault on her very sensitive neck, but still kept his lips against her flesh. "I should, but I have no willpower when I am with you." He didn't wait for her response. His lips continued their savoring and made their way to her exposed collar bone.

Bella moaned and Edward had never heard anything more erotic. Bella was more satisfying sexually, dancing with him or making out like a teenager with him, than any sexual act he'd ever experienced. He wanted this woman and he wanted her desperately. He didn't know he could feel for someone in such a consuming way. He barely knew her. She was obscenely sexy— that was obvious—but there was something more. He felt like there was an unseen force pulling them together or that she had him under some hypnotic power. His absolute need for her was not natural.

Her wet and swollen lips traveled down his neck, over his shoulder, and down his chest. He watched her intently as she explored his bare flesh. He saw her eyes pop open as she lapped at his pecs. Then she paused staring at him, making him feel self conscience. She pulled her head back further and continued to stare. He realized she was looking at the Marine Corp's symbol he had tattooed.

"What?" Edward panted.

"I'm just checking out your body art here." Bella feathered her fingertips over the black ink.

Edward's eyes fell closed lazily and a crooked smile came over him. "You like it?"

"When you told me about your tattoos in your letters, I totally fantasized about what _my_ mystery Marine looked like with two masculine tattoos. I couldn't wait to see them and I can't believe I didn't think to sneak a peek before this moment. I guess my mind was occupied elsewhere."

"Do I live up to the fantasy, Bella?"

Edward's eyes fell closed again as Bella ran her fingers from his brow down to his neck. When he opened them, her gaze was piercing his own. "You've exceeded all I could have hoped for," she answered barely above a whisper.

Unable to put into words what he was feeling, Edward dove down and kissed her again. He shoved aside all logic and reason telling him that this was a bad idea. He would take whatever punishment came his way. It would be worth it. Edward and Bella spent the rest of their night and into the morning, consuming one another. Occasionally, passion was interrupted for an intimate conversation, a fitful laugh, or just a breath. But, neither was willing to waste the precious hours they had left together.

xxx

Once Bella and Edward reluctantly separated to avoid being caught, Edward went in search of a pen and paper. There were so many things he wanted to say to Bella that he hadn't. He wanted to get it down on paper now before his thoughts and feelings left the high of being with her. Once he found what he was looking for, he flipped on the kitchen light and sat at the table. He was so involved in what he was writing that he hadn't noticed Rosalie come into the room.

"You're up early, Edward."

Edward startled and spun around. "Rosalie, I didn't know anyone was awake."

"Yeah, babies have a way of waking up at hours that no human being should be conscious."

"Where is she?"

"See, that's the problem, she's back asleep and I'm wide awake." Edward laughed and Rosalie sat across from him at the table. "Writing a book?" She eyed the paper in front of him.

Edward flipped his letter over and smiled at Rosalie. "Sort of a good-bye letter to Bella."

"Good-bye as in… until we meet again or good-bye as in… it's been swell. Nice knowing you."

Edward stared down at his note allowing silence to fill the room. Then he looked up at Rosalie with a solemn expression. "Good-bye as in, when I walk away from her I feel like a part of me is going to be ripped out and left with her. Good-bye as in life will be hell until she is with me again." Edward didn't know how to respond to Rosalie's speechless and floored expression. He rubbed his hands up and down his face and stood from the chair.

"I had no idea."

"What?" Edward turned back around to a still baffled Rosalie.

"That you felt this intensely for her."

Edward shrugged his shoulders.

"What did she write in those letters?" Rosalie smiled and leaned back in her chair. "Was she writing sex letters?"

"Very funny."

They were silent again, both lost in their own thoughts. Edward was wondering how he was going to leave Bella today and Rosalie was wondering if this man was really good enough for her best friend.

"Look, Edward, since I am the only one in this family that knows about the two of you, I feel like it is my responsibility to have 'the talk' with you."

"Alright… let's get this over with." Edward pulled his chair back and sat down with arms crossed over his chest, looking Rosalie straight in the eye.

"Bella is my best friend and my sister. I love her probably more than anyone, after Emmett and Tessa. Watching her heart break over Mike was torture. I never want to see her go through that again. I know what that pathetic excuse of a guy did to her was nothing compared to what _you_ could do to her. It took her years to feel a smidge for him of what I see her feeling for you after some letters and one meeting. You own her heart right now, Edward, and it makes me worried." Edward nodded and pulled at the back of his neck. "I'm sure you are fully aware of what you are up against if you hurt her. She has a whole family that adores her, and would kill before seeing her go through that kind of pain again."

Edward smirked and Rosalie quirked a challenging brow at him. Edward held up his hands in a defensive pose. "I do not doubt the family's ability to make my life a living hell. It's just that nobody has ever given me this talk…. or threat before. I thought this only happened on television. It's kind of funny, but terrifying at the same time."

Rosalie continued to watch him intently.

"I'm not a fortune teller; I can't tell you what will happen. Who knows…?" Edward's shoulders rose and fell. "She could end up breaking my heart. Right now, I can tell you that there is nothing I would ever do to risk losing her."

"Good enough for me."

"What's good enough for you?" Edward felt instant shivers up his spine and couldn't control the smile that came over his face at the sound of Bella's voice.

Rosalie, much quicker with words than Edward, answered Bella. "Edward agreeing to hold Tessa on the flight home, for Emmett and me." Rosalie gave Edward an evil look and stood from the table. "I'm glad we had this talk." Rosalie stood from the table and kissed Bella on the cheek as she exited the room. A long relieved breath escaped Edward's mouth as he watched her disappear.

Edward looked over and admired Bella's curvy form leaning in the doorway of the kitchen. "Going somewhere?"

"I hope you're coming with me."

Pushing his chair back Edward made his way over toward Bella. "Let me understand this. You kept me up until the wee hours of the morning consuming every drop of my energy and now you want me to go running with you?"

Bella rolled her lips between her teeth and slowly bobbed her head before letting out a simple, "Yup."

"Maybe you should join the military. It's like you run your own personal boot camp."

"You know you love it."

Edward slid his arms around her waist. "You're right, I do." He kissed her on the cheek. "Give me five minutes." He quickly retreated back to the table to grab his scribed papers and left without responding to her questioning look.

xxx

Edward's eyes darted around the foggy forest around him. He was trying to lock everything about this run with Bella in his mind. He'd never seen so many shades of green in one place. The misty haze that covered the trees and ground gave it an eerie feel. The peaceful silence only interrupted by the occasional song of a bird or the rustle of leaves and bushes was soothing. The feel of his tennis shoes grinding into the loose gravel and dirt that lined the road. The rhythm of their shoes and breaths, moving in perfect synchronization. It was a perfect memory.

They'd run in companionable silence for a couple of miles. That was one thing that Edward loved about Bella. Most women he'd known couldn't handle the silence. They would force a conversation if it didn't come naturally. Sometimes just being in the presence with someone is enough, you don't need the talk. There were other ways to converse and he felt like their passion for running and just participating in it together was their own form of communicating.

Knowing they were nearing the McCarty home, Edward came to a sudden stop. Before Bella could halt her movements, Edward had turned and tightly embraced her.

With his mouth buried against the top of her head he murmured, "I don't know if we will have another moment alone before I leave in…" Edward pulled away and looked at his watch. "In two hours. I want to hold you one last time."

He felt Bella pull herself further into him and her hands pull at the back of his sweatshirt. Edward followed her response and held her as tight as he could without hurting her. Bella began to shudder in his arms and Edward knew it wasn't because of the cold. He stroked her hair and began to rock her body against hers.

"I'm not ready," she cried.

"We'll see each other soon. I promise, we'll be together again before my deployment."

"You promise?"

"I swear it."

Bella pulled away brusquely. "When?" Her hands wiped away her tears and snot. Edward furrowed his brows at her. "I want to know specifically when, otherwise the time will run away with us and it won't happen. We have to decide now."

"Okay," Edward answered soothingly as he began to wipe her tears for her. "I have some intense training next weekend. The following weekend is the last weekend before I leave."

Bella's teeth began to chew at her lip.

Edward knew what was wrong with her before she even spoke. "You'll never be able to get work off that soon."

She didn't acknowledge his words; she just continued to stare down at the ground. "I'll make it work."

"Bella, I'm not going to let you risk your job. You love it. What are you going to do, get a job working concession at sporting events?"

Her head darted up and she met his gaze. "You'd be worth it," she mumbled as her lip went back between her teeth.

Edward's heart skipped at her admission and he grabbed onto her face, consuming her lips with all of the abundance of love he had for the woman that stood before him. Her fingers pulled on his neck and he kissed her harder. Slowly he began to peck at her lips once, twice, three times before pulling away.

"Bella," his voice was so quiet, so tender that he almost didn't recognize his own voice. "I love you. I've never loved anyone like I love you."

The tears started to stream down Bella's face as she smiled at him with trembling lips. "And I love you." Bella's cries evolved into heaving sobs.

Edward picked up Bella in his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist her arms holding onto his neck. Edward walked over to a tree stump off the side of the road and sat down keeping Bella in his arms and on his lap.

"What's wrong, Love? Two weeks is not that long."

Bella continued to sob into Edward's shoulder. He held onto her face with both hands and pulled her away so he could look at her beautiful face that always held him captivated. Her brown orbs gave him sight into her soul and his heart broke a little. He gave her the time she needed and after a moment she gained better control of her emotions.

"I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me. I already told you that."

Bella's head began to shake back and forth. "I'm scared of losing you, as in you not returning when you go abroad." Edward released a deep breath through his nose and nodded his head in understanding. "Remember I told you that I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders when my dad retired and came home for good?" Edward nodded. "I feel like that weight has been returned… times ten. And this time it sits heavily on my heart instead of my shoulders."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't want to make you any promises I can't keep, I wish I could say something to take this fear away from you."

"I know. I can't believe I'm spending our last moments crying and burdening you. I knew from before that first letter that this is who you are. I knew before I let myself fall for you that this is what was inevitable. It just came too fast."

Edward's heart was broken. He'd never been scared of death, of losing his life for the greater good of mankind. But, he hated what it was doing to Bella. He loved her and he didn't want to see her in any pain and knowing he couldn't fix it left him feeling defeated. Resting his forehead against hers and dragging his fingers up and down her spine, he said, "Bella, just know… that death is the only thing that could keep me away from you."

She kissed him with a kiss of desperation and something else he couldn't name… farewell.

xxx

"Edward, you are welcome here anytime," Renee said as she pulled him into a motherly hug.

Edward returned the hug and smiled. "Thank you for having me and letting me intrude on your holiday. You have a wonderful family."

"Anytime." Renee patted his cheek. "I hope we see you soon."

Edward nodded his head in acknowledgement, knowing he probably would.

"Sir," he made his way toward Charlie and shook his hand in a firm grip. "Thank you for lending me your couch."

"Sure thing, Edward, you're a good man. Do us a favor and try and keep our boy in line."

Edward let out a chuckle at Charlie's reference to his bear of a son as a "boy." "Will do, Sir."

"Next trip you can call me Charlie."

"Yes, Sir."

Cautiously his eyes drifted toward the last person on the porch for him to say good-bye to. Bella was doing her best to stay in control and be strong. He smiled at her and she darted her eyes away. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Bella." He leaned down and wrapped her in his arms. He hugged her a little longer than you would a new acquaintance, but he could hear Bella's parents saying their farewells to Rosalie and Emmett. Renee was sobbing over the departure of her only grandchild. "I left you something in your room," he whispered into her ear. He kissed her neck quickly and pulled away.

Unshed tears loomed in Bella's eyes and she said, "It was fun." She mouthed an _I love you_, and Edward turned and headed for the car before he lost control of his emotion.

He waited on the curb while the McCarty's hugged and made plans for the next visit. Trying to clamp down his unstable feelings, Edward looked up at the sky and took a few long, deep breaths. When he started to feel like he was in control, he looked up to see Emmett and Rosalie walking across the lawn, with a crying Tessa in Rosalie's arms. Edward loaded all of the bags in the trunk, while Rosalie strapped the baby in her car seat. Emmett turned on the engine as Edward opened his door. He took one last look at the porch and winked at Bella, standing there with her parents and then got into the car.

Emmett honked the horn as he pulled away from the car, both groups waving at each other. Edward hated this. That was the worst good-bye he could have ever imagined between him and Bella. He knew in his gut this was not the way it was supposed to end. All of the frustration he'd felt over the weekend keeping their relationship a secret was erupting like an active volcano within him and he felt himself about to burst.

"Go back," Edward commanded.

"What? Did you forget something?" Emmett asked looking at him in his rear view mirror.

"Yes, I did. Go back!"

Emmett threw the car into reverse and Rosalie looked back at him with a questioning expression. He smiled and gave her a slight nod. Edward didn't miss the beaming smile that covered her face in return as she looked back out the windshield.

Before the car had even come to a full stop, Edward had the door open and was on his feet. Charlie stood on the porch with his hand on the door knob and Renee had her hand wrapped in his. Bella stood a few feet from her mother still leaning against the railing, arms crossed over her chest.

Edward ran across the lawn never taking his eyes off of her. Bella's eyes grew wide and she stood making her way toward the steps. Bella's face beamed with a look of elation. In two strides Edward was up the five steps and had Bella in his arms. Engulfing her tiny frame he lifted her toes from the ground. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she kissed him. The two carried on with the kiss they both had wanted to share, but didn't before. Bella's parents stood on the porch with their mouths hanging open. Emmett sat in the driver's seat with a look of complete confusion. Rosalie sat with a look of elation on her face.

Fully aware of the audience around him, Edward kept the kiss as chaste as possible and shortened it much earlier than he would have liked to. He eased Bella back down allowing her toes to touch the wooden planks of the porch. Bella looked dazed as she swayed on her feet at Edward's release.

Edward laced his fingers with Bella's and turned toward her parents. "Mr. McCarty, Renee. I'm in love with your daughter. I know I should have come to you first and I'm sorry I didn't. I hope that I've earned your respect and that you will approve of my desire to have a relationship with her."

Renee squealed and ran across the short distance throwing her arms around Edward. "Oh, I'm thrilled." She hugged Bella and then reluctantly turned toward her husband waiting for his response. The three stood in unison expecting the worst.

Charlie didn't say a word. He looked at his daughter, studying her face. Edward could tell that he was trying to read his daughter. Bella didn't say a word, she only angled her body toward Edward, wrapped her arms around his waist, and leaned her face against his chest. Edward's arm wrapped around her shoulder protectively. Charlie reached up and rubbed his mustache with his thumb and pointer finger.

"How long has this been going on?" He asked looking directly at Edward.

"We've been writing for about five months, but we just met for the first time this weekend."

Renee sighed, "Oh, how romantic."

Charlie rolled his eyes at his wife and looked at his daughter for a confirmation. Bella nodded in the affirmative. Charlie looked back at Edward. "Were you taking advantage of my daughter under my roof this weekend?"

"Dad!" Bella screeched.

"Charlie!" Renee squealed in unison with her daughter.

Never moving his eyes from Edward, Charlie waited. "I kissed her, Sir. I kissed her _a lot,_ but it never went any further than that." Charlie quirked a brow unconvinced. "I swear it, Sir. I would never disrespect your home."

"Why didn't you man up to dating my daughter before you're about to run off?"

Edward's stomach turned, Charlie made him feel like a coward. Before he could answer Bella jumped in. "It was my fault, Dad. I didn't know that Edward was going to be here this weekend. I asked him not to say anything because I was worried about you and Emmett's reactions. I wanted to enjoy my time with him. I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"What did you think Emmett and I would do? I'm a reasonable man, Bella." Bella gave him a look that said are you kidding me, and Renee stifled a laugh with a fake cough.

Charlie hooked his fingers through his belt loops and stared his daughter down. "You like him?"

"Yes."

"I guess it was smart of you to keep it quiet, because I've already decided that Edward's a good man. So, I can't go back on that now." His gaze moved toward the man holding his daughter. "Don't hurt her."

"No, Sir."

Emmett honked the horn from the road.

"Alright, we'll leave you two to say good-bye alone." He opened the door and reached a hand out toward his wife. "Renee?"

"That's it?" Bella asked shocked.

"Do you want there to be more?"

"No… it's… it's fine."

Everyone on the porch other than Charlie stood shocked. Slowly Renee walked over and hugged Edward one more time, wished him well, and went inside the house. Charlie walked into the house and closed the door almost shut and then pulled it open again.

"Edward?" He said bracing his hands on the door and the door jam.

"Sir?"

"Don't forget I always carry a loaded gun… and I'm legally allowed to use it."

Panic coursed through Edward as he heard the warning of death loud and clear. "Yes, Sir."

As if starting a staring contest with Edward, Charlie didn't take his eyes off of Edward.

"Dad," Bella growled.

Charlie challenged Edward a moment longer and then laughed as he shut the door.

Emmett honked the horn again.

"I've got to go."

Bella leapt into Edward's arms. With her face buried in his neck, she began to speak. "Thank you. Thank you for coming here. Thank you for the best weekend of my life. Thank you for coming back for a real good-bye. Thank you for being strong enough to tell my parents about us. Thank you for being the kind of man they trust. Thank you for letting me love you."

Edward's heart overflowed with love for the girl who had turned his life upside down. It was still going to be hard letting her go, but this way was much easier than before. "I love you, Isabella Marie McCarty." He kissed her sweetly. "I'll see you in two weeks."

Bella nodded with a beaming smile on her face.

Edward kissed her one more time and then ran down the stairs. Halfway down the sidewalk he turned around to the love of his life and said, "Write me."

xxx

Author's Notes:

Thank you Gernellers, you go above and beyond the call of a beta and a friend.

Again, I'm sorry for the delay. Leave me a review, it's almost like kissing Edward good-bye.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

"Cullen, you better start explaining real fast, because I am five seconds away from pulling your ass out of the car," Emmett sneered between clenched teeth. His knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel and his eyes glued to the rearview mirror.

Edward's eyes never left the window as he stared at Bella sitting on the top step watching him. "Just drive, buddy. I'll explain everything."

"Call me crazy, Edward, but it seems to me that I extended you an invitation to spend time with my family so you wouldn't be alone and you have taken advantage of that by putting your hands and mouth all over my baby sister. I won't have it! She's been through hell and I won't let anyone hurt her again. "

Edward's eyes darted to meet Emmett's stare. "Emmett, you know me. Would I ever intentionally hurt your sister?" Edward raised his eyebrows, challenging Emmett to contradict him.

Emmett put the car into gear and laid his foot on the gas without saying a word. Edward quickly turned to see Bella one last time, photographing her image in his mind. The next two weeks without her would be hell, but as long as he could see her in his mind, remember the glow of her smile, smell her scent of strawberry and lavender, hear her melodic laugh, memorize the feel of her hands on his body, and receive her letters, he would survive.

Edward was snapped from his reverie when Emmett commanded, "Talk!"

"It started five months ago—"

"Five months ago?" Emmett practically came out of his seat and his head whipped around to face Edward.

"Emmett, eyes on the road! Your ridiculous temper will not endanger my baby, now focus," Rosalie commanded as she punched her husband in the arm.

"Sorry, Babe," Emmett mumbled.

"Look, Emmett, in a way _you_ are the reason we're together."

"Together? What? How on earth could I be responsible for you pawing at my kid sister?"

"Your sister is not a kid, Emmett." Edward's mind started to drift toward memories of Bella's legs wrapped around his waist as he kissed her silly in the rain.

"Edward?" The protective brother growled from the front seat.

"Sorry, look, Bella wrote me a few months ago right after that jack ass Mike screwed her over. She said _you_ gave her a firm talking to and told her to write me."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. I was there," Rosalie chimed, jumping into the conversation.

"I did?"

"Yes!" Rosalie and Edward said in unison, completely exasperated.

"Anyways," Edward went on, "Her letter was funny and sincere… and real. I don't know. There was something about her, so I wrote her back. We've been writing back and forth for months, getting to know each other. We talked on the phone a couple of times. Feelings started developing; I really started to like her… a lot. Then you guys invited me here for the weekend and it was a perfect solution to my desperate desire to meet her. She didn't know I was coming here, I surprised her."

"Why did you guys act like you didn't know each other?"

"Initially, Bella didn't want you to know we were writing because she said you'd get a big head because you'd had the solution to her melancholy." Emmett raised his brows and nodded his head, agreeing with Bella's assumption. Edward smiled and went on. "Once we met, she was worried that you and your dad might get a little protective—"

"That's understatement," Rosalie said under her breath.

Edward continued, "She wanted us to enjoy our short time together and not have anyone hovering over us or giving us the third degree. She wanted to tell your parents after I'd left, but I couldn't leave without kissing her good-bye. So… now everyone knows."

"I am completely blown away by all of this, I had no idea. Did you suspect anything?" Emmett looked at his wife with a look of astonishment.

Rosalie gave him a look that said, _are you serious_? "Of course I knew. Why do you think I told you to invite him this weekend?"

"Bella told you?" He shrieked.

"No, but unlike you I remembered you telling Bella to write Edward. I noticed she was getting letters around the same time she stopped crying and moping. Then I caught Casanova back there looking all googly eyed at a photo of Bella at our house and I knew. Call me, Sherlock Holmes, if you will." Rosalie looked back at Edward and then at Emmett with a smug look on her face. She acted as if she'd solved the greatest mystery of all time.

Emmett rolled his eyes at his wife and looked back at his friend in the back seat. "Dude, you didn't sleep with her did you? 'Cause then I might still have to kick your ass. Ow!" He wailed as Rosalie slugged him in the arm.

"You don't ask him that," she chastised.

"Okay, one stop hitting me," he whined. "Two, guys can ask each other about sex; it's man code. Three, she's my sister and it's my job to protect her virtue."

"That ship sailed."

"What?"

Edward sat in the back watching the married couple quarrel back and forth over Emmett's rights as a brother to interfere with his sister's life. Edward didn't know if he wanted to laugh, jump out of the car, or end the bickering. He went with end it. "Emmett, I did _not_ sleep with your sister." Emmett's face covered with a wide grin for a second and then morphed into confusion. Edward could see the battle being waged within Emmett. He was glad Bella and Edward hadn't slept together, but confused as to why a man wouldn't in Edward's situation. "I wanted to… damn, I wanted to. But my first time with her was not going to be in a house full of people, including a weapon carrying father. I didn't want to have to sneak, keep silent, or eliminate anything I wanted to do to her just because I was impatient."

Silence lingered in the car. Rosalie was smiling; impressed by the fact that Edward seemed to really value Bella and the time they spent together. Emmett sat dumb struck that a man could like a woman as much as Edward seemed to like Bella and restrain himself no matter the circumstances, especially not knowing when he'd see her again. Edward sat silent hoping this would appease Emmett and they could move on from the topic.

"There are so many things I could say about your last comments… IF THIS DIDN'T INVOLVE MY SISTER! I can't believe you are finally going to get laid and I can't… no, don't want to ask you anything about it."

Rosalie and Edward laughed knowing it was killing Emmett not being able to make some crude comments about his friend's budding sex life.

Letting out a loud breath of air he asked, "So, you aren't using her for a quick lay?"

"No… I'm in love with her."

"Love? Yeah right! She's just a kid."

"Emmett, she's the same age as me!" Rosalie snapped.

"It's different, Babe!" He rubbed his hand on her thigh. "Bella's… Rosie, you've always been mature, and a _woman_." He gave her his dimpled smile that always made her melt like butter.

Edward interrupted Rosalie and Emmett's moment, "She's not a kid Emmett. She's very much a desirable _woman_."

"Gross," Emmett whined. His focus turned toward the road and he sat speechless. "Well, Cullen, you're a good guy; you're like a brother to me. I guess if I were to pick anyone for my sister, why not you?"

"Thanks, man."

"You do know that if you hurt her, I'll beat the living crap out of you."

"I know."

"No, seriously, when I'm done with you they wouldn't even be able to identify your remains. You got it?"

"Yes."

"Oh, one more thing…. don't ever talk to me about my sister and sex, or my sister and nudity, or my sister and phone sex… nothing involving you and my sister's… extracurricular activities."

"Not a problem." Edward rolled his eyes. Didn't Emmett know Edward was not a kiss and tell kind of guy? He wasn't Emmett. "Are we cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool."

Edward leaned his head back against the headrest and released a wide grin over his face. He'd had a perfect weekend with the perfect girl, and she loved _him_. There was no more sneaking around. Her family now knew about their relationship and accepted them. It could only get better from here.

xxx

"Emmett gave you his address?" Charlie asked Bella for the umpteenth time.

"Yes," Bella answered with exasperation. "He wasn't trying to set us up. He was trying to get me to quit wallowing over Mike. He was doing a good thing that ended up being a great thing."

Even though Bella had been getting the third degree from her parents since walking through the door, she couldn't wipe the love smitten look off of her face. She'd never expected that Edward would come back and out their relationship to her parents. He was so wise, so strong, so determined, so courageous, so… so… so manly. He hadn't even looked nervous telling Charlie and Renee. He only looked resolute to say good-bye to her on his own terms. She loved the fact that no matter how Charlie had tried to intimidate him, he never cowered down and not once removed his arm from around her. If she thought she was in love with him before, she realized that it was a drop in the bucket compared to what she was feeling now.

"Bella, he's so dreamy," Renee chimed.

"I know, right?" Bella responded excitedly.

A small growl escaped Charlie, accompanied by an exaggerated eye roll. "Will you stop with your crush, Renee? I'm trying to talk to Bella."

"You have been talking to Bella." She looked at her watch. "For thirty minutes now. Nothing has changed. Our daughter is in love with a young man, who seems to really love her. You know that if we were able to hand pick a man for our daughter ourselves, he would be at the top of the list. You were extremely impressed with the boy until you realized he was dating your daughter. They are both adults and have the right to go about their relationship any way they choose. They will continue to get to know each other through correspondence while he honorably serves our country. Just like you and Emmett did with me and Rosalie." Raising one brow she challenged her husband.

"Well, I remember what the single boys in the military were like and I don't know if I like it. What if he hurts her?"

"I really don't believe Edward is like that. Besides that is for Bella to decide not us—"

"Could you two please quit talking about me as if I weren't in the room?" Both of her parents silenced and looked taken back. "Mom, thank you so much for supporting me. I am so glad you like Edward. I appreciate you defending our relationship." Bella turned her gaze toward her father. "Dad, it's already happened. You can't stop it; I'm in love with him. I already know you liked Edward and he hasn't done anything to give you a reason to change that opinion of him. I'm sorry that I didn't tell either of you about us before. Like I said, I had no idea he was coming. It was a surprise. I just wanted to be with him, without any interference. You have to understand that."

Renee and Charlie looked at each other and smiled.

"We do," Renee said with an elated smile on her face.

"When did my baby girl grow up?" Charlie asked with a trembling voice.

Bella rushed over and hugged her dad. "I love you, Daddy."

"Me too. You demand respect, Bella. Don't let him hurt you."

"He won't." She kissed him on the cheek. "I'm going upstairs now. I am pretty sure there is a letter waiting for me, and I'm dying to go and read it."

Without waiting for a response, she was running toward her room. Closing the door behind her, Bella let out a sigh of relief. Everything was out in the open. She felt like she could really, truly, breathe and relish in the experience she'd shared with Edward. There were no longer any hindrances. She could freely talk about the man that she loved. She could touch him, hold his hand, kiss him, and… a giggle escaped her mouth as she thought of all the things she wanted to do with him. She never had to worry about who was around or if her family would find out. And, she never had to worry about him being set up with another woman again. Life was good.

Spotting something on her bed, she made a dash toward her awaiting present. Her name was written in his block handwriting on the center of the envelope that sat waiting. Underneath the letter was a gray t-shirt. She picked it up and saw that it had the letters USMC across the chest. It was enormous and smelled just like Edward. He'd left her his t-shirt. She couldn't control the glowing smile on her face. She quickly ripped off her shirt and replaced it with his. She snuggled into her pillow, pulling her quilt over her. Once settled and comfortable, she pulled the papers from its envelope.

_My Bella,_

_I'm not really that romantic to address my letters that way, but I just like saying _My _Bella. _

Bella smiled as she thought about how much she liked being his Bella too.

_I hope your independent ways don't get upset with the fact that I think of you as mine. If it makes you feel any better, I am yours. I've belonged to you for a while now._

Her cheeks were burning from the beaming grin that she could not wipe off of her face. Bella couldn't help but wonder what she had done in life to deserve a man like Captain Edward Cullen. A sigh escaped her mouth and she continued to read.

_This is going to be a letter of a thousand thank yous. Well, maybe not a thousand… but a lot._

_Thank you so much for sharing this weekend with me. You will never understand how much it has meant to me. I've never had the family that you have. My mom and I haven't celebrated holidays traditionally since I was a child. Most of the time I am alone and the day passes as any other day. Thanksgiving Day, cutting down the tree, decorating for the holiday, playing games as a family, sitting down to family dinners, those were all things that I thought only existed in Hollywood. You've changed that. Watching you and your family together gave me something to model when I have a family of my own. I want what your family has, flaws and all. You gave me a gift that was priceless and I will never forget it. _

_Thank you for rescuing me from Lauren and every other woman out there who pales in comparison to you. I am thankful you and Rosalie went through evil methods to save me from that date with Lauren. You do know those were all lies, right? Now that I can openly express that I have you, I never have to go on another ridiculously awkward date again._

Bella wondered if that was a slip, adding the word "again." Because that would mean he was either going to be celibate or was going to marry her. She hoped it was the second, as she felt the heat coursing through her blushing body. Bella's eyes widened at her thought's admission and she shook her head, snapping herself back to reality. They'd barely been together; there was no way marriage was on either of their minds… that would be insane.

_Thank you for our runs. I had anticipated getting to run with you. It was exactly as I'd imagined it would be. I knew that we'd be able to talk about anything and have comfortable silence when it was needed. I am impressed at the speed you were able to maintain. I'll admit now, I was a little worried that I wouldn't really get a work out since you had just started your regimen, but you were a champ. I didn't run at full speed, but I didn't feel slowed down either. I appreciate that you were willing to give up family time to go with me. I really appreciate that amazing first kiss in the rain. I'll never forget our first run together. Keep up the work, but maybe you can convince Alice to start running with you instead of Jake._

Bella giggled.

_This is the part that you should not share with anyone else; rated R material here. Thank you for our intimacy. Bella, the time we spent alone together was… was… there are no words. I feel like your body was made to fit against mine. The way you smell, is like the sweetest scent God created. It is a smell that is uniquely you and I wish we could make it into a fragrance so that I could take it with me and have it on those long, lonely nights in the desserts, where I'll be thinking of you. When we kiss, it is the most beautifully synchronized dance created. Your mouth against mine and on my body, cause goose bumps to cover my flesh. They are peaking on my arms right now just thinking about it. The little whimpers and moans you make when I kiss you and touch you are better than any music I have ever heard. I need you, Bella, like nothing I've ever needed before. My body literally craves you and is never satisfied. I hope that you know all of this. Don't you ever think for a minute that I didn't take it further because I didn't want you. I want you… badly. Many of my showers there were cold, to calm my body's response to you. But, I could never disrespect you enough to make our first time together anything other than perfect, and I don't think on your parent's couch would have been ideal. It will happen, and when it does… it will be amazing._

Bella could feel her breaths becoming shorter. Her body was reacting to the words she was reading and she wanted him there with her so bad. Some insecurity had seeped through her system when Edward never tried to take things beyond a little friskiness. His reassurance boosted her spirits right up. Unfortunately, she was now left completely aroused with no Edward in sight.

_Thank you for taking that first step in writing me. I didn't really have very many girlfriends growing up and then I had Tanya all through college until she ended things. I want you to know that I did truly love Tanya, but now… I wonder if I was really _in love_ with her. I'm going to be honest here. Men can be very lazy in relationships. If we have someone we care about, someone to have sex with, someone who is there for us, then we don't question its depths like I am sure women do. I was comfortable with Tanya, I knew everything about her, she'd been a good support system, and like I said, I did love her. When she broke up with me; one, it opened my eyes to the shallow person she could be. I mean who ends an engagement because suddenly they aren't going to make enough money or run you in the elite circles? Two, I never felt like I needed to go after her. I wasn't willing to sacrifice who I'd become or my obligations to the military for her. That was when I knew, as hard as it would be letting her walk away from me; it was the right thing to do. Since I met you, things have changed. Bella, for you… I would do it all. I'd beg you never to leave and I'm ready to end my military career if this goes somewhere. There are several factors in this decision, as much as I'd love to say it's all you, there's more to it. I've done my time. My contract with the military is almost expired. I wouldn't be walking away from a responsibility or letting anyone down like I would have in the past. I'm also ready for a settled down life. I want to go to work and go home to _my_ bed every night. When I pull in the driveway at the end of the day, I want to see a house that is lit up from the inside. I want to open the front door and hear the sounds of kids running around and a wife asking me how my day was. I want to have hot meals three times a day, no dehydrated packets. I could handle wearing some crisp white dress shirts, instead of grubby, sweaty t-shirts. I want to have lazy weekends. I want to lie in bed at night and discuss our lives with my wife. I've loved my time in the Marines; I have no regrets, no resentments. My time has just come to an end. I'm ready for the next phase of Edward Cullen's life._

Bella was full of emotions: relief, panic, excitement, responsibility, smitten, anxious, and anticipation.

_I hope that I haven't freaked you out. I know we are nowhere near this step yet. These are thoughts and desires I've been dealing with for the last year. I just wasn't sure that it would be what I wanted if I were all alone. Now… I might not be alone when that time comes. _

Bella knew that if she had any say in it, he would definitely not be alone.

_I need to redeem my manhood and lighten up this letter. I read a great book on the way to your parent's house and I think you should read it if you haven't already, "_Life of Pi."_ I am reading "_Transfer of Power"_ on my way back. I'll let you know how that one is. What have you been reading? I only have a few weeks left and I like to have some books to take with my when I deploy. I would love some suggestions._

Bella's _Edward buzz_ was slightly killed with the reminder of his inevitable departure. She knew that good-bye would be nothing like the one they'd just had… it would be worse.

_I would like to ask you a few questions, like we have in our other letters. What did you think when you first saw me? What is the first thing you will save for when you are done with school? If you were stuck on a deserted island, what three things would you want with you?_

_What should we do when you come to visit me? Well, I know one thing we'll be doing, but what about when we take our short breaks? _

Bella's eyes bugged from her eyes but her heart leapt with excitement and her body heated with eagerness.

_Since I will be gone over Christmas, I thought we could have our own little Christmas before I left. Can you give me some hints as to something you want?_

_Did you like the shirt I left you? I don't want you to think that I was arrogant enough to assume you would want something of mine and that's why I left it for you. I just think it's fair that if I'm going to take something of yours, you should get to have something of mine. I borrowed two items of yours and I'll leave it up to you to figure out what I took. I'm not a kleptomaniac; I just really wanted something to remind me of you and to hold onto when it felt like you were really far away._

_I love you, Bella._

_Yours Always,_

_Edward_

Bella swiped the tear from her eye and laid her letter down on her pillow. She replayed words from Edward's note over in her mind as exhaustion began to overtake her. The last thought she had before falling asleep was… what did he take?

Bella felt like she'd barely fallen asleep, when she heard her mom knocking on her bedroom door. She forced her eyelids open, the red neon numbers on her alarm clock said it was seven. She'd slept three hours. Damn, she knew she'd never get to sleep tonight now.

"What, Mom?" She called as she rolled over onto her back.

"Telephone for you."

"Thanks." Reaching over, Bella removed her phone from its cradle and pushed the talk button.

"Hello?"

"Bella," sounded a voice Bella would never forget. Her pulse quickened and her stomach started to roll. A million memories flashed through her mind and anger built in her core.

"What?" Bella replied more curtly than she'd ever spoken to anyone.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't."

"I have things I need to say… to apologize for."

"What's the point, Mike? It's done. We've both moved on and to be honest, I'd be fine if we never saw each other or spoke again."

"I deserve that. I'm really sorry, Bella."

"Okay," Bella answered with absolutely no emotion.

"Can I come over so we can talk?"

Bella wanted to scream. She ran her hand through her hair tugging on it in out of frustration. "What's the point?"

"I miss you."

Suddenly sirens and lights started blaring in Bella's mind. She felt like one of those cartoons where a little light bulb shines above a character's head when revelation strikes. She knew exactly what this was about. "Mike, how's Jessica?"

"We broke up," Mike spoke defeated.

"That's what I thought. You aren't upset for what you did to me, you sorry piece of crap. You're only sorry you're alone right now. How dare you call me on my holiday and try and befriend me after you cheated on me, with my roommate, in our apartment, never had the decency to apologize for seven months, and now that your alone, suddenly you're sorry!" Bella's voice had escalated with every word and she was now screaming. "Go to hell, Mike."

Without waiting for any response she ended the call and screamed into her pillow. Bella was fairly confident that if Mike were there right now, she'd castrate him. She was glad that was the case, because then she'd be in jail and unable to see Edward. Minutes later her heart rate slowed down, her breaths became more even, and she slowly let every last drop of anger ooze out of her body. Edward crossed her mind and she was engulfed in a smile and she no longer let that pathetic excuse of an ex-boyfriend cross her mind. She had an amazing man, that loved her and she could not be happier with her life.

Feeling sweaty and gross from her nap and tense from her conversation with the has-been, she decided to take a much needed shower. She grabbed her towel, and headed to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and started to brush her teeth while she waited for the water to heat. In the quiet of the room, her thoughts drifted to Edward on top of her; lean and hard against her body, she smiled as goose bumps ran up her arms. She spit her toothpaste and slipped out of her clothes and into the warm spray of water. She lingered, letting the hot water pelt her skin and hair, forcing her to relax. Knowing the hot water wouldn't last forever, she reached for her shampoo. Her eyes quickly darted around the ledge of the tub, no strawberry shampoo. She pulled the shower curtain to the side and looked on the other side, the counter, the shelf above the toilet. _What the heck happened to my shampoo? _Reluctantly, she grabbed her mom's shampoo for colored hair and began to suds it in her locks. A thought crossed her mind and then a beaming grin overtook her face.

"He took my shampoo," she said out loud to nobody.

xxx

Edward sat in his narrow airplane seat, leaning his body against the window as much as possible, trying to avoid contact with the fifty year old woman who kept staring at him. He let out a long breath, thinking it was going to be a long flight. Once the plane was airborne, Edward pulled out his book and began to read. Absentmindedly, his hand found rest in the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt and began to rub the silky fabric of Bella's camisole between his thumb and pointer finger. The action instantly flooded him with the calmness he would need to endure his departure.

**Author Notes:**

Thank you for all of your kind reviews last chapter. I felt very humbled to have such wonderful people reading my fic.

HeatherDawn made a fabulous banner for this story. If you'd like to check it out, the link is on my profile page. It is wicked awesome! Thank you, friend.

Lynelle, you are the best beta and IBFF there is. Smile, I love you!

Leave me a review and maybe Edward will sneak into your room and steal something of yours.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

Edward stuck his key into the lock of his front door, to find it already unlocked. Positive he'd locked his door before his trip, his senses heightened. He dropped his bag and cautiously opened the door. His steps were silent, muscles coiled, eyes scanning, ears were keen; he was like an animal searching for his prey. Within a second of being inside his home, he knew the smell was off, it didn't smell like… him. He was aware of a spike in temperature inside the house; the heater was running. Edward could count on one hand how many times he'd used the heat; someone had turned it on. As he took a few steps further he could hear muffled sounds coming from down the hall, maybe… a TV or hushed conversation. Fully in the living room he could inspect the living space, kitchen, and hallway from his position. His eyes were instantly drawn to the yellowed glow filtering from underneath the second bedroom door. Edward made his way down the hallway in stealth mode, passing the room that seemed to be occupied. Making his way across his bedroom, he reached behind his bed removing his gun from its case velcroed to the back of his headboard. Not wasting time, Edward made his way to his closet to collect ammunition. Hugging his body against the wall, he made his way back toward the light. Once he felt the frame of the door pressed against his shoulder he took a slow, deep, breath and then in one fluid motion he turned the door knob and swung around into the room, gun raised.

A bug eyed intruder sat perched on the bed, laptop in hand. Edward dropped his gun at his side. His body was doused with a flood of relief and then it was replaced with fury. "What are you doing here?"

"Aren't you happy to see us?"

Edward tucked his gun into the back of his jeans and began to rub the palms of his hands over his eyes. "Who's us?"

"Tanya ran to pick us up some dinner. Let me call her and tell her to pick something up for you too."

Edward's hands left his face at the same time an exaggerated breath left his throat. His hands latched onto the edges of the door jam and he dropped his head between his shoulders. "What are you doing here Mom?" He groaned in frustration.

"Don't you want me here?" She asked in her whining, poor me, voice. "Is Chinese okay with you?" She asked, cell phone in hand, completely ignoring Edward's irritation.

The flames of anger licked at his insides at the same moment, guilt crept through his veins. "I'm not hungry." Esme dropped the phone down on the bed next to her and looked at Edward as he stared her down. "You can't just break into my house whenever you decide to reappear in my life." An angry laugh barked out of him. "But, hey, I guess that would require you to contact me and let me know where you are."

Esme began her routine as the victim. "Why are you being so hateful?"

Frustration started to build at a climactic speed. He'd just spent an amazing weekend with Bella and her family and he wasn't ready to come off of his high. He also had an eye opening experience as to what a parent/child relationship is supposed to be. He knew a mother was supposed to worry about, take care of, make sacrifices for, and love her child. Not abandon, use, and take advantage of her child; which is exactly what Esme had done. He felt all of his happiness being sucked out of him and resentment and irritation were replacing it. The old Edward would have offered her something to eat, maybe moved his TV into her room, gotten her an extra blanket, and dropped cash into her wallet. Not this time. Not ever again. Things had changed. He had changed.

"I'm not being hateful, I'm just… I'm tired."

"Oh, honey if you're tired, go to bed. We'll talk later." She started to make her way toward her grown son.

Edward held his hands out toward her, halting her movement. "No, I'm not physically tired. I'm emotionally drained. I'm tired of being the parent in this relationship. I'm tired of worrying about someone who doesn't worry about me. I'm tired of bailing you out of every situation you get yourself into, Mom. I'm not going to let you do it anymore."

"What are you talking about?" She asked, taken aback.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Edward's voice was near yelling. "Mom, where have you been for the last ten months?"

"South America."

"How exactly do you think I should have known that?" Edward crossed his arms over his chest in expectation. She didn't reply. "Was there a mail system there? How about a phone? Computers?"

"Well of course, Edward. I was never in a third world country."

"Then. Why. Haven't. You. Contacted. Me!"

"Well… we were just… I was so busy… always moving around… time just got away with me."

Edward slammed his fist into the door causing Esme to flinch. "Well, how nice for you. Do you know how slow time goes when your only family disappears without a word? Do you know what it's like to think they are dead? Do you know what it's like to know that your own parent doesn't love you enough to contact you for almost a year? Do you know what it's like to contact every person you have ever known, to see if they have heard from your parent?" Esme stood staring at her son, completely floored. He'd never spoken to her this way. He'd never called her out on her irresponsibility before and it was a slap in the face.

Playing dumb, Edward asked, "Why did you come here?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Nope, I don't buy it. Try again." Edward was going to force her to admit why she was there and that she had sold the house he'd paid for, to go on her ridiculous trip.

"Well... I don't have anywhere else to go," she stammered.

"Why not your house?"

"I sold it."

"Why?"

"So, I could go with Alex to South America."

"Sounds fun," Edward's voice dripped with sarcasm. "What was your plan when you ran out of money or lost the boyfriend of the month?"

"Now you are just being mean," Esme said in a hurt voice. Edward just continued to stare unmoved by her theatrics.

"Well, I hadn't thought that far."

"Why not?" Edward waited, knowing he wasn't going to get an answer. "I'll tell you why, because you have a reliable son who has always fixed all of your problems." Esme didn't respond, what could she possibly say? She couldn't deny that what he said was true. "I'm done, Mom. I'm not doing it anymore."

"Doing what anymore?"

"Rescuing you," Edward said as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"What? Are you going to throw me on the streets… pretend I don't exist?" The water works started and Edward had to convince himself not to succumb to her self-pity.

"It's what you do!" He screamed. "You act as if I don't exist!"

Esme burst into tears. "What am I supposed to do?"

It didn't escape Edward's notice that she didn't deny his accusation. He didn't know what the hell he wanted her to do. Of course he didn't want his mother on the streets and homeless. What decent human being would? At the same time, he also knew he wasn't going to bail her out of her situation either. This weekend had opened his eyes to the possibility of a family of his own. He was not going to let her do this to his children or wife; have her flash in and out of their lives at her convenience, drain them of their savings, or readjust their lives around her whims. The cycle had to end… NOW! His thoughts were interrupted by the front door shutting.

"I got us Thai food, Esme." Tanya's voice sounded super high pitched and annoying. Had it always sounded like that? Without a word he went to his room and slammed the door behind him.

Edward made haste as he changed into his running clothes and replaced the gun to its proper hiding place. He tried to block out the sound of the two women's muffled voices. He had to get out of there. He opened the door and made his way down the hall. He didn't pause when the two women followed behind him. He reached into his backpack and grabbed his cell phone and keys before opening the door to leave. Prior to exiting, he looked at the two women staring at him. His mom's face was red and puffy from crying. Tanya stood with her hand on her waist tapping her foot in annoyance. Her face questioning, _how dare you do this to your mother_.

"I'm going for a run," he gruffed, and then slammed the door behind him.

As soon as Edward made it around the corner, he dialed Bella's number. It rang four times before going to her voicemail. "Hi, this is Bella. Leave me a message."

"Bella," Edward's hands pulled at his neck as he paced back and forth on the pavement, "it's me. I really needed to hear your voice, right now… I'll talk to you later… love you."

Edward dropped his phone into his pocket, put his ear buds in and took off running. He detoured from his normal route to add a couple of miles and some distraction. Still full of frustration at the end of his run, he headed away from home for a couple more miles. After he had completed the extra distance and his body couldn't go any further, he slumped down on the curb. His anger wasn't quite boiling within him as it had been, but it was still at a consistent simmer. He knew for his sanity and the relationship he didn't want to further damage with his mother, he couldn't go home yet. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that he'd missed a call and had a voicemail.

"Dammit," he hissed out loud, angry that he had missed her call.

His fingers trembled as he punched in his password and waited for the message to play. When Bella's voice sounded through the little phone, he smiled. "Hey, Edward. I'm sorry I missed your call. I was making my way through the airport and didn't hear the phone ring. Hopefully you can call me before I board my plane. Is everything okay? You sounded upset in your message. I hope you're okay. I love you."

Edward saved the message and then dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail. He knew she must be in flight already. He debated whether or not he should leave a message again. He didn't want to annoy or burden her.

"Hi, Bella. I keep missing you, on the phone and you being with me. I'm okay, I don't want you to worry. I just needed to talk to you… my mom was here when I got home. Have a safe trip home and I'll try and call you tomorrow. I miss you already. Bye."

Going home to his mother and ex was the last thing Edward wanted at that moment. Racking his brain for someone he could talk to, loneliness flooded him as he realized there was nobody but Bella. He felt like hitting someone or something. He needed a release.

He punched a number into his cell phone, "Garrett, I need a favor."

"Sure thing, what's up?" His comrade responded.

Edward asked his friend for a favor and twenty minutes later he was entering into the base's indoor target practice facility.

"Thanks, man. I owe you for getting me in here at this hour."

"You're just fortunate I was alone tonight, or you would have been out of luck." Garrett smirked as he unlocked the door and retrieved two guns. Edward gave a forced laugh and grabbed two sets of ear muffs.

"You got some steam to blow off, buddy?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Edward took the S&W pistol from his friend and loaded it with a magazine and set the other three on the ledge in front of him.

"Good, cause I'm not a good listener."

Edward smiled. He loved the honesty and willingness to leave things alone that his friend possessed.

"Nothing a little shooting won't solve," Garrett offered as his way of consoling his friend. Edward shrugged and widened his stance as he raised his gun shoulder level. "You want to make this interesting?"

Again Edward shrugged. "Why not?"

"Four magazines and the person with the lowest score buys the other guy a beer… or five." Both men looked at each other and smirked.

"You're on." A second after the words left Edward's mouth the room erupted with the sound of ammunition being fired over and over again.

Edward's talented skill at shooting gave him a nearly perfect score and Garrett took him to the local bar for drinks. Edward barely touched the drink that sat in front of him. He'd never seen the appeal to losing control over your mind and body that came from heavy drinking. He did, however, stay until the bar closed laughing and enjoying his friends. Also, avoiding what awaited him at home.

As Edward made his way home, he saw that he'd missed a call and had a text message. He let out a growl of frustration, and opened the text.

_Hey, You! Hate this game of phone tag. I don't know what to say about your mom, because I don't know what you want. I really, really, want you to be happy. Do what makes you feel that way. I wish I could be there with you to hold your hand or kiss you. Love, Me_

A smile covered his face and Edward saved the message. It felt good knowing he had someone in his corner, even if she was hours away.

xxx

Edward and Bella kept missing each other for days. Edward was going through some pretty intense training and was gone most all of his waking hours. Their timing never seemed to get right. Things had been better for Edward since his mother and Tanya had left, but tension still lingered. He needed Bella.

After a particularly exhausting day, Edward found a blue envelope in his stack of mail. A smile caused the corner of his mouth to rise. He didn't have the energy to physically react the same way he was feeling on the inside. His grumbling stomach and putrid body forced him to lay his letter down. He pulled out a frozen pizza and stuck it in the oven. On his way out of the kitchen he glanced at his phone to see if he'd missed any calls… nothing. Going against everything he wanted, Edward made his way to the shower to wash off fifteen hours of sweat before he could read the words he so desperately needed. He was crawling out of his skin in his filth and knew he couldn't fully enjoy his letter in his condition. He showered quickly and threw on a pair of shorts. As he made his way down the hall he heard the kitchen timer beep— perfect timing. He pulled the pizza out of the oven and left it on the counter to cool. He'd eat later.

Letter in hand, he dropped onto the couch and ripped the contents from the envelope.

_Edward,_

_I feel like I owe you some thank yous of my own. Since I could never thank you as beautifully as you thanked me, I'm not going to try. I just want to say one thank you that will sum it all up. Thank you for being you!_

Edward's heart expanded. He smiled knowing that this letter was exactly what he needed.

_Edward, you will never know how amazing it was to me that you came back that last day in Forks. I was on the verge of hysterics as the car doors closed and you began your departure. I had no idea how I would explain away the tears that I had never shed for Emmett before. The thought of explaining my secretive relationship while breaking down was something I was not prepared to do. I did explain everything to them, but I was much happier after my own personal super hero came back and kissed me the way I wanted him to. The way you took me in your arms without hesitation and then told my father how you felt about me, made me fall even more in love with you. After you left, I endured the sit down with my parents with a stupid, cheesy grin written on my face. They loved you, and love that I am happy with you. I think you will definitely be invited back for another holiday, if you can handle us. I feel like everything is perfect._

_Yes, Edward, I know those things Rose told Lauren were a lie. Your breath always smells minty fresh and tastes delicious. You are not a close talker, in fact, I never feel like you are close enough. After our several hour make out session, I will have to say I am very confident that your nickname was never nub. I will have to research further, when we are together again, just to make sure._

Suddenly, Edward felt a little more awake than he had seconds ago. He loved when Bella voiced the temptress ways she kept hidden inside.

_I am glad I didn't slow you down too much on our runs. I'd love to say that the next time I see you I won't slow you down at all, but let's face it, I'm never going to be as fast as you. My body is not tall, muscular, and full of stamina like yours. _

She's right. Her body was none of those things. She was soft, curvy, toned, and amazingly sexy; absolutely perfect. Edward knew he really needed to quit thinking of her this way or it was going to be a long, uncomfortable night.

_I will keep trying though. I can't make any promises that I won't run with Jake anymore, most of the time I can't run until the evening and I feel safer when he is with me. I will promise you that you have nothing to worry about where he is concerned. We are only friends and I have made that clear to him on more than one occasion._

A small growl escaped Edward's throat. If she had to make it clear to Jake on several occasions that meant the bastard was not giving up.

_Your kisses were the best I ever had. I never knew that just kissing someone could ignite an inferno over every inch of my body. You have set the par extremely high. Nobody could ever live up to that, so… I guess… you'll have to keep occupying that job for… a really long time._

Edward wished he could pat himself on the back for a job well done. She hadn't even experienced half of what he wanted to do to her.

_Let's see if I can answer your questions. When I first glanced at you I thought you were gorgeous. My stomach flip-flopped and I felt a little guilty that I was so instantly attracted to someone when I had strong feelings for my pen pal. _

Edward couldn't control the excited smile that covered his face.

_The first thing I will save for when I have a grown up job is a home. I know, I'm really boring— book nerd remember. If I were stuck on a deserted island I would have to have my Kindle, Diet Coke, and you. _

_I'd like you to answer the question about what you thought when you saw me and the deserted island one. I would also like to know what your bed is like—sheets and a quilt, just sheets, do you make your bed, lot's of pillows, one pillow, firm, soft? You get the picture._

When thinking of his bed, all he wanted was her in it.

_I love your idea of us having a mini Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. Do you have a tree and lights? You also must have Bing Crosby's _White Christmas_, it's a Christmas requisite. Sorry, pal you are on your own on what to get me. I can't wait to see what you come up with._

Edward started to feel pressure. He wanted to give her something amazing and he didn't have a clue.

_I love, love, love the shirt you left me. I wear it to bed every night. I hate to admit, I haven't washed it yet. I know that once I do your smell will be gone and I like smelling you as I fall asleep. _

Edward couldn't help but wonder if she wore anything else with his t-shirt.

_I figured out you took my shampoo, but what else did you take? _

_So… Mike called me, a few hours after you left the other day. I was completely confused when he called saying that he was sorry and wanted to see me. I thought maybe he was drunk and then I figured out that Jessica had dumped him. Once he confirmed what I suspected, I let him have it. I was completely blown away that he thought for a second I would give him the time of day. You were completely right when you told me that one day I would look back and wonder what I saw in him. Right now, I am going to blame it on some type of self-destructive phase._

_I hate that we haven't been able to talk yet. I think about you all the time and hope that your mom isn't hurting you or taking advantage of you. Please let me know what's going on. I can come down and kick some ass if you need me to. Nobody hurts my man. I'm all talk though; I don't think I'd really be able to kick your mom's ass. Deep down I'm a pile of mush._

He heart swelled as he felt her love and protection toward him through her written words.

_Sorry, the letter isn't super exciting, but I wanted to get it to you right away since we haven't been able to talk. Write to me soon and know that I am thinking of you._

_All My Love,_

_Bella_

_P.S. I want you to know that you can call me, _Your Bella_, anytime. I love that you want me to be yours._

Glancing at the clock, Edward saw that it was late. But he didn't care. He grabbed his phone and started dialing her number. He needed to hear her voice.

xxx

_Ring, Ring, Ring!_

The sound of Bella's cell phone pulled her from her sleep. As she raised her head and looked around her room, she was slightly confused. The last thing she remembered was working on her lesson plans and apparently she'd fallen asleep doing so. Drool marks were spread across her notes, the light was still on, and a pen was still resting between her fingers. She looked at the clock and saw that it was just after midnight.

_Ring, Ring, Ring!_

Her phone rang again, pulling her from her state of confusion. Her fingers curled around her chair arms as she pushed up from her seat and away from her desk. Barely awake and feet dragging she made her way to her bed and snagged the lit up noise maker. When she looked at the screen her body took on a completely different response. A smile covered her sleep creased face, her heart began to pitter patter inside her chest, and she leapt onto her bed instead of dropping.

"Finally," she sighed into the phone.

"It's a freakin' miracle. I can't believe I'm finally hearing your voice."

Bella smiled and felt relief that Edward was finally on the phone with her. "How are you?"

"I've been better."

"Talk to me."

"I really need you, Bella." Bella's eyes fell closed. She knew exactly how he felt. "I don't want to complain though. I feel like I should be telling you something that will make you smile."

"I am smiling. All I needed was to hear your voice. Now tell me about your mom."

"It was pure hell, Bella. When I came home she and Tanya were settled in my house making themselves at home, like it was a completely normal thing to do."

"Tanya was there?" Bella cringed as she heard the jealousy in her voice.

Bella heard a deep muffled laugh come through the phone before Edward spoke. "She was, but that's beside the point. My mom pulled her typical 'I missed you. Where will I go? Don't you love me? You wouldn't turn me away?' crap. I lost it, I told her everything I had been feeling. I told her I wasn't going to fix her problems and that I was tired of her not being a mother."

"Good for you," Bella interrupted. "Do you feel better?"

"Yes and no."

"What do you mean?"

Edward let out a long sigh, "It feels good to finally let her know all that I was feeling, but it never feels good to hurt her. And I hate not being sure that she is going to be taken care of."

"So, she's not with you anymore?"

"No, they left together two days after I got here."

"Where'd they go?"

"My mom went to Chicago with Tanya. Apparently, Tanya's mom has been lonely since her dad died and Tanya thought it would be a good idea for them to live together. She called her mom and her mom was ecstatic. We presented the idea to my mom and she agreed. I sat down with my mom and helped her make a budget. We figured out that between her social security and what she has left from her trip she could cover her monthly expenses, if she lived frugally. I told her that she had to get a job. She wasn't thrilled with that."

"Of course not," Bella mumbled.

"I begged her to stay out of a relationship. I told her she didn't need to have a man to be happy. She needs to have good friends, enjoy her job, get a hobby, and be a mother. She said she was going to try."

"You're a good son, Edward. Sometimes I feel like you are too perfect and I don't know what you are doing with me."

"I'm finally, making myself happy, that's what I'm doing with you."

Silence fell over their conversation as they both sat smiling at opposite ends of the phone.

"I told her about you," Edward whispered his confession.

"You did. What did she say?"

"Honestly, she was disappointed at first. I think she still had it in the back of her mind that Tanya and I would work it out. Like I said, she's crazy." Bella felt her stomach start to roll as she thought about Tanya and Edward together. "Tanya and I both reinforced the fact that it was never going to happen. Once she saw that it was true, she was excited I had found someone. She asked a lot about you and she wants to meet you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I told her that's not going to happen for a while."

"Oh." Bella felt like she'd been punched in the stomach.

In a panicking voice, Edward recovered, "No, no, no, not because of you. I told her that until I could see that she was taking responsibility and going to be in my life permanently, I wouldn't introduce her to anyone that was going to be a part of my future."

Heat flooded Bella's body as she blushed from head to toe. She didn't know what to say. So many emotions rolled through her. She felt fear that they were moving so fast and it could end just as fast. She was elated and smitten that he was thinking about her as in a forever kind of way. She felt anxious to see him and hold him again.

"I love you," was all she could say.

"I love you, too."

"We're still on for next Saturday?"

"I hope so."

Bella smiled, "Nine more days. I will plan on leaving as soon as I get done with class Friday. Does that work?"

"No."

She was flooded with disappointment, "Oh, okay."

"I wish it was sooner. I'm forgetting what you feel like under my hands."

Bella felt herself heating with arousal. "Are you trying to have phone sex with me?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to the idea."

"Sorry, I'm not a phone sex kind of girl. Save it up for next weekend."

"You're killing me, Bella."

"Tell me about your week, besides your mommy issues." Edward laughed and Bella giggled with him.

"It's been hell. I have my normal job, plus I have my physical training, then I have to train my guys, and we have to do some written testing. I am completely exhausted from my brain down to my toes. Your letter tonight helped give me a burst of… of something."

"Oh good, I'm glad you got my letter," Bella yawned.

"Don't do that," Edward yawned. "Did I wake you up when I called?"

"Yeah, I fell asleep working at my desk."

"How is the student teaching? Are you giving all those high school boys some wicked fantasies of the hot teacher?"

"You're disgusting."

"I'm right."

"They're kids."

"Full of hormones."

"Gross. It's going pretty good. The teacher I am working with is awesome. I love her methods and I am learning a lot from her. She is also really good about letting me do it my way and then gives me insightful feedback. I'm really enjoying it."

"Good. I wonder if I will be back in time for your graduation."

"I hope so."

"You should look into some teaching jobs down here near the base."

"You think so?"

There was a long pause and Bella wondered if they had lost their connection. "Edward?"

"Yeah… I really do think you should get a job here."

"Well… if you're lucky, I'll think about it." Bella said trying sound uninterested, but really doing all that she could to tamp down her desire to squeal.

Edward yawned into the phone. "I've got to be up in a few hours, so I better get to bed."

"Okay, thank you for calling."

"It was my pleasure. I'm going to go get in bed with that silky, lacy, tank top of yours now."

Bella's face lit up as she realized that he was talking about her camisole that she thought she left at home. She got all warm and fuzzy knowing he slept with something of hers as she did with his t-shirt. She was so far smitten it was almost disgusting. She never thought she would be like this and she loved it.

"I'm already wearing your shirt."

"Anything else?"

"No phone sex."

"Come on?"

"You'll have to wait and see when I am there with you."

"You're killing me, Love."

"I know, isn't it awesome." They both laughed. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night. I love you, Bella."

"I love you too."

**Author Notes**:

I'm sorry again for the delay. These last two weeks getting my kids ready for school was a little overwhelming. Hooray, though, they are back in school. I will actually have time during the day to work on my chapters.

Thank you Lynelle, for always making time for me. We are kindred spirits.

Thank you all for your reviews and for alerting and adding me to your favorites. It means so much that so many of you could enjoy something I write. Your reviews really are motivational in getting the updates posted, so go on ahead and leave me a review.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

"Come out with us tonight," Alice whined. "Pretty please?" She clasped her hands in front of her, tilting her head toward her shoulders, and batting her eyes, giving herself the saddest pleading face.

Bella lay sprawled across her bed, dressed in her sweats and t-shirt, unmoved by Alice's begging. "I'm tired."

"Come on." Alice stomped her foot and clamped her hands around her hips. "You haven't come out with me in weeks."

"I'm tired."

"All you do is work and think about Captain Love. Don't be one of _those_ girls that get's a boyfriend and forgets all about her friends."

That hit a nerve within Bella. She never wanted to be one of _those_ girls. She detested _those_ girls. The war in her head was officially waged. She was exhausted, she still had some preparation for class the upcoming week, and she had to work all day tomorrow. However, it would be fun to go out and not think. She really had neglected Alice since coming back from Thanksgiving. She went back and forth weighing her options. Alice jutted out her lower lip and Bella had to resist laughing. Her resolve was broken and she caved.

Forcing herself into a sitting position, Bella admitted her defeat, "Fine, I'll go."

An enthusiastic squeal erupted within the confines of Bella's room causing her ears to ring.

Bella's eyebrows shot up. "Geez, Alice. I think only dogs heard that noise."

"Go take a shower and I'll get my stuff." She was already headed for the door as she spoke the last word.

Jumping from her bed Bella blocked Alice's exit. "No makeover."

"Please?"

Bella shook her head in protest.

"I won't go over bored."

Bella crossed her arms over her chest.

"I won't curl your hair."

Bella mouthed, _No. _

An evil grin came over Alice's face. "We can take a picture of you all dolled up on your phone and send it to Edward."

Bella's mouth pursed to say no and then she hesitated.

Alice took Bella's pause as an opportunity to convince her friend. "I bet Edward would love having a picture of his girlfriend looking smoking hot to take with him overseas. He'd probably fall asleep looking at it every night."

Bella rolled her eyes. "You're laying it on a little thick." Deep down Bella really did want Edward to see the magic Alice could work on her. Instead of memories of her crying, soaked by the rain, or sweaty from their runs, he could visualize her girly and… pretty. Edward was sex on legs in Bella's eyes; she wanted to attempt to even the playing field a little. "Alright," she said resigned.

Before Alice could ask for anything else, Bella walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

For an hour and a half Bella sat in a chair that had been dragged from the dining room into the bathroom. Having her hair tugged, flattened, sprayed, and smoothed. Her face had been liquefied and powdered, her lips glossed, and a barrel of mascara had been applied to her lashes. All the while she sat listening to Alice talk about Jasper. This was not something Bella would ever take pleasure in but, she enjoyed making her friend happy. Alice had been an amazing friend to Bella this last year and if this was all Alice wanted in return… Bella could do that for her.

"I'm done, and you look great." Alice's smile was beaming from ear to ear. "Now, let's get you into your clothes."

Bella wedged her legs into her tight jeans and slipped on the silk baby doll tank. She eyed her stiletto boots that sat on the floor. "Alice I don't think I can get those on, my jeans are so tight I can't bend over."

"Beauty is pain, Bella." Alice grabbed the brown boots and zipped Bella's calves into them. Beaming with pride, Alice clapped her hands. "You look so hot."

Bella turned to look in her full length mirror. She was thrilled with the work Alice had done. She suppressed a smile not wanting Alice to know how impressed she was with the pixie's skills. She would take it as in invitation to make this a daily occurrence. Alice had ironed her hair stick straight, eliminating her natural waves. Her makeup was dark around the eyes, but a soft pink tinted her cheeks and lips. The neckline of her top sat dangerously low, almost inappropriate and her jeans clung to her like second skin. While Bella was not one to show off her body this way, she congratulated herself on how amazing her legs looked in her jeans. All of her running had paid off— another reason to be grateful for Edward.

Alice snagged Bella's cell phone and pulled Bella from her moment of self-admiration. "Turn around; let's get a picture of you. Give me a sexy pose."

Bella fidgeted awkwardly and then stood with her hands at her sides and smiled.

Shaking her head, Alice rolled her eyes. "Really that's the seductive pose you're going to taunt Edward with?"

"What?" Bella whined, throwing her arms in the air. "I don't know what to do."

"Come on." Alice grabbed Bella by the hand, dragged her down the hallway, through the living room, and onto the balcony. "Stand there and stretch your arms out across the railings. You know, put yourself on display." Bella leaned against the terrace wall and grabbed onto the ledge obeying her friend's command. Alice chewed on her lip contemplating her friend's stance. "Hitch your hip to one side." Again, Bella obediently complied. "Perfect," Alice said satisfied. "Now think of that make out session on the couch you told me about and smile."

Bella couldn't help but reflect back on Edward holding and kissing her and the grin that took over her face was beautiful. Alice snapped the shot of her friend and smiled proudly. "He won't be able to sleep tonight."

"Let me see." Alice held out the phone. Bella looked at the woman in the phone and did all she could to restrain her thrill.

"Alright, send your dirty message, while I go and get dressed," Alice called as she disappeared through the French doors.

Bella plopped herself down on the couch. She attached her picture to Edward's phone number and quickly texted him a message.

_Hey you, _

_I fell victim to an Alice makeover tonight. _

_I miss you._

_Bella._

Bella gnawed on her lip as she hit the send button. She felt weird sending a picture of herself to someone. At first she had thought it a good idea, now she just felt like one of those girls that posts a daily picture of themselves in tiny clothing, holding their picture out in front of their faces on facebook. Her stomach started to hurt; she wished she could take it back. She leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees and shoved her fingers into her hair.

Her phone chirped pulling her from her feelings of regret.

_I'm about to go AWAL, so I can come and find you._

_You are a damn sexy woman, Bella._

_Can I get a shot of your backside?_

_Want you,_

_Edward_

Bella's stomach went from rolling with sickness to flutters of excitement. She giggled at Edward's request for another picture.

_I'll be waiting, if you do._

_Alice is too busy getting dressed to take another picture, sorry._

_Seven more days and you can check it out in person._

_Anticipating,_

_B_

"Okay, Bella, I'm ready," Alice sang as she walked into the room. She spun around and asked, "How do I look?" Of course she looked perfect, she always did. Her little black dress fit like a glove.

"Gorgeous."

"Awe, you are too kind." Alice smiled and grabbed her clutch. "You ready? Jasper's downstairs waiting for us."

"Yeah."

Bella, started to slide the phone into her pocket when it chirped again. Bella opened the text as she followed Alice out the door.

_No butt shot? How about one down your shirt? _

_You don't need Alice for that._

_You guys having a girl's night?_

_I'm lonely._

_Come to me._

She loved that Edward was so open about his attraction to her. No matter how high a girl's self-esteem was, it never hurt for the man she loved to tell her how attracted he was to her. Mike had done a number on what Bella thought of her appeal for a man. Edward was quickly remedying the situation. Bella laughed and quickly started pecking away at her phone.

_Perv!_

_I won't do phone sex. _

_What makes you think I'll do sexting?_

_No I'm actually third wheeling with Jasper and Alice._

_We are going to a party._

_Don't tempt me._

Bella hit send and slid into the backseat of Jasper's car. "Hi, Jasper."

"Hey, Bella. It's nice to see you out amongst the living."

"Shut up."

NickelBack's, _Hero_ started playing in Bella's pocket. She quickly pulled her phone, knowing that the song meant Edward was on the phone. Her stomach flip flopped in anticipation of hearing his voice.

"Hi," Bella said with a smile on her face and her phone to her ear.

"Thanks for the picture. I have no idea how I am going to focus on my infiltration training tonight. My sniper rifle will be all over the place, because I'll only be seeing you." Bella giggled. "I wonder how you would look in night-vision green?" Bella continued to laugh harder. "I love the sound of your laugh," Edward sighed.

"I wish you were here."

"Me too. I really don't think you should go to a party looking like you do."

Thinking it would be fun to play games, Bella said, "I look that bad, huh?"

"On the contrary, the thought of you going to some frat gathering looking as gorgeous as you do, with a bunch of hormonal _boys_… makes me want to grab my gun."

Bella continued to laugh at her boyfriend's obvious jealousy. Bella was not blind to her appearance. While she had been told she was pretty, she was not one of those girls that were constantly on the dance floor getting asked for her phone number.

"It's not funny."

"Yes it is."

"Go back home and put on some jeans and a t-shirt."

"I am wearing jeans, _Dad_."

Edward ignored her referencing his commanding tone as a _Dad _attitude. "Those are not jeans… those are… those are pants that say 'look at every one of my luscious curves.' Which is good for me, not any other male."

"Wow, you are so good for the ego."

A whine came from the other end of the phone. "Get in your car and come stay with me this weekend."

"You know I would, but we just spent last weekend together. I have to work all this weekend, so I can go and stay with you next weekend."

"Put me on speaker phone please."

"Why?" Bella asked curiously.

"Please."

Bella pushed the button on her phone and announced that he was on speaker.

"Alice," Edward's solid masculine voice rang through the car.

"Hi, Edward," Alice replied turning in her seat facing Bella.

"Alice, we are no longer friends."

Eyebrows shooting up toward her hairline Alice asked, "Why? What did I do?"

"Apparently he doesn't like your makeover," Bella jumped into the conversation.

Edward's voice interrupted, "I like the makeover… a lot. I just wish it wasn't done on the night she is going to a party, only I should benefit from your talents, Alice."

The girl's smirked and Jasper jumped in at Edward's defense. "I feel your pain Edward. I wouldn't want Alice getting all done up for a party if I wasn't with her either."

"You two are barbaric," Alice snapped. "You guys are acting as if Bella and I can't defend ourselves against the woes of drunken co-eds. Bella doesn't get drunk, she's smitten with you, and you have nothing to worry about. Edward, you are still my friend. You don't have a choice."

Edward laughed, "Thanks Alice, but it's not Bella I worry about. I don't like the idea of guys sitting around checking her out with their unrestrained lustful thoughts. She's mine to look at, nobody else's."

"Possessive, kind of hot, Bella," Alice cooed as she wagged her brows at her blushing friend.

Bella knew it went against everything her gender fought for, but she wasn't' going to deny that she loved Edward's over protectiveness with her. Because in all honesty she didn't want another man to look, touch, or think about her the way Edward did. She was his and she liked it that way.

Jasper's voice filtered through Bella's thoughts of her amazing boyfriend, "Don't worry if any guys get too aggressive, Jake will go after them."

Bella groaned inwardly. Mentioning Jake was not a great idea. She knew how Edward felt about him… not good.

Alice added cheerfully, "And if Jake goes after her, I'll send _the dog_ to the pound." Alice made a gagging noise. "I hate that guy."

"So do I." Edward growled. "And I don't even know him."

Bella took the phone off speaker and gave Jasper an evil eye for mentioning Jake. Alice and Jasper were well aware of Edward's disdain for Bella's running time with Jake. "Hey it's just me now."

Edward sighed, "I really don't think you should go out tonight. Come be with me."

Jasper and Alice exited the car and Bella followed suit. Once outside, she could hear the bumping sounds of music coming from down the street. "You just said you have training tonight and I have to be at work at seven tomorrow morning." Edward's throat rumbled through the phone. "I never took you for the jealous type. You're so confident, sexy, and powerful—"

"Keep talking."

"Seriously, the only reason I got done up like this…" Bella hesitated embarrassed by the confession she was about to make.

"What?"

Bella waved Alice and Jasper on as she leaned against the car wanting to talk to Edward a little longer. She knew once she entered the house full of gyrating bodies she wouldn't be able to hear anymore. "Well, Alice convinced me that when she was done dressing me up, we could take a picture, and I could send it to you. She said you would want a picture of me like this."

There was a pregnant pause. "Alice is right; she and I are friends again. I'm sorry I'm being ridiculous. It's not that I worry about someone moving in on my territory. I just wish I was there checking you out, having naughty thoughts just at the sight of you walking in the room. I wish it was me you were getting done up to see, and I want it to be me taking you home."

"I do too. I have to admit; it's kind of nice having a gorgeous Captain jealous over me."

"Well, it sucks being jealous. You know what would make me feel better?"

"Hmm?"

"Phone sex."

Bella erupted into a ball of laughter and she could hear Edward laughing too. "You know my stance on that."

"Hey, I thought I could get you to change your mind, since I'm so sad."

"Oh, you are so trying to milk this."

"Hey, a guy's got to do what a guy's got to do."

"I should probably get going. It's probably not safe sitting on a dark curb by the car."

"You are! Where are Alice and Jasper?"

"I told them to go ahead so I could talk to you."

"Honey, while I love talking to you, I don't like the idea of you alone on some dark L.A. street."

Bella followed the sound of the base and trickles of people. "You're right. I should try and find a big strong man to protect me. Oh look, I see one up ahead."

"Ha-ha, not funny," he responded dryly. "Hey did you get my letter today?"

Bella's brows came together thoughtfully. "No, in fact I don't even remember seeing the mail today."

"I mailed it two days ago; you should have gotten it by now."

"I'll check when I get home. Damn, that would have been nice to have today."

"I can hear that you are close to the party now. I'll let you go."

"Okay, have fun playing pretend war tonight."

"Ha-ha, you're on a roll tonight. You keep having fun and coming up with your quick witted remarks and I'll go and think of you while I'm crawling through dirt and old warehouses."

"Awe, now you make me feel bad."

"I'm just giving you a hard time. I'm good at what I do; almost as good as you look."

Bella felt heat spread over her face in response to his compliment. "I love you."

"Be the tough girl you are and keep those losers at bay. That includes that Jake character."

A half giggle bubbled from within her as she found the humor in his jokes, but was saddened knowing she had to hang up now. "There's nobody for me but you."

"Seven more days.

"Almost six."

"Be safe."

"I will. Bye."

"Goodbye, Love."

Bella slid the phone into her pocket and slowly walked herself into the sea of people filling the house. As she stood on the perimeter of the room, she felt completely out of place. She wasn't going to drink, she wasn't going to dance, she didn't want to be hit on, and her friends were nowhere in sight. She felt like it was going to be a long night. Slowly she made her way to the kitchen and found a bottle of water. When she looked up from the cooler, she was looking right at a couple going at it in the pantry. Bella cringed at the lack of tact some people displayed and turned to leave the room. As she turned she slammed right into a towering hard body. Tanned, strong arms circled around her keeping her balanced.

"Hey, Bella."

Bella's brown eyes looked up and felt relief when she saw it was her friend. "Hi, Jake."

"I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, Alice convinced me."

"I see she did more than convince you to come. You look… you look really good, Bella."

It didn't escape Bella's notice that Jake's arms were still around her. Casually she pulled herself from him. "Thanks, she wanted to get me done up so I could send a picture to Edward." She subtly threw Edward's name in there as a reminder that she was involved. Jake hadn't made a pass at Bella since she told him about her new relationship, but he was often obvious in is attraction toward her. Jake was a great running partner and he always made her laugh. She didn't want to lose his friendship, so she always made her involvement with Edward clear so there was a never an issue.

"It's quieter outside, and cooler."

Bella nodded her head and followed Jake out. There were still clusters of students scattered on the deck and lawn but nothing compared to the masses inside. They each took a seat in an Adirondack chair on the corner of the wooden deck.

"Who'd you come with?" Jake inquired.

"Alice and Jasper." Jake made an exaggerated eye roll.

"Be nice."

"What? I tried. She's the one that's a total b—" Bella raised a challenging brow at him. "She's not nice to me."

"You sound like a child and I'm your mother telling you two to get along. I tell her to be nice too."

Jake let out a sigh of resignation and moved on to another topic. "Oh, hey guess what?" Jake's excitement caused him to move to the edge of his chair. "A bunch of us are going out to Vegas for a marathon in February. You should come with us."

Bella made a face that said, _yeah right_. "I can't run a marathon."

"They also do a half. You could definitely run a half."

"No, I couldn't."

"Bella, I run with you five times a week. You are completely capable."

Her teeth dug into her lip. She had never been a runner in her life and the thought of participating in any kind of competitive race sent a little bit of adrenaline through her. Not that she would say she was competitive… well… who was she kidding. Edward was right; she is out of control competitive.

Jake's enormous shoulder nudged her. "Come on, you know you want to."

"It would be fun."

Jake and Bella sat talking about the marathon, the training, who was going, and where they would be staying, a while longer and then moved onto other topics. Jake always had hysterical stories about the dates he went on. Bella had no idea how he had such bad luck with dating. He told her all about his trip home for Thanksgiving. Bella sat quietly listening. She was always captivated by how animated Jake was when he spoke. He seemed to communicate with his whole body. Hands and arms constantly moving, always changing positions in his chair, and he always touched her when he wanted her to pay attention; on the knee, her shoulder, hand. He never made her uncomfortable, but once when his hand lingered on her knee Edward's face popped into her head. She knew how he would respond and a smidge of guilt crept up in her. How could she keep Edward secure and happy, but also maintain this friendship that she really enjoyed. That question plagued her the rest of the evening.

Xxx

The next morning Bella was exhausted. They hadn't left the party until two and then she, Alice, and Jasper stayed up talking until four. She now realized what a huge mistake that was. Lazily, she pulled herself out of bed at six, wondering how she was going to survive her eight hour shift in a quiet library.

On her way to the kitchen to make some breakfast, she saw a pile of mail on the dining room table. She quickly leafed through the stack and withdrew the letter she'd been anticipating. She decided to forgo making breakfast so she could read her letter from Edward before going to work. She reached into the fridge and grabbed the carton of chocolate milk and poured herself a large glass. She took a long swig of the milk, set it down on the table and then opened her letter.

_Dear Bella,_

_I appreciate all of your words in your last letter. You have no idea what it means to me to have you in my life. Thank you for being there for me while I was dealing with my mom. You are an amazing woman to take me and all of my problems on. _

Bella felt like he was really off base. It was she that was lucky and was well aware of all the baggage she brought along that he had to deal with.

_Tanya called me today._

Bella felt the green monster within her starting to lurk toward the surface. She hated everything about that woman and the further she stayed from Edward, the happier Bella would be.

_She said that she and my mom had settled in and that everything seemed to be going okay between her mom and mine. We will see how long it takes for my mom to contact me._

Bella said a little prayer that Esme would contact her soon. Edward deserved to have an attentive and loving mother. Bella hoped that things could turn around and Edward would be truly happy.

_At the end of our phone conversation, I mentioned you applying for jobs down here near base. Yes, I think that you looking for a teaching position near me is a brilliant idea, but I realized I'm not going to be down here much longer. I have less than a year until my contract is up with the Marines. I wouldn't want you to get settled into a job that you love and then I have to leave. It would seem we both need to be looking for jobs in the near future. As I mentioned before, I would probably go back into the accounting field. I have several options. I could go back to the Chicago area, and get back on with my previous employer. I have grown to love California and I was thinking about San Diego or the Los Angeles areas. I have also thought about getting a job with the government, which could put me anywhere. I know that makes things really complicated and I don't have an immediate solution. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, which of those options sounds appealing to you? Maybe we could narrow down our options together. I may be getting way ahead of myself, but I think it may come quicker than we think._

Bella's breaths were labored. Were they really here, so fast? They just met. She knew she wanted a future with him and she was confident he was on the same page; she just didn't see decisions like this happening so soon. Her head started to hurt realizing the magnitude of the life changes in store.

_You mentioned in your previous letter that you wanted me to occupy the position of kissing you for a while. I wanted to assure you, that I never had any intention of letting anyone else intrude on that past time. I would spend every minute of every day kissing you if I could and I plan on doing that… forever._

Her insides turned into an inferno of lust. She wanted him there… right now… kissing her into oblivion.

_Let's see if my answers to your questions are adequate. Before that first day we met, I had already seen a picture of you and it made my heart stutter. I thought you were… perfect. I had already started falling for you. I had been anticipating our meeting for weeks, so by the time I heard you come through that door I was ready to come out of my skin. Then, when you walked into that kitchen, I thought I was going to fall out of my seat. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I had to call on every ounce of my self-control to stay in my chair._

Bella was sure her smile was going to burst from her face, it was so big_._

_If I could only take three items to a dessert island they would be; my running shoes, my subscription to ESPN magazine, and you… naked._

The inferno that resided under her skin continued to blaze.

_My bed… let's see, no headboard or frame, just your basic mattress and box spring. It is queen size. I have navy blue sheets and a dark gray down comforter. There are four pillows but I only use two when I sleep. I make my bed every day; it's the military man in me. Even though I know it's not required in my own home, it's just a habit. I love my bed. It is the most comfortable thing ever. It is what I look forward to when I get home after being abroad and when I lay in it I actually feel like sighing. The only thing that could make it better is you in it._

Blazing hot, skin!

_You are killing me on the Christmas gift thing, Bella. Everything I ever purchased Tanya, she hated. I don't really have confidence in this department. My palms literally start to sweat when I think about this. I think part of the reason it is so hard, is I feel this pressure to get you something that expresses how I feel about you and I don't think that is possible to do. You aren't like any other girl I have ever known, so I know that the standby gifts just won't cut it. Arrggh!_

Bella, started to feel her own nervousness over his gift build up. There was no way she could find something that was valuable enough to reflect his importance to her. She needed to go shopping soon. Oh, Alice would love to help with that.

_Mike's a moron and I am kind of glad he called and made a total ass of himself. I would have given anything to listen in on that conversation. I would love to hear my girl lay into him and say exactly what she thinks. I think his ridiculous phone call was the final nail in his coffin. I think it also allowed you to have complete closure from the situation. I'm glad that chapter in your life has closed and you have started your next and last chapter with me._

Butterflies swirled inside her abdomen. She loved this man and she loved even more his confidence in where their relationship was headed.

_I had dinner at Rosalie and Emmett's the other night. Emmett was mostly normal; I can tell he is still slightly reluctant with me. I understand that he is protective of you and doesn't want you hurt, so I won't hold it against him. Plus, I'm not going to deny that his lack of crudeness is a welcome absence. Rosalie, on the other hand, is a new person. She is so friendly and nice to me now. She is constantly telling me stories about you, which I welcome and love. I am storing those in the vault for later. _

Bella cringed wondering what embarrassing details of her life Rosalie was sharing_._

_Tessa tells me constantly that she adores me and wishes I could be a part of her family. _

Bella smiled in anticipation.

_I tell her I'm working on it. I was holding her and I think she smiled at me. Rosalie says it was gas, but I think that's disgusting and I know it was a smile. _

Bella laughed out loud. Rosalie was probably right.

_You're lucky to have such an amazing family._

Bella knew that what he said was true.

_I think about you all of the time. It sometimes worries me that my daydreams of you are going to get me in some serious trouble. I wonder if one day I will submit paperwork with your name written on it, or that I will think out loud and I will announce something highly inappropriate to my platoon. I wonder if I am always walking around with a goofy grin on my face. I worry that I am not going to be paying attention when I'm out in the field and I am going to end up in someone's crosshairs. I can't help it though. You make me so happy and I hope that you are happy with me._

_Have a fantastic week. I am anxiously awaiting our time together. The time is moving too slow until you are in my arms again._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

Swoon, was the only word that came to mind as Bella tried to put a label on what she was feeling.

xxx

"Cullen," Edward answered after grabbing his phone off the cradle that sat on his desk.

"Captain, this is General Masen."

Edward felt himself sit a little taller just knowing his superior was on the other end of the phone. "Sir."

"A mission has come up that requires you and your squad to be ready to deploy at thirteen hundred hours, tomorrow afternoon."

Edward calculated that information and realized that gave him just over twenty four hours. He knew he was prepared and that he could handle any assignment given to him by his commander. He was ready for the job.

"Yes,Sir."

As the General continued to give Edward more information on what he and his men were being sent to do, a sinking feeling began to come over him. He was leaving tomorrow; he would miss his weekend with Bella. He knew she had school and work and he wouldn't get to see her before leaving and with no estimated date of return, he didn't know when he would see her again. He felt the bile in his throat and his brain began to scramble as he felt something he'd never felt before. He was resentful of his job for taking him away from what he really wanted, and he hated himself for it.

xxx

Bella was dead on her feet as she stood shelving books. Her shift was only half over and she didn't know how she was going to keep her eyes open for four more hours. Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and she looked around to make sure the head librarian wasn't around. She pulled her phone from her pocket and smiled when she saw it was a text from Edward.

_Bella,_

_I know you are at work, _

_but please call me as soon as possible. _

_It's an emergency._

_Love,_

_Edward_

**Author's Notes**

I know, I know horrible place to leave it, but the phone call is going to be a lot so you have to wait.

Thanks to my Nellers for all of her help and support. My muse is trying to sway me in another direction than originally planned with this story and I am going nuts over it. Gernellers is kindly talking me off of the ledge and helping me make my decision. She's the best.

Thanks for the reviews last chapter. A lot of my usuals didn't review last chapter. What happened? Make my day and leave me a review.

Hey here's a question, what will happen between now and Edward boarding the ship to leave?

**Beta's Notes:**

I'm sorry to say that this past week was a bear. Please blame me for the delay of update. I apologize to LuvCullens and her readers for getting this out so late.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

Bella blinked her eyes several times trying to remove herself from the dark haze that was engulfing her. She reread Edward's text a third time.

_Bella,_

_I know you are at work, _

_but please call me as soon as possible. _

_It's an emergency._

_Love,_

_Edward_

Deep in Bella's gut she knew that something was terribly wrong. The fear caused her stomach to turn, heart to race, and a lump built deep inside her throat. Her eyes darted over to the rolling cart full of books that needed to be shelved, and then she averted her gaze toward the librarian's desk and found the woman staring at the computer screen. Miss Cope was strict about using phones during work hours and was even more anal about break times. Bella didn't care. If Edward said it was an emergency, she knew that it was. Staring straight ahead, Bella walked right past the desk and toward the bathroom. In fact, the more steps she took, the quicker they became. Her feet were running for the door displaying a stick figure wearing a skirt, surrounded by a blue circle. Locking the door behind her, Bella took long controlled breaths trying not to panic before she even knew any details. When it came to emergency situations Bella's instincts tended to let her imagination and paranoia get the better of her. It was probably due to having a dad or brother overseas most of her life. She didn't want to talk to Edward in that state. If he was upset by something, she needed to be a rock for him, not an emotional mess. Twisting the metal knob on the sink, Bella ran some water and drank from the palm of her hand. Once fully in control of her emotions, Bella pulled out her phone and called her boyfriend.

"Bella," Edward's beautiful voice sounded through her ears. Just the sound of his voice calmed her dramatically, but the uneasiness in his voice was audible. At least it appeared her feelings weren't one sided.

"Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?" Bella's voice carried a slight tremble.

"How are you?" It didn't slip Bella's attention that he hadn't answered the question.

"I'm fine, I got your text. How are _you_?"

"Bella… I'm leaving," Edward's voice was only slightly louder than a whisper.

Bella's eyes squeezed shut; as the words Edward had just spoken sunk in. Was he leaving the Marines, her, this world? "What are you leaving?" Bella's voice raised an octave or two.

"My General called me thirty minutes ago. I'm being shipped out in twenty-four hours."

Bella felt like her legs might give out from underneath her. Leaning her back against the wall, her body slid down the tile until the cold tile floor could be felt through her jeans. Her brain tried to process the words Edward had just spoken. He was leaving not in three weeks, but tomorrow. Tears began to spring from her eyes. She wasn't ready. They hadn't had their weekend. They were supposed to have their perfect weekend. She would come home and then go back when he was deployed a few weeks later. These were the steps she had planned, preparing her for the inevitable void in her life. She wasn't prepared for this; Edward being ripped away from her when she barely found him. Not him heading into a danger zone thousands of miles away. _Why__was__this__happening_?

Edward's voice broke through her nightmare. "Bella, are you there?"

Clearing her throat, Bella answered, "I'm here." Without contemplating how or what would happen, the words spilled from her mouth, "I'm coming. I'll be there in three hours."

"Bella…" Edward hesitated and Bella wondered what he was thinking.

"What?"

"I want you… no, I need you. But I don't want you to jeopardize your job or school for me."

"I'm coming," Bella responded unwaveringly. "Do what you need to do to prepare for your departure so that when I am there… it's just you and me."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I hate doing this to you."

Bella's heart broke a little for Edward and for herself, perfectly aware of the turmoil that was rolling through both of them. Taking a deep breath, Bella tried to speak with her happiest voice, "Don't be sorry. You're giving me an excuse to see you sooner."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Drive safe."

"I will. Bye."

Bella hung up the phone and instantaneously burst into tears. For several minutes she sat in the bathroom with her mouth buried in her hands and released all of the sadness that was filling her soul. When she thought she had herself under better control, she strode from the bathroom and towards the help desk, where Miss Cope resided. Bella's legs pressed against the wood counter and the librarian's eyes met hers and then doubled in size. She knew that the woman saw puffy red eyes, a pale face, and quivering lips. Normally this would have caused embarrassment for a coworker to see her this way, but right now, it would be to her advantage.

"Bella, are you okay?" The tiny woman stood from her desk and put a hand on Bella's shoulder.

"I'm really sick, Miss Cope. I need to go home."

"Of course. Go ahead."

Bella nodded gratefully that a production hadn't been made of the incident. Without hesitation, Bella made quick work of escaping the library. Making her way to the employees' lounge, she grabbed her purse and jacket, made her way through the double doors, and ran for the car. Hastily, she fastened her seatbelt and shifted the car into gear. Before reversing, she pulled out her phone and pushed the green button, dialing the person at the top of the contact list.

"Heelllooo," sounded a chirpy, sing-song voice.

"Alice," Bella sucked in a deep breath to abate the crying that was begging to be released. "I need you to do something for me."

"Bella, what's wrong?" Compassion seeped through the phone into Bella's heart. Alice was the best of friends; her love for her friends drove her to do anything to help them.

"Edward's leaving in twenty-four hours."

A gasp sounded through Bella's ears. "Oh my gosh, Bella. What can I do?"

"I need you to pick up a few things for me and meet me at the house as soon as possible."

"Of course."

"Use my emergency credit card. It's in my top drawer."

Bella could hear Alice moving through the apartment and her dresser drawer being pulled open. "I've got it. Now where am I going?"

Bella proceeded to instruct Alice on the purchases needed to be picked up before the drive to Pendleton.

"I'm on it," Alice promised.

"Thank you, Alice. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm sorry this is happening." Bella could hear the apartment door shut and could tell by Alice's voice she was running down the stairs. "If you think of anything else, call me."

"Okay, bye."

xxx

Forty-five minutes later Bella was running down the stairs with her duffle bag hanging from her shoulder. Opening the passenger door, the bag slung over her arm was thrown into the passenger seat. Looking at the time on the phone for the umpteenth time caused Bella to begin pacing the length of her car.

_Where was Alice?_

Bella's teeth kept ripping at her lower lip; it was a nervous habit she'd always hated. What felt like an hour later, but was only twenty minutes, Alice pulled into the vacant spot next to her. Alice leapt from the car at lightning speed and pulled three bags out of her backseat. When Alice reached her friend, the bags dropped from her hand as she threw her arms around her broken hearted friend. This act of kindness and true friendship caused Bella's tears to erupt again.

Alice's fingers ran up and down Bella's back. "Oh sweetie, you poor thing."

"I'm not ready to let him go yet."

"I know."

"What if something happens while he's gone and this is it?"

Alice pulled back from her friend and began wiping away her tears. "You can't think that way right now. You need to get to him and enjoy every minute you can and then when you get back, we will cry for days and eat ice cream until we can't wear our jeans anymore."

A small giggle escaped Bella.

"Now, I got everything you needed." She handed Bella the bags that sat on the ground, and then dug in her back pocket. "And here's your credit card." When Bella was done putting the loot in the back seat, she took the card from Alice, shoving it into the back pocket of her jeans.

"I don't know how to thank you for this. You always go above and beyond the call of friendship."

"Friendship? Bella, you're my sister as far as I'm concerned." The girls hugged one more time. "Now, go and see your man."

Bella got into the car and then looked at the pixie. Alice stood with empathy filled tears in her eyes. "Thanks again, I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I'll be waiting," Alice said as Bella began to reverse the car. "Wait!" Alice nearly screamed. Bella slammed on the break and before she could ask what was wrong, Alice dove into the front seat of her car.

"Here," she said as she turned toward Bella handing her a humungous gas station fountain drink. "You need to have a Diet Coke for the road."

A grateful smile crossed Bella's face. "You think of everything don't you? I swear it's like you're a mind reader."

Alice shrugged, "It's a gift." Bella took the cup from Alice and waved one last time as she drove away.

xxx

The drive had been passing at a snail's pace… for two reasons. One, she could not get to Edward fast enough. Two, L.A. traffic… enough said. Getting out of the city limits was taking forever. Bella clutched the steering wheel and gritted her teeth.

"It's Sunday for crying out loud," Bella snarled out into the void in her car.

A breath of relief escaped Bella when she saw an exit sign stating that Cherry Ave was in five miles. Once she passed Long Beach, she knew that her speed would increase tenfold. Creeping an inch at a time, made her feel like she was going to lose her mind.

Needing a distraction, Bella pulled out her iPod for a book on tape. Once she pushed play, the deep narrator's voice rang through Bella's ears as she resumed her spot listening to _Transfer__of__Po_wer, the book Edward had recommended.

The book fulfilled Bella's desire to have her thoughts diverted. Completely engrossed with Mitch Rapp and his mission to rid the world of terrorists, the time flew by and before she knew it she was exiting the freeway making her way toward base. Knowing she was close, Bella put the iPod away and pulled out her phone to call Edward.

"Hi, Love," Edward's voice sounded, causing a thrill to course through her body.

"Hey, I'm nearly there. Do they have my name at the security gate?" Just as her question was completed, the guard station came into view.

"Yes, they know you are coming."

"Okay, I'll see you in a minute."

"I can hardly wait."

Bella could hear the smile in Edward's voice. She was sure he'd heard it in hers. Regardless of where Edward would be tomorrow, the next twenty hours— give or take a few— he would be with her.

Bella pulled out her driver's license as she pulled to a stop.

The man in uniform nodded his head at Bella as the window to her car was rolled down. "Hi, I'm Isabella McCarty; I'm here to see Captain Edward Cullen."

The solemn man flipped a page on his clipboard, read what was written, then looked up at Bella. "I need to see your ID, please."

Bella handed the requested item to the man and began bouncing her leg. After the longest couple of hours of her life, finally, in ten minutes she'd be in Edward's arms. She was about to explode with anticipation. The guard handed Bella's ID back to her. "Thank you."

He handed Bella the vehicle permit and then continued to look at Bella. "I need to call Captain Cullen and make sure you are permitted."

"Okay," Bella said hesitantly. Since the soldier had already taken her ID, she was sure Edward had already put her on the list. In the past, they hadn't had to call Emmett when she came to visit. _Maybe__the__threat__level__had__been__heightened?_

"Cullen," the baritone voice spoke into a phone receiver, "There is a brunette down here waiting to see you." There was a pause as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. A small smile was being restrained on his face. "Yeah, she's beautiful," he replied as he glanced in her direction.

Bella's face reddened at the man's words and was completely confused. This didn't seem like protocol and then she heard a voice that made her heart leap. "Then yes, she's here for me."

Bella whipped her head around. Looking out the windshield of her car, she watched Edward step out from behind the security building. His grin covered the whole of his beautiful face. Bella heard the giggle bubbling up in her throat. The excitement coursing through her was more exhilarating than when she met Santa at the mall for the first time as a kid. Edward waved his hand motioning her forward. Bella took her foot off of the brake, rolling the car forward fifteen feet before stopping. In one fluid motion the passenger door opened, her bag dropped to the floorboard, and Edward was seated at her side.

"You're here," Edward sighed as he slid his hand behind Bella's neck pulling her forward. His lips engulfed hers and Bella was enraptured by the heat of his mouth. Her arms dove around his chest pulling him closer. All of the tension and sadness that had filled her since his phone call this afternoon, oozed away once in the presence of this perfect man. Before she had anywhere near enough, Edward pulled away. "We should probably move so other vehicles can pass."

"Mmhmm," Bella hummed with eyes still closed.

Edward's deep laugh brought her awareness around to the fact that she was sitting with eyes closed, slight moans coming from her throat, and puckered lips, blocking a security entrance. A heated blush flooded her body in embarrassment. When her eyes opened she was lost in the hypnotic green of Edward's stare. Forcing herself to look away, she turned in the seat and eased the car forward. Edward's hand squeezed at her thigh and then resided there the rest of the drive. She felt like the sun's rays were pouring through the spot where his hand rested on her denim clad leg. Edward proceeded to give Bella directions to his house and she was quick to obey. The sooner they arrived at their destination, the sooner she would be kissing him again.

Bella wouldn't be able to tell anyone what the front of Edward house looked like. As soon as Edward said "it's right there," the car was whipped into the driveway, they jumped out, grabbed the bags from the backseat, and her hand was laced into Edward's as he led her inside. As soon as the door was shut, both persons dropped the bags they'd been carrying to the floor and were quickly back in each other's arms. It was as if their bodies were filled with the strongest of magnetic pulls and they couldn't get enough of each other. Edward's arms caged around Bella's small frame and she'd never felt more safe. He devoured her lips; Edward's kisses were needy, hungry, and aggressive. Bella felt like she couldn't get close enough to the man that owned her mouth and desires. Needing more—always needing more—her fingers clawed at his t-shirt and one of her legs worked its way up to Edward's hip. That was all it took before Edward's large hands grabbed onto Bella's backside, lifting her up off the ground and pinned her body between him and the door. Bella's legs were instantly wrapped around his waist and the groan that escaped him sent shivers down Bella's entire body. The room filled with the sound of male and female moans and whimpers, heavy breathing, and the sucking sound of puckered lips.

Edward made his way down Bella's neck. "Thank you, thank you for coming."

Through hooded lids Bella looked at the magnificent man pressed against her and asked in a serious tone, "Did you doubt I would?"

"I hoped you would, but I wouldn't expect you to risk your job or education for me."

Holding his face with her two hands she said, "There's nothing that could have kept me away from you. I don't think there's anything you could ask of me I wouldn't do."

An evil grin came over Edward's face, "Except phone sex." They both erupted in laughter and Bella's feet were back on the floor.

Bella rolled her eyes and said, "You need to get over that. Give me a tour of your bachelor pad, Captain Cullen."

Edward laced his fingers with hers. "This is not a bachelor pad." He reached down with his other hand and grabbed her duffle bag. "Alright, the tour will take all of five seconds and then…" Edward's face descended to just a breath from her own and then huskily he asked, "Can I go back to kissing you?"

Bella's mouth fell open and her eyes fell closed in anticipation and she nodded with the slightest movement. Edward chuckled; she was starting to wonder if his powers over her were giving him a little bit of an ego boost.

Edward squeezed her hand. "What's in the bags?"

Shaking her head from her Edward induced trance, Bella looked down at the three items that sat at her feet. "They're surprises."

"Can I see?" He said leaning around her trying to take a peak.

She shoved him away with her shoulder. "Later."

Edward narrowed his eyes at her questioningly.

"They're good surprises, I promise."

Edward winked and pulled her forward. "This is the living room."

Bella's eyes moved about the room as she took in the single leather couch, the small entertainment stand with a flat screen TV resting on it, two bookcases full of books, and on the wall hung a large, framed, black and white picture of American Soldiers raising the American Flag at _The__Battle__of__Iwo__Jima_. "I like it."

Edward's lips rested against the hair on the side of Bella's head. "It could use a woman's touch." Bella shivered as goose bumps covered her body. His hand tugged her forward. "This is the kitchen." The room was nearly vacant except for a few bananas on the counter and a soap dispenser on the sink.

Bella released his hand and moved toward the fridge. "It looks like you get a lot of use in here." Bella said sarcastically as she looked over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows at him.

A bashful look crossed his face. "I don't have much time to cook." Bella opened the fridge and slid in the striped bag she'd been carrying. "What's in there?"

"An after dinner treat." Edward licked his lips and Bella felt her stomach flutter. When her hand was safely tucked back in his, he turned around and pulled her down the hallway.

"That's the guest bedroom," he said as he nodded toward his right without slowing his step. "Guest bathroom," he nodded toward his left. He then continued down the hallway to the only other door lying straight ahead. Once they crossed the threshold of the last door, Edward's steps halted. "My room," and then nodded toward the left, "My bathroom."

Again Bella took in her surroundings. Right in front of her stood Edward's bed, exactly as he had described. A black dresser sat against the right wall. Residing on the flat surface was a pile of change, two books, dog tags, a framed picture of Edward and his mom at what had to be his basic training graduation. Movement caught Bella's eye and she turned to watch Edward set her belongings down on the floor next to his bulging, green duffle bag. The reminder of his inevitable departure made Bella's stomach turn and a lump to build in her throat. She walked over and sat her two remaining bags with her other things. When she looked at Edward she noticed his eyes fixated on the pink striped bag she'd just sat down. She smirked— he knew what store it came from.

"What are you looking at?" She asked with laughter as she wrapped her arms around Edward's waist.

"Nothing," he said with a bashful smile. "I'm hungry, are you?"

"Starving."

"Good, let's eat. I picked up some sandwiches from the deli earlier."

The two sat at Edward's kitchen table side by side. Bella always made fun of couples that sat on the same side of the booth at restaurants. She never understood why they wouldn't sit across from each other so they could look at each other easily. Now she felt a little less judgmental, because right now, she wanted as much physical contact with Edward as possible. Even if that meant sitting side by side at the table. They talked, laughed, ate, and touched as often as opportunity allowed. Bella wanted this feel of being domestic with Edward to last forever. She wanted it to be just the two of them, living in the same house, no interruptions, and having fun just being with each other. Her sadness began to overcome her, but she pushed it back. She refused to spend any of their time together wallowing. She was going to enjoy every minute.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked as he leaned over and kissed Bella's neck.

"Us," she mumbled as she lengthened her neck giving his lips more access to her skin.

His lips pulled away from her neck long enough to respond, "Good." Then he gave her a deliciously wicked look.

"What does that look mean?"

Edward slid from his chair onto his knees and grabbed onto the legs of the chair Bella sat in. With a flex of his arms, he spun the chair so it was now facing him. His strong hands grasped her knees, slowly sliding up her thighs, over her hips, skimming her ribcage, tugging on her shoulders, and then pulling her neck forward as he engulfed her mouth. Bella's legs separated and Edward made his way between them and pulled her body against his. Their kiss started as a small flame and within seconds it was a raging wildfire that was quickly burning out of control. Bella felt her body's complete awareness of every inch of Edward's body against her own rise to a dangerous level, her skin was tingling with overwhelming intensity, her insides felt like a cage of a million butterflies, her lips were swollen, and her hands couldn't quit exploring Edward's perfect form.

Pulling away with an audible gasp Bella said, "I'm going to go freshen up."

Edward's face was puzzled. "Oh… 'kay."

Running her finger down Edward's neck and shoulder, she reassured him, "Why don't you clean this up and then meet me in your room." Bella had no idea where that had come from. Bella had been in sexual relationships before, but she never talked about it, planned it, or initiated it. This new vixen side was kind of empowering, especially when she saw Edward's eyes turn a shade darker and double in size. His voice squeaked when he replied okay. Before Bella had moved, Edward was on his feet and cleaning up lunch.

Bella made her way down the hall and into Edward's room. She grabbed the pink bag that Alice had picked up for her. She was very specific when she told Alice what to get and she hoped Alice had gotten it right. Making her way into the bathroom, Bella locked the door and placed the bag on the counter. She made quick work of removing her clothing and then pulled out the black, sheer and lace, halter, baby doll slip. Bella had never bought or worn actual lingerie before. She felt nervous as she looked at the flimsy piece of fabric that Edward would be able to see right through. She laid the item back on the counter rethinking her choice. Edward's face flashed through her mind and she remembered the way he looked at her when they were together and her confidence boosted. The thought of his departure tomorrow reminded her that this was something she wanted to do for him… and for her. She slipped on the little bit of coverage. She took one last look at herself in the mirror and turned toward the door. She was so nervous, their playful teasing of what was to come and how good it would be suddenly felt like a heavy weight on her shoulders. What if she didn't fulfill his fantasy of her, what if she was a disappointment? She assumed that had been the case with Mike since he had gone looking elsewhere. Her breathing began to accelerate and her nerves pulsed under her skin.

"Bella?" She heard Edward's soothing voice on the other side of the door. Her name on his lips was all the self-assurance she needed to exit the bathroom.

When she opened the door to the room, Edward stood only a foot away. As he looked her way, she saw the distinct bob of his Adam's apple and his eyes slowly start to roam her body. Bella started to feel nervous when he continued to scan her, but did not say a word. Her fingers started to tug on the hem of fabric at her thigh and her lip began to be assaulted by her teeth. Unable to follow his amazingly fast movements she found herself suddenly wrapped in his strong arms.

"You're beautiful, Love," his voice whispered as his lips spoke against her own.

A small smile curved at the side of her lips. "So are you." Reaching over to the bottom of Edward's t-shirt she pulled it over his head. The wonton aggressiveness she felt toward Edward was something she'd never experienced or felt before. Determined to memorize everything about the magnificent man before her, her eyes slowly took in every inch of golden, sculpted chest and his oh so wide shoulders. Tentatively her fingers raised and skimmed the surface of his masculine tattoo. Without thought she leaned forward and licked at the permanent ink and then allowed her lips to explore Edward's neck and shoulders. Edward's fingers dug into her hips, where he held onto her and a growl escaped his mouth.

"I want you, Edward," she purred into his jaw.

Edward's lips found Bella's and they began a much wanted attack on each other's bodies.

"I want you… now." Edward lifted Bella up in his arms and carried her toward his perfectly made bed.

xxx

Edward lay on his side clad only in a pair of boxer briefs. Bella sat cross legged across from him dressed in the t-shirt Edward had been wearing earlier. Between them sat a delicious piece of Lemon Cello Cake from the Cheesecake Factory— Bella's favorite.

Bella had been previously laying in Edward's arms, skin against sweaty skin, and her hand stroking up and down his ribcage, when she heard Edward's stomach growling.

"Hungry, already?" She laughed as she rose up on an elbow to look at his face.

"I can't help it; you took all of my energy."

"Is that bad?" Bella raised a challenging eyebrow and dragged a finger down his naked chest.

"Nope, I'd give up food for days to have you instead." He leaned over and kissed her.

"I'll fix that." Leaping from the bed, her legs took her down the hall retrieve the treat she'd brought to share.

Now as they enjoyed the creamy goodness, they discussed future plans.

Bella licked the cream off of her fork and Edward heaved a loud breath. "If you keep that up, I'm going to get distracted and we'll never figure out where we want to live."

"I'll keep that in mind," she teased as she swiped her tongue along the tines again. Edward grabbed onto her wrist and pulled her down to kiss him. She knew in a million years, she would never tire of this. Once they separated, Bella looked at him and sighed. "Okay, so Chicago is out?"

"Yeah, I don't think we want to live that close to Esme and you would rather not do a lot of snow."

"So, it's either California or government job… anywhere." Bella tapped her chin with her finger in thought. "Do you want to work for the government or with a firm?"

Edward dropped down onto his back, "I think I'd like to work for a private company. The hours would be more consistent, we most likely wouldn't have to move unless we wanted to, less travel, and possibly better pay."

"Okay, so government is out. That leaves California."

Edward pulled Bella down against his body after he removed their empty dessert container. "What about Washington?"

Bella thought about the idea of going back to her home state. She loved L.A., but she hadn't had any complaints living in Forks either. She was different now, city life had grown on her and she was unsure if she could go back to a small town again. However, the Pacific Northwest was a gorgeous place to live. "Not Forks, but I would like Washington. Could you live there?"

"I think I could live anywhere, as long as you're with me."

Bella's heart skipped a beat. But she played it off with a simple, "Real smooth."

A crooked grin overtook Edward. "I'm serious. It would be nice to live close to family. I want our kids to know their grandparents."

Bella sucked in a breath and froze.

"What?" Edward asked panicked.

"Nothing."

Edward rolled so he was angled over Bella's petite body. "No, what's wrong?"

Bella gnawed on her lip. "Nothing, it's just… well… you said… 'Our kids.'"

Edward's brows came together, "Does that upset you?"

"No," Bella said hesitantly.

"Bella?" Edward slid completely on top of Bella. "If I'm making you uncomfortable or I am moving things faster than you want to, you need to tell me."

"I'm not uncomfortable, and things are moving fast and normally I think I would be freaked out, but with you… I'm not."

"Bella, when I get back, I don't want to waste our time taking things at the pace of someone else's timeline." Bella's heart began to pound in her chest and her skin kicked up a couple degrees in temperature. "When I get back, I want to marry you and make some babies, as you so kindly like to remind me, I'm an old man." His head bent down and kissed her.

"You sound pretty confident, Captain."

"I love you, Bella, and I'm not letting you go unless you ask me to."

"Never."

"So, Seattle?" Edward bit down on her ear lobe.

"Yes," Bella gasped.

"Kids?" Edward raised himself up and then pulled off Bella's shirt.

"Yes," she giggled as Edward's eyes blazed settling on her chest.

Edward dropped his body back onto Bella's and held her gaze as his face sobered. "Marry me?"

"Yes," Bella whispered.

Edward's lips crashed into hers and they went back to Bella's new favorite passed time; making love to each other.

Xxx

What Bella had experienced with Edward was more than she had hoped it would be. Yes, he had been accurate when he said they would be amazing together. Yes, he worshiped her and satisfied her in a way no man ever had or would. But it was more than that. She felt so utterly and completely connected to him. There were times when his eyes penetrated hers so deeply she felt like he was searing their souls together as he moved within her. She knew she was loved to a capacity she thought impossible. There was no way Bella would ever tire of being with him this way.

They had spent most of the night this way; exploring, loving, pleasuring, and tiring. They took breaks to eat, look at the memorabilia of Edward's past, play a game of scrabble, talk about anything and everything, but always came back to causing an immense amount of pleasure to each other.

A yawn escaped Bella's mouth as she answered a question. She was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"Are you tired?" Edward asked as he caressed her cheek.

"No."

"Liar."

"I'm _not_ going to sleep."

"It's almost two in the morning," Edward said as he looked at the clock.

"I'm not wasting a minute I have with you, sleeping."

"I love you."

"I love _you_." Bella kissed Edward's cheek and then crawled out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I've got your Christmas present."

"Are you serious?" Bella could hear the alarm in Edward's voice. "I don't have your gift yet."

"It's okay." Bella shrugged as she returned to bed with the third bag in hand. She handed Edward the gift with a proud expression on her face.

Edward took the box and his features lit up. "No way! You seriously got me a Kindle?"

"Yes, Sir! I charged it up on the way down here, so all you have to do is download a plethora of books before you leave." Bella knew she'd done well. She could tell he was truly excited about his present.

"You're amazing you know that." He pulled her across the bed resting her in his lap. "Thank you. I love it." He kissed her on the forehead.

"You're welcome, but there's still one more thing." Edward raised his brows. "It's nothing big, just something I wanted you to have."

Bella handed him a laminated picture that would fit in his wallet.

"How did you get this?" Edward asked in shock.

"Rosalie took it from the car the day you were leaving Forks." Bella had been blown away when Rosalie emailed her the picture after her return to L.A. Edward had Bella wrapped in his arms, with a hand in her hair and they were looking at each other smiling. "I had a copy made for you small enough to take with you. You know… so you won't forget me."

Edward set the photo down and looked Bella in the eye. "Never in my life will I forget you. You're everything to me. Leaving you tomorrow will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I love you, Bella. Don't… don't _you_ forget about me."

If only Edward knew how unfeasible and absurd that request sounded to Bella. She would never in all of her life forget him, and she would in no way stop loving him. Tears streamed down Bella's face and Edward wiped them away with his thumbs.

Bella sniffled then asked, "Do you know how long you will be gone?"

"No."

"Do you know where you're going?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me?"

"No."

Bella's sobs racked harder and when Edward pulled her close, she could feel her chest convulsing against his. She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, "Come back to me… please."

"I'll die trying."

Xxx

Bella lay breathless on top of Edward, panting against his damp chest, feeling completely content to stay right where she was.

"We need to get going," Edward whispered as his fingers ran down her spine. Those horrible words Edward spoke ruined her moment of bliss. "Come on," he said as he sat up and then pulled her with him toward the shower.

Once showered, dressed, and packed they sat down together for breakfast. Their moods were much more solemn than they had been the day before during lunch. The dark cloud of Edward's departure hung heavily over them both. Once they were done, they cleaned up and grabbed their bags to leave.

"Do you have everything?" Edward asked as he pulled the front door shut.

"Yes," Bella answered trying to keep a smile pasted on her face. The way Edward looked at her, made her feel like he wasn't buying it. But they both chose to proceed as if nothing were wrong. Edward locked the door and they walked to her car hand in hand. Both bags were dropped into the trunk and then Edward took the driver's seat. Their fingers rested entwined on Edward's lap as they silently drove toward the air field.

Bella felt like she was being driven to a prison with no bail and no sentencing, just an endless time with no possible way out. Deep inside she knew Edward would come back eventually, but there was no light at the end of her tunnel. Last night had been an amazing night with Edward and now it felt like her heart was shattering. The love growing within her for this man was beyond anything she thought she was capable of and she wanted him with her. She had contemplated pulling a Houdini and configuring her body into his duffle bag, so she could go with him. The crazy side of her thought about boarding up all of the windows and doors in his house and keeping him as prisoner or drugging him and driving them to some secluded piece of land where nobody would ever find them. Although she knew these options were completely unreasonable, it didn't keep her desperate thoughts from searching for a solution.

Edward raised their hands to his lips and kissed each of her fingers. The simple act of love and affection caused a tear to drop down Bella's cheek. She couldn't look at him; if she did she would lose all of the control that her entire being was fighting to contain. He released her hand, but rested it on his leg and used his hand— still warm from hers— to caress her neck and hair. She knew that he was trying to comfort her, but this affectionate action was causing her to fall apart. The sobs began to heave from her chest and her free hand clasped at her mouth to control the cries that sought escape. Through blurred vision she saw the car veering off the road and onto a tarmac. The vehicle stopped and the car door opened. Edward exited the vehicle and before she could mourn his loss, he was at her door impossibly fast and pulling her out. Pressed against his muscular form, Bella couldn't believe the uncontrollable way her body shook against his. As she pulled at her lungs for a long breath, she realized that it wasn't her body alone causing the quaking between the two. Edward's body also heaved with sobs. Bella dragged her face away from Edward's neck and looked into those green eyes that she was so often lost in and saw that they were filled with tears.

She clung back onto him and cried, "I'm sorry I'm not being stronger for you."

"I think I should be saying that to you, Love." A deep breath poured out of Edward's lips and onto the sensitive flesh of Bella's neck. "I just… nobody's… Bella…. " Bella's heart was ripping apart hearing this kind of raw and uninhibited emotion coming from Edward. "In my whole life… nobody has ever loved me like you do."

Bella's heart ached with excruciating pain for this man in her arms. She couldn't comprehend being an adult and never having anyone really love her. She would love him for the rest of her life. She would try to love him enough to compensate for the love that he should have had. "I love you so much. I feel like when you walk away from me, a part of my heart will literally be torn from my chest and go with you."

"Don't give up on me while I'm gone." Bella shook her head no against his chest. "It's completely selfish of me to want you to be devoted to me and wait for me while I am gone with no end in sight. This is it though, I promise. After this year is up, it's over. It will be just me and you."

She pulled back and bracketed his face between her hands and said, "Edward, there will never be anyone for me, but you. I will never give up on you. I'll be here when you get back; no matter how long that takes."

His beautiful smile filled his face and it took Bella's breath away. When he kissed her it felt different from the way he'd been kissing her the last twenty-four hours. This was a kiss of deep and bonded love, of promise, of ownership, and of need. When he pulled away from her, he rested his forehead against hers as they both tried to recover their breath.

"I love you," he said, as he began to wipe away her tears.

She began to do the same to him and replied, "And I you."

Once they both felt slightly recovered, Edward grabbed his bag from the trunk of the car and they made their way toward the small crowd— saying their own good-bye's— hand–in-hand.

Bella was like glue on Edward's side until his departure. When Edward had to leave her side to report and receive instruction, Bella sat and observed other Marines saying their good-byes. Memories flooded her of the times she'd gone to say good-bye to her brother and father when they were being deployed. It was different when Bella had said those good-byes, then there were hordes of families and their Marines packed in like sardines. The small group of about fifty men and their families in front of her was a drop in the bucket. That was when it hit Bella how dangerous this trip could be. This small group was being sent for a specific purpose, they were on a mission, against the bad guys. Her stomach began to roll as she thought of what could happen. She forced the thought from her head and took long, cleansing breaths. She watched as a woman swollen with child clung to her husband's side as he kissed his little girl that sat in his arms. The little girl was crying and clinging to her father's neck. Bella knew exactly what that child was feeling, because she felt it every time Charlie had left. She wanted her daddy to be there when she woke up in the morning, she wanted her daddy to tuck her into bed at night, and she wanted him to kiss and hug her every day, and she didn't understand why he was leaving her. A deep empathy oozed from Bella for the little children surrounding her, saying good-bye to their daddy's. Bella felt grateful that she and Edward's children would never have to experience these farewells.

When Edward returned, he hugged her from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist. "It's time."

_Be__strong!__Be__strong!__Be__strong_! Bella chanted to herself. She spun herself around and stood on her toes as she wrapped her arms around his neck. They hugged this way for an unmeasured amount of time. Edward rocked them back and forth slowly and then he kissed the top of her head.

"I need to go," he mumbled against her hair.

Bella pulled back and saw the other Marines walking away from their sobbing families toward the loud plane, awaiting their departure. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, hoping she'd open them and they'd be back in bed at Edward's house and that this was all a nightmare.

Edward's fingers pulled at Bella's chin turning her face up toward his. "Open your eyes, baby."

Slowly her tear filled brown orbs were exposed for him.

"I love you, and I'll think of you every minute I'm gone." She nodded her head in acknowledging his pledge. "And when I get back… I'm going to marry you." Again, she shook her head, this time with a little more vigor. "Kiss me."

Without thought, her lips sought his. Her fingers tugged and pulled at his fatigues thinking if she held tight enough he wouldn't go. No matter how closely she pulled him toward her, she felt like he was too far away from her, she started to panic, he wasn't getting close enough. She could feel his large hands splayed on her back, almost covering the entire expanse.

He pulled back and said, "Good-bye."

Bella shook her head and pulled him back in her arms and with her lips at his ears said, "I love you. I promise I'll be here when you get back and we will spend the rest of our lives making each other happy."

"I'm counting on it." Bella's eyes closed as she felt the tears coming when he pulled away.

By the time her eyes opened he was gone, lost in a sea of camouflage. Suddenly her body was weak, as if she could collapse on the spot. The void that engulfed her when he was out of sight was overwhelming. Sadness was slowly taking her over. She was about to run after the crowd to find him when she heard her name being called.

Spinning on her heels to locate the caller, spotted only yards away, was her brother looking at her with complete sympathy. Bella took off running as the tears poured down her face. Throwing herself into her brother's arms, she lost all self-control and began to weep.

Emmett held onto his sister in his bear like embrace and rubbed her back. "It'll be okay, Baby Girl. He'll be back."

**Authors****Notes**:

I have two stories that I think you all need to go and read immediately after you leave me a review ;) _Thief__of__Hearts_ by _pattyrose_ – everything she does is great—, and _While__You__Were__Knocked__Out__Cold_ by _Melolabel._ I love both of these stories and the best part is they both update very regularly.

Thank you, My Nellers! She saved you guys from reading the word "she" about a million times.

Please leave me a review; they will cheer me up after saying good-bye to Edward.

Beta's Notes:

Once again, I apologize to LuvCullens and her readers. I usually don't take too long betaing her chapters. I've had this for over a week. I had family come into town, a quick weekend trip out of town, and sick kids on top of it. I promise to try to be better/faster in the future.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

As Bella sat staring blankly at the passing cars on the freeway, her eyes glazed over. Drawing her knees up against her chest, she pressed her head further into the headrest. This had been her postion for the last hour and fifteen minutes while Emmett drove her home. Emmett, not knowing how to handle the situation, tried to comfort her. When that didn't get her talking or smiling, he switched to humor. This had always worked in the past. Nothing. In a final and desperate attempt to pull Bella from her sadness, he started talking about Tessa. Ultimately, with no response, Emmett surrendered and let the sound of silence engulf the vehicle. She wasn't trying to be difficult or to hurt her brother's feelings, especially after the chivalric rescue he made when Edward left, but Bella felt utterly exhausted in every way possible. She hadn't slept in over forty-eight hours; it seemed that her brain could barely command her body's movements. The amount of time consumed crying in the last few hours made her feel as if there was not a single tear left in her body. Her mind was in constant motion, running through all of the different scenarios Edward's departure could lead to. Most of which she tried to force from her thoughts. Bella had resolved to think positive about Edward's mission and his return.

A hiccupped cry escaped Bella's throat, one she hadn't even known was coming. But as her mind flashed the image of Edward being lost in that sea of camouflage— his lean body heading for a plane that would drop him off on the other side of the world— the emotions were uncontrollable. Quickly, she forced the image from her brain and sucked in a lung full of air to push down the building lump residing in her esophagus.

Emmett reached over and squeezed Bella's shoulder. The action was comforting, but also filled her with guilt. Completely unexpected, Emmett had been there for Bella when Edward left. He held her, reassured her that Edward would be fine, and stayed with her until Edward's plane departed. When he walked her back to their cars, Rosalie and Tessa stood waiting for her. Rosalie had held Bella so tight and told her how much she loved her. Rosalie and Emmett's reassurances were more meaningful than anything anyone else could say. Emmett was part of the Marines; he knew the missions and risks. If he said Edward would be fine, she knew there was a great deal of truth to his words. Rosalie knew first hand exactly what Bella was feeling. Rosalie had been going through this for years; every time Emmett left she had to wonder if the love of her life would return. Concern was written all over their faces as they tried to convince Bella to stay with them and not drive home in her emotional state. While the thought of curling into a ball and being surrounded by family was appealing, she didn't want to cast a heavy gloom over their house. Bella refused. Her responsibilities could no longer be shirked either. She had missed two days of work and a day of class. Knowing she couldn't stay like this forever, she knew the best solution was to get home and back into her normal routine. Staying at the base would only make her think of Edward and worry about his safety. After a drawn out battle of whether Bella was capable of driving herself home, Emmett triumphed.

As the drive was coming to an end, Bella wondered if Emmett was regretting his generosity. The defeated look on his face as a result of his failed attempts to make her smile made Bella felt like a retched person. A good sister would have put on a front to appease her brother and show gratitude for his selfless actions, but Bella just didn't have it in her. The lack of desire to talk was because she knew if she tried; the waterfall of tears would begin again. She was done crying. Silence was the best her emotions could offer right now. When she was back to normal in a day or two, she would call and make it up to them. The best part of the scenario was that Emmett was in the car with her. At least he could handle the silence; whereas if she had ridden with Rosalie that wouldn't be the case.

What felt like an eternity later, Emmett was pulling into Bella's apartment complex. Relief flooded Bella. The only thing her body wanted to do right now was crawl into her bed and sleep the rest of the day. Positive that once she'd slept, her emotions would be in a much better state of control

"Thank you guys so much for bringing me home," Bella said as she looked at her loving family. "Totally unnecessary but much appreciated. Are you sure you don't want to come in for a while? I feel bad that you drove all the way here and now you are going to turn around and drive right back."

"No, we've got to get back. I have some training later on today," Emmett said as Bella drew Tess from his arms.

"Besides," Rosalie chirped in, "This forces Emmett to sit in a car for two and a half hours and listen to me talk." Rosalie wrapped her arms around her husband as he gave Bella an exaggerated eye roll.

Bella shook her head at the playful banter between Emmett and Rosalie. "I love you, sweet girl," Bella cooed as she smothered her niece with kisses. Reluctantly she handed the baby back to her father.

"I love you." Bella hugged her brother tighter than she ever had before. "I have the best family in the world."

"Yeah you do," Emmett agreed as he kissed the top of his sister's head.

Bella turned to Rosalie and latched onto her; she felt the shakiness building down her throat and willed herself not to cry.

Rosalie pulled Bella away and stroked her brown mane. "Call me any time and come down whenever you want. I know what you're going through." Rosalie raised her brows making sure that Bella understood there really was someone who knew exactly what she was feeling. "In a few short weeks, I'll be in the same boat as you."

Nodding her head in agreement, Bella clung to them one last time before they made their departure. As she watched the large SUV pull out of the parking lot, she grabbed her bag and dragged her feet up the stairs.

A sigh of relief rushed from Bella's mouth when she found the apartment empty. She loved Alice with all her heart, but right now Bella just wanted to sleep. Alice would want to hug her, which is a great thing, but right now Bella felt like it might make her cringe. She didn't want anyone doting on her. Alice would want to talk and ask details. Bella planned on telling her everything, but not now. In fact, Bella couldn't wait to tell her about her amazing weekend… tomorrow. Hating how out of control her emotions were, Bella just wanted to be alone and wallow for a day.

Making her way to her room, she dropped her bag, locked her door, toed off her shoes, got into bed, and pulled her comforter up over her head. Instantly, she felt the weight she'd been carrying lift away from her body and the tension in her head dissipate. The only relief she didn't feel was from the aching heart in her chest. It throbbed deep inside and in the most painful way. The tears started to fall from her eyes and the only thought in her mind was: _I__miss__him__so__much._

Blinking her eyes awake as she stretched across her bed, Bella saw that it was daylight. Eyes darting toward the clock across the room, she realized she had slept until the next morning. Never in her life had she slept that long. She almost felt guilty, but then logic told her she'd needed the sleep. Her eyes burned from all of the crying and her muscles were tight from sleeping so long. Other than that, she felt pretty good. There was still a dull pain deep in her heart, but she was sure that would linger until Edward was home and in her arms.

Bella's door clicked open and Alice appeared before her eyes. "Good morning sleepy head. I brought you some breakfast." She handed Bella a hot chocolate and some donut holes— Bella's weakness which she tried to avoid.

"You're the best, Alice," Bella said as she placed the breakfast on her nightstand and hugged her friend.

"I know." Alice winked and Bella was grateful that there weren't any dramatics. She knew that Alice was pulling in the reigns with all her might. "I'm glad you were able to sleep, but you do know what time it is."

Bella cringed; she really didn't have much time to get ready. "I know I need to get going."

Alice got up and made her way to the door. "I don't want you to think I am not dying to know what's happening, but I really don't want the story to be interrupted and you are going to need to leave soon. So using every bit of strength I have, I am going to wait until you get home tonight."

Bella smiled, there was no exaggeration there. This was probably killing Alice to have waited all last night and now all of today to know the details of her and Edward's night together. Bella's mind started to race back to her moments with Edward. She could almost feel the warmth of the water as she remembered Edward washing her hair in the shower yesterday morning.

The pixie cleared her throat, ending Bella's reminiscing. "Well, I can tell by your face that your recounting of that night is going to be better than any romance novel I can read."

Bella smiled as she shoved a donut hole into her mouth. "It was… perfect." Bella got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom and Alice squealed as she left Bella to get ready.

The day had gone nearly perfectly. Bella's thoughts were occupied all day with class and observations; she didn't have time to be sad. This was greatly welcomed. When she got home from class, she put in some study time, also keeping her mind engaged. Alice came home right as she finished with Tai Food, one of Bella's favorites. Bella wondered if it were possible not to love Pad Tai and Yellow Curry? Bella enthusiastically replayed her night with Edward for Alice— leaving out some details of their intimate moments and words. Alice giggled, sighed, and got all hot and bothered listening to the commentary of Bella's dream night. To Alice, it sounded like any woman's idea of a dream night… up until Bella's conclusion: Edward's departure. At that they both cried together.

Bella worried that the sadness would overtake her again, but Alice wouldn't have it. She let her friend cry a little longer and then jumped up and grabbed the ice cream from the freezer and two spoons. She turned on an episode of The Office they hadn't watched yet. They devoured the ice cream while they laughed hilariously at the show they loved so much.

"Do you think Dwight is kind of hot in his own way?" Alice asked curiously.

"No," Bella answered quickly.

A slight flush covered Alice's throat. "Oh yeah, me neither."

Both girls erupted in laughter so hard that their stomachs' full of ice cream started to hurt. Bella knew things were going to be okay. She would miss Edward like crazy and she couldn't ignore a slight unease about this mission, but she had to believe he was going to come back to her safe, sound, and still completely in love with her.

Xxx

Edward felt like it had taken every piece of his brain to command every atom in his body to move away from the woman he was completely in love with. He felt like his heart was being shredded by shrapnel as he gave her a last kiss good-bye. It was the worst kind of pain he'd ever experienced. He knew he had to make it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid. He had kissed her one last time. Locking in his memory the feel of her lips, her promise to wait for him, and the reinforcement of her love for him one last time and then Edward walked away. Using every bit of self-control he possessed, he refused to look back at her. Knowing if he saw her crying, he would turn right back around and take her in his arms. Saying good-bye a second time around would only hurt more so he kept his feet moving. He hoped that Emmett made good on his promise and that Bella wasn't left alone. When Edward called Emmett to inform him that his sister would be making a quick visit to say good-bye, Emmett volunteered to be there for her when Edward walked onto the plane. Leaving her wasn't the end of the world. He'd done fine when he left Forks, it sucked, but it was fine. This time, with no return on the horizon, it was the most excruciating torture.

Edward's companions on the flight were solemn and quiet. This was very standard behavior after departing home for an unknown amount of time. Of course Edward had always been sympathetic to their plights; it had been hard for him when he left Tanya before. However, he would make up his mind to focus on the job he was about to encounter and push the pain to the back of his mind. He couldn't understand how so many of the men would be so morose the entire flight and even for a while after they reached their destination. Now…. he understood. It wasn't just a sadness or loneliness these men had been feeling, it was a pain that engulfed the deepest part of your soul and made you feel incomplete.

Trying to curb the loneliness, he tried to relive his night with Bella in his mind. It had been perfect, a time he would never forget. Being with Bella was so easy and loving her was even easier. Their conversations were effortless, they laughed constantly, their emotions were open, and the sex was phenomenal. The time with her had only reassured that the direction his mind had been heading was exactly right. He'd known Bella was it for him, but was nervous about how quickly everything was moving. He also knew that a big part of him was reluctant to fully love and trust someone after the devastating blow he had taken from Tanya. But, once Bella was with him in his home, in his arms, in his bed, he knew he wanted to be with her forever. Edward thought back to a letter Bella had written early in their correspondence and she asked him if he had been in love with Tanya. He told her he thought he had been, but wasn't sure because he'd never loved another. He knew he had loved Tanya in some capacity, but now that he experienced Bella, he knew that the love he felt for Tanya was a drop in the ocean compared to what he felt for _his_ Bella. Edward felt himself smile as he remembered Bella's face when he said he was going to marry her. The quick transitions between shock, excitement, and then absolute love, Edward found thrilling. His heart clenched painfully within him wanting her in his arms again.

Wanting the ache to go away, he knew he better direct his focus elsewhere. Deciding the best place for his mind to be was on the mission at hand, he started to think strategy. Their commander had given them a short briefing on what the mission entailed and what the time line looked to be. He gave no guarantees on the estimated date of return; there were too many factors to make even an educated guess. It killed Edward not to be able to share this part of his life with Bella. It seemed that he had come to the point where he told Bella everything and it just felt wrong having to keep her in the dark. This trip was much more dangerous than a normal deployment. He and his platoon were being sent in to take care of a specific terrorist the American government had been tracking for a long period of time and they had finally nailed down his location. Unfortunately, he was hiding out in a remote location surrounded by a faction of men willing to lose their lives to protect their leader. This was where Edward's sharp shooting team came into play. Edward's team was good… really good. They could take out anyone. However, the part he could not control was if the enemy could take them out just as effortlessly. He had hopes that they would get in there, take out the killers, and be on a plane back in the states within a week. Rarely did missions like this resolve themselves that easily, but Edward was going to continue the wishful thinking. One thing Edward never before allowed in his mind was the possibility of failure. He would not start today to let his mind head in that direction; especially now that he had so much to live for.

Needing a real distraction, he withdrew his Kindle from his bag and smiled. He couldn't believe she'd gotten him the electronic reader. He and Bella had spent quite a bit of time deciding on books that must be downloaded. They agreed on many of the ones Edward had chosen. Some of his picks, Bella would roll her eyes at, and Edward added a few of her picks just to make her smile. She had pleaded with him to read _Jane__Eyre_. She said it was her favorite book of all time and she wanted them to be able to discuss it together. She also playfully added that if he didn't like it, she wasn't sure the relationship would last. Edward smirked as he recalled the conversation and quickly scrolled through and selected Bella's beloved book.

Several hours into the flight, Edward grew restless and put the book away. He stood and stretched his limbs, grabbed some water, and carried on some small talk with some of his buddies. Once he returned to his belongings, he pulled out a paper and pen. Not knowing if he would be sent to a desolate location immediately, he decided to write Bella now. He could send it once grounded so she wouldn't have to go weeks without hearing from him.

Xxx

The week flew by in a blur for Bella. In ways it felt like Edward had just left her and at times it felt like she couldn't remember what it was like to be with him. Her time had been occupied with catching up on school work that had been neglected the previous weekend. The apartment had become a disaster and required some serious cleaning. The best part of the week had been all of the much needed girl time Bella and Alice had spent together. Bella also followed the wisdom of her Beloved, as she took a daily run to clear her head. Once inside her apartment at the end of said week, a large sigh of relief escaped her. She was finally home and had the entire weekend to do… nothing. Her work schedule was cleared since she was supposed to have been at Pendleton this weekend. She refused to feel bad that she didn't let her boss know that her plans had been changed. For the next two days she didn't have to put on a happy face, wouldn't have to push thoughts of Edward to the back of her mind, and could spend a whole lot of time doing absolutely nothing. It sounded perfect to her; she wasn't going to ruin it by offering to pick up a shift.

Dressed in her comfiest pants and t-shirt, Bella snuggled into the couch with the coziest flannel blanket, a large diet coke, and the remote. On the agenda for the night was catching up on her shows, eating junk food, and writing Edward a letter. She'd already written him the day she returned home, but she planned to write him often. In the past, Bella had always waited to get a letter from Edward before writing him again. That wasn't going to be the case this time. She was going to flood the man with love.

Bella sat perched on the couch laughing as Tim Gunn told one of the designers to stop bedazzling his gowns when Alice came waltzing in with a radiant grin on her face.

"Tell me you love me," Alice sang with Jasper on her heels.

"What?" Bella asked skeptically as her friend approached her. Slight disappointment filtered into Bella knowing that her quiet evening of wearing sweats and doing whatever she wanted could be sabotaged by the pixie hovering over her.

"Just say it."

"I love you," Bella said in a monotone voice. "Can I get back to Project Runway now? The biggest diva Joshua is about to go berserk on the nicest girl on the show."

Pulling her hand from behind her back, Alice produced something more valuable than any golden ticket— a letter from Edward. Bella's heart went into overdrive, an enormous smile came over her face, and a lump built in her throat all at the same time. It only took a second to recover and leap to her feet.

Bella yanked the letter from her friend and then threw her arms around her in an overwhelming bear hug. "You're right, I do love you." A squeal escaped her lips as she made her way down the hallway and then slammed her bedroom door behind her.

Draped across her bed, Bella tore into the envelope and pulled out the written words she'd been waiting for.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I LOVE YOU!_

A tear slid down Bella's eye. Bella had heard those words spoken many times by many people throughout her life, but it never meant anything like it did when it came from Edward.

_I thought it was important that that was made clear from the beginning, because there is nothing else I will say in this letter that is more essential than those words._

Several tears trickled quickly behind the first as Bella's heart overflowed with love.

_I__'__ve__barely__left__you__and__I__miss__you__something__fierce.__I__am__in__the__plane__somewhere__over__the__Pacific__Ocean.__I__'__ve__been__reading__my__Kindle__and__I__love__it.__Thank__you__again__for__your__awesome__gift.__I__'__m__reading_Jane Eyre_just__like__you__wanted__me__to.__So__far__it__'__s__not__too__bad.__If__any__of__the__guys__ask__me__what__I__'__m__reading__though,__I__'__m__going__to__lie__and__say__the__Bourne__Supremacy.__If__they__knew__I__was__reading__your__chic-lit,__I__'__m__pretty__sure__I__'__d__be__tossed__out__of__the__plane__for__a__shark__snack._

A giggle escaped her mouth. She knew all too well how badly he would be harassed if they knew he was reading her favorite novel, but he did it for her anyway.

_The plane ride out of base is always hard. It is usually silent while men deal with the separation so they can soon begin to focus on the job ahead. _

Bella's heart ached for all of these brave men and women who had to go through the pain of leaving their loved ones so frequently. They didn't get to go home and sleep for a day or wallow in ice cream like those left behind. They had to mourn and then quickly prepare themselves to put their lives in danger. Silently she said a prayer that they would all return to their families quickly.

_I never really understood all of the contemplation going on thousands of feet in the air, but for the first time I get it. You are rarely isolated while overseas, but for some reason you feel that way. Maybe it's the dessert, miles and miles of flat, vacant land. Maybe it's the lack of intimate conversations or actions. Maybe it's all of the waiting or repetitive training. I don't know, but I've always felt that loneliness. It never took its toll on me like I saw it do to so many women and men. I never understood how they couldn't separate themselves and focus on the job at hand. They knew they were leaving it's what they signed up for and soon enough they would be home. Now… I get it. It's not just loneliness they were feeling. This time, there is this void in my chest. I feel like as soon as the plane lifted off of the ground, a part of me was missing. I don't know if a part of me stayed with you or if you are now a part of me, but without you I don't feel whole._

The hurt in his words made Bella's heart feel like it was going to beat out of her chest. Bella felt as if Edward was describing her very own feelings.

_How was your trip home? How has your week been? Have you recovered from your sleep deprivation? I plan on trying to sleep as soon as I am done with this letter. What I really want to do is run. What did you think of Pendleton and my house? I hope you enjoyed our weekend, Bella. It was the best time of my life and I hope that when I get back we can pick up where we left off. Particularly the part in bed. You should know that I think you are the sexiest, smartest, funniest, and most limber woman I have ever known._

Bella flushed with his compliments and a fevered tingle raced through her body.

_I hope that our mission will be quick and I can get back to you as soon as possible. _

Bella squeezed her eyes shut hoping with all her might that he came home quickly and safely.

_Don't get distracted and fall for some other guy while I'm gone. I'll be thinking of you every minute._

Like there is anyone in the world that could even compare to her Captain, Bella thought. Her eye was strictly on the prize and that was Edward.

_I know this is short, but not much has happened in the five hours since I left you. I don't know what the mail situation will be like when I get there, so don't be discouraged if it takes a while for you to hear from me again. I'll always be writing, it may just take a while to get to you._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

As usual Bella reread his letter before putting it away. The first time through she was always so frenzied to read what he wrote that there was always something she was able to catch the second time around. She replaced the pages back into the envelope and immediately rose to her desk. She decided to write him now instead of waiting until the end of the weekend.

In the middle of her writing her phone buzzed.

"Hello?" Bella answered. She was so focused on the business at hand she hadn't even looked at the caller ID.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey, Jake," Bella answered still looking at the paper lying before her.

"I got us signed up for the marathon." The enthusiasm was practically streaming through the phone into Bella's ear and slithered its way into her. The competition would be fun and it would be exciting to say she participated in a marathon. Nobody would ever believe it.

"Who is going again?"

"There is going to be six of us. My friend Seth is borrowing a van from a friend so we can all drive together, we'll all just throw in some money for gas. My other friend Paul got us hooked up with adjoining rooms at the _Marriot_t. His sister works there."

"Okay, just let me know what I owe you for everything."

"Are we running in the morning?"

Bella's body was exhausted. They had run more this week than she ever had in one week, but the running was so therapeutic for her. She knew it was part of what had gotten her through this week. "Sure."

"Geez, you don't have to sound so tortured about it."

Bella laid her pen down feeling guilty that she was so distracted while she talked to her friend. "No it's not that, I was just writing back to Edward. I got a letter from him today."

"Wow that was fast. How is G.I. Joe?" Bella didn't like the tone Jake was using when he referenced Edward. She knew that while Jake didn't have a problem with Edward, he also didn't care for him.

Bella rolled her eyes and said in a warning tone, "Jake, you watch how you talk about the man I love."

"Sure, sure. What are you doing tonight?"

"Staying in, watching a chick flick, crying over my boyfriend, and going to bed early. I need rest before I kick your ass on the pavement tomorrow."

"Whoa, big talker there coming from a girl with two left feet."

Bella forced the laugh to stay in, because what Jake said was so true. "Shut it!"

"I'm thinking we should try eight miles tomorrow, what do you think?"

"Sounds good."

"Or we could do a shorter distance and run on the beach to build more endurance."

"Let's just stay local."

"Okay. I'll see you in the morning."

"Kay, bye."

Bella's eyes darted to movement to her left. Alice stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. "I really hate that guy."

"I know you do," Bella said as she looked away from Alice and grabbed her pen.

"Why doesn't he just leave you alone?"

"We're just friends."

Alice rolled her eyes. "I don't know how you don't see what he's doing—"

Bella cut her off. "I know what you think he's doing and I'm sure there is some partial truth there. Give me some credit though, Alice. I know what I'm doing. I am completely and irrevocably in love with Edward and Jacob is never going to interfere with that."

Alice let out a sigh. "Fine, I'm sorry. I just… never mind."

"What?"

"You're going to need a shoulder to lean on during all of this and I think the mutt is going to be too quick to lean in and be that shoulder."

"Alice, you're going to be that shoulder," Bella said very matter-of-factly, but also looking at Alice with pleading eyes.

Alice smiled as she walked over and hugged her friend. "Of course I am. Now, let's watch our shows, I sent Jasper home."

Bella pulled her lip between her teeth and looked down at her letter. "Give me fifteen minutes. I want to finish my letter to Edward."

"Okay, I'll be waiting."

Bella finished writing to Edward, sealed it up, and placed a stamp on the envelope. Bella pulled a slow deep breath wondering where Edward was right then and hoped he knew how much she loved him.

Xxx

Edward lay stomach down in the sand with his automatic weapon pressed against his shoulder, waiting for the sign to fire. The sun was beating on his back and his mouth was full of grip. His mind slipped from focus for a moment and he wondered what Bella was doing right then, and hoped that she knew how much he loved her.

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you Nellers for getting this chapter beta'd before your trip. You are the bestest.

I have another recommendation for you all and it is a completed story which makes it even better. Wrenfield Hall by Wannabe Charlotte. It's awesome, go check it out.

I need a favor from all of you. I have a tradition of reading only Christmas books during the month of December. I am trying to compile a list to read next month, I usually read about a dozen or more. Please, send me some recommendations of some good Christmas books you've read (actual books not fanfiction ). I would be most grateful.

Readers, you blew me away with your reviews last chapter. I feel very humbled and grateful for you kindness and support. Do it again, please. ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

HAPPY BREAKING DAWN DAY! It was awesome.

One of my reviewers, ellaryne informed me of a group on facebook called, Jasper's Army. It is a group that writes letters and sends packages to our men and women serving in the military. If this is something you would like to participate in go and check it out. Who knows you could be helping someone like our Edward, who isn't receiving anything from anyone. The holiday season is a perfect time to make sure someone is feeling the love from home. Thanks ellaryne, for letting us know.

Xxx

One of the few complaints Edward had about military service was the waiting game. While abroad, most of your time was occupied with instruction, preparing, patrolling, or working. However, there was still a great deal of time doing nothing, but anticipating. You wait for the enemy to make a move, and then on the government to give their plan of retaliation, counting down for the darkness… or light, pacing in hopes of mail, and of course ticking down the days until you get to return home. Waiting… always waiting. If you aren't patient, it's enough to drive someone to the insane asylum. This week had been a particularly rough week. Edward and his squad had been rushed out of the states a couple of weeks before their time home had expired to take part in a special ops mission. Unfortunately, upon arrival they were informed that their target had made a quick departure from his lair— hidden deep in the mountains of the desert. Because the terrorist leader had left a small army of minions guarding his hideout, Edward's Colonel was confident the coward would return to his cave. Once the vermin's anticipated return occurred, Edward's crew, along with several other special ops groups, would be sent to the remote location to take out the terrorist and his followers.

"When are we getting on with our mission? I'm sick of the waiting game," Paul snapped.

Edward shook his head as he watched his very impatient comrade punch a wall. "You need to calm down."

"This is total crap. They rush us out of the States for an emergency mission and it's been a full week of nothing. I could be home with my wife." Paul's voice had risen in decibels with every word.

Riley whom Edward had known for years and Paul's best friend, tried to jump in to unruffle Paul's feathers, "Dude, you can't honestly blame the Marines for Yasin taking off within hours of our arrival. It happens. Roll with it."

"I know that, but can't we go and hunt Yasin down and just take him out now. Give me a day, I'll find him, end him, and then we could all be home by Christmas."

Edward glanced around at the group of men surrounding him. Every one of them was a stand up man, dedicated, hard working, loyal, and a survivor. He was truly feeling the brotherhood they all felt for each other. The honor was his to be in their company— even if one of them was in the middle of a temper tantrum.

A growl of frustration erupted from Paul's throat, a few of the men chuckled knowing that deep down the same thought had already occurred to all of them. This mind-set caused uneasiness to settle over Edward. It was the end of a long day and week. They were tired, hot, dirty, and apparently frustrated. Unpredictable circumstances, such as the situation at hand, happened all of the time in the military. When you're dealing with uncontrolled targets, things change, and adjustments are made. More often than not, courses were remapped, orders retracted, and missions delayed. Rarely did things— in Edward's experience— go exactly as planned. The fact that Paul was getting so emotional over the change of strategy made Edward worried that his head was not fully in the game. Edward could see Paul's judgment getting cloudier. A soldier without a clear head and proper way of thinking became dangerous; not only to himself but to every other person on his side. Edward experienced this himself earlier in the week during training. His heart ached over Bella wondering what she was doing and hoping she knew how much he loved her. Then he mentally slapped himself, realizing that if this were Yasin, not a drill, that he and his platoon could have suffered serious mortal consequences for his own moment of unfocused selfishness.

Riley jumped in, "You need to calm down, Paul." Paul whirled around on his friend, feeling betrayed. Riley held his hands up to his friend as if waving a white flag. "We all want to be home, but we have to be smart and do this the right way or we'll only be here longer. Keep your head on the prize and then you can go home… safe."

"Don't lecture me, Riley. I know what the plan is; it doesn't mean I have to like it." Edward noticed the same men who laughed before, now nodded in agreement. "I'm going for a walk." Paul pulled out a cigarette and turned to walk away. A few of the guys rose to their feet welcoming the smoke break.

Riley dropped down at Edward's side. "I'm worried about him."

Edward took an exaggerated breath and looked at his comrade, "Me too."

"You think he'll be alright?"

"I'll talk to him later. This is what Paul does; he's got the worst temper I've ever seen. If he could learn to rein it in and save it for battle, he'd be golden."

The two men sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Edward leaned back admiring the infinite amount of stars that could be seen from the dessert.

"How long do you think we'll be here?" Riley asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't know… I try not to think about it."

Riley nodded knowing that Edward's strategy was smart. "I really wanted to be home for Christmas with my wife and kids."

"I know." Edward dropped his head. He too wished he could be home with Bella for the holiday.

"That's right," Riley said nudging his friend's shoulder with his own. "Word on the street is you finally found yourself a lady friend."

Edward didn't say anything. He liked to keep his business to himself. He also knew how crudely the men could get when talking about their extracurricular activities at home and he never wanted Bella's name brought up in those conversations.

Shaking his head in frustration, Riley said, "You are a closed book my friend." Both men laughed. "Just answer one question." Edward looked at his friend waiting to see what the question would be. "Is she good?"

A rumble sounded in Edward's chest. Shaking his head, he rose to his feet. "And that, my friend, is why I am a closed book."

Riley fell back on his elbows laughing. He knew Edward would never say a word about his girl, but it didn't stop him from messing with the guy.

xxx

The tread of Edward's shoes moved across the sand as if he were sprinting across a bed of hot coals. Sweat leaked from every pore cooling the skin that burned under the arid, dessert sun. His breaths were heavy and frequent as he resisted releasing the turmoil of emotions within him. Anger surged through his veins causing his blood to boil. Then anguish and pain engulfed his chest; it was like a boa constrictor squeezing the life out of him. Instead of succumbing to the building tears and lump in his throat, he pushed himself even harder. Three hours ago, a senior officer had informed Edward and his team that several lives had been lost as a result of pure evil in the world. He now endured one of his most painstaking runs and he still wasn't any better off than he'd been the minute those words burned into his ears.

During target practice, Colonel Jenks had called in Edward's platoon and another squad for a briefing. Bad vibes oozed from the leaders that stood at the front of the room. Generals and Colonels stood with looks of anger and grief on their faces as they waited for those who were called in attendance. The men stood at attention, fully aware that the news would be a tragic blow. Edward selfishly had hoped it didn't have anything to do with prolonging their return.

Finally, upon everyone's arrival, Colonel Jenks stepped forward. "At oh-nine-hundred-hours, our 4th Marine Regiment was patrolling the streets of Marjah. They were directed to suspicious activity in an abandoned building and were ambushed. We lost several lives. The men who survived were able to take down…"

Edward's mind drifted away as his Colonel continued to speak. He knew exactly who had left to patrol that day; Paul and Riley were two of them. His stomach clenched and his heart began to race. The only emotions he could fee were sadness and revenge. Edward was a firm believer of following your instincts, and right now they told him his friends were gone. A link in the chain of his brotherhood had broken away. Edward had known many men who had lost their lives in this never ending battle against terrorism, but it had never been someone he had a personal relationship with. This was a day he knew he'd never forget.

After the briefing, Edward moved sullenly back to target practice. Silently, he completed his shooting without flaw. Adrenaline pulsed through him, visualizing the enemy that took his friends' lives, he precisely shot each target. Upon Edward's return to base, he could feel the aftermath of fallen comrades. Tension and chaos filled the atmosphere and it engulfed Edward. As he mechanically went about business, he was able to overhear conversation that confirmed what he already knew. Riley and Paul were gone; he would never see them again. The only way Edward knew how to deal with this loss was to run. As soon as time permitted, he left to do just that. Only it didn't seem to be working. Once he was out of sight and ear shot, he surrendered and allowed himself to break down and mourn the loss of his brothers in arms.

When Edward returned back to camp, he felt drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. He quickly showered and went to get some food when he noticed several men walking with boxes or letters in hand. His heart rate picked up, it had been a week since they had received any mail. Edward felt like it was a gift from God that mail was being received today. So many men were going to be hit hard with these losses and would need the support they could only get from home. He needed to hear from Bella. Her words and assurances were the only things he felt could pull him from this drowning feeling.

Patiently he waited in line to get his mail and sure enough there were two blue envelopes waiting for him. He shoved the letters inside his shirt and then headed quickly to get some grub. With a sandwich and water in hand, he returned to his barracks and pulled open his first letter.

_Dear Edward,_

_I miss you almost as much as I love you. Well… no… nothing comes even close to how much I love you._

_Saying good-bye to you was horrible. Standing there watching you walk away from me was definitely one of the low points of my life. It tore me up just as badly as the day that I caught Mike and Jessica together, but in a completely different way. I can't explain it._

Edward knew just what she was talking about. That is exactly how it felt for him to walk away from her. Just as painful as the day Tanya ended their engagement, but instead of a cracking pain in the chest, it felt like his whole heart was being ripped out. With Bella he felt a void he hadn't felt when Tanya left.

_I don't know what would have happened to me if my brother hadn't shown up and rescued me._

Edward smiled, grateful for Emmett_._

_I am going to have to eat my own words and take back all of the horrible things I have said about the big oaf. He was truly wonderful to me at one of my most heart breaking moments. I guess combine that with the fact that he is the reason I even found you, I have to admit he's pretty fantastic. _

Bella was right; they owed a lot to Emmett. Yes, he could be one of the crudest people Edward had ever known, but he was a true friend and absolutely hilarious.

_I am thrilled to let you be the first to know some exciting news. Nobody else will even believe me and if they do, they will just laugh. Thanks to your advice and exhausting training, I am going to participate in a marathon. Well, half marathon, but still that is huge for me. A group of friends are going to go to Vegas in February. I am really nervous, but completely keyed up too. I feel like I am conquering something new and I owe it all to you._

Edward was proud of Bella and her accomplishment. An aching part of him was disappointed he couldn't be there to do it with her. An angry side of him was fairly confident that the one and only Jake would be there with her, and that didn't sit well with him. Edward trusted Bella a thousand percent, but he saw the phenomenal woman Bella was and he knew every man who knew her realized the same thing. Any smart man would take advantage of Edward's absence. He only hoped that the old saying didn't apply here, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder of the one who's there."

_Finals start next week and I am feeling pretty confident. I am not taking any chances though. I will be living at a desk for the next week and studying every waking moment. This basically means I will be living on Diet Coke— okay, so I do that anyways. I am determined to graduate with a four-point-oh. Okay, sorry, I'm done being your nerdy girlfriend._

A smile cracked at the corner of Edward's mouth. He loved it when she referenced herself as his _girlfriend._ What he really anticipated was getting a ring on her finger so he could call her is fiancé, rather than girlfriend. He also loved that she was so smart and dedicated to everything she did. He couldn't help but wonder if there was anything she didn't do perfectly.

_So,__have__you__completed_Jane Eyre_yet?__I__want__you__to__know__regardless__of__what__the__other__guys__think,__I__think__it__takes__a__real__man__to__read__classic__literature.__I__finished__reading_Transfer of Power_like__you__suggested__and__I__loved__it.__I__do__have__a__confession__to__make__though,__if__I__ever__find__out__the__character__Mitch__Rapp__is__based__on__an__actual__man,__I__might__leave__you__for__him.__I__'__m__just__saying__…_

Edward laughed out loud.

_I have to ask though why the heck you would get me hooked on a twelve book series. I am going to be consumed by Mitch… I mean the books all of Christmas break._

_Let me see if I can answer all of your questions for you. The trip home was rough, but I already told you that. Emmett drove me home, he thought it wasn't safe for me to do it alone in my hysterical state. Gosh, that sounds so pathetic._

Edward didn't find her pathetic at all, in fact, he felt guilty that it made him feel good that she loved him enough to feel the devastation he too had felt at their separation.

_My week was busy; I tried to keep it that way so I wouldn't just sit around and wallow. I still had this weekend off from work, so I am busy being a slug until Monday when I have to kick my studies into gear. That should also answer the sleep deprivation question too. I thought Pendleton was a horrible place because I will now only think of it as the place where you left me. I thought your house was perfect. It was completely you. I do think it was missing something though… maybe… me._

Maybe? Most definitely! Bella was what his house needed and he would make sure she was an added fixture as soon as he got home.

_Since I am too embarrassed to talk about sex in front o f you or even over the phone, I think I could try to write my thoughts on the subject in a letter. I can talk to you about everything else in our letters, why not this? Here we go. Um… last weekend…. wow… amazing… mind blowing…. impressive… marathon of goodness… your body… beautiful. Okay yeah, I still can't talk about it even in a letter. Let me just say I never knew it could be like that. I felt connected to you, body and soul and it was perfect. Repeat please._

Edward started laughing and felt completely aroused all at once. He found her inability to actually talk about sex endearing. Talking about sex was not a problem for Edward at all; however, even he couldn't put into words the magic that occurred being with Bella.

_Edward, I will think of you every minute we are apart. I will pray for you every day that you are gone. I will love you with all of my heart for all of my existence. There will NEVER be anyone for me, but you. No matter how long the distance my heart will always be yours._

Edward's heart clenched tight in his chest and tears stung at the back of his eyes. Wiping each eye on each shoulder, he took long breaths to regain control of his emotions.

_I love you, come back to me, and be safe._

_All My Love,_

_Your Bella_

Edward was overwhelmed by the love he felt from this woman. She was giving him something he'd never been sure he'd have; someone who loved him unconditionally and needed him as much as he needed her. Edward quickly said a prayer in his heart thanking God for the blessing of Bella being in his life.

Dropping the letter back into its envelope, he laid it aside and quickly began to retrieve the other.

"Cullen," Uley stuck his head in. Edward looked up at his comrade.

"What's up?"

A smile came over Uley's face. "We got action." Edward knew that an excited face during a time of loss only meant one thing; revenge was on the horizon. An American soldier was already more than willing to take out any person who threatened the safety of his country and its people, let alone a terrorist who was willing to kill thousands or an entire country if allowed. Factor in the murder of several Marines and they wanted blood. "Colonel's waiting for us."

Edward dropped both letters into the metal box residing under his bed and followed his friend out to meet his leader.

Xxx

Edward sat intently listening for two hours as his Commander in Chief laid out their plan of assault, timeline, and an escape plan if they were attacked. Every detail, option, circumstance, and alternative was picked through with a fine comb. Yasin had made his return and they were ready to launch their mission. They would leave that night under the cover of darkness.

"Boys," Edward's commander said as he rested his hands on his hips, "If you need a pep talk right now, you are in the wrong line of work. We all know why we're here, so let's make our preparations and get this done."

One thing Edward had always appreciated about Colonel Jenks, he didn't tip toe around anything. Particularly right now, Edward thought it was smart to not bring up their losses or address their feelings of sadness, get the men focused solely on the job at hand.

"All right, gentlemen, I think that about covers it. Have your teams ready to board the helicopter at twenty-one-hundred-hours."

Edward stood from his chair, ready to take care of business.

"One more thing, I don't need to remind you how important and dangerous this operation is. Yasin is at the top of our FBI's most wanted terrorist list. He's there for a reason. Make sure you and your teams take every precaution, stay focused, complete your job and come back."

A "yes, Sir" was the staggered response from ten different men.

Edward gathered his special ops team and did a play by play of their role in the take down of Yasin. As his boys began to leave, he stopped them one last time just as his commander had done to him. "We've been training for this for weeks, you boys are good. I have no doubt that this will be a success and then hopefully we will all be heading home, but…" Edward pulled at the back of his neck. He had a deep concern in the pit of his stomach. This was happening way too soon after the shootings in Marjah. He was worried that the men would be nervous or that they were still hurting over the loss of their friends and he needed them alert. "If you think you aren't ready for this, tell me now. If you aren't focused or confident in your abilities, you could jeopardize a whole lot more than the success of this mission." Edward eyed his men with authority and underlying compassion. Edward watched as understanding come over his Comrades' faces and then slowly one by one they saluted their captain and assured him of their ability to carry out their jobs successfully.

Edward had very little time to take care of any personal business before his departure and he knew how he wanted to spend it. Quickly, he retrieved Bella's second letter and read through it.

_Dearest Edward,_

_I just wanted to send you a quick note. It hasn't been long since you left my arms. _

Turning the envelope over in his hand Edward read the date on the envelope and then at the other and realized he'd read the letters out of order.

_In some ways I can still feel myself pressed against you, and sometimes it feels as though it's been so long. I hate it when it feels like our time together was in a distant past. My heart hasn't stopped aching and I don't know if it really will until you are with me again._

He would give anything to take her pain away. It was strange how his body responded to her words by feeling the exact things she spoke of. Edward wondered if this was the deepest kind of empathy that could only be felt by two souls entwined.

_You may not be perfect, Edward, but for me… you are nothing but. I feel like God made you for me. You understand my pain. You make me laugh. Our bodies were molded to fit together as a perfect puzzle. You are beautiful, a hero, athletic, brilliant, and hardworking. _

Embarrassment flooded him. He was not used to receiving all of these compliments even though nobody else was around. In all of Edward's life nobody had ever spoken so highly of him.

_Every woman wants you and every man wants to be you, and I'm still trying to figure out how it ended up that you picked me._

Several images and conversations with Bella flashed through his mind, silently giving all of the reasons why he wanted her. She was perfect.

_You were a missing piece of my life. Now that I've had you, I feel like every part of me is in place. I love you, Edward and whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me forever. Come home to me._

_Lovingly Yours,_

_Bella_

_P.S. I'm sorry if this was too cheesy. I'm normally not this sappy; you just bring out that side of me I guess._

Laughter rumbled through his throat. He could handle cheesy from this woman.

Bella's letters always made him feel better regardless of the circumstances and this proved his point. After reading her words, his nerves were calmed, his determination solid, and his adrenaline pulsing. He replaced the letters in his box and then pulled out his own pen and paper. Quickly he moved his hand across the stationary as he wrote to Bella. He wanted to be sure the letter went to the outgoing mail before his departure.

Several hours later, a very heavily armed Captain stood a little taller, leading his men to the aircraft that would take them to their destination. Edward knew that once he boarded that chopper his mind would only be on the job at hand. Only fifteen paces away from the door, he allowed his mind to think of Bella one last time. He thought of her laid out beneath him, looking up at him with her big, chocolate colored eyes. He thought about the first time he saw her walk through the kitchen door of her parents' house; she'd taken his breath away. He almost felt the way her lips moved over his the first time he kissed her in the rain. He thought of the moment he told her he wanted to marry her and her agreeing. Only one step away and he could hear her voice in his ear telling him she loved him. His heart overflowed and smile crossed his face. Captain Cullen lifted his foot onto the ledge of the helicopter and it was as if he walked through a veil, removing everything from his mind other than where he was headed. His face became solemn, his mind clear. He was now one hundred percent focused on what he was there to do… taking down Yasin and his minions. Once this was over, he could think of her all he wanted, but right now he was all about his country.

Xxx

It'd been hours since the sun set, but the blistering heat still caused an inferno to cover Edward's skin, making his trek over the mountain range that much more difficult. He could feel the sweat trickling down his spine, beneath the weight of his fatigues and a back pack full of gear. The clothing that lay below the shoulder strap of his sniper rifle was saturated. The extra fifty pounds of weight he carried wasn't making the task any easier. The Special Op's team moved quickly and quietly toward their goal. They were the first wave of attack on Yasin. Their performance could make or break the long awaited mission. Their job was to get in as close as possible and take out all of the men surrounding the exterior of the cave Yasin was hiding in. Their long range, silenced weapons would fire, allowing them to take out the targets without anyone inside knowing. Once the team completed their role, another infantry would be parachuting in to take out the leader of the scum inside. Edward's heart felt like a stampede of horses inside of his chest. He wasn't sure if it was the exertion of the incline he was climbing or the anxiousness of finally carrying out what he was here to do. Most likely it was the combination of the two.

An hour after being dropped off they were almost at their destination. At this point they could be seen by a keen eye. Dropping onto their abdomens, the men finished their trek in an army crawl spreading out along the cliff's edge. This wasn't an easy feat with heavy packs on their backs, night vision goggles engulfing their faces, and carrying a sniper rifle in their arms. On Edward's command, the men stopped their movement and began setting up the tripods their guns would rest on, added silencers on to the end of their sniper rifles, and attached night vision scopes to the weapons. While still on their stomachs, each soldier braced the butt of his gun into the nook of his arm and shoulder. One by one the men signaled to Edward that they were ready and waited his commands.

Looking through his scope, Edward scanned what lay a couple hundred yards away from him. Four men stood smoking outside the entrance to the cave, all heavily armed. This was all to be expected. There was a comfort to the set up being exactly as planned. What unnerved Edward, was seeing the four-legged guards that paced as if on patrol. Unsure of what exactly the dogs were trained to do, they were suddenly an unpredictable element. Knowing they couldn't let a few canines hinder their operation— even though they looked more like wolves than dogs— Edward moved forward with their orders.

"Boys, after you've taken out your assigned target, take out their guard dogs quickly. We don't need them attacking our brothers that are coming in after us. Let's do this," Edward whispered into his mouthpiece. "On my go."

The efficient soldier scanned the entire area looking for any further unsuspected interferences and came up clear.

Edward spoke into his mouthpiece again, "Sir, it looks good. Do we have your permission to fire?"

Over static, the Captain heard his commander give him the go ahead.

With his heart pounding and his breathing heavy, Edward began his count down. "Take them down."

At their leader's signal, guns fired with sounds that wouldn't be heard more than ten feet away. One by one, men dropped before their eyes. Immediately the dogs began to bark and the men quickly aimed their guns at their next targets. The dogs went down quickly, but not before their barks sent a warning to the killers inside. Within seconds, armed men flowed from the cave to find the source of the dogs' anxiety.

Edward felt himself shift into overdrive. "Colonel, do not send in ground troops. I repeat, do not send in ground troops." Once he had notified the waiting platoons of the unsafe drop zone, he began to command his men. "Take them out boys, let's make this quick. It won't take them long to figure out where we are. GO!"

Immediately the firing erupted and within seconds the retaliation began. Edward and his men were safely barricaded along a lower cliff's edge. It would be near impossible for the enemy to hit them with a gun. The men below ran in all different directions as some of their cohorts began to drop. More shooting exploded and flood lights began to circle from the tops of the SUVs parked in front of the hideout. The powerful lights scanned over the squad's location, but Edward was confident they hadn't been spotted.

"What's going on, Captain?" Colonel Jenks demanded over his ear piece.

"Dogs were on the premises, Sir, and they began barking as we took down Yasin's militia. It alerted the men inside and they are now firing on us. We were able to terminate most of them, but some are hiding."

"What about Yasin?"

"Haven't seen him, I think he's still inside."

"When it's safe, I want you and your boys to get out of there. The chopper will be awaiting your return."

"Yes, Sir."

The platoon sat unmoving for several minutes waiting to see if there would be any further retaliation. When there had been no firing and no sight of the enemy, Edward commanded his men to retreat.

Hastily tucking away any equipment they could without being seen, the men quickly turned on their stomachs, guns still in arms, and began to withdraw from their positions. Just when Edward thought they were in the clear, an explosion boomed about eighty yards from where Edward lay.

"Move!" Edward commanded his men, "They are firing grenades." The men leapt to their feet and ran. They ran as fast as their bodies could take them because their lives depended on it. The final ledge was only feet in front of Edward. His adrenaline was pushing him to speeds he'd never gone before. Just as he reached to pull himself up over the ridge an explosion blasted so close to Edward that he was instantly overwhelmed in searing pain down the entire right side of his body. The mind blowing pain caused Edward's body to collapse on the ground. Edward cried out an agonizing howl when he tried to get up on his feet.

"We've got you, Captain," a drowned out voice filtered through Edward's ears.

Before he knew what was happening, two arms hooked under his armpits and he was being dragged through the sand. His body was almost in a standing position as he was pulled up over the last slope of the mountain range. Edward could make out the sound of the helicopter propellers in the distance, but could only see a murky grayness. Another gut wrenching scream came from Edward's throat as his body was dragged over a sharp rock. Edward could feel the shrapnel imbedded in his body. A burning sensation coursing down the whole side of his body was as if he were in the fiery pits of hell.

Slowly the agony his body was submerged in began to dissipate, the sounds he could hear clearly before became muffled, and the murky grayness that had been his vision began to fade. Just before everything went black, he saw Bella's face.

**Author's Notes:**

I have another recommendation for you guys, "To the Highest Bidder" by RainyGirl1978. I loved this western fic and the best part about it, it's complete. Go check her out and leave her some reviews, she deserves them.

Hugs and Kisses to my awesome beta, Lynelle.

As always I am so grateful to those of you who take the time to review. Everyone means so much to me. I reply to everyone, those of you who submit anonymous reviews I can't reply to you, but know that I read every one and love getting them. Please, feel free to leave me another, it will make my day.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

I am so sorry for how delayed this chapter is. The last month and a half have been absolutely insane for me. Thanksgiving, my son was baptized, all of my in-laws were here for a women's conference, and all of my day to day craziness with three kids. I know a lot of you are saying blah-blah-blah, but I swear I would never just leave you all hanging. Thanks for understanding.

I have a wicked awesome beta; she makes these words so much better for you guys. I love her like crazy and you guys should too.

_Previously_

"_We've got you, Captain," a drowned out voice filtered through Edward's ears._

_Before he knew what was happening, two arms hooked under his armpits and he was being dragged through the sand. His body was almost in a standing position as he was pulled up over the last slope of the mountain range. Edward could make out the sound of the helicopter propellers in the distance, but could only see a murky grayness. Another gut wrenching scream came from Edward's throat as his body was dragged over a sharp rock. Edward could feel the shrapnel imbedded in his body. A burning sensation coursing down the whole side of his body was as if he were in the fiery pits of hell._

_Slowly the agony his body was submerged in began to dissipate, the sounds he could hear clearly before became muffled, and the murky grayness that had been his vision began to fade. Just before everything went black, he saw Bella's face._

xxx

Sticking with tradition, Forks allowed Bella to wake up to a white Christmas. Snuggled deep into her blankets Bella laid awake, eyes following the white flakes as they fell past the window. While her eyes focused on the gentle movement, her mind was on nothing other than Edward. Was he safe? What was he doing? Was he celebrating the holiday? Was he thinking of her? Wrapping her arms around her torso, she did the best she could to ease the painful ache in her heart. She hadn't heard from him in three weeks. More than feeling hurt or loneliness, she was consumed with worry and fear. Edward would always write her, she was sure of that. If she wasn't getting mail, it was because he was hurt or he was in dangerous circumstances that wouldn't permit him to get mail out. Both of those options were unsettling.

Bella heard her door creak open, but she didn't even turn over to see who it was. The worry and sadness that had been consuming her insides for the last two weeks never went away, but she hid them well. Today she felt defeated; she was surrendering to the emotions. There would be no concealing them.

"Bella, breakfast is ready," Rosalie's melodic voice announced. Bella felt the weight of Rosalie's light body settle on the bed next to her. Her elegant fingers combed gently through Bella's snarled hair. "I know it's hard. You feel like most of your world is gone." Bella blinked out of her haze as she became aware of the person who knew exactly what she was feeling. "You are wondering how on earth you can participate in any celebration, when someone you love so much is far away, alone, and possibly fighting. It almost feels like betrayal," her voice quivered. Bella turned on her back and looked at her best friend for the first time. Tears rolled down Bella's cheeks as she saw the moisture in Rosalie's eyes. Even through her own loneliness, Rosalie was taking care of Bella. Reaching over she swiped away Bella's tears. "Do you think this is how he would want you to feel today?" Of course not, she thought. Edward wouldn't want her wallowing. He was envious of her family and the love they shared with each other. He would want her embracing it.

Bella shook her head. "You're right. I'm sorry for being so pathetic."

"Nope, not pathetic, just in love."

A corner of Bella's mouth curved upward.

"You're crazy about him."

Unable to deny it, Bella nodded. "He's everything." There was a pause as she twiddled with her fingers and her teeth assaulted her lip. "I just haven't heard from him for a while. I'm worried about him."

A conspiring look came over Rosalie's face, but before Bella had a chance to figure it out, it was gone.

Drawing herself up physically and emotionally, Bella threw her arms around Rosalie. "Thank you. You are the best friend and sister a girl could ask for."

Rosalie pulled away and held onto her friend's shoulders. "You'll get through this. It will get easier every day. You are going to have down days and that's perfectly okay. Just know that I'm here. I can talk, I can sit in silence, I am great at hugs, and I have Tessa. She can make anyone smile." Both women were unable to control the small laughs that escaped their mouths at the mention of the little baby who had their entire family enraptured.

"Come on, get dressed. I'm starving." Rosalie left and Bella prepared to face the day of joy without Edward.

The conversations flowed as Bella, Rosalie, and her parents sat around the table for their traditional Christmas breakfast. Hot cinnamon rolls, bacon, and eggs accompanied by Mom's homemade eggnog. They reminisced about Christmases past. Bella had been completely unprepared the first year she received a bra in her stocking. In her hurry to retrieve her gifts, she yanked it out by one strap, putting it on display for everyone to see. Bella had turned beat red and at the sight of her dad's discomfort and Emmett's laughter, she ran from the room crying. Bella reminded them of the year that Emmett was so excited because he had twice as many presents as everyone else and tore into them. The rest of the family sat watching and laughing as Emmett went from disappointment to anger as he continued to open his own belongings that Bella had wrapped and put under the tree. Emmett's roar of frustration only increased Bella's feelings of victory. Rosalie remembered their first Christmas as a married couple. Emmett got Rosalie a blender. He said he'd Googled gifts to give your wife. The website had assured him she would love a blender. Needless to say Emmett didn't get to take advantage of Rosalie's gift to him— a piece of sexy lingerie and a sex coupon book.

Once breakfast was all cleaned up, the family sat around the tree to open Christmas presents. There were two cameras and one video camera on Tessa as Rosalie opened her presents. Of course the infant had no idea what was going on, but it was her first Christmas and the family's first Christmas with a baby in over twenty years. When it was Bella's turn she was thrilled, her parents gave her a MAC, Rosalie gave her some clothes, and she had received several Amazon gift cards to order books for her Kindle. It was almost perfect. All of the presents had been opened and Bella stood to grab a trash bag for all of the wrapping paper.

"Well, what's that Bells?" Charlie asked as he stared at the Christmas tree.

"What?" Bella stopped and looked at the tree.

"Up there," Charlie pointed toward the top of the tree, "That envelope."

Bella's heart skipped a beat once she found what her dad had been pointing to. She knew from even ten feet from the tree what it was. Trampling across the paper, Bella made her way to the tree and snagged the desperately needed letter from Edward out of its limbs.

Bella turned to find her whole family smiling. "Was this here the whole time?" Bella asked.

"No, I put it in there this morning," Renee answered with a joy only a mother could feel at seeing her child so happy. "Edward sent it last week and asked me to give it to you Christmas morning." Part of Bella was irritated that Edward would make her wait that long to hear from him, but another part of her knew he wanted her to have something from him on Christmas.

Her fingers dragged slowly over the envelope as if caressing it. "I'm going to go upstairs—"

"Go!" All three members of her family yelled at the same time.

Without hesitation, Bella was flying up the stairs to her bedroom. Tears stung at her eyes; she couldn't have asked for a better present from Edward. Crossing the room, she grabbed her blanket and draped it over her lap as she settled into her window seat.

_Merry Christmas, Bella,_

_I hope you aren't upset with me for asking your mom to hold onto your letter from me. I figured since we weren't able to spend our first Christmas together, that you should have something from me today._

Sweet, but still frustrating.

_Since I can't spend the holiday with you, I will just imagine how it would be if I had been there. In my "Bella and Edward world," on Christmas morning you would wake me up wearing some kind of red lingerie with a Santa hat… or just the Santa hat. _

Bella laughed out loud, but also felt anxious at the same time. The man seemed to know what he wanted.

_Then we would proceed to give each other… our gifts. We would spend the rest of the morning with your family doing something cheesy like drinking hot chocolate by the fire and singing Christmas carols while your mom plays the piano. (Does your mom play the piano?) _

Renee was probably one of the most musically challenged people on earth. The thought of her accompanying them singing carols, made Bella cringe.

_Afterward, everyone would gather around the tree to open presents. When every present under the tree had been distributed, I would magically find another small velvet box with your name on it._

Bella's body filled with anticipation and her face burned with the heat of excitement. It was really going to happen. He truly wanted to marry her.

_It would have been totally cliché, but what can I say? You bring out the romantic in me— I guess I'll have to come up with some other great way to propose. _

What would he plan? How long would it take? She desperately wanted to officially be his fiancé. It was ridiculous that this was happening so soon, but she couldn't help wanting to be his… right now. Everyone would assume she was knocked up, but she didn't care.

_Next, we would spend the rest of the evening with your family. All the while we would both constantly glance at the ring on your finger—solidifying the fact that you are mine forever. Finally, we would go to bed and continue to take care of each other's Christmas wishes. We'll have to make this happen next Christmas, at least the Santa hat part._

She felt frustrated with him for getting her so hot and bothered while he was on the other side of the world.

_I was sorry to hear that you were so sad at my departure. Does it make me a bad person that I liked the fact that I wasn't alone in my sorrow? I'm hoping you are coping better. I am trying to stay focused on what I am here to do and that helps to pass my time away from you quickly. It is a little easier on me than you, since my life depends on me not thinking of you constantly._

Bella's stomach rolled thinking about the imminent danger that constantly surrounded Edward.

_Congratulations on your half-marathon. I am positive you will do well. Maybe when you conquer that feat you can train for a full one and we could do it together. So… is Jake one of your friends going on this Vegas trip? Scratch that… it doesn't matter. I trust you._

Bitter and sweet was what she felt toward his last statement. She was annoyed that he even had the slightest bit of insecurity toward Jake, but sweet because it was nice to have a man like him be jealous over her. She was grateful that he trusted her. She had made herself clear to Jacob about where they stood as _friends_. While Jake had respected her wishes she wasn't a hundred percent positive that he resolved to platonic relationship.

_How did your finals go? Are you having Diet Coke withdrawals? Do you need it intravenously now? I have no doubt that you aced all of your classes. I love having a nerdy girlfriend. Maybe you could wear one of those nerdy school girl… never mind. I am scraping my mind out of the gutter. Are you glad that your observations are over and now you will actually get to teach, or are you nervous? You are going to be amazing, I'm positive about that._

Edward was the best cheerleader ever. Why couldn't he have been around through Bella's adolescent years? That would have made puberty a whole lot less awkward.

_I__have__not__finished_Jane Eyre_yet,__that__book__is__forever__long.__So__far__it__'__s__pretty__good.__I__am__predicting__some__shady__stuff__from__this__Edward__Rochester__though.__You__really__need__to__stop__dropping__hints__to__me__about__your__Mitch__Rapp__fantasies.__Maybe__if__I__carry__my__weapon__around__in__the__waist__band__of__my__pants__and__start__competing__in__triathlons__you__will__think__I__am__as__sexy__as__him._

Bella laughed and then sobered as her mind was consumed with new images of Edward: Him slinking through alleys as an American assassin taking out the bad guys. Edward swimming with his tan, taught muscles cresting through the water's surface and then running through the sand with numbers written on his calf and bicep. Bella's body flooded with a whole basket full of fantasies. Wow, she needed her perfect man home.

_Can I just say that your embarrassment over sex talk is adorable. When you tried to talk about it in your last letter, I had a perfect image of you in my mind. You would be gnawing on your enticing full lips between each word._

Edward's words made her realize that she was in fact chewing on her lower lip just reading his words about sex. Quickly, she released the victim from her teeth.

_Your face probably went from a faint blush to a beet red in a matter of moments. You remind me of a cartoon character whose face goes red from the neck up, like a thermometer— except you are much hotter than any cartoon character I've ever seen. Except, maybe Jessica Rabbit, she and you are tied. _

Bella laughed and could feel the heat coursing over her flesh. She was in awe at how well he knew her after such a short time.

_What I love most though, is the fact that you are so flustered about it over the phone, in a letter, or in a casual conversation, but in the act of, you are anything but shy. When you and I are together, all your fears and inhibitions float away. We are both caught up in a world where only you and I exist. Nothing between us could possibly be wrong, and everything is… perfect._

A tear slid down Bella's cheek. She was entranced by his ability to describe their precious moments together so perfectly. It made all of the things she found awkward to talk about beautiful… and it was.

_Being away has been harder for me this time around. I have to fight emotions that I've never had to resist before. I am sure it's the combination of a lot of things. One, I have you now. Two, it is always harder when it is an unexpected departure. You don't have time to get mentally prepared for it. Three, unexpected tragedies occur that can pull you under a sea of sadness if you aren't careful. Hours ago I was told that one of our platoons was attacked and we lost many of our men. Two of which I had grown particularly close to. I've trained and worked with these men for many years. I know that they both have wives and children at home and my heart is broken for them._

Bella's hand flattened against her chest as she imagined the loss and pain these women would feel. A feeling she hoped she'd never have to experience. Her heart also hurt for Edward. She wished she could be with him to hold him and try and take away some of his pain.

_As much as my chest painfully constricted over this misfortune, I had to squelch my sadness and temper my rage toward the people that did this. If I lose control over my emotions and logic, I could end up being counterproductive. I was lucky I had time to run and release a lot of my tension. _

_I really shouldn't be telling you this so I will be as vague as possible. The mission I was sent here to do had been postponed and we've been waiting on the opportunity to follow through with our initial plans. I just found out that we will be heading toward that task this evening. In my highest hopes, we will be able to get in there, take care of the enemy, and be heading home tomorrow. I could be home before you even receive this letter. However, that is strictly my vocalizing a fantasy. I am hoping that everything goes as planned and I can be heading home soon, but I am not sure what the Marine Corps has planned for me next. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but I can be optimistic, right?_

Bella stomach was in knots. Had he gone on that mission? Was he safe? Why hadn't she heard from him? This letter was two weeks old. Did they just go ahead and keep him there as part of his deployment? Her fingers clawed through her hair in frustration. She hated this… waiting… not knowing… aching. Closing her eyes, she said a silent prayer._Bring__him__home__to__me,__please._

_Bella, you were exactly right when you said that the one thing missing from my home was you and I plan on making that change as soon as I return. _

Some of her prior anxieties calmed and she smiled. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

_Wait for me, I love you._

_Edward_

Receiving letters from Edward always felt like one step forward and one step back. She would be elated when a letter came. It was as exciting as Disneyland. Every letter helped their relationship to grow. They became more expressive with their developing feelings. They were able to get to know each other on many different levels. The step back was the depression that followed. The week or two between letters she would adjust to her busy life without Edward. When she would read his words, she would miss him terribly and often wallow into the woes of a distant love affair.

The following week she was grateful to her family for rescuing her from her post- letter- depression that Christmas day. She ran in the mornings, this of course always helped to clear her head. She obsessed over Tessa during the day. It was kind of pathetic really. The whole family would sit around doing nothing, but waiting for Tessa to roll over and then they would all erupt in cheers. Then the poor baby would get flipped back on her stomach so they could watch her turn over again. Rosalie, Bella, and her mom got pedicures. Bella and Charlie went on a fishing trip. The family put all of the Christmas decorations away and tossed the tree to the curb. On New Year's they were all barely awake when it struck midnight. They congratulated each other and then went to bed. In all of her free time, Bella was curled up with a book taking advantage of the time she could spend reading— guilt free. All too soon her vacation was over, she was saying good bye to her family and heading back to school, where she would have to fight her sadness alone.

Charlie drove Bella to the airport in a comfortable silence. This was the way it had always been, so enjoying the scenery meditatively didn't bother Bella. As the car made its slow descent off the freeway, Charlie's voice broke the silence throwing Bella off guard.

"Bells, I know you love Edward, but I don't want you attaching yourself to one person right now—"

"Dad!" Bella interrupted in a scolding voice.

"Let me finish. Enjoy yourself while he's overseas. Don't sit around waiting, and if he's _the__one_ you can go back to being exclusive when he gets back."

"It's been a great vacation. Why are you doing this?" Bella released a look of fury on her dad.

Letting out a sigh of exasperation, he tried to approach Bella from a different angle. "Bella, I like the kid, I really do. I just… I don't want you getting so attached to someone you don't know that well."

"It's too late. I'm as attached as I'll ever get."

Sensing Bella's anger, Charlie reached over and squeezed Bella's knee. "I just worry about you, Bells. I don't want a repeat of last summer. It killed me to see you that way."

A sigh escaped Bella. She knew her father had good intentions, but she wasn't having it. She missed Edward desperately and was worried about him and this wasn't helping. "I love you, but you can't interfere with this. Edward's a part of my life. He would never hurt me like Mike did." Charlie took in a breath as he started to argue, but Bella spoke first. "Trust me dad… he's the one."

Charlie's mouth hung open unable to speak. He veered the car toward the departure curb and looked at Bella with a look of shock. "_The__One_, as in you think you're going to marry the guy."

"Absolutely," Bella responded with complete confidence.

Shifting the car into park, he looked at his baby girl. "Alright, but if he hurts you… I'll kill him."

"He won't. I love you."

"I love you."

xxx

Bella slumped into her chair and let out a sigh of relief, her first day of student teaching was over. The result was complete exhaustion. Unable to sleep the night before due to an immense amount of nerves left her tired and with bags under her eyes. Her mental capacity was empty after an entire day of trying to remember everything she was taught, impress the teacher she worked under, keeping the students interested, and calming her nerves. She was mentally and emotionally drained. She wanted to be a vegetable the rest of the day, or at least until she had to write up her daily reports and prepare her lesson for the next day. Looking at her watch, Bella decided that she could have about three hours to do whatever she wanted and then it was back to work.

Resting her hand under her chin, Bella thought about how she wanted to spend her time. The only thing she could think of that was an absolute was writing to Edward. Unable to come up with anything else that appealed to her, she decided to start there, and then maybe she would head out for a run later.

First she had to reread her last letter from him— the one she had received over Christmas. This was a tradition of hers. She always liked to study his letter before composing her own. Of course she sat with a silly grin on her face the entire time and then let out a sigh before she started writing. As Bella pulled out her stationary, she realized she was down to her last envelope. She'd have to go and pick up some more. The idea of Edward having a stack of blue envelopes all from her gave her a little thrill. A white envelope would never do.

Completely engrossed in her words to Edward, Bella didn't even hear the knock on her bedroom door or the person that entered. Caught completely off guard, she almost leapt from her seat when two hands covered her eyes.

"Guess who?" A deep voice breathed on her neck.

Bella reached up and smacked the hands that engulfed her face. "You scared the hell out of me, you jerk."

Jake released Bella and stood back up to his full height laughing. "Sorry, I didn't know you were such a scaredy cat."

"I'm not. How did you even get in here?" Bella asked as she laid her pen down and turned to face Jake.

"I passed your ever so friendly roommate at the door. She told me you were in your room. I knocked on your door, but you didn't answer."

"You shouldn't have just walked in. I could have been changing or something."

Jake raised his brows and gave Bella a once over glance. "That wouldn't have been terrible."

Bella cocked an eyebrow, "It would have on my part."

Shaking his head and chuckling Jacob said, "I'm just teasing you Bella." She wasn't so sure she believed him. "Hey, some of us are going to see a movie. I thought you might want to come."

The thought was appealing to her; friends, entertainment, and no brain usage required. "Sounds good. Do I have time to shower?"

"Sure, sure."

Bella grabbed her towel and some clothes out of her closet. "I'll be fast. Ten minutes max." Jake waved her off and she headed down the hallway.

Jake eyed the sway of her hips as she walked down the hallway. Disappointment flooded him when she closed the door blocking his view. His eyes began to roam the room; he'd never been in her room alone before. He walked back over to her desk to see what had her so engrossed earlier. His eyes zeroed in on the blue sheet of paper and a scowl covered his face.

"Of course it's a letter to _him_," Jake mumbled. Peeking down the hall he was reassured that nobody was there; the water was running so he knew he had a few minutes. Greedily his fingers picked up the letter and he began to read it.

_Edward,_

_Thank you for the best Christmas present I could have gotten… words from you. It was such a welcome surprise and really made my day… week… month._

Jake rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure if his stomach could handle reading this garbage.

_While hearing from you relieved my fear that you had been harmed, the thought of you departing on a mission makes my stomach roll. I am sure that said operation is now completed; I hope that it was successful and you are safe. I haven't heard from you in almost five weeks, I'm not going to lie. I'm worried that you are either hurt or you've changed your mind about us._

An evil smirk came over Jake's countenance. He would never wish an American soldier dead or injured, but he sure hoped that Edward had changed his mind. This would lead a devastated and lonely Bella into his open arms.

_I am trying not to complain. After all, if I am planning on spending my life with a Captain, I need to be patient and supportive. I am still crossing my fingers that you will be done with the Marines by the time you make me yours._

Raging heat coursed through Jake's body and he saw red. He didn't think Bella could possibly be thinking marriage with this jarhead. She barely knew him. Suddenly, he was overwhelmed with urgency. He thought he could take his time convincing Bella that he was the better man, or that Bella would become bored with her pen-pal; leaving her available. Now the pressure was on. His time was ticking away.

_I am so sorry for your losses. I am not going to try and pretend to know how you feel or to tell you how you should feel. All I can say is that I hope you don't have to experience that again and that I wish I could be there to comfort you. Just as you thought you were a terrible person for being glad I was so upset over our separation, I feel like a horrible person, because I am glad it was them and not you. I love you._

_Christmas was… traditional, although Tessa did make it more interesting. She has us all wrapped around her tiny little finger. Your idea of what Christmas would have been like with you here was perfect. Although, I noticed that all of your clichés you got from watching way too many Christmas movies. Renee does not play the piano; we are all tone deaf. We are a hot apple cider family, not hot chocolate. Your idea of presents… well they all filled my stomach with butterflies. While it sounds amazing, I am not willing to wait another year to fulfill that fantasy. We'll just have to come up with something equally perfect for our first Christmas together._

Jake wondered what Edward's idea of a perfect Christmas had been.

_I can definitely take care of the Santa hat part when you get back though. _

_Thank you for your support on the marathon. Of course we will do one together, as long as I don't make a fool of myself this time around. Yes, Jake is part of the group. I understand your uneasiness, Edward, but I am grateful that you trust me._

Edward's jealousy boosted Jake's confidence in this competition for Bella. A jealous Edward could easily trigger a rift between him and Bella, again leaving a sad Bella in Jake's arms. He tucked that bit of information away in his mind.

_You have nothing to worry about; Jake is like a brother to me. You are the only man that makes my heart beat in over drive, turns my thoughts toward the bedroom, and makes my insides turn to goo._

A growl burst from Jake's mouth and he slammed the paper down on the desk. He didn't want to read anymore of this bile raising correspondence. Edward was a topic that was best not discussed between him and Bella, so he had no idea how serious their relationship had become. He also had no idea how long he had before Edward would return. The only thing keeping him from giving up on the idea of him and Bella was the fact that Edward hadn't written her. If he played his cards right he could definitely use this to his advantage. As the ideas began to roll through his mind, he heard the bathroom door click open. Quickly, he moved away from the desk so she wouldn't suspect him of reading her letter.

As Bella walked into the room, Jake's mouth went dry. He'd never seen a woman look better than Bella did wearing a pair of jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. Her wet hair hung around her clean face that was still a little flushed from the heat of the shower. What he wouldn't give to kiss her. He was determined to have this woman, regardless of what had already developed between her and the Marine.

"Jake…" Jake looked up at Bella as she stared at him with a quirked eyebrow.

"What?"

"Stop looking at me like that. You ready?" Bella twisted her hair up and secured it with a clip and then pulled on her hoodie.

He didn't have long to capture Bella's heart, but he could start tonight. "Yeah, let's get out of here."

xxx

Exasperation flooded Bella as she looked at her clock for the third time that hour. It was three-fifteen in the morning. Only twenty minutes later than the last time she'd checked. Her body was refusing to succumb to sleep. Whenever she closed her eyes, her mind began playing a ping-pong match between her problem with Jacob and missing Edward.

Jake had been strange all night. Almost the entire movie, his hand rested palm up on the armrest. She felt like she was in high school all over again. She couldn't figure out what he thought would happen. Did he honestly think she would hold hands with him? Making her feelings clear, she kept her arms crossed across her body all night. Everyone decided to head out for some pizza afterward and it had been a blast. She avoided sitting next to Jake or being alone with him. Everyone ate, some got drunk, everyone sang out loud to the music being played on the jukebox, and Jacob acted like his normal self— like her buddy. Keeping her distance had made her stance clear to him and he responded with good behavior, but not being able to hang out with him like they normally would had made her sad. Then on the way home— completely out of character— he asked how Edward was, if she'd heard from him, and when he was coming home. These would not be considered unusual questions for a friend to ask, but this was a subject that was not broached with Jake and Bella. Jake was usually a jerk about Edward and they always ended up fighting after his snide remarks. To anyone else observing the conversation he would have appeared interested and concerned for Edward's well being, but Bella could see right through it. She knew he could care less about Edward. Bella resigned herself that she needed to directly approach Jake tomorrow and insist that he accept their relationship as platonic or else their friendship would have to dissolve. She really hoped that he would comply; he had become one of her best friends.

The bigger reason for her lack of sleep was Edward. Bella was completely unsettled by how long it had been since she heard from him. She kept trying to force herself to believe that he was busy, he was in a remote location and unable to get or send mail, or— fingers crossed— he was on his way home. It never worked. Unfortunately, her emotions weren't cooperating with her logic. Bella's instincts were screaming at her; something was wrong with Edward— really wrong.

Throwing her blankets off, she resolved to do something about it. She couldn't stand the waiting game any longer. Planting herself at her desk, she opened her laptop, and began an email to Emmett.

_Hey Em,_

_I need a favor from you, big brother. I know I already owe you for bringing Edward into my life. I also am indebted to you for rescuing me at the base when he left, but I need one more good deed from you._

_I know that you aren't with him. You may even be in a completely different country than he is, but I need you to use your resources for me… please. I haven't heard from Edward in five weeks and I am worried. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is for us. I have never waited longer than two weeks for a letter from him. I am sure you think I am being dramatic, but just humor me this once. Please, ask around, hack into some secret files, or listen in on the General's radio. Whatever it takes, just please find out if he is okay for me._

_Thank you and I love you,_

_Bella_

xxx

Next chapter is huge and you know what would make me post it faster? If reviews broke a thousand this chapter. You know I adore all of your reviews, so leave me some love and I will post an update earlier.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Chanukah, or whatever you celebrate! Here's your early chapter.

Thanks to my beta and friend Lynelle for her amazing support and effort in making this story better.

Xxx

Bella hit send, relinquishing her email to the internet hoping it would soon find her brother. Knowing full well she still wouldn't be able to sleep, she decided to write Edward. Clicking her way through the computer, she opened a word document and typed, "Dear Edward," and then paused. It didn't feel right typing a letter to Edward. It had to be a written correspondence. Reaching into the shopping bag next to her desk, she opened the new package of blue stationary.

_Dear Edward,_

_It's been too long, since I've heard from you. The void of your words leaves me feeling empty inside. I miss you terribly. I hate not knowing what you are doing, what you think of my letters, your playful banter, and the warmth I feel knowing I am holding something that was once in your hands._

_I don't really know what I am hoping for. I don't want you to be hurt or… I can't even say the word… gone, but I also can't bear the thought of you changing your mind about us. Putting my heart together after a rejection from you would be almost as painful as death. All that remains is for me to hope that you are in some remote location and unable to get any mail to me. I know that's wishful thinking and my instincts have been telling me that this isn't the case. I can't ignore the fact that the powerful connection we share doesn't feel severed. No matter how far you have been from me in the past, I always feel an undeniable pull toward you. While you are abroad, it feels thinner, like a piece of yarn. When you are near, it is like the most powerful cable in existence. Though it feels like a thin strand right now, I haven't felt it snap. I hope that the continuation of that connection means you still love me the way I love you._

_I find that if my thoughts drift to you, a lump builds in my throat and I have to fight the tears that are desperate to fall. It is quite embarrassing when it occurs in a high school English class. An hour doesn't pass that you aren't on my mind. I pray for you several times a day and beg God to bring you home to me._

_School is going well. Mr. Molina says I am doing a great job making the books applicable to the students' lives. I hope that's the case, because if the students can relate to the book, they will enjoy the time spent reading it. I have to admit, I hate the days we have to talk grammar. I guess my heart just lies with the literature. I am tired all of the time. I teach class during the day, meet with my advisor a couple of times a week, produce daily write-ups, and create lesson plans for the following days. I guess I can't complain. It will all be over in a few months. _

_Deadlines are approaching and I haven't been able to talk to you, so I went out on a limb. I needed to start applying for teaching positions. I went ahead and applied in San Diego, Seattle, and here in L.A. I know that L.A. had been removed from our options, but because I am unsure of what the future holds I went ahead and applied there as a backup plan. Hopefully I will hear in the next few weeks. I'll let you know as our options arrive._

_I'm starting to rethink the whole marathon thing. As of late, I'm so completely exhausted that I barely have it in me to run. Maybe two or three times a week. That is not enough running to adequately train. We will see. Maybe once I hear from you and adjust a little better to my new schedule, I will be up for the challenge._

_It's three in the morning and I really need to try and sleep. I hope you are receiving these letters so you know how much you are on my mind and how much I love you. I'll keep sending them until I'm told to stop. Be safe, and please come home to me. _

_All of my love,_

_Your Bella_

Bella reread her letter and felt like if anyone else were to read it they would call her pathetic. Edward wouldn't though… as long as his feelings hadn't changed. Pressing the letter into the envelope, she decided she didn't care. Sounding pathetic was fine as long as it made him happy.

xxx

Three days. It had been three days since Bella had sent the pleading email to Emmett. Trying to be rational, Bella constantly reassured herself that Emmett had important things to do. He may not have even been able to check his email in that short of time. He was not blowing her off, and he was not keeping anything from her. This self-encouragement had been something Bella told herself several times a day to get her through. She and Emmett had never been very good at corresponding with each other, so Bella had no way to gauge whether this amount of time was normal for an Emmett response or not.

To pass the time on a dreary, rainy, Saturday, Bella decided to clean out her closet. In a few short months she would be graduating and having to pack up her room anyway. A smile crept over her face thinking that the move would be with Edward. Not only would this chore be a welcomed distraction it would also save her time come packing day— which she hated doing. She borrowed a couple of boxes from Jake and got to work. Her Goodwill box was nearly full and her trash bag held several pairs of worn out shoes, a sweatshirt of Mike's, and some disgusting sweats she had once called pajamas. She was holding up a black wrap dress that Mike had given her and couldn't decide if she should get rid of it or keep it. It was a beautiful dress and she looked really good in it, but it was from _him_. A knock at her door ended her internal debate.

"Come in," she yelled from the depths of her closet.

"Oh good," a sing song voice called approaching her hideout. "Making room so we can go shopping for some new clothes?"

"Don't get any ideas, Alice. I'm just doing a little bit of early spring cleaning."

"I'll give you some advice. Keep that dress, it's gorgeous."

"It was from Mike."

"Throw it out!" Alice commanded without hesitation.

"Done." Bella and Alice both laughed as she tossed it into the box.

Bella looked at Alice quizzically. "What's up, I thought you were going out with Jasper?"

"We might head out later. My period just came and I'm all crampy. I just sent him to the store to get me some tampons." Bella raised her brows in an astonished look. She couldn't believe that Jasper would take on that errand so early in their relationship. Alice shrugged and smiled at her roommate. "I know, I have the best boyfriend ever. Anyways, I'm all out. Do you have one I can borrow?"

"Yeah." Bella unburied herself from her plethora of clothes and led Alice to the bathroom.

Alice prattled on about different items of clothing she thought Bella should get rid of. Bella nodded and gave some uh-huh's as she opened her bathroom cabinet. She pulled out the blue box and dug her fingernails under the tab to pry open the package.

"Wow, you're fully stocked. Is that one of the boxes you got at Costco before Thanksgiving?" Alice asked.

"Yup." As she grasped onto one of the tampons, Alice's words sunk in. Her stomach flipped over itself. Her eyes darted back and forth as her mind began to race and her hand froze in its place. "That wasn't before Thanksgiving. It was after, wasn't it?"

"No, I remember it was before because I wanted to pick up some flowers to take to Mrs. Whitlock the first time I met her."

Bella's stomach felt like a gymnastics class, full of toddlers, doing summersaults. She handed the feminine product to her hormonal friend and then closed the box in the cabinet, releasing the door as if it were burning her flesh. Even though the cabinet was closed, her eyes blazed on the wood door. She felt like she couldn't move.

"Bella?" Alice asked wearily.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

Forcing herself to snap back into the conversation, she pulled her thoughts from the path they were headed and smiled at her friend. "Of course, I just got lost in thought for a minute."

Alice rubbed her hand up and down Bella's back. "Poor thing, he'll be home soon. I know it."

Unwilling to share the absurd thoughts running through her head, she nodded her head in agreement and went back to her room. She would allow Alice to think that it was about Alice. It was partially true anyway.

For an hour, Bella sat unmoving in her closet. Nothing had been sorted, put back, or even touched. She sat in a trance like state, staring into the empty space. Her breathing was shallow but quick. Her hands were soaked with sweat, as her body simultaneously shivered. The same mantra kept chanting through her brain. There's no way. This wasn't happening. Then she began to rationalize the delay of her tampon usage. First, she was pretty irregular. Second, she factored in all the stress she had been experiencing. The pressure alone could throw off any woman's cycle. There was no way she was pregnant. She wouldn't even humor the idea. Bella decided the ridiculous idea had to be thrown from her mind; she stood up and put on her running clothes.

Minutes later, Bella was folded over, staring down at her tennis shoes and the asphalt below, stretching her hamstrings. Music blared in her ears. She was completely startled when she felt a hand smack her hard on the butt. She bolted upright and spun around to find a laughing Jake. She hadn't seen Jake since she had decided to have a talk with him about the boundaries in their friendship. If she was being honest she had been relieved the altercation had been postponed. She hated confrontation. It was now evident that it couldn't be put off any longer. Worried the discussion could turn explosive, due to the frustration and stress she felt from other circumstances— which didn't involve him— she decided to burn off some of some of her anxiety first and then lay down the law.

"What the hell?" Bella screamed in annoyance and in part due to the volume of the music in her ears.

"Oh please, Bella. That was an open invitation."

Bella shook her head and pulled her heel toward her backside and started stretching her quads.

"Why are you so tense?"

"I'm not," Bella snapped.

Jake raised his brows. She had just proven his point with her quick retort.

"I'm sorry, I've just… I have a lot on my mind."

"Can I join you?" Bella looked over Jake for the first time and realized he was ready for a run. "I was on my way over to see if you wanted to get in a workout. I guess great minds think alike." Jake unleashed his beaming smile, dimples and all. Bella realized in that moment that Jake was an attractive man. If she hadn't been so helplessly in love with Edward, Jake would have been able to win her over. Jake smirked as if he knew her thoughts and then said, "Come on."

Bella shook her head, angry that she had even allowed herself to acknowledge Jake's looks. "Alright, but I am warning you right now, I'm not in a playful or talking mood. I just want to run… in silence."

"Yes, Ma'am." His respectful response reminded her of the way Edward had spoken to her mother and she felt a pang in her stomach.

Her legs started to head in the opposite direction and then she stopped. Looking over her shoulder she said, "Feel free to push me today… hard."

"You got it."

Within seconds their pace was quick, steady and synchronized. Bella was grateful to Jake. She knew it was probably hard for him to run without talking or playing around, but he did it anyway. He didn't push her to find out what was wrong. He respected her and what she asked of him. Truly he was a really good friend. By the end of the run, she wasn't so grateful. He'd pushed her to her physical limits. He took her up steep hills, and ran much faster than he normally did. No matter how much she begged, he wouldn't let up, reminding her that they had a marathon in less than three months. She didn't tell him she was thinking about bailing. Finally, after ninety minutes of pure torture, they were back at her apartment. Still completely out of breath, they entered Bella's apartment and grabbed some water.

Jake threw himself down on the couch like he owned the place.

"Ewe, get your nasty, sweaty, body off my couch."

Jake laughed and pulled himself up to a sitting position. Bella dropped down next to him and took a long pull of water.

Nudging her shoulder, Jake asked, "Are you going to tell me what has my friend so upset?"

"I'm not upset."

"Bells," he coaxed. He wasn't buying it for a second.

"I'm just… I… I miss Edward."

Jake dropped his head back on the couch. "He's a lucky guy to have you, Bella."

"Jake," she warned.

"I'm serious, Bella. You are an amazing girl. Any guy would give his yearly income to have you on his arm." Bella appreciated Jake's kindness, but wasn't exactly sure what to say. "I don't know how he does it. If you were mine, I would never leave you." Then like a light flicking on, she knew this was the time to talk to him about what she'd been feeling.

"Look, Jake, we need to have a talk." Bella turned in her seat so she could look directly at her friend. He caught the serious expression and sat up, giving her his full attention. "I really appreciate that you have quit saying the jerky stuff about Edward, but I feel like you aren't fully respecting my relationship with him."

"I don't respect it," Jake said very matter-of-factly. Bella was taken off guard and didn't even know what to say. She sat with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. "I think it's completely selfish for a man who has never actually dated you, to expect you to sit around in the prime of your life, waiting for him."

"My not dating has nothing to do with _Edward__'__s_ wants, it's what _I_ want." Jake shook his head in frustration and Bella decided she had to hit below the belt for him to really get it. "Maybe if there was someone I was even remotely interested in dating, I might have cooled things down with Edward a little. But, there isn't. Since Edward has been in my life, there hasn't been a single temptation or draw to any other human being other than him." Bella could see that the blow she just dealt had crushed him.

"I see." Jake stood and walked toward the door, running his fingers through his black hair.

"Jake," Bella jumped from the couch and took a few steps toward him. "You have become one of my best friends, and I know… I know that you'd like there to be more between us." Bella let out a sigh and Jake grabbed onto her hand. "But, I don't see you that way. Part of me knows that if I were a completely unselfish person I would tell you that we can't be friends, but I love having you as a friend."

Before Bella could react she was engulfed in Jake's arms. "I know, you're one of my best friends too. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk."

Bella wrapped her arms around his chest and spoke against his t-shirt, "If you don't think you can be around me and be just my friend then we have to end this friendship."

"No!" There was a lengthy pause and Bella pulled away to look into his eyes. "It's fine, I can be a friend. In fact, I can be an amazing friend."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Let's lay down some ground rules."

"'Kay." Jake returned to the couch, pulling Bella with him.

"One, any conversation about Edward or my relationship with him is off the table to you." Jake nodded in agreement. "Two, no more coming into my bedroom, it's a no Jake zone. Three, no trying to hold my hand, lingering hugs, or laying next to me. Can you handle that?"

Jake let out a loud breath and said, "I'm on it, but…" Jake paused as he looked at his fingers twining in and out of each other. "Bella, I'm not going to get over you over night. I'll try and I'll be on my best behavior. _And_… I want to say this just once and then I will never bring it up again." He looked her in the eye and she met his stare waiting for what he had to say. "I'm going to be here, waiting for him to make a mistake, and when he does I'll do everything I can to make myself worthy of you."

Bella was stunned into silence for a moment. "He won't hurt me. I'm going to marry him, Jake."

Standing from the couch, Jake reached over and touched her cheek. "Until you say 'I do,' I'm not going to give up hope, but I'll respect you and what you want." Once the last word was said he turned and walked out the door.

Unable to figure out what she was supposed to think or do, Bella sat dumbstruck staring at the closed door.

xxx

Hours after Jake's departure, Bella slid the last shoe box onto the top shelf of the closet and picked up the heaping box of clothing to be dropped off at Goodwill. Letting her eyes circle the closet around her, she felt a sense of accomplishment. It felt good having such an organized space. In fact, it almost tempted her to take on her bathroom cabinets… almost. She was still avoiding the bathroom like the plague, pretending the tampon reminder hadn't happened.

Powerless to resist checking her email any longer, Bella set the box down on her bed and logged onto her account. Her heart leapt when she saw an email from Emmett.

_Bella,_

_I was shocked when I received your email. I am in Iraq, which you would know if you wrote me half as much as you write Edward. _

Of course the ass would think of himself right now. As if he's ever taken the initiative to write her. Bella rolled her eyes and read on.

_I'm just giving you a hard time, I understand. Anyways, Edward has been in Afghanistan, so I hadn't heard anything about him or from him._

_Once I received your email I asked around, contacted some of my people, and found out that Edward was injured during a special ops assignment._

Bella gasped_._

_I tried to find out the extent of his injuries, but the hospital wouldn't give me any information since I am not family. I got a hold of my buddy that was on the same special ops team as Edward. He said that they were attacked by grenades and Edward took the brunt of a hit. _

Tears streamed down Bella's flushed cheeks and her lips quivered uncontrollably.

_He didn't know what exactly his wounds were, but he said there was a lot of blood and that Edward was still unconscious when he was extracted from base. He said he had tried to make contact a few days later, but Edward wasn't taking any calls or visitors._

A sob racked through her body and she had to drag her palms across her eyes to correct her blurred vision.

_Bella, I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news and wish that I could be there to help you through this. I will still do my best to find out what is going on with him. I will update you with anything I find out._

_He is hospitalized at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. You can see if they might give you some information since you are his girlfriend, but to be honest with you I find it highly unlikely. Your best bet is going to be to try and contact his mom somehow. I know her name is Esme Cullen; I'm not sure where she lives._

Bella scrolled through her brain trying to remember where it was Edward had said she moved with Tanya's mother. She would search her letters next.

_I love you, Bella. I am so sorry you are going through this. Let me know if there is anything that Rose or I can do. _

She wished Emmett were there with her now, like he had been at Edward's departure.

_Take Care of Yourself,_

_Em_

Bella's hand slammed against her mouth as her stomach wretched. As fast as her legs would take her, she ran for the bathroom and then heaved over and over into the toilet. Every time she thought she had control, the hysterics would begin, causing her to vomit again. Eventually there was nothing left in her stomach, but there were still tears to fall from her eyes. With a trembling hand, she reached up and grabbed the towel off the rack and pulled it down to the floor. Curling herself into a ball, Bella laid on the cold, tile floor sobbing into the towel until she fell asleep.

xxx

"Bella," a voice called through a haze in Bella's mind. A tiny hand stroked her back and the voice continued to call to her. "Bella? Bella, are you okay?" She didn't want to wake up; she didn't want to respond to the voice. "Jasper, something's wrong. Maybe we should call an ambulance."

"Let me get her," a deeper voice seeped through her consciousness. Suddenly, she felt herself being lifted from the ground and carried through the air. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Jasper looking down at her. She immediately felt comforted when he smiled at her. "Are you okay?" Bella shook her head. No, she wasn't okay. Her entire world was crashing down on her and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Jasper laid her down on her bed and in an instant Alice was next to her. "Bella, what happened? Are you okay?"

Bella could feel the tears trickling down from her eyes again. "He's hurt."

"Who? Edward?"

The sound of his name made her wrap her arms around her stomach and a moan escaped her. "Yes."

"Oh, my gosh, sweetie. Come here." Alice pulled Bella into her arms and began to rock her back and forth. "Jasper, can you go and get some aspirin and some water?"

"Sure."

"What happened, Bella? Did he call you?"

"No, Emmett sent me an email."

Strangely Bella could feel Jasper's presence in the room again without seeing him, it was almost soothing. "Here you go, Bella." Bella sat up and took the pills Jasper handed to her and flushed them down her throat with an entire glass of water. Jasper took the glass and ran his hand down the side of Bella's head, smoothing down her hair. "I'm going to go. Call me if you two need anything."

"Thanks, babe," Alice said. Bella heard them kiss each other goodbye and then the sound of the door shutting behind him.

"How bad is it?" Alice asked her voice laced with concern.

"Emmett doesn't know. They said he was hit with a grenade, that's all he could tell me. He's in some hospital in Germany and they won't tell him anything, because he's not family." Bella's voice was monotone, it was as if she had cried out all previous emotions.

"So, let's call."

The sobs began again. "I'm not family either."

"Edward will call. You just have to be patient."

"He hasn't yet. What if his injuries were worse than they thought? What if he's got amnesia? What if he's in a coma?" Bella's voice rose an octave with every "what if" she spouted.

"Calm down," Alice pleaded as she held onto Bella tighter. "We'll figure it out."

Bella dropped her head down into Alice's lap and Alice stroked her hair as they both sat in silence. Alice was wondering what she could do to comfort her friend, and Bella wondering how she would survive this pain.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"I think… I think…" Bella's voice hiccupped with cries. "I think I might be pregnant."

Alice's hand paused on Bella's head. "Are you sure? Did you take a test?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to know. I'm afraid I will lose my mind if I have one more thing to worry about."

"It's not going to go away if you are."

Bella sucked in a long breath. "I know, but… I haven't always been totally regular. It could just be the stress."

"It could be," Alice said thoughtfully. "Were you guys careful?"

"Yes." There was a long pause. Then desperately wanting to believe she said, "You can't get pregnant when you take precautions."

"Sweetie, even on the boxes they tell you they aren't a hundred percent."

Bella started to feel like she couldn't breathe. Under any other circumstances this would be amazing. She would love nothing more than to have Edward's baby, but what if she didn't have Edward anymore? No, she refused to think that way. He was fine; he just couldn't talk to her yet. He was going to get well and come home to her. She would wake up in the morning and her period would come and this whole nightmare will be over with.

"You need to take a test," Alice said interrupting her musings.

"No, I'm not pregnant."

"Bella—"

"No, I'm not pregnant! I feel fine. I would know… I would feel it… wouldn't I?"

Alice didn't reply. She knew that her friend was tinkering on the edge and she didn't want to push her over. If this was what Bella needed to get through this torture, she would allow it. Alice would be there for Bella in any capacity she needed. The first thing she needed to do was help Bella find out what happened to Edward and how he was doing.

"Bella, do you have contact with any of his family?"

"No."

"Do you have any names, phone numbers, locations?"

"The only family he has is his mom. I know her name, but I can't remember where she lives."

"Okay, let's start there. Let's figure out where she lives."

With somewhere to direct her focus, Bella gained more control and became determined to find Esme Cullen. The next forty-five minutes Alice searched the internet and Bella read through all of Edward's letters.

"I don't think I'm going to find her. I'm pretty sure Edward told me about her on the phone and in person, not in the letter." Bella began to feel defeated.

"It doesn't matter. I think I just found her."

Bella flew from her perch on the bed to the computer and saw the information on the screen. With trembling hands, she picked up her cell phone and began to dial the phone number she read.

The phone rang once, twice, three times… "Hello?"

Bella thought her heart would pound right out of her chest. "Mrs. Cullen?"

**Author Notes:**

I know a terribly mean place to stop, but we couldn't get into all of it in this chapter.

You guys are amazing! You blew me away with those reviews. Thank you so much for coming out of Lurkingville, to let me know what you thought. You guys exceeded my goal within twenty-four hours. Thank you, thank you. Hey, maybe we could do it again. I'll keep up my half of the bargain if you keep up yours. It won't be before Christmas, but hopefully soon after.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Xxx

Murmurs kept sounding through Edward's mind. Desperately he tried to understand the words being said. He was sure they were directed toward him. He felt like he was in the depths of the ocean trying to swim for the surface and the further he climbed, the clearer the voices became.

"He… to come… out… should… fine." The voice was feminine. He could definitely determine that, but he knew he was only absorbing every couple of words.

Harder and harder his mind forced the foggy waters that were clouding his brain, away.

A more baritone voice slithered into his brain, "He looks like he's coming out of it now."

Edward tried to move, tried to speak, tried to open his eyes, but his body wouldn't cooperate with his brain's commands. Using everything he had in him, he eventually forced the lids of his eyes to flutter open. The strain made it feel as though each tiny piece of flesh was loaded with lead. Strangely, it felt as if there were a barrier running down the center of his face, interfering with his vision. To the right he could see almost perfectly clear, only spotted blurriness. To the left everything seemed gray and hazy. The voices came from the dreary side of the room. With great effort he kept his eyes open, and forced his head to turn toward the left. The strain piercing through his eyes ached as he tried to focus on Dr. Biers and the nurse he now spotted at his bedside. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to relieve some of the pain, and then slowly opened them again.

"Well, you finally decided to wake up, Captain," said Dr. Biers as he scribbled some notes on a clipboard after looking at his watch. "How do you feel?"

Edward licked his dry lips and tried to swallow using his arid throat. The nurse must have observed his battle. She turned to a side table and picked up a Styrofoam cup with a bendy straw.

"Here you are, Mr. Cullen." Gently she placed the tip of the straw in his mouth. Requiring more effort than it should, Edward sipped the soothing water.

"Thank you," he rasped out in a quiet whisper. Edward didn't even know his own voice. He could have sworn there was a stranger in the room doing a voice over.

"You're welcome," she replied giving him an encouraging smile.

The doctor at the nurse's side cleared his throat and addressed the man lying in bed. "Captain Cullen, how are you feeling?"

"Tired," Edward tried to talk as little as possible since it involved so much effort.

The doctor nodded. "Tired isn't too bad, considering your condition." Edward didn't reply. The expression on Dr. Biers's face fell. "The anesthesia will take some time to leave your system. The surgeries went well. We were able to redeem your knee and your thigh. We were successful in replacing your knee cap. We placed several pins in your femur; this will help the bones to heal correctly. You ended up with a total of almost three hundred stitches." Edward rolled his head to the side. It was all more than he could handle. Feeling sympathetic to Edward and his plight, a corner of the doctor's mouth raised and he said, "This is a good thing." Edward just stared blankly. "Anyways, we were able to retrieve all of the shrapnel that had embedded into your skin and bones. I would definitely call today's work a victory. It will be weeks before you can even begin physical therapy and months before you will walk without the assistance of a walker or cane, but I am confident in a full recovery. Granted there won't be any marathons in your future, but you didn't lose a limb and you won't be confined to a wheelchair."

A sting shot through Edward's chest at the doctor's words. An image of he and Bella running in Forks flashed through his mind. Just as quickly as it appeared, he forced it away. Rolling his head away from the doctor, Edward stared at the drawn curtain beside his bed. "What about the eye?" He asked void of expression.

"Dr. Tanner was in to look at your eye, while you were in surgery. As you're fully aware, he removed the bandages, and doesn't think they will need to be replaced. The damage to your right eye was minimal; unfortunately the slight blurriness cannot be repaired. Your left eye suffered severe injury and will continue to be gray and murky. The good news is that Dr Tanner believes once you are back in the states you will be a good candidate for a cornea transplant, which will restore your full vision if the surgery is a success. Until you receive that surgery, you will be considered legally blind, due to the lack of vision in one eye and slight impediment in the other." Edward's stomach rolled and he wanted to tell the doctor to get the hell out. Edward didn't say anything. He didn't move. He just continued to stare at… nothing.

"Edward, I know that it's very hard for you to comprehend right now, but you are a very lucky man. To have been so close to the explosion of a grenade and possibly end up with a full recovery is… well it will be a miracle."

Edward knew that his attitude was ungrateful and that his response was child like, but he could not bring himself to see the bright side of his circumstances. It wasn't that he felt sorry for himself, he didn't resent the military, and he didn't even want revenge. He felt… nothing. Maybe if he could allow himself to get angry, sad, happy... anything, he could be grateful that he had been so unscathed, but he couldn't.

"I've been told you are quite the popular soldier." Edward didn't turn toward Dr. Bier's voice. "You have a stack of messages here as thick as a novel. Have you responded to any of these people?"

"No."

"Have you opened anything from this pile of blue envelopes?"

"No."

Dr. Biers knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with Edward emotionally. It was beyond his professional training. He decided to go back to what he could help with. "How's the pain?"

"Fine."

Letting out a sigh of frustration, Dr Biers made a decision he'd been putting off for the last week. "Edward, I am going to be sending Dr. Call in to talk to you." Edward shrugged. "She speaks to all of our patients that have been through any sort of trauma."

"I'm fine."

"I'm sure you are, but PTSD is a very common disorder that occurs when recovering from circumstances such as yours."

"I don't need to talk to anyone," Edward spoke a little firmer.

"It's standard procedure, Captain." Dr. Biers waited for a response and received none. "I'll be back tomorrow to check on you, but if you have any problem before then, have the nurse call me. Nurse Dwyer will be back in a while to give you some more pain medication and dinner. You're a good man, Edward. I hope you start to feel better soon." He waited a moment for his patient to respond and then left the room when he didn't.

Edward had fought so hard to wake up and now he wished he could be asleep. While he laid in silence, his mind would run away with him. A slide show would flick through his mind. Images of battle, of Bella, a life of loneliness, his leg almost shredded, the explosion so close to his face, and an image of himself near death. Scrunching his eyes closed, he pushed the pictures from his mind. The humanity in him almost exploded with emotion, the survivor in him wouldn't allow them to release. If a smidge of emotion was allowed in, if he allowed himself to think or feel about anything, he would have to think and feel all of it. Edward wasn't ready for it, and wasn't sure if he'd ever be. Sleep was Edward's only solution.

Reaching over the edge of his bed, Edward pushed the call button. He would request meds from the nurse to help him escape through a deep sleep.

xxx

When Bella pushed the last button dialing Edward's mother, she held her breath. The phone rang once, twice, three times… "Hello?"

Bella thought her heart would pound right out of her chest. "Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is Bella McCarty… I'm… I'm…"

"Edward's girlfriend."

A smile crossed Bella's face; the first one she'd had in hours. Edward had talked about her. Esme knew who she was. "Yes."

"I've been waiting to hear from you."

"You have?" Bella was taken off guard by that statement. She walked over to her bed and sat down.

"Yes, I didn't have any way to contact you. Edward's been hurt."

"I know, my brother told me, but he doesn't know to what extent."

Esme then proceeded to tell Bella all about the grenade attack, which had occurred a week before Christmas. She explained Edward's injuries and told Bella that they had to keep him in Afghanistan for two weeks while they stabilized him. Just after the New Year, he had been flown to Germany where they performed several surgeries to repair his injuries. Esme spoke hopefully when she told Bella that if Edward's injuries continued to heal correctly, he would be flown back to Pendleton in the next week or two. Bella listened painfully. Alice joined her on the bed and began to rub Bella's back. She couldn't even bring herself to imagine Edward in any kind of pain, let alone the excruciating pain he would feel caused by shrapnel piercing half of his body. Bile rose in her throat, tears flooded her eyes, and her stomach turned filling her with nausea.

"Mrs. Cullen—"

"Esme, please call me Esme, sweetheart," Esme interrupted.

"Oh… Okay, Esme. I was told he isn't taking any calls or visitors. Is that true?"

A sigh sounded through the phone. "Yes, he won't talk to me. According to his doctor, he isn't talking to anyone. He hardly responds to the doctors."

That didn't sound like her Edward. Her arms literally ached wanting to be around him. "Maybe if I could see him, he might change his mind. Maybe he'd feel better. It can't be good for him to be alone."

"I feel the same way, hon, but the doctor says at this point it would be a waste of money to fly to Germany. He truly doesn't want to see anyone."

Bella let a small sob escape her throat and then she quickly covered her mouth trying to stifle the cry.

"Bella, I am sure if anyone could get through to him it would be you, but I think it's best if you wait until he is back at Pendleton."

"Why?" Bella's voice quivered.

"They think he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Bella knew she was on the verge of losing any kind of control she had maintained up until this point.

"Thank you so much for telling me all that you know, Esme. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, Bella."

"Would you call me if you receive any other information?"

"I promise."

"Thank you," Bella took a deep breath trying to reign in her emotions. She gave her home and cell numbers to Esme, thanked her again and then hung up the phone.

As soon as Bella set the phone down, she fell to pieces. Quickly, Alice's arms were wrapped around her friend.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked.

Bella's head nodded against her friend's shoulder.

"Was she able to give any more information?"

Taking in a deep breath, Bella sat up and wiped the tears from her face. "Yes, she was really kind and helpful." The next twenty minutes were spent with Bella reiterating all of the information Esme had given her. Alice listened attentively, comforted her friend by stroking her hair and back, and cried right along with her.

"At least you know he's safe," Alice comforted.

"Why hasn't he contacted me?"

"I don't know. We can't fully comprehend his circumstances or his capabilities at this point. Just be patient, Bella. He'll come around, and he's going to need you when he does."

"Yeah," Bella answered just above a whisper.

With aching hearts, red-puffy-eyes, and emotions drained, both girls fell asleep.

Hours later, Bella awoke and spent another hour trying to go back to sleep. Her slumber had been restless and when she did doze, her nightmares of an injured Edward awoke her. Surrendering to the anti-sleep-Gods, Bella got out of bed and got on the computer. She spent hours researching PTSD so she might better understand Edward and what he might be going through.

A true nerd at heart, Bella always felt better after acquiring all the information she could. Researching this serious disorder—as confusing as it may sound— allowed Bella to feel more at ease. PTSD was a common response to traumatic events, such as the ones Edward had been through. Many men and women in the military will suffer this disorder at some point in their military career. One of the ways people cope with PTSD is emotional shut down and numbing. This could definitely be an explanation as to why he was shutting her out. At least Bella hoped this was why. While they weren't positive that this was what Edward was suffering from, a part of her hoped it was. A disorder he could recover from was better than him not wanting her.

Bella gripped her hair as she shook her head back and forth. She chastised herself for having such a selfish attitude. How could she possibly hope that this was what Edward had?

She was more than willing to do whatever Edward needed to help him recover, even if that meant leaving him alone for a while. However, she preferred him to call her and ask her to fly to Germany. Only time would tell. She just wasn't sure if time was on their side. Knowing that a pregnancy was a possibility, Bella was left with a feeling of urgency. _If _she was pregnant— Bella still didn't want to face the reality of that prospect— it was not something Bella felt Edward could handle right now.

Unsure of whether or not Edward was reading his letters, she decided she would continue writing to him. If there was any chance at all that he was opening her correspondence, she wanted to reassure him of her love and support. Retrieving her blue stationary from her drawer she began to write him.

_Dear Edward,_

_I know this may come as a shock to you, but I spoke with Esme today. I couldn't stand not hearing from you and I worried all of the time. I needed a resolution, so I used my powerful resource… Emmett. Okay, so maybe he isn't a powerful connection, but he's the best I've got. He let me know what happened, but he didn't know anything about your condition. So, being the Nancy Drew that I am, I searched out a phone number for Esme and contacted her. I wasn't sure if she would know anything, but since she was family, I knew that she would know more than me. At least I hoped she did. She was very kind to me and I enjoyed talking to her. She said she would keep me updated on your recovery, just in case you aren't able to. I hope that that is okay with you. Have things been better with you two?_

_She told me about your injuries and all that you are going through. I am so sorry for your pain, Edward. I know that this can't be easy for you. I'm sure you don't want to hear it—since everyone probably says the same thing— but I'm just glad you are alive. Dealing with injuries as significant as yours, has to take a toll on you physically and emotionally. I'm sorry I can't be there to distract you from that pain. I can think of a few ways to do that; maybe show up at the hospital in a naughty nurse costume, give you massages _any where_ you want, kiss all of your boo-boos for you, and I would stay by your side and be the best damn nurse you could ask for. That was some pretty good dirty talk right? Well… probably not, but it's the best I can do. _

_I am hoping that you are confident in me and my love for you. I will love you in any way, shape, or form until the day I die. Your physical changes don't change my desire and love for you. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. _

Bella debated writing anything about the actual mission or attack, and then decided against it. The websites had all said that most of the time survivors were trying to put the events out of their mind. She figured reminding him or asking him to recall wasn't a good idea. She would leave that for later on down the road.

_I had a scenario the other day that I am sure will bring you much happiness. Jacob was getting a little annoying lately by not respecting our relationship. I sat him down and basically told him that he had to get over his little crush and accept that all I would offer was friendship or we couldn't be friends anymore. I thought about recording the conversation because I knew it would make you happy. He took it better than I thought. Of course it will take time for him to move on, but I made myself very clear. I told him I loved you, I wanted to marry you, and that I never thought of him as anything more than a friend._

_Emmett is coming home for a few weeks. Rosalie isn't sure for how long, but since he only has a few months left before retirement we are hoping it's for good. We are really excited. I guess all of the soldiers in Iraq are being sent home. Rosalie is beyond elated and I am so glad he isn't going to miss anymore of Tessa's life._

_School is going well. I have senioritis or something. I am counting down the days until I am done. I am ready to move on to the next step in my life and start my career. Maybe it's because I am already doing all of the work of a teacher, without a pay check._

_I ache for you Edward. There is so much going on right now, that I wish you were here to support me through. I'm not blaming you or upset with you. I just know that things would be much simpler if I had your words or your arms around me. I know that what you are going through is something I could never comprehend… but… I could really use a letter or phone call from you. I know it's selfish, but there's nothing more I need than you._

_I love you!_

_Bella_

_xxx_

A week had passed since Bella had spoken with Esme. She hadn't called with more information. Edward hadn't contacted her either. Melancholy was the best word to describe Bella's countenance the past week. Mr. Molina had expressed concern about the change in her attitude. Bella did her best to explain her circumstances concerning Edward and assured him she would come back better the next week. He sympathized with her, but was also not going to give her a free pass if she didn't pick up the slack. Bella knew she couldn't live this way. It wasn't healthy. What if Edward decided he was done with her, or what if his recovery took years? She couldn't put her life on hold, especially if… if… if there was a baby. Deciding this was unacceptable, Bella decided to take action about the one thing she could resolve.

On her way home from class she called Alice. "Hey, Al."

"Hi, Bella, what's up?"

"Um, I was wondering if you had any plans with Jasper tonight."

"Why?"

Bella knew why Alice didn't answer. Alice would drop any plans she had if Bella needed her. "You didn't answer my question."

"Okay, then, no."

Bella wanted to call her a liar, but settled for, "Really?"

"Yes, now what's up?"

"I was thinking we could have a girl's night. We could pick up some dinner, dessert… a pregnancy test?" The line was silent. Bella wondered if they had lost connection. "Alice?"

"Yeah… I'm here. You're ready?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll be home in twenty minutes."

"Thanks, Alice."

"Of course."

"And, Alice…"

"Yeah?"

"Tell Jasper I'm sorry for stealing you."

"Hey, he has me all of the time. Besides, sometimes a boyfriend just doesn't cut it. You need girl time too, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. Thanks."

xxx

Bella and Alice lay on the couch moaning. "Ugh, I can't believe we ate all of that food. I think I'm going to throw up."

"I'm not going to eat for two days," Alice said. Bella quirked a brow at her and then they both started laughing. Bella and Alice were fully aware that Alice couldn't go more than a few hours without eating, no matter how much she had stuffed herself.

"Should we put on the movie?" Bella asked.

"Which one first, _Water for Elephants_ or _Crazy Stupid Love_?"

"I don't care. You decide. I need to pee," Bella said as she stood making her way to the bathroom.

"Stop!" Alice commanded. Bella looked at her confused. "Get it over with, Bella." Alice snatched the little box from the table and handed it to Bella.

With a trembling hand, Bella took the box and made her way down the hall. In her urgency to relieve her bladder, she tore the box open and peed on the stick without reading any directions. Once she was done she laid the stick down on the counter. While washing her hands, Bella snuck a glance at the test. Two very bright pink lines were displayed in the window. She scrunched her brows and thought, "Already?" Quickly, she grabbed for the box, but accidently dropped it on the ground. Sinking herself down on the tile, she leaned her back against the wall and pulled her knees up to her chest. She let out a long, slow breath, then retrieved the box, and began to read the tiny instructions. Instantly her eyes were drawn to the diagram, two lines… pregnant!

Her breathing became labored and her hands were shaking; only it wasn't just her hands. Her entire body was trembling. An overflow of emotion careened through her. Fear, she'd never done this before. What was going to happen? Would she be sick? Was she healthy enough? What did she need to change? How would she find a doctor? Then excitement, there was a living baby inside of her. A part of her and a part of Edward had made human being… together. Followed by panic, she had no idea how to be a mother. Would Edward be around? What would her parents think? How would she support this baby?

Alice knocked on the door. Suddenly she was aware of her echoing cry filling the tiny bathroom. Until then, she hadn't even realized she was crying; she was so lost in her thoughts. Now that she knew she was pregnant, she thought maybe she could write off all of the sobbing she had been doing to a hormone imbalance.

Alice knocked again. "Can I come in?"

"Please."

The door opened slowly and Alice's beautiful face peeked around. "Are you alright," she asked with a hesitant face.

"I hope so. I'm having a baby."

Bella could see the strain on Alice's face as she tried to control her excitement. "Will it upset you if I'm happy for you?"

Bella shook her head and let the corners of her mouth turn up. "No. Part of me is happy too."

Alice dropped down on the floor next to her friend and put her arm around her shoulder. "Wow, this seems so surreal. I've never had a pregnant friend before."

"I have… I hope I'm nothing like Rosalie was when she was pregnant. She was pure evil." Both girls started to laugh.

Once their giggles subsided and Bella continued to work on her controlled breaths, Alice said, "I think you'll be a fantastic mom."

"Even if I'm a single mom?"

"You won't be."

Bella was shocked at the comfort she received from Alice's matter-of-fact words, even though she couldn't know for sure. She eyed Alice and said, "You can't be positive."

"Yes I can. I'm psychic." She nudged Bella's shoulder and whispered. "You're going to be fine."

"Alice, can we keep this between you and me for now?"

"Of course. Are you going to tell Edward?"

"Eventually, but I want him to focus on recovering right now. Besides, I don't want him coming back to me because of this baby."

"I get that." There was a lull in the conversation and then Alice asked, "Can I come to all of your appointments with you and the doctor can think we are lesbian lovers?"

Bella started to laugh so hard her stomach hurt. Alice's ability to make Bella smile, no matter the circumstances, was another thing Bella loved about her.

xxx

"Edward!" Bella's familiar voice screamed, begging! "Help me!"

Edward tried to get to her as fast as he could. The heaviness of his fatigues and all of his equipment were weighing him down. Edward felt like he was running through quicksand and couldn't make any progress. When he realized he couldn't get to her, Edward released a guttural cry of frustration that echoed through the desert.

"I'm coming. I'm coming for you!" Edward screamed, but she couldn't hear him. The sight of Bella reaching for him, tears streaming down her face, her mouth wide open with her cries, was torture.

Suddenly, his eyes fixated on something other than the love of his life. The filthy hands of two men dragging her away from him by the shoulders became his new focus. Within seconds, he recognized them as two of Yasin's minions. Suddenly engulfed by rage, Edward had murder on his mind. When their eyes met his with evil smirks on their faces, they dropped her. They dumped the most beautiful being ever found on earth, at the feet of the most vial creature known to man. Yasin. His fingers pulled through Bella's hair and he raised her locks to his nose and took in her scent. All the while, Yasin's eyes stay zeroed in on her rescuer. Yasin patiently waited for Edward's reaction, anticipating his anguish, thinking he was going to win. Desperate and on a rampage, Edward threw everything in his possession down, except for the berretta that he keeps tight in his grip. Like he'd run never before, Edward's feet flew across the sand. The name he's held so sacred poured from his lips as he called to Bella over and over again. Yasin's eyes light up and confusion filled Edward's mind. He did not understand what would cause such an expression to come over Yasin's face. Bella's hand stretched toward Edward, her eyes filling with hope. He realized he could almost touch her. Two more steps and she'd be in his arms. Plans form in Edward's mind: Once she was safe, he was going to kill that devil of a creature. The first step will be to cut off each finger that Yasin laid on Bella. As his gun rises to Bella's captor, Edward hears an evil laugh. Yasin lifts a remote in his hand and pushes down on a button. BAM! A grenade blows in front of Edward's face… and he is dead.

Edward's eyes snap open. His breath is quick and labored; it feels as though the air has been sucked from the room. His tan skin is covered in beads of sweat, soaking through to the hospital gown. Tears fall from burning eyes, and he shoves a pillow over his mouth to extinguish the anguished cries.

Every time he sleeps, he has the same reoccurring dream. It's always _her_, in danger, and he is useless to help her. It always ends the same way too, the grenade blasting in front of him, severing her from his life. The only good thing about the dream is that when he first awakes, he actually feels _something_. Even though what he feels is the worst torture known to man, it's better than feeling nothing at all.

A knock on the door forces him to pull the pillow away from his mouth. He drags his arm across his face wiping away the sweat and tears. The knock repeats, "Edward, it's Dr. Call. May I come in?"

"Sure," Edward answered in a raspy voice. Quickly he turns his head in the opposite direction, not wanting her to see his face.

Dr. Call had been seeing Edward every other day for two weeks now. She was a nice woman and seemed to be genuinely concerned for Edward and his well being. She mostly asked Edward about his experiences in Afghanistan. She reassured him that while it was painful to talk about the moment that changed his life forever, the more he did, the easier it would be to heal. He found that it was getting easier to talk about, but he was nowhere near getting past it yet. Occasionally, she tried to talk to Edward about his personal relationships, but Edward always replied with the same answer, "I don't want to talk about it." Dr. Call never pushed and he respected her for it. She reassured him that he was doing fine, and that it would take time.

The part Edward never understood was the "time" part. Time for what? Time to completely erase what happened from his mind? Time for his body to go back to what it was, so he could feel like a whole man again? Time to be with Bella until she decided he was too much of a burden or not the man she had fallen in love with? Time to realize that he had no idea who he was anymore? It seemed that now that his life was gone, he had all of the time in the world, but he didn't want it anymore.

The screeching sound of Dr. Call dragging her chair next to Edward's bed pulled him from his moment of self-pity.

"Edward, you ready to talk?" It was always strange to Edward that her voice was always so gentle and yet completely commanding. Reluctantly he turned toward her. She eyed him and then asked, "Still having your dreams?"

"Everyday."

"Were you able to save her this time?"

"Nope."

Edward could see in her expression that she recognized he didn't want to talk about Bella, so she let it go. "I want to talk to you about the few days before your final mission. You said that you had lost some comrades of yours a couple of days before your departure. Tell me about that."

They talked for an hour and then Dr. Call stood from her seat to depart. She turned toward the door and then turned back around. "Edward. I know you've made your stance on this clear, but I really think it would be a good idea to talk to Bella. I think it would be to both of your benefits."

"Dr. Call, right now I am a crippled, almost blind man, with no job, and soon no place to live. I have nothing to offer her. She is better off moving on." Edward paused. "More than that though, she deserves someone who will take care of her emotionally. I'm hollow inside. I don't even know if I'm capable of providing someone with love."

"This time is short, Edward. You're going to get better. I promise. I'd hate to see you ruin something that meant so much to you because you were impatient." She looked at the stack of letters again. "You may not feel the love you have for her at this moment, but it's still there." Edward's eyes darted toward the professional at his bedside. "Otherwise, those letters wouldn't be sitting there. They'd be gone."

With her last words, Dr. Call left Edward alone with his thoughts. He looked at the stack of letters, which sat unopened. There had to be at least twenty of them. He wondered why he was holding on to them if he wouldn't open them. He felt the slightest thump beat in his hollow chest. It reminded him of the Grinch on the _Grinch Who Stole Christmas_. The odd feeling of his heart beating in his chest caused him to pause. Just as quickly as it came, he tamped it down because with it came an excruciating pain he wasn't ready to deal with. If he let some emotion in, he'd have to release the flood gates of all that was locked away inside of him and he wasn't sure if he was mentally or physically capable of all that would rise to the surface.

xxx

**Author's Notes:**

I hope that you all had a lovely Christmas and an exciting New Year.

Thanks to Lynelle, for being such a trooper to put up with me and all of my grammar problems.

Thank you to all of you for kind reviews and amazing support. I love hearing from you.

Edward is going to have a visitor next chapter. Who do you think it will be? Someone who will hopefully get through that head of his… we hope. ;)


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Sorry this was a bit delayed, but Edward and Bella were fighting with me. They wanted to go a different direction than my outline. They finally won.

The beta wants to explain that I was dealing with some personal issues and family visits just as LuvCullens sent this to me, so it was delayed even further. My apologies, to LuvCullens and her readers as well.

xxx

Edward's thumb pressed the remote's up button over and over in a rhythmic motion. As different programs covered the screen, his eyes fixated on the flickering lights. He wasn't watching anything… he never watched, not only due to his obscured vision, but also because he was interested in nothing. His green orbs, surrounded in sleep deprived red, glanced at the clock ticking on the wall. In an hour, Dr. Call would arrive for their standing appointment.

His eyes focused back onto the TV just as an explosion erupted across the screen. Edward's reaction was text book PTSD. Panic erupted within. His stomach rolled, his breath hitched, sweat beaded along his hairline, his eyes darted around the room looking for the enemy. But what made him feel the most out of control, were the locked up feelings starting to break free. This oozing of emotions had been happening more frequently since he started talking with Dr. Call. She was teaching him how to control the amount of memories released and how to cope with what he set free. Edward closed his eyes, took even cleansing breaths, and tried to understand the thoughts he was having and not just shove them into the vault in his mind. After a few short minutes, he was back in control.

The explosion in Afghanistan was the only time Edward truly felt like he would taste death. There were even times when he felt like he had. He felt like a complete failure for letting down his platoon, his Generals, and his country. His job was to lead an attack to rid the world of evil and to protect his platoon. Instead, Yasin could still be out wondering the desert planning vile attacks. And instead of leading his platoon, they had to drag his body and possibly many other bodies out of danger. What had gone wrong? Had he misread the situation? Had he given wrong commands? Had any other men been injured or killed? Was the entire attack and what he'd assumed an unsuccessful mission, his fault? These were the reasons why Edward constantly tried to push his thoughts from his head. The weight of his actions was too much for him to bear. There were only a few thoughts and feelings he wished he could free from their anchor deep inside and let them rise to the surface; and those were his feelings for Bella. Just before everything had gone black on that awful night, Edward's life flashed through his eyes and he had seen all that really mattered to him…Bella. However, he knew that everything he felt was tethered together and if he let one emotion float up, they all would. Edward had friends who had dealt with PTSD. Some turned to violence, alcoholism, hallucinations, anxiety, and sometimes worse because they didn't get the help they needed. With Dr. Call's help, he was fine dealing with things this way. Nobody would get hurt. He would continue to recover and when he was healthy and mentally stable again, he would find Bella and see if she still wanted him.

A knock at the door drew Edward from his thoughts. The clock showed it was only minutes from the last time he'd looked. Dr. Call was early.

"Come in," Edward's voice was husky from a lack of use.

The door opened and what Edward saw was not what he had expected. The doorway filled with two extremely large men.

"What's up, Cullen?" Emmett burst in with an enormous grin on his face. He and Seth Clearwater both approached Edward's bedside, Seth a little hesitant and Emmett acting as if he owned the room. Edward tampered down his nerves. This was his first interaction with anyone not employed by the hospital. He couldn't deny the thrill of seeing an old friend and someone from his platoon who was clearly in perfect health. "You look like total crap, Cullen," Emmett stated.

While it never felt good to have someone tell him he looked as bad as he felt, there was a sense of comfort in normalcy. As expected, Emmett acted as if they'd just been together yesterday. "Thanks, McCarty."

"How are you doing, Captain?" Seth asked with a look of compassion in his eyes. Edward knew that the man standing before him had the answers to so many lingering questions.

"I'm hanging in there. I'm heading back to the States in a few days."

"I bet Bella is ecstatic," Emmett said casually as he took the remote and changed the channel until he found something in English.

Edward could almost hear the sound of his protective wall cracking at the sound of Bella's name. Unwilling to let the fissure extend, Edward didn't respond to Emmett and turned his attention toward Seth. "How are you?"

"Fine, I'm headed home also."

Edward nodded in approval. However, Edward didn't ask the question that had been plaguing him, did everyone else survive. Seth looked Edward in the eye, reassuring him that he understood what his Captain wanted to know. "_Everyone's_ fine."

Another splitting sound came from within Edward's chest, at the same time he felt a heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders. Even if he'd been hurt and even if the mission was a failure, he could handle it knowing that everyone in his platoon was safe. Desperately he wanted to ask Clearwater what happened that dreadful night, but wasn't sure if he could handle the repercussions. The internal debate was taxing on Edward's nerves. Looking away from Seth, Edward noticed Emmett roaming around the room. The guy was never good about sitting still.

"What's on your mind, Captain?"

Seth's invitation was the only encouragement Edward needed to blurt out what he desperately wanted to know. "What happened to Yasin and with the mission?" Edward's pulse kicked up a notch and he wiped his sweaty palms on the blanket covering his lap. Was it a mistake to ask? Did he really want to know? Edward started to succumb to panic, but then remembered Dr. Call's instructions and put them into action.

Seth pulled a chair close to the foot of Edward's bed and sat down. He looked deep in thought, with elbows resting on knees and eyes focused on clasped hands. A few seconds later, Seth looked up at his Captain covered in bandages and leg engulfed in plaster. Edward nodded toward Seth asking him to share the details of that night. Seth took a deep breath and then proceeded to enlighten Edward of the hours that changed his life. While he spoke of the grenade attack during their retreat, Edward's mind played back the images that had been haunting him— the sounds, the fear, the pain. The clenching within his chest was painful and almost more than he could bear. However, it eased when Seth spoke that all members of their platoon boarded the helicopter unscathed, other than Captain Cullen.

After their departure, the other platoon that had been waiting to carry out their assignment on Edward's command rolled into action. They attacked from behind, taking out their unsuspecting targets in mere seconds. Another team was brought in by air as back up while they surrounded Yasin's compound. Edward's heartbeat kicked up. While his team had returned safely, it was unknown if the same could be said for the other squads. Seth proceeded to give the details of his fellow Marines, taking out all but Yasin and two of his cronies. The three cowards took their own lives before they could be defeated by an American soldier. All, but Edward and one other Marine, had gone unharmed. There were no fatalities and Yasin was gone, the mission was a success.

As Edward worked through his breathing and controlled his memories, he felt another layer of heavy burdens that had resided on his conscience being lifted away. A smile crept onto Edward's battered face, the first, since he'd been injured. "Thank you for telling me, Clearwater."

"Of course, Captain." There was a pause, and Edward watched as Seth took a deep breath and wrung his fingers. "Thank you for being such an inspiring leader, we couldn't have done it without you," his voice caught and he looked back down at his hands.

Wanting to take away some of his comrade's discomfort, Edward looked away from the boy who had become a man. "What's going on with you, Emmett?" When Emmett didn't respond, Edward turned his head allowing the left side of the room to come into his line of vision. Emmett stood at his bedside, his eyes focused on something, and a look of anger on his face. Edward's eyes turned to whatever held Emmett's attention and saw the pile of blue envelopes. The relief and happiness Edward had started to feel upon hearing Seth's story, started to diminish.

Emmett reached for an envelope and in a quiet, but deathly tone, Edward said, "Don't touch them."

Emmett's hand obediently retreated, but his expression didn't soften. "Hey, Seth, could you give Edward and me a minute?"

Seth's eyes darted back and forth between the two men. Emmett's expression deadpanned, with anger radiating off of him. The palpable tension rolling off of the giant of a man was enough to make Seth want to run for the hills. However, when he glanced at Edward, he saw pain; dark consuming pain and he wasn't sure if he should leave the two men alone.

When Seth didn't respond, Emmett took an intimidating step toward him. In an automatic response, Seth leapt to his feet and stared down his friend. Edward knew that he was going to have to face this situation with Emmett head on. He wasn't positive that he was capable of handling the suffocating emotions that would come with this talk, but he wasn't going to let Seth take the brunt of Emmett's anger for him either.

"Go ahead, Seth. Emmett and I need to discuss some personal issues."

"Okay," Seth spoke hesitantly. He pushed the chair back to its original position and then turned back toward the bed ridden man. "It was good to see you, Captain. I'm glad you are okay."

"Thanks, Seth. I'm sure I'll see you back in the States."

Seth nodded and then looked at Emmett. "I'm going to go downstairs and get something to eat. I'll wait for you there."

"Alright," Emmett said.

Once Seth had left the room, it was overwhelmingly silent. Edward, for once, was grateful to not have any kind of peripheral vision. He just stared toward the foot of his bed as if nobody was there. That was until Emmett came and stood directly in his line of vision, arms crossed over his puffed up chest, looking like he wanted answers. "Do you want to explain that to me?"

"What?"

"My sister's damn letters sitting there unopened! That's what!" Emmett snapped, his arm stretched out pointing at the stack of blue envelopes.

There was a long pregnant pause, Edward not wanting to talk about it, and Emmett determined to get answers.

"Does she know?" Edward barely breathed out.

"That you're hurt?" Edward nodded. "Yes, she emailed me saying she hadn't heard from you and begged me to find out if you were okay. All I could tell her was that you had been wounded and you were here. I thought she hadn't heard from you because you were incapable, not because you were ignoring her." Emmett's loud voice boomed off the walls. Anyone who didn't know him as well as Edward did, would have been afraid for their life. Emmett ran frustrated hands over his face.

Edward turned his head in the other direction and didn't respond. His stomach was in knots. He was aware of a lump building in his throat. Moments ago he felt as if he had taken five steps forward as he sat and listened to what Seth had to say and he had coped perfectly. His burdens had been lifted; he no longer carried the responsibility of lives lost or a killer gone free. But now, Emmett's words sent him back five more steps. He was suddenly aware of his aching heart and he preferred the feeling of a hollowed chest. The wall he had so carefully constructed was falling apart by the second.

Emmett ran his fingers over his head and walked toward the window. "Why, Edward? Why are you abandoning her?"

Edward cringed; he didn't like the word abandon being used to describe his actions. "It's not her. I just can't… I can't… I don't want to feel _anything_ right now."

Turning back toward his friend lying in bed, Emmett said, "Look man, I get it. Your defense mechanisms make sense. This is your way of coping. I make jokes when life sucks and you shut down, but I really think she could help." Edward squeezed his eyes shut, part of him wanted to believe that that was true.

"Are you talking to someone?" Edward nodded.

"Is it PTSD?" Edward nodded.

"Is it getting better?" Edward nodded.

He let out an exasperated breath and looked at Emmett. "I didn't freak out when Seth told me what happened. I think if he had come a few weeks ago, I would have gone catatonic." Edward tried to smirk and make light of what he just said. "That's progress right?"

Emmett just stared at him solemnly. "What does your doctor say?"

"She has worked with me on some coping skills which… I've been able to use today. That along with the medication I'm on help me feel less afraid. She thinks I will be in enough control to go back to my everyday life with therapy, medication, and practice coping."

"That's good. What does she say about Bella?"

Edward looked out the window. He didn't want to talk about this. He wanted to take baby steps and he had already listened to the events that got him here.

"Or does the doctor even know about her?" Emmett asked frustrated.

"Of course she knows about her," Edward spat between clenched teeth. He could feel the bricks popping out one by one from his barrier. He could imagine the emotions springing free, the way water sprays from a broken damn. There was a rumble in his head as his mind was trying to absorb what was bursting through the weakened wall. Something in Edward snapped, "She knows all about how Bella was the only person who's ever truly loved me." Edward's hands clenched into fists at his side. "That I can never sleep, because in my dreams that bastard Yasin takes her from me." Edward's breathe came in pants. "I told her about the plans Bella and I had for the future and now I have no idea how I could even support a family." Edward practically yelled. "I told her I'm terrified of being near her until I'm healthy because I could hurt her during one of my night terrors, or if I have a break down." Tears filled Edward's eyes. "I told her that my heart, my soul, and my body literally aches for her all of the time, but I can't put her in danger or make her go without all she wants in life. She deserves everything and I don't know if I will ever fully be _me_ again."

Emmett stood staring at his best friend, who was hanging on by a thread. He did all he could to fight the tears he felt pooling behind his own eyes. His heart broke for Edward. Emmett had seen so many of his friends go through the same thing; the strongest of men dissolve before your eyes. Emmett felt blessed and guilty that he had always been one of the lucky ones. Not wanting to take away Edward's dignity, Emmett turned away allowing Edward a moment to recompose himself. He wouldn't leave, because he wanted answers and he felt like he had to be his sister's advocate right now. The minutes of silence dragged on as both men worked to regain their composure.

While Emmett stood gazing out the window, Edward took deep breaths to keep himself from losing it. He started to feel overwhelmed by the sensation of tinkering on a ledge. Subtly, so as not to draw attention from Emmett, Edward reached over and grabbed a bottle of medication to help subdue his panic. He swallowed a pill and then began to chant over and over that he was not going to lose control. He had come so far, he refused to backpedal. Closing his eyes, Edward focused on repairing the wall that had been damaged inside of him. He had to pull out his best defenses right now.

Emmett cleared his throat and said, "I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't be pushing you while you are still recovering."

"It's fine. She's your sister. Of course you want to protect her."

Emmett could hear a change in Edward's voice. It almost sounded like a stranger. Quickly he turned around to make sure he was okay. What he saw bothered him. Edward's countenance had changed. He was guarded. Emmett couldn't find a shred of emotion or a trace of the old Edward anywhere. Emmett felt like he needed to tread carefully. "You are a good man, Edward. I would never have been okay with you dating my sister if I didn't think so." Edward didn't respond, so Emmett went on. "Your injuries and going through therapy, because you survived most people's worst nightmares, doesn't make you any less of the man you were before this mission. I know Bella. Her feelings for you aren't going to change over this. She loves you and you're going to break her heart if you push her away."

Edward's heart felt as if it had been pierced and he quickly did his best to ignore it. "Bella is also kind and loving and would never want to hurt me even if it meant jeopardizing her own happiness. Even if I and my problems weren't what she wanted, she would endure it to keep from hurting me."

Emmett didn't know the right way or wrong way to handle someone dealing with PTSD. Was he supposed to coddle him and keep him happy, or speak the truth? He had no idea, so Emmett did what Emmett does best. "I don't want to say this, because I truly sympathize with your circumstances and I know I'm going to be a first class ass for saying this but… quit feeling sorry for yourself," Emmett begged in a desperate tone.

Edward's brows darted up into his hairline with a look of shock, but then quickly collected himself. "I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for Bella."

"No! You think less of yourself right now and you are assuming everyone else does too. So, to avoid any further pain, you are going to push her away before she can push you away." Emmett prepared for Edward to erupt, but he didn't.

In a moment of weakness, Edward's mouth fell open. His mind struggled to wrap around what Emmett was saying. Was he right? Edward was in self-preservation mode and he had to be. Maybe his subconscious knew he couldn't handle any more heart break and Bella choosing to walk away from him could shatter him for life. Emmett interrupted his thoughts. "Don't you think she deserves to make the choice to let you go or not?"

"You're not thinking smart Emmett," Edward spoke with venom. "Let's say I give in and I go to her? What if I allow myself to feel everything again and my condition gets worse? What if the fear, rage, and anxiety consume me? I could end up physically or emotionally hurting her. You know that is a reality we have to face. Are you willing to put your sister in harm's way?"

"I am a hundred percent positive you would never lay a hand on my sister, so get that out of your head right now." Emmett paced the foot of the bed, growling under his breath. Edward just watched. He had nothing to say. "Damn it, Edward, isn't she worth the effort?" Emmett pled.

Edward wanted to scream, 'Yes, of course she is. I'd walk through fire for her. I feel like I can't breathe when I think of losing her.' However, until he was sure, without a doubt, that Bella would be happy and unharmed, he wouldn't risk it.

Emmett could see the war within Edward's head. "I'll tell you right now, Edward. You dropping her as if she never existed will crush her more than any harm you could cause her later." Edward continued with his controlled breathing. He felt like he had multiple personalities right now. The one side of him knew what Emmett said was wisdom. The other side was all too aware of the possibilities and not willing to cave. "You need to make a decision Edward, but you need to let her know. You can't just leave her wondering if she did something wrong and blaming herself. But… do me a favor before you do anything." Emmett walked over to the table beside Edward's bed and snatched the pile of letters. He dropped the stack down on Edward's lap. "Read these first."

Edward's eyes refused to look down at the weight that penetrated his legs. A stack of letters that weighed less than a pound on his lap, felt like a hundred on his soul. Emmett walked toward the door and put his hand on the knob.

"Edward, it will devastate her if you end this and I will be angry to see her heart broken, but you are still family to me and I'll be here for you if you need me." Without waiting for a response, Emmett walked out the door.

Emotions bubbled beneath the surface like a volcano ready to explode.

Edward's hand slowly slid across the blankets. The tips of his fingers grazed the edge of the correspondences that sat unopened. An electric current rolled from his fingers all the way to his heart. His heart beat so wildly in his chest; he could hear it pumping in his ears. Useless to fight anymore, Edward allowed the tears of longing to fall down his face. With moisture filled eyes, he allowed himself to finally look down at the blurred pile of blue in his lap and his heart tore into pieces.

xxx

"I come in peace."

Bella laughed at Jacob standing outside the door with a giant Diet Coke and a white flag. A beaming grin covered Jake's face in response and he began to enter her apartment. Bella stood as tall as her five foot five frame would allow and held her arm out blocking his entrance.

"Stop!" Jake's brow scrunched in confusion. "Raise your right arm," Bella commanded. Jake started to laugh and Bella gave him a challenging glare.

"Fine, I'll play along," Jake said. He shifted the two objects into his left arm and raised the right."

"Repeat after me, I Jacob Black, promise to NEVER talk about Edward Cullen or his relationship with Bella." Bella nodded toward Jake and he repeated her words.

Bella continued on, "I promise to NEVER make any romantic gestures toward my FRIEND Bella, and the only physical contact I will ever initiate is a high five."

Jake snorted.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "If you don't want to comply, you can leave."

Jake said looking like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs, then repeated, "I promise to NEVER make any romantic gestures toward my FRIEND Bella, and the only physical contact I will ever initiate is a high five."

Bella smiled in approval and continued, "I will not enter Bella's bedroom under any circumstances."

With an eye roll, Jake promised not to go in Bella's room.

"And I promise to bring a Diet Coke to Bella upon every visit to her home."

Once Jake had finished his oath, Bella snatched her Diet Coke from his hand and retreated into the living room with her friend on her heels.

Jake plopped heavily into the couch and asked, "What have you been up to? I haven't seen you in a week."

"I know. Why have you been hiding out?"

"I haven't been hiding out. I've been… occupied."

"With?"

Jake blushed and he never blushed, Bella was intrigued. She rolled her hand gesturing for him to proceed.

"Nothing specific." Jake ran his hands through his hair and dropped his head back against the back of the couch. "I'm just trying to… I need space to get over you, Bella."

Bella couldn't describe the relief she felt. She was grateful that her words had sunk in. On the other hand, she was disappointed that for him to get over his crush, their friendship had been put on hold. "Oh, okay. Did it work?"

"It's not going to happen overnight, Bella."

Bella's face fell. For some reason she didn't understand, she felt guilty. "Look Jake, I'm sorry things couldn't work out the way you wanted. I am sorry that I was kind of harsh the last time we talked. But, I'm really glad you are trying, because you are one of my best friends and I don't want to lose you."

Jake's face was suddenly an open book with options that ran through in his mind. First, he looked at the door as if he wanted to run. Then he eyed Bella and a mischievous look filled his eyes. Before Bella could analyze the expression, it was gone. Finally, he shook his head in an expression of defeat. "As much as I think the best thing for me to do is to leave… I can't do it. I don't want to lose your friendship either. Besides, I'm worried about you. You haven't looked like yourself lately."

Bella gnawed into her lower lip. She knew why she was not looking like herself; unfortunately she couldn't discuss her personal life with Jake. "I'm fine. Just tired lately, that's all.

"You know, even though I'm not a fan of… you being taken, I could handle it if you needed to talk about anything regarding… _him_." Bella sucked in a breath ready to lecture Jake, when he rushed on. "I wouldn't say a word; I would just let you talk. Then we wouldn't have to consider it a breach of my oath."

Bella smirked at Jake's reference to the oath he'd just made. Unsure of her capability to talk about Edward without falling apart, made her reluctant to talk about her enormous amount of problems involving her relationship. She also didn't fully trust Jake's motives regarding Edward. However, she knew that Jake really was her friend and probably worried about her, so she wanted to help him understand her sorrows… partially. "Edward was hurt."

Jake sat up straight in the couch and turned toward Bella. "How bad?"

"We aren't going to talk about this Jake. I've told you why I might seem down lately and you don't need to know anything beyond that," Bella snapped.

"Geez, Bella. Calm down."

"I'm sorry. I'm just… I really worry about him and I don't need you asking questions playing like you are concerned, when really you are thrilled he could be out of the picture."

The room felt like an awkward elephant stood in the room with its trunk swinging between the two of them.

"Bella," Jake's voice had dropped an octave when he whispered her name. "No matter how much I might wish you were available, I would never celebrate a wounded soldier." Bella didn't respond. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"I do, I'm sorry." Bella rubbed her temples. One of the side effects of Bella's pregnancy was that she felt like she'd lost control of her filter system. Combine that with her constant paranoia over everything regarding Edward, it made for an evil combination.

The tension in the room was building at record speed. Jake didn't want things to turn awkward, so he decided to try and take the conversation back to what was comfortable between the two of them. "We should go running right now," Jake spoke excitedly.

Bella shook her head no. "I'm really tired lately. I'm usually in bed by eight these days. Between teaching, work, and class, it's about all I can handle."

"How are you going to be ready for the marathon if you don't train?"

"Yeah… about that… I'm not going to be able to do the marathon."

"What? Why?"

"I just… I don't… " Bella was horrible about lying on demand and she couldn't very well tell him she would be more than three months pregnant. "I'm nowhere near ready and like I said, I'm so tired. It's not fun anymore." Bella shrugged. Jake started to say something, but Bella spoke over him. "Don't worry; I'll still cover the cost. Maybe if I'm not replaced, I'll still come and be everyone's cheerleader."

Jake tried to smother a laugh and gave Bella a knowing look.

Rolling her eyes, Bella responded, "Okay, I'll never be a cheerleader, but I'd give you guys high five's as you finish the race."

"I'll see if one of my friends can take your place. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks." Bella yawned three times in a row. "I'm sorry."

Jake looked at the clock. "It looks like it's past your bed time anyways. I'll head out."

Bella glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly nine. "I'm glad you came over, Jake. I've missed having you annoy me."

"Hey, it's what I do." He grabbed onto the doorknob. "I'll see you later."

Bella didn't miss the defeated look she saw on Jake's face as he stood to leave. "Bye, thanks for the Diet Coke."

"Sure."

xxx

Bella sank down into a warm bubble bath in hopes of relaxing her tense muscles. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the porcelain of the tub and let her thoughts run wild. When she allowed herself to really daydream, it was always her and Edward. She pictured them in a home of their own, a gold band on her ring finger, Edward asleep on the couch with their baby asleep on his chest. Most importantly, she always felt completely happy and fulfilled.

Bella snapped from her reverie when she felt hot tears stream down her cheeks. Slowly her fingers disappeared under the water and slide down her flat stomach, drifting lower her hand came to rest on the slightly raised and firm abdomen. Her growing womb would never be noticeable to anyone else, but Bella could feel the difference in her body. The reminder sent a terrifying delight through her.

In the lowest whisper, Bella spoke to her baby for the first time. "When am I going to feel you move baby? I know you're growing and I'm so excited. It seems strange, but I already love you so much and I haven't even met you. I don't know if I will be a very good mom, but I am going to try really hard to be perfect for you. Your dad doesn't even know you are coming yet. I know he will love you. He's a Marine, which means he sacrifices everything to protect our country so that you will have a wonderful and safe place to live when you are born. I hope that when your daddy gets back, we will be a family and we…" Bella's voice broke.

Reaching to the floor, Bella grabbed her towel, pushed it against her mouth, and allowed herself to cry. Really cry, without any resistance. The minutes passed as she poured out all of the sadness and worry she had been holding in. When she had gained her composure, she got out of the tub and wrapped herself in the tear filled towel, making her way back to her room.

Sitting at her desk, Bella pulled out a blue sheet of stationary and wrote a quick letter to Edward.

_Edward,_

_I love you!_

_I miss you!_

_I We need you!_

_Yours,_

_Bella_

Bella wasn't even sure if he received or read his letters, but until he told her to stop, she would still send them. She folded the paper, slid it into the envelope, and sealed it. Quickly she scribbled out an address and placed it on the corner of her desk. Not even bothering to dress, she slid between her sheets and fell fast asleep.

xxx

"I'm proud of you Edward. You handled the interactions with your comrades perfectly. How do you feel now? What's the aftermath like?" Dr. Call asked.

"I feel a great deal of relief now that Sergeant Clearwater told me everyone else is safe and Yasin is dead. The guilt of what could have happened on that mission has been lifted."

"What about what Lieutenant McCarty told you?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders.

"Do you think there is truth to what he said?" She nudged.

"Some."

"Did you do what he asked?"

"I opened one."

"Do you want to tell me what it said?"

Edward shook his head. "I didn't read it."

"Why?"

"I started to feel like I couldn't breathe when I pulled it from the envelope."

"Would it help if I read it to you, or if I was here while you read it?"

Edward wondered if that would make a difference. "I don't know."

"Edward, I feel strongly this is something that needs to be resolved before you return to the States in two days. This seems to be the one remaining road block to recovery." Edward didn't respond so Dr. Call proceeded. "From what you've shared, it sounds like this woman clearly loves you. She is planning your lives together. You can put her off while recovering in Germany, but I am confident that she will seek you out when she knows you are back home. Don't you think it would be wise to face this now with me, than be blindsided when she shows up on your doorstep?"

Edward's mind reeled. Of course Dr. Call was right. Overcoming his fears and concerns would be easier with Dr. Call and without having to look into Bella's beautiful brown eyes, but he was terrified. Of what? "Dr. Call… I don't know why I am so… scared."

"Edward, you have been guarding yourself against _everything_ because of your trauma. That is a very natural response. Sergeant Clearwater has relieved you of your greatest stress. The flashbacks and nightmares, they will be with you a long time and there is no amount of holding your feelings in that will make that stop. You're only holding back your feelings for Bella now, and I believe… your friend is right. You are still in self-preservation mode because you are afraid Bella isn't going to want you anymore. I feel sure that is not going to be the case, but of course there are no guarantees. Your methods aren't fair to you or Bella anymore. Let's face this, just as you faced your fears regarding the mission."

Edward felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. Emmett had been right. Edward was selfish. How could he have been hurting Bella this way? That's not what love is, love is supposed to be selfless. But, what if one of these letters told him she was done. He wasn't sure if he could recover from that. What would he have to go home to?

"Let's just take it one letter at a time."

Edward nodded.

Dr. Call took the envelope from the top of the stack that had already been opened and handed it to Edward. "From the postage stamp, it looks like this one was sent just last week, February fifth."

Edward had been aware of the date. He couldn't believe it had been over two months since he'd seen Bella. It had been too long since he'd had her in his arms, but yet he could recall her scent as if she'd just been in the room. He took slow cleansing breaths as he unfolded the paper.

"Good, Edward. Breathe through any tension you start to feel. Go as slow as you need to and you can stop at any time."

His eyes clung to Bella's curly penmanship as he tried to read the words she'd written to him. The strain in his eye was painful and there were too many blurred spots. He handed the letter back to Dr. Call.

"Can you read it for me?"

"Of course," she said with her voice full of compassion. She cleared her throat and began to read aloud to Edward.

_Edward,_

_How are you feeling? I hope that every day you are feeling better. I ask God in my daily prayers that you will heal quickly and return home to me. I can't wait until I can be the one to take care of you instead of some beautiful blond German nurse._

Dr. Call stifled a laugh, but Edward didn't notice. Edward lost himself in thought over how absurd Bella's image of herself was. Every woman he'd ever seen paled in comparison to his Bella.

_Rosalie and Tessa came up and visited me_ _for the weekend. It was so nice to snuggle my sweet girl… I mean the baby and not Rosalie. _

Edward smiled, he loved her humor.

_We took her to the zoo, granted she has no idea what we are looking at, but it was still fun. We went to the observatory afterward and I sat there looking at the stars and moon. It gave me such comfort to know that somewhere you are under the same blanket of lights as me. Suddenly, it made me feel like you weren't so far away._

A tear streamed down Edward's face and his pulse accelerated. This letter was only written a week ago and she still wanted him. He hadn't responded to her in two months. If she wanted to, she could have ended their correspondence and nobody would have blamed her. But, she didn't, she still wrote to him. Before Edward allowed himself to get too excited, he reminded himself that she didn't know the extent of what she would be dealing with yet.

_Valentine's Day is in a little over a week. Alice is driving me nuts wondering what she should do for Jasper. While she is obsessive in her preparations, it is a welcome break from her interferences with my clothing. Although, she is very excited about the prospect of replacing my wardrobe in a month or two… for a graduation dress and work clothes._

Poor Bella. Alice was a handful, but Edward was grateful Bella had her.

_My life is pretty boring right now. I just work, go to school, teach, and sleep. I'm too tired for much more than that. Because of that, I feel like I never have anything interesting to tell you. My letters must be so boring._

Never.

_Oh, I did go to the doctor the other day._

Why was she going to the doctor? Was she okay?

_I want you to know that I have put on five pounds. It's all that damn comfort food I am eating while you are gone. So, you only have yourself to blame if you get home and I really do weight five hundred pounds._

Edward laughed out loud remembering their first letters to each other. She had really made him think she was a… large woman. Edward froze in place and realized that was the first time he'd laughed in two months.

His eyes darted toward Dr. Call; her face was covered in a proud smile.

_Well, I better get going. I love you, Edward. I'm here if you ever want to talk or write. I know you are going through things I can never understand, but I'll be there for you in any capacity that I can. I just want to love you, Edward. It's what I'm good at._

_I think of you more than I should._

Edward's heart tugged at her use of a confession he'd once used.

_Yours Always,_

_Bella_

The wall Edward built was gone. It didn't crumble, or burst, or explode, it just simply vanished. Edward was filled with all of the love he'd felt for Bella before the accident. His head was suddenly cleared of the dreary cloud that hung over him. He felt physically stronger, not so defeated. He looked over at Dr. Call with a new determination.

She smiled and asked, "You ready to get through this?"

"Yeah."

"Let's get started."

xxx

"Alice, come on, we're going to be late."

"Just a minute, I'm just trying to find the right shoes."

"Oh my gosh, we are going to an OBGYN. They look at vaginas not shoes. I refuse to be late for my appointment."

"Okay, okay, geez you really are turning into a mom, aren't you?" Alice whined as she walked into the living room.

Bella smiled at the thought. Her phone vibrated in her purse and she pulled it out. As she glanced at the caller ID, her eyes grew wide and tears started to fill her eyes. It was a German phone number.

xxx

Lynelle, you're the best of the best, what can I say.

Thank you for all of your lovely reviews and for all of my new readers for alerting this story. You guys have no idea the thrill I get from your reviews and messages. I have the best readers ever!


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Some of my reviewers expressed confusion about Bella's last letter to Edward. One of the lines in the letter said, "I We need you!" That was not a typo. For some reason fanfiction won't show the dash I have running through the "I". She initially wrote "I" and then changed her mind— crossing it out— and wrote we. I hope that clears things up.

xxx

"What is it? What's wrong?" Alice asked, her voice laced with concern. In one stride she was at Bella's side with her hands braced on her friend's shoulders.

Bella tilted the cell phone screen in Alice's direction. "It's a German phone number."

"Answer it," Alice squealed while the phone shrilled a third time.

With trembling fingers and more anticipation than she'd ever experienced, Bella pressed the green button. The beating of her heart had accelerated to a dangerous speed. She could feel sweat starting to bead on her forehead. A lump the size of a boulder was forming in her throat. Using all the strength she could muster, Bella worked to slow her unbridled emotions. It could be Emmett or possibly Esme— maybe she ended up going to Germany after all— it wasn't necessarily Edward.

"Hello," she answered in a quivering voice.

There was an extended moment of silence. Bella assumed it was the delay of a transcontinental phone call, but then it dragged on longer than it should have. In the deepest crevices of her gut, Bella knew it was Edward. Why wasn't he answering?

"Hello," she repeated again with an added strength in her voice.

"Bella?"

That one word, that single whispered sound coming from the smoothest, most velvety voice Bella had ever heard, caused her heart to soar. There was an unfamiliar hesitance and strain with his word— that was completely not Edward— but there was no doubt it was him. No other voice could instantly soothe and thrill her at the same time. There wasn't a sound on earth that could release a cage full of butterflies in her stomach. Nothing could cause her heart to swell against her ribcage, cover her flesh in goose bumps, and instantaneously spread an uncontrollable grin over the expanse of her face, with just two syllables. The throat clearing noise dragged Bella from her absorbed thoughts; a perfect world where she and Edward lived only for each other.

"Bella?" Edward asked more forcefully.

"I can't believe it's you," Bella answered in wonder. "I've been anticipating this so long and now I don't know what to say. I've missed you so much. Just hearing your voice has healed an open wound in my chest." Bella couldn't keep the cheesy smile off her face as she followed Alice out to the car.

Bella could hear a labored breath being released from Edward's mouth. "Yeah, I know what you mean. It's been a long time."

"Too long," Bella quickly agreed.

"Yeah… I'm sorry about that."

"What happened?"

"A lot, but I can't really explain it right now, Bella." Bella's brows furrowed together, wondering why he wouldn't be able to tell her everything. "I've just… I've been through hell and back and… my head hasn't been on straight. I... I still don't know how well I am." Frustration oozed from every word Edward spoke.

Unsure of how to respond or what he needed, she said, "I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do." Bella would do anything for Edward, and her heart ached for him.

"Me too."

"Are you going to be okay? I've only heard bits and pieces of what has happened to you."

A quick and cynical chuckle sounded through the receiver. "In some ways… yes, I'm going to be okay. In other ways… no."

Bella's stomach started to turn. The distance in Edward's voice made him sound more like a stranger than a lover. It made her feel uneasy. "Are you going to be more specific?"

"Most of my left leg was shattered. I have lost almost all vision in my left eye. And the entire left side of my body is covered in stitches. I looked like I was attacked by a damn pack of felines." In all of the contact she and Edward had had, never once had he spoken with such… what was it? Was it anger, fear, pain, resentment, annoyance, or dread?

"You're alive."

"Yeah," Edward whispered. "That's what everyone says." That comment took her back to a letter that Edward had written. He had expressed how much he hated it when people would say, "You're too good for her." He probably detested being given this reminder that he was alive, just as much as the other, maybe even more. "Bella, I'm also… I've been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," Edward's emotion was now clear. It was shame.

"I know." Bella said as sympathetically as possible.

"How do you know?" Edward asked, shocked.

"You're mom told me. Didn't you get my letter?" Bella was confused.

"You talked to my mom?"

"Yes, when I didn't hear from you, I panicked. I sort of hunted her down and she told me what she knew. I told you that in my letter."

"I uh… I haven't read all of your letters yet."

"Because of your eye?" Bella asked understandingly. She released her seat belt as Alice pulled into a parking spot at the medical center.

"No," Edward breathed.

"Were you not getting mail?"

"Yes, I was getting mail."

Bella was completely confused as to why Edward hadn't read her letters and was getting frustrated with his vagueness. "Then why haven't you read my letters yet?"

"Bella, it's complicated."

"What's complicated?" Bella's voice escalated. She wanted to scream, _Then explain it to me so it's not complicated!_ She could feel Alice's worried eyes on her.

"PTSD, messed me up. I'm just dealing with the mess, that's my life, in my own way."

"I understand." Bella's lip began to quiver and her teeth bit down onto it trying to keep composure. She could feel him drifting further and further away and it scared her. "And, I'm part of that _mess_ you have to deal with?"

"I didn't say that, Bella."

"Well, Edward, you've put me off for several months and apparently didn't even want to hear from me on paper. I don't think I'm reading too much into that statement."

"There's a lot you can't understand."

Bella couldn't respond or she would break into hysterics in a very crowded doctor's office.

"Are you there?" Edward asked with remorse.

"Mmmhmm."

Edward let out a sigh of aggravation. "I wish you could understand. It's not you, it's me."

Bella sucked in a breath of air. She absolutely detested that phrase. It was never true. "Then talk to me so I can understand. I feel like we are running in circles here."

"I can't. Not right now."

"I can't help but feel like you are trying to push me away." Alice's arm wrapped around Bella's shoulders and began to soothingly rub down Bella's arm. Bella was amazed at how the rhythmic motion slowed her racing heart.

"I didn't mean for you to feel that way." Edward released a small growl from deep in his chest. "I should have waited to call you after I got home. It was too soon to call."

Too soon? Was he insane? It felt like it had been an eternity since she heard from him. His words were like a constant punch to the chest, making her feel like the air was slowly being sucked from her lungs. "When is that… when are you coming home?"

"I leave in a few hours."

Bella gasped, "Are you coming back to Pendleton? When do you get here? When should I co—"

"Bella, as great as it would be to see you, I think I need a little time to adjust… alone."

Stunned into silence, Bella didn't say a word.

"Bella, are you there?"

She couldn't respond. Where was this coming from? How had this conversation taken such a dreadfully wrong turn? It started so well, they talked about missing each other and them lov… suddenly, Bella took pause. Her mind raced through the conversation they'd had, searching for a moment when he said "I love you," or "I miss you." He'd only said he needed time before he saw her and that he hadn't read her letters. She felt like her worst nightmare was coming true.

A female voice interrupted her internal horror. "Bella Swan?" The nurse was calling Bella back to see the doctor.

"Who was that?" Edward's voice sounded through her phone.

There was no way she was going to tell him about this baby, not now. "Nobody, I have to go."

"Bella, wait."

"Edward, I really have to go. Someone is waiting on me. I'm glad you're safe."

"Who's waiting on you? Can't they wait? I'm calling from Germany!"

"No, they can't. I'm sorry. Have a safe trip home, Edward. I love you." She didn't wait for him to _not_ return the sentiment. She hung up and shoved the phone into her purse and walked toward the nurse waiting in the doorway. Her teeth dug into her lip so hard, she drew blood as she tried to control the tears screaming to be released. Alice followed close behind with a supportive hand on her back.

xxx

Dr. Call poked her head into Edward's room, worry filling her appearance. Edward knew that it was due to the fact that in all the time he had been her patient, not once had he called for her… until now. Edward could sense her hesitation as she walked into the room, never taking her eyes off of him.

"How's it going, Edward?"

Edward's chest was rising and falling at a pace that was definitely unhealthy and his body was trembling. Without looking at her he answered, "I ruined it. I ruined everything."

"What did you ruin?"

"Bella."

"You called her?" She asked. Edward nodded. "And?"

With a trembling voice, Edward answered, "I don't know what happened. One minute I felt like I was going to burst at the seams with happiness at the sound of her voice. Then the next minute, I was shutting down and trying to create distance between us. Then like the jack-ass I am, I told her not to come see me. And the frustrating thing is that I have no idea why. One minute I was fine, the next I was flooded with anxiety. It was like someone else was talking, using me as a mouthpiece and I had no control… she sounded broken. I hurt her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do."

"Edward, you need to relax." Edward noticed for the first time that Dr. Call had her index and middle fingers resting on the vein inside of his wrist. "Your heart rate is at a dangerous level. Do you want me to get you some medication?" Edward nodded. He felt her reach over him and push the call button for the nurse. "Edward, you are overcoming so much, so quickly. I am not surprised that your nerves started going into emergency-shutdown-mode. I am very proud of you for having the strength to try and correct your life. It might just be too much, too fast."

The nurse walked into the room and Dr. Call gave instruction to the nurse and then the woman in scrubs disappeared from the room again.

"What are you thinking about right now?" She asked in the soothing voice she used when she tried to get Edward to let down his walls. Edward could only imagine what he looked like, as he stared off into space thinking about what had just occurred.

The thought of hurting Bella was ripping him apart inside. He would much rather be receiving the pain from her, than be the one causing her pain. A hiccup cry escaped Edward's throat and he crushed his fist over his mouth to stifle the sounds of his heaving emotions. Dr. Call waited patiently, giving Edward time to respond. "I'm a horrible person. She would do anything for me. She loves me, and I basically threw it back in her face."

"I'm sure you are being tougher on yourself than you need to be."

With a shaking head, Edward said, "No, I was that bad. I didn't tell her I missed her, that I loved her, or that I needed her… nothing. All I told her was that I hadn't read her letters, I didn't want her to come to me for a while, and I shut her out when she asked about my condition."

The nurse returned to the room with some fresh water and a little cup carrying the medication. "Here, Edward, take these," Dr. Call whispered.

Edward obeyed, took the two pills and the cup full of liquid his physician offered and then turned away from her.

"Edward, it was normal to shut down when asked about your illness. It is a very personal and sensitive circumstance for you to talk about. You cannot be held accountable for that. However, why did you not express your feelings for her?"

"I don't know. I didn't even realize I hadn't said them until I got off the phone."

"Why did you end the call before you said what you had intended?"

"I didn't, she did," Edward answered as pain seared through his chest again.

"Did she hang up on you?"

"She should have." He finally looked over at the woman trying to help him through his issues. "No, she had to go. Someone was calling her." Unease filled his countenance, and then he asked, "Didn't she say she had been to the doctor in one of the letters you had read me?" Dr. Call thought for a moment and then nodded. "Just now it sounded like she was being called back, like in a doctor's office." Edward was perplexed. Bella was a perfectly healthy woman. Why would she be at the doctor's office twice in such a short period of time?

Pulling Edward from his thoughts, Dr. Call asked, "Why do you think she was at the doctor's office again?"

"I don't know."

"Does she have any medical problems?"

"No."

"Did her brother say that anything had happened to her?"

"No, and I didn't give her a chance to tell me if there was something wrong." Edward could feel that this was a moment that would normally have sent him spiraling into an anxiety attack, but he could feel the medication doing its job.

"You could call her back if you think it will help."

Edward shook his head vigorously. "No, I don't want to hurt her again. This is exactly why I had wanted to keep my distance in the first place."

"There are things you could do to help make it easier the next time."

"Like what?" Edward snapped.

"You could make a few notes ahead of time of things you want to say. This will help in case you start to feel overwhelmed or at a loss for words. It will also help you to make sure you convey what you intended. It might also be a good idea to make the call once you have had your medication. It would help keep you calm and relaxed. You could also tell her in the beginning of the conversation what things are off the table in terms of discussion topics."

Edward nodded. Her advice had yet to fail him; she was very wise and good at her job. With her help, Edward had progressed leaps and bounds in such a short time. He was sure that her suggestions would help. However, he was still unsure if he wanted to go out on a limb again.

"Would you stay… if I called?" Edward instantly felt ridiculous for asking. "Never mind."

"Edward, I will stay if you need me to. However, I really believe if you make some notes and call her now, while you are calm..." Edward knew that was a kind way of saying medicated. "…you will be much more successful this time." Edward nodded in agreement and she stood to leave. "I need to go and see other patients. I will be by again before your departure."

"Thank you, Dr. Call."

"You're welcome. Edward, while I am in full support of you moving forward with Bella, I can't help but be worried that maybe you are trying to move on and take on too much too quickly. Your health is the most important thing for you to focus on right now. If you sense at all that contacting Bella is too much or that you are regressing in your progress, maybe you should wait." Edward started to speak and Dr. Call raised her hand stopping him. "Let me finish. I'm not saying don't try and work things out, because I think cutting her out of your life was a mistake. I am just advising that it might be a good idea to take baby steps. Maybe go back to letters for a while. It will be easier for you to express your feelings and gradually step back into the relationship instead of diving in head first. And, Edward, it is very important that you explain this to her. Help her understand why it is hard for you to speak on the phone. Let her know that while you love her and want to work on the relationship, you need to fix yourself first. Okay?"

Edward nodded, "Of course."

"But, Edward, only you can know what you are capable of sustaining. Follow your instincts."

Edward nodded his head in agreement. Running through his options and thinking about all that Dr. Call had just counseled him, Edward made several decisions. One, writing letters was probably a good idea. He felt a hundred percent comfortable with that decision. Two, he would put off further conversations until after he had explained himself to Bella on paper. Three, he would call right now, while he knew she wouldn't answer and apologize to her via voicemail. Edward grabbed the pad of paper and pen at his bedside and wrote down what he wanted to say in his message to Bella.

_I love you_

_I'm sorry_

_I do need you_

_I will write you_

He read over the list and then traced his pencil over the words "I love you" several times. He was so confused by his feelings. He loved Bella more than anything. He didn't want to live a life without her, but here was something inside of him holding him back. It didn't feel safe yet. He was confident that if he could have a little more time and help her to understand what he was going through, everything would work out.

Grabbing the cell phone that lay at his side, Edward calmed his nerves and hit the redial button. Placing the phone up to his ear, Edward took a deep breath just as he would before starting a mission. The phone went directly to voicemail, just as Edward had expected. He opened and closed his mouth several times not knowing how to start. Finally, he looked down at his notes and then spoke.

"Bella, I'm sorry for my behavior during our last phone call. There is so much I need to say to you, but for some reason putting what I feel into words is difficult right now. I was hoping that maybe it would be okay if we wrote a few letters before we spoke again. I know it's selfish of me to ask that of you, but I am trying really hard, and this is a possible solution my therapist and I came up with. I need you to be patient with me, to support me, and to love me. Because… Bella… I love you more than anything in this world. I never want to hurt you and I worry that if we rushed into things before I was better—" A long shrill of a beep cut Edward off and he hung up.

Feeling defeated, Edward dropped his head back on his pillow and groaned. He had so much to tell her, so many things he was feeling, so much he felt like he couldn't verbally explain. Then he realized he couldn't sit here feeling sorry for himself or wait for a miracle. He had to move forward with the next part of his plan. Pulling his food tray toward his body, he raised it up as high as it would go, sitting at chest level. He placed his notepad on the table sliding it all the way to the right side so that it was directly in line with his better eye. With a pen in hand he began a letter to the girl who had made him feel whole before and hoped together they could make him feel that way again.

xxx

"Are you ready to see this baby?" The ultrasound technician asked.

Alice squealed at Bella's side. Bella felt like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She couldn't believe she was actually going to see her baby. The excitement was hardly bearable. On the other hand she ached to have Edward there. In turn, the thought of Edward squelched her excitement. She hated everything about their phone call. She hated the obvious barrier he was placing between them. She hated that she couldn't share with him this amazing development in her life— their lives. Mostly she hated the way it ended and the way it made her feel. She was torn between wishing he'd never called and hopeful that his call meant more than he had expressed.

"Bella?" Alice asked with concern written all over her face. Bella blinked several times and then smiled at her loyal friend. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Bella acknowledged the technician and smiled. "I'm sorry." Then directing her attention back to Alice she asked, "Are you ready to tape this?"

Alice nodded and smiled. Bella returned her attention to the technician. "I'm ready."

At the last ultrasound, the baby had looked like nothing more than a peanut. Bella had been extremely let down. She hadn't done any research or read any books on pregnancy at that point and was not prepared not to see a baby on the screen. She and Alice had made jokes about it since then and the baby was now known as "the peanut." This also allowed them to be more discreet when discussing the topic in public, since Bella hadn't told anyone else she was expecting. Bella had done her research this time and knew that the baby would actually look like… well a baby.

Bella jumped when the cold goo was squirted onto her skin, followed by the probe spreading it all around her lower stomach. Bella laid with her eyes focused on the screen and her breath held while the technician searched to pick up a heartbeat. The rhythmic whooshing sounds of the fetus's livelihood filled the room and Bella allowed herself to breathe.

"Ah, here we go." The male voice announced as his finger pointed at the screen. "There is the baby's head." Bella's face was immersed in a glowing smile. "Here's an arm." The technician's finger drew a line over the visible limb. Bella's heart was swelling in her chest. She couldn't believe the amount of love she already felt for this little baby.

"Can you tell what gender the baby is yet?" Alice asked curiously.

"No it's too early." He directed his attention to Bella. "Are you going to find out the gender of your baby?"

"Yes!" Alice squealed.

Bella's head whipped around toward her friend, but before she could say anything, the sonographer spoke with a slight chuckle. "I'm afraid it's not your decision."

Both sets of eyes looked at Bella and she shook her head. "No, I don't want to know."

"What?" Alice practically screamed.

"Alice," Bella chastised in a whisper. "What if Edward doesn't want to know? I could end up slipping up and telling him. And, what if he does want to know, I would want him to be there when we find out… and I don't know if he will be by then."

"Bella…" Alice said sadly. "I don't think you should make your decision based on him. What do _you_ want?"

Bella could hear the words Alice wasn't saying, "What if he doesn't come around? What if things don't work out? What if he doesn't even want this baby?" Bella started to let the fear and sadness take over and then she pushed it way with all of her strength. He would come around, she had to believe that.

"Hey, you are the one that told me I would not be a single mom. You said you knew I wouldn't be alone." Bella quirked an eyebrow at her friend in challenge. "I'm holding you to that."

Alice smiled. "You're right. I'm sorry." She shrugged and then let out a sad sigh. "I just really want to start shopping."

"We will soon enough. By the end of the day I can't even button my jeans. I think we are going to have to go maternity shopping shortly."

"Yay," she cheered. "Can we go tonight?"

The technician cleared his throat, pulling Alice and Bella from their own world. They had both almost forgotten where they were and that they weren't alone. "I'm sorry," Bella apologized for the second time.

With a smile on his face, the man proceeded to show Bella all of the organs and parts of her baby. After many measurements and photos, Bella was going home with the assurance that a perfect and healthy baby was growing inside of her.

xxx

Bella sat quietly in the passenger seat on their way home from the doctor's office. She was content to be lost in her thoughts, staring at the pictures of her unborn child. She hoped he looked like Edward.

Bella's mouth fell open in shock, realizing that was the first time she had ever used the word "he" when referring to her baby.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Alice asked.

"Nothing, I just… I just thought of the baby as a boy and it took me off guard."

"Well, I hope your mother's intuition is wrong, because shopping for a girl will be much more fun."

Bella quirked a smile and then went back to staring at the pictures.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What?" Bella asked.

"About the conversation with Edward." Bella gnawed at her lip. "You know I'm a great listener."

"You are. You've been an amazing friend to me, Alice. I feel like I have known you my whole life and yet it's only been months."

"Yeah, but it's a friendship that will last forever. Now come on, what happened?"

Bella ran her fingers through her hair. "He was distant. He didn't want to open up to me. He admitted he hadn't even read my letters." Alice gasped from the driver's seat. "He said he's coming home today—

Alice practically screamed, "What?"

"But he thought it would be best if we didn't see each other for a little while."

"Why?" Alice demanded in frustration.

"He needs time to recover. He's probably right." Bella said in a defeated tone. "I've researched PTSD, and this is completely normal. I just, when I envisioned our first phone call, it was way far off the mark from what I got. He didn't even say he loved me," Bella cried.

Alice grabbed onto her friends hand. "He'll come around. He'd be crazy not to. You are an amazing chica."

Bella couldn't help but giggle at her friend. "I think we need a gas station stop, I need some caffeine-free-diet-Coke."

"Absolutely. Except, I'm getting the hard stuff. I'm not with child." Both girls laughed as Alice flipped a u-turn to go back for their much needed beverages.

xxx

The 775th Expeditionary Aeromedical Evacuation Flight was a godsend to Edward. Instead of coming home in the standard transports that the military usually go home in, Edward was sent in a special aircraft that worked with the needs of injured soldiers, allowing their trip home to be as comfortable as possible. His discomfort and pain were minimal.

It had been difficult for Edward to say goodbye to Dr. Call. She had done so much for him and had prepared him for his return home. However, he still felt terrified leaving her. What if he and his new doctor didn't connect the way he and Dr. Call had? She reassured him that he was going to be fine, and hugged him tightly just before they transported him from his room.

Edward now sat propped up on a stretcher with Bella's letters spread across his lap. He had read and reread every one. His heart was full of the love and devotion this woman had for him. He was also flooded with guilt knowing he hadn't done the same for her. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to her, if he could only get himself together. He wanted to be the man she fell in love with and he knew there was a long road ahead before he was there yet. He could handle the physical damage; he knew that wouldn't matter to Bella. He had become even more accepting of his circumstances when one of the Generals had spoken to him about job opportunities within the military and government— assuming his cornea transplant was a success. He couldn't handle not being able to support Bella. He just needed to get past the mental and emotional trauma he was still dealing with. There was still a part of him that worried about harming her or shutting down mentally and making her life a living hell. Edward's hand slid into the inside of his jacket and his thumb and pointer finger clasped at the silky camisole he had taken from Bella so many months ago and began to toy with the fabric. The action soothed him and sent his mind back to all of the times they had shared together.

Edward shifted from his thoughts as he felt the plane making its decent. His stomach tightened and his palms clenched as he faced the reality of coming home and what his new life held for him.

xxx

It had been three days since Bella had first listened to her voicemail from Edward. Three days of grinning, analyzing, and memorizing every word he'd spoken. Of all the words he said, the ones that stood out, the ones that really mattered, were, "I love you." No matter the trials, no matter the time, Bella could endure it as long as he loved her.

She was listening to said message when Alice knocked on her door. "Come in."

"Oh gosh, please tell me you are not listening to that message, again!" Alice was completely exasperated by the constant swooning. "Well hopefully what I bring will help to cut back on your patheticness."

"What did you bring?" Bella asked, laughing at her friend and setting down her phone.

Alice removed her hand from behind her back and held out a letter. Bella practically flew from the bed with hand outstretched to grab the rectangular paper.

Alice released the letter and said, "I'm only giving you this so easily, because I don't want the Peanut to be injured in your desperate attempts to get that little treasure." Alice knew that Bella wasn't listening to a word she said and retreated from the room.

In one swift motion, Bella dropped to the floor leaning her back against the bed and tore open her letter.

_Dearest Bella,_

_My therapist suggested that letter writing might be a good solution for us until I am able to better communicate my feelings. I figured that was a pretty great idea since that is how our journey together began._

_I have so much to say, but before I can tell you how I feel or even begin to apologize, I need you to know what has happened to me. _

_Hours after I finished writing my last letter to you, my Special Ops team was sent on a risky mission. Things didn't go as planned and I ended up being a little too close to a grenade explosion. Shrapnel tore up my flesh down the entire left side of my body._

Bella gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

_The shrapnel also destroyed my knee cap and part of my femur. _

Her stomach began to turn.

_The worst damage for me was my eyes. My right eye has minor damage. I can still see with some spots of blurriness. My left eye, however, is completely useless._

Nausea filled her stomach; she thought she might throw up.

_I am on a list for a cornea transplant and if that goes well, I will be good as new, well… newish. I am also suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am not going to go into the details of that, you can research what it is if you'd like. Basically, once at the hospital I retreated within and wouldn't allow myself to feel anything._

Empathy filled Bella and her heart broke for the love of her life. She wished more than anything she could have been there for him. She wanted there to be away to take away some of his pain for him.

_I couldn't handle the emotions and flashbacks of my time in Afghanistan. I couldn't handle the idea that my career was over, the feeling that I was useless, and I would never be worth anything again. I convinced myself that you would never want me in my condition and I thought you deserved more. Not wanting to deal with any of these fears, I tucked them deep into my soul and built a wall around them so I wouldn't feel anything. Unfortunately, that included you. It had to include you because you make me feel more than anything else. _

Tears were pouring down Bella's cheeks.

_Closing you off also meant not reading your letters, not accepting your calls, and not thinking about you… ever. Every once in a while, my heart begged my mind to enjoy the memories of you and they would try and escape but my heart would ache so badly so I would quickly lock it back away._

She couldn't understand his logic, but she understood him. Suddenly, she wasn't so hurt by his severing of their ties.

_Through time, therapy, medication, and some visits from friends (including your brother)…_

A puzzled look came over Bella's face. Why hadn't Emmett said anything to her_?_

… _I was able to make great progress while in Germany. I am not healed yet, Bella. Not by any means. I won't be able to walk on my own for many months. My scars won't ever go away. My night terrors may stay with me for the rest of my life. I may have moments of depression and shut down throughout my life. I will probably be on medication for a long time. These are all things I have almost come to terms with. I hope that you will too. I don't want you to feel any sense of obligation toward me. If this is not what you had in mind for a husband and this more than you want to live with, tell me now and I will understand._

Was he insane? There wasn't a human, past, present, or future that would ever be for her other than him. She wanted him broken or not. She also knew Edward. He was a strong man. He would endure and then overcome any obstacle in his path.

_After your brother left, I read a few of your letters. Well, my doctor read a couple for me. I hope you don't mind._

Bella's teeth dug into her lip hoping the nurse hadn't read any of the letters where she had attempted her horrible job of dirty talk.

_Hearing your words allowed all of my feelings for you to burst from their confinement. That was when I called you. I was emotionally prepared to hear from you, but I wasn't prepared to talk about me and that is why I panicked and shut down. _

More understanding engulfed Bella.

_I hope you can understand that it had nothing to do with you. It is all about me learning to cope with the "new me." I'm sorry, so sorry, for the way I treated you. Emotional problems or not, that was an awful way to treat you. I hope that you can forgive me and allow me another chance to make it up to you._

The thought running through Bella's head was, "He can make it up to me anytime, anyway, and any place."

_So that is my sad story, and I don't want to talk about it anymore in this letter. If you have questions, or concerns regarding my illness, please ask me in letters. It seems to be a lot easier for me to communicate my feelings about it this way as opposed to the phone._

_How are you doing? I am a little worried about you. Not about you gaining five pounds…_

It's up to ten now buddy, Bella laughed.

…_but I am concerned that you had mentioned going to the doctor and then it seemed like you were at the doctor's when we spoke. Is everything okay? You have me slightly troubled._

_I love you Bella! I love you more every day that you are a part of my life. Your letters were inspirational to me. I don't know how I can ever thank you for your diligence and loyalty toward me. There are many women that move on the minute their men are gone, then there are those that move on when they don't hear from their soldiers, and there are women who run for the hills when they hear that their hero has been injured beyond repair. You never did that. You have stuck with me and I can't tell you how that has made my love for you grow exponentially._

Bella was back to crying.

_My feelings and desires regarding the future of our relationship have not changed. Plans may be delayed a little and the road ahead might be rocky, but I still want you in my life forever and I will spend the rest of my life trying to become worthy of your unwavering love. _

He still wanted to marry her, Bella could hardly breathe.

_I hate to cut this letter short, but the pain in my eye is becoming more than I can bear. I've used it more in the last half hour than I have in months. I apologize._

Bella couldn't wait until he was home and in her arms so they could lay in the dark and talk for hours into the night. No sight required.

_I look forward to hearing from you and take care of yourself._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

_P.S. I imagine us together more than I should._

Bella laid the letter in her lap and rested her head back against the edge of her mattress. She couldn't wipe the insanely huge grin off of her face. Then her hand came to rest on her tiniest of baby bump and she wondered how this little surprise was going to affect Edward's recovery, desires, and plans. How was she going to tell him? How would she know if he could handle it? Completely drained emotionally and physically, Bella crawled up onto her bed and lay down with the letter still in her hands. She stared at the framed picture of her and Edward on her parent's front porch and felt at peace. Things would work out.

Xxx

Edward lay in the quiet hospital at Camp Pendleton and stared at the small picture of him and Bella that now had a tear through it, due to shrapnel, and felt calm. If he could be with her again this way, his life would be complete.

Xxx

**I'm sorry for this long, but necessary Author's Note**. I need to have a heart to heart with my wonderful readers for a moment. I want to let you know to know that for the next few months I cannot make any guarantees for my every two weeks updating schedule. My beta is going through trying times in her life right now, so she needs a little more time to get through the chapters. My husband got a job about five hours away and we are going to be living apart for the next five months, so we don't have to take our kids out of their schools more than halfway through the year. I have instantly become a single mom and am having a tough time adjusting to my husband being gone. He is my best friend and I am one of those annoying girls, that really likes her husband, and NEEDS him badly. I have very little free time and am exhausted at the end of the day. I have a whole new respect and admiration for all of you single moms out there. I will make a few promises to you though. I will always have at least one post a month if not more. I can't stand it when stories make you wait so long for updates that you can't even remember what was happening previously. I also promise that unless I am removed from this earth, this story will be completed. I would **NEVER **abandon this story. I know how horrible it is when you are invested in a story and the author walks away. Please, be patient with me. I promise to do my best and update as frequently as possible. Thank you for understanding— well… those of you who are— I really appreciate it.

**Nellers**, did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be, and I could fly higher than an eagle. Cause you are the wind beneath my wings. ;) Haha, I love quoting songs. Thanks, you're the best.

Thanks reviewers. You aren't the wind beneath my wings, but you are the wind that gets me working on the next chapter. Leave me a review, please.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

I was beyond overwhelmed by all of your kindness given to me in reviews and messages after the last chapter. Thank you so much for being supportive, understanding, and for sharing your personal experiences that help me to endure. I am so grateful for all of you. Five weeks down, seventeen more to go.

xxx

"Hello?" Bella answered.

"Is this Bella?"

Bella smiled at the familiar voice. "Yes, it is. How are you, Esme?"

"I'm fine. Actually… no, I'm not."

Bella's heart stuttered in her chest. "Did something happen to Edward?"

"Oh, no, I'm sorry dear. I didn't mean to worry you—"

"So, Edward's fine?" Bella interrupted.

"Yes, he's back at Pendleton. He is staying at the hospital and that is my problem." Bella listened intently. Between what Bella knew of Esme and all that Edward had told her about his mother, it was assumed that nothing ruffled her feathers. But the contradicting sound of Esme's anxious and frantic voice caused Bella to be flooded with concern. "Edward can't go home from the hospital unless there is someone there to take care of him, and I just feel awful because I know he hates being in the hospital."

A pain began to pulse deep in the pit of Bella's stomach. She could only imagine how difficult it would be for Edward to be forced to stay at the hospital. Edward was an independent soul and did not like having strangers in his personal business. Besides, she thought, no one liked staying in the hospital. Bella's first instinct was to drop what she was doing, drive to San Diego, and take him home with her. She could do it; she could take care of him. In fact, she would take great pleasure in it. However, dropping her life right now wasn't an option. She was only three months away from graduating, a couple more weeks of student teaching, and several more papers to write. Plus, she had her job at the library, job applications to finish and decide upon, and her routine doctor appointments. As much as she loved Edward, she had to take care of herself too. She had a baby coming and was still unsure of what the future held for her and Edward. She needed to be prepared in case she was on her own with the peanut. Dropping out of school months before completion was out of the question. Bella's mind was on overdrive trying to find a solution. She wanted Edward out of that hospital and taken care of by someone who really cares about him. Involuntary jealousy surged through her, imagining anyone other than herself taking care of Edward's needs. Bella's emotions were being pulled in so many directions; she was heartbroken, empathetic, jealous, angry… _wait _she wondered why she was angry and then like a flash she quickly figured it out. Esme was screwing her son over again. Bella wanted to wring her neck.

A young, male voice pulled Bella from her thoughts. She looked up to see one of her students waving to her from across the lawn. "Bye, Miss McCarty." Bella waved and smiled before she opened her car door and slid inside.

"Esme, why can't _you_ go and take care of him?" She hissed.

"Well… I… I would… but… I just started a new job… and they wouldn't be happy if I left."

Bella was enraged. She knew Esme's reasons for not being there had nothing to do with her job, and everything to do with her own interest. How could a mother be so selfish? Unaware of her physical response to her emotions, her hand rested against her firm belly, making a silent promise to never do this to her child. She already knew there was nothing she wouldn't do for her baby. So she wouldn't fly off the handle with this woman, Bella stayed silent for a moment trying to regain control.

"Bella, I just—"

Bella almost screamed into the phone cutting off Esme's excuses. "NO! Don't try to make excuses. _You_ are his mother. _You_ are the only family he has. _You_ should _want_ to be there with him."

"I know, but I just don't do well with this kind of thing."

Bella's eyes grew into the size of saucers. Completely appalled by the self-centered mentality of the person on the other end of the phone, she pressed her phone into her stomach and then let out a growl of frustration. She became instantly furious that this was going to be the grandmother of her child.

"Get! Over! Yourself!" She hissed through clenched teeth. Bella couldn't believe how blunt she was being with her boyfriend's mother, whom she barely knew, but she felt like she was Edward's advocate right now and he was her number one priority, no matter how difficult it was for her to be blatantly rude.

"What would I do all day?"

"Take care of your son, the way he has always taken care of you."

"You're right, that's what I should do, but it's not who I am."

Heat radiated off of Bella's face. She had truly thought that Esme had changed, that she was going to be the mother Edward deserved. Now she knew that she and Edward had been taken, no leaf had been turned. Bella imagined this was what had gone on with Esme and Edward his entire life and she felt so heartbroken for the man she adored, who had never experienced the love of a mother the way he should have.

"Well, Esme, thank goodness your son is _not_ who you are." Without waiting for a response she ended the call, threw her phone into her purse, and began to cry.

The wheels in her brain began cranking into motion. There had to be a solution. There had to be a way that she could take care of Edward and maintain her responsibilities. With her face buried in her tear coated hands, Bella began to shake her head in defeat. She surrendered to the fact that she was unable to come up with a feasible resolution.

xxx

Bella had almost reached home when her phone began to ring. Knowing that it was probably Esme again, she refused to answer. She knew if she heard that woman's voice, she might possibly try to crawl through the phone and kill her. Bella had just slid the key into the doorknob when the phone started ringing again. Instead of answering she slammed the door behind her.

"You're in a good mood," Alice said brightly from the couch.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You need to eat. You look pale," Alice said in her motherly tone. Bella rolled her eyes. "You'll be nicer once you eat and then you will feel bad for giving me that look."

"I'm not hungry." Bella dropped her bag on the table.

"Think about the peanut." This was Alice's latest method to get Bella to do whatever she wanted. Of course it worked when it sincerely was something that affected the baby and sometimes even if it didn't. For example, when Alice convinced Bella she needed to go maternity shopping last week even though Bella wasn't showing. Alice had argued that the pressure of her fitted jeans could turn the peanut into peanut butter. Even though Bella's logic told her that wasn't possible, the nervous first time mom caved and purchased the maternity jeans.

Unfortunately, this time Alice was right and Bella needed to listen. She hadn't eaten all day. Bella opened the fridge and pulled out what had become her daily staples since becoming pregnant; peanut butter, strawberry jelly, and bread. Bella had eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for the last three months and only craved it more. Just as Bella sunk her teeth into her delicious meal, the phone shrilled again. Her irritation returned and she gulped down some milk.

The calling needed to stop. Bella snatched the phone and snapped, "Quit, calling me! I can't talk to you right now."

"I know you didn't just speak to me that way," commanded Rosalie's voice.

Bella let out a sigh of relief and dropped down into the dining room chair. "Rosalie, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"Who did you think I was? That mutt Alice hates so much?"

A small giggle escaped Bella's lips. "No, not Jake, and he's not that bad. I thought you were Esme."

"Who's Esme?"

"Edward's mom."

"Oh, right. Why is she calling you?"

Bella took another bite of her sandwich and then relayed her previous conversation with Esme to her sister-in-law. Rosalie was quiet for a moment, which was completely not in character for Bella's opinionated friend.

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked.

Rosalie let out a breath and said, "It's just that… well I'm wondering… does Edward even want her with him? She's a selfish bitch."

Bella smiled at Rosalie's accurate description of Esme, and then sat silently contemplating the question that Rosalie had just posed. Bella was so eager to have someone take care of Edward and get him out of the hospital she hadn't even considered if Esme was a better option than where he was. Maybe if Esme had truly changed then Edward would want her there. But going off the last conversation, it would seem that the change Edward had seen previous to his departure was not sincere. Rosalie was right; Edward would probably prefer the hospital to Esme's intrusion on his life.

"You're right," Bella said in a defeated tone. "She would be horrible for him right now. Oh Gosh, what if I guilted her into coming? What if she causes him so much stress, that he withdrawals from everyone again? He'd never forgive me." Bella was talking a million miles a minute and was getting herself worked up.

"Bella stop! Take a deep breath. Edward is going to be fine. Yes, he may be stuck in a hospital and hating it, but he's safe and recovering. That's what matters."

"I hate this. I feel so helpless. The first time he really, truly, needs me and I am useless to him."

"You are not useless. You're the best thing that's ever happened to Edward."

Bella was silent as she began to second guess herself and what part she played in Edward's life. She wasn't what he wanted right now. Even if she was what he needed, she couldn't be there as a physical support to him.

"Don't do it."

"What?" Bella asked with brows scrunched together.

"Don't even think about leaving school. He's going to be fine. He's not the first Marine to have to continue his recovery in a hospital."

"You're right."

"You do need to call his wretched mother and tell her not to come. Tell her you have it taken care of and you understand her dilemma."

"But I don't have it taken care of."

"I know," Rosalie said exasperated. "But that will appease her enough to keep her away from Edward. She is the last thing he needs right now."

"I'm so glad you called and talked some sense into me. Thanks Rosalie."

"I know, I'm amazing." Both women laughed and then proceeded to catch up. Bella couldn't believe that Tessa was starting to crawl and loved hearing stories about how smitten her brother was with the baby girl in his life. Bella told Rosalie all about Edward's last letter, explaining what he needed and his feelings. She confirmed dates for graduation and told her Jake's acceptance of only friendship. Sensing the conversation was about to end, Bella started to say goodbye, but was interrupted by Rosalie.

"Bella?" The seriousness in Rosalie's voice caused a quick knot to form in Bella's stomach. Rosalie was always so intuitive, she was terrified that Rosalie had figured out she was pregnant. Bella was very guarded with what she shared with Rosalie; no mention of her being tired, doctor's appointments, weight gain, and most of all she tried to control the amount of crying she did. There were several times in the conversation that Bella had almost told her, but didn't Edward needed to know first.

"Yeah," Bella answered hesitantly.

"I don't want you to get mad at me for asking, but I have to."

Oh crap, she knows, Bella thought. "Okay."

"Are you sure that Edward and this whole mess is what you want?"

Bella was completely taken off guard by Rosalie's question. Bella didn't hesitate to answer. "I'm positive." There was a lingering silence and then Bella asked, "Why would you ask that question?"

"It just seems like what Edward is asking of you, is a lot. Be there for him, but only as much as he will let you. It kind of seems like the relationship is one sided. I mean… don't you have needs to? Are those needs being met?"

Bella was stunned silent. She'd never thought about it. She just knew she wanted Edward and was willing to do whatever he needed until he was well again. Wasn't that enough?

"Are you there?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah, I'm not sure how to answer that question."

"Talk to me then."

"I do have needs… and… yes, some of them aren't being met right now. I want him in my arms. I want to be able to tell him all of my problems without worrying that I am going to hinder his progress. I want to talk to him for hours on the phone. I want to drive down and be with him on the weekends. _But_, I want him healthy more. I want him to be sure. I want what we had before he left, and until he gets himself right… that's not going to happen. My need to have him forever is more important than what I need right _now_."

"As long as you are sure, but I think you also need to be honest about your feelings and needs. You relay that to him in letters without being destructive to his progress. Maybe thinking about you will help him not think about himself and his injuries so much. I just worry about you. I love you, it's my job."

"I know. I love you, too," Bella answered dejectedly.

"Bella, I do like Edward," Rosalie reassured. "I think you guys are great together. I just don't want you to ever neglect yourself or feel like you've settled. Men can return from war different people, and I don't want you to stay with him thinking he will go back to the old Edward. He may be himself again one day… or he may not."

"Don't you start too."

"What?" Rosalie asked.

"He said the same thing in his letters. If I didn't know better I would think the two of you were conspiring with each other to end the relationship."

Rosalie laughed. "You know that no such thing is happening. We just both know how selfless you are, and he and I both have seen firsthand the results of trauma caused by war."

"Rosalie, would you walk away from Emmett if he came home from war changed or added work to your load?"

"No, of course not," Rosalie said in surrender.

Bella knew that her point had been made and she didn't need to further the issue. "Don't worry; I can take care of myself. I know what I need and want," Bella said confidently.

"As long as you are going through this with eyes wide open, I'll trust you. I just had to play devil's advocate a little."

"That's because you are the devil." Both women laughed and then ended the call.

xxx

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Sounded a sarcastic voice.

Edward's eyes darted toward the girl standing in the doorway. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, looking at Edward with an eyebrow quirked up.

Edward didn't like appearing weak and that was exactly how he felt. The woman before him was strong, blunt, smart, and had no filter, all of which make for an intimidating person. The blonde eyeing him and his room was scarier than some of his Generals. Edward sat himself up straighter on his bed, cleared his throat, and casually pulled the ice packs from his arm pits. "How are you, Rosalie?"

"I'm fine. What's with the ice packs?" Rosalie nodded her head towards the packs lying next to Edward's legs.

"The crutches gave me some pretty descent bruises." Edward's stomach started to turn. He couldn't' make out what he was feeling. He was terrified and felt like a caged animal as he faced someone from his past. However, there was also a comfort he hadn't been prepared to feel either. Maybe he had come along further than he thought.

"Ah. So you're mobile now?"

"Well, the physical therapist is trying to get me that way."

"How often do you have physical therapy?"

"An hour a day."

"How often are you seeing your therapist?" Edward's brows pulled together. Hadn't he just answered that question? "For the PTSD," she elaborated.

Edward's insecurity regarding his disorder was evident in his manner, as he dropped his eyes down to his lap. "I meet with her twice a week."

"Is it possible to meet with them back to back? Or is it too draining to take on both within two hours?"

The game of twenty questions was making Edward uncomfortable. "Um…" Edward scrubbed his hands up and down his face leaving the remnants of the sweat coating his palms on his cheeks.

"Look, Edward, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just need to know what your schedule is like."

"Why?" Edward asked overwhelmed.

"Because Emmett is downstairs trying to work it out so that you can come home with us." Edward's eyes doubled in size and his mouth opened and closed several times. His pulse was thundering in his neck and his hands instantly clutched into fists. Rosalie, sensing Edward's change in countenance took two tentative steps into the room and gentled her voice. "It's your decision, Edward. You don't have to come with us, but we would love to have you."

"You would love to be responsible for a grown man completely incapable of taking care of himself?" Edward asked facetiously.

"Look, here's the thing, Emmett and I both love Bella and she loves you. She is worried about you and is frazzled over the fact that you are stuck here alone. To be honest, Edward, I don't like it either. You are like family to Emmett, which means you are like family to me too. We want to take care of you until you are ready to be on your own or…" Rosalie trailed off.

"Or?" Edward said questioningly.

"Or until Bella finishes school and can be here for you… if you let her." Edward's heart stuttered and his eyes met Rosalie's. Rosalie could see the look of insecurity in his terrified eyes. "Edward, she'd be here now if she could, but she has to finish her last semester of school. Besides, according to her, you wouldn't want her here anyway."

Edward buzzed the nurse. If only Rosalie knew how badly he wanted Bella there with him. However, he loved her too much to risk being with her before he was better. If he wasn't ready mentally, he could possibly ruin the magic they have together permanently.

"I'm glad she didn't come. I don't want her worrying about me. She needs to focus on school."

Rosalie barked out a laugh, "Oh, Edward you don't know women." Edward looked at her confused. "Bella's a woman. She's going to worry. It's what we do when we love someone."

The nurse answered over the intercom. "What can I get you, Captain Cullen?"

"I need some of my anxiety meds please," Edward asked as his face flushed with embarrassment.

"I'll be right there," the nurse responded.

The door opened and Edward started to wonder how the nurse had gotten his meds and come to his room so quickly, when Emmett burst in the room.

"What's up, Captain? Are you ready for your sponge bath?" A wide grin spread across Emmett's mischievous face. Edward couldn't help but smile.

Emmett rubbed his hands together and said, "Let's break you out of this joint."

Edward's heart rate picked up speed as he started to panic. Just then, the nurse walked in. "Here you are." The nurse eyed the two visitors wearily and handed Edward the two blue pills. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Edward answered then tossed his meds to the back of his throat. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She headed toward the door and eyed Emmett again. He gave her his dimpled grin and she couldn't help but blush as she walked out the door.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and said, "Ugh, I really hate it when you do that to other women."

"What? She's as old as my mother."

"She could be a cougar!"

Emmett burst into laughter. "I love it when you get jealous, baby." He snaked his arms around Rosalie's trim waist and pulled her against him while she resisted.

Edward smiled at their humorous banter. He could feel himself calming as the drugs took their effect on his system.

"Edward, we'd love to have you," Rosalie reassured him.

"I think it would be too much for everyone."

"Not at all. I'm already cooking and cleaning for one brute. What's the difference if I add one more. I can drive you here for your appointments every day. The part you have to worry about is that I will hand all bathing responsibility over to Emmett, and as you saw, he seems very enthusiastic about the job."

Edward's head darted toward his friend. Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at Edward and mouthed, "Sponge bath."

Edward burst into laughter, "I think I'd rather smell."

"Sweet, let's go," Emmett commanded.

Edward would have loved to accept the McCarty's offer immediately, but he was worried about inconveniencing them. Rosalie already had an infant to care for, plus the oaf. He wondered if he would be too much. He worried about losing the security he felt in being so close to his doctors and the solitude that he needed. Being in the hospital was also an easy way to escape reality. However, he did hate the confinement of the blasted hospital. He didn't want to be a convalescent. "Can I think about it and let you know tomorrow?"

"But—" Emmett started to protest but was stopped when Rosalie smacked his chest.

"Sure, take your time," she said gently.

"Thank you."

Rosalie took the couple of steps to the edge of the bed and pulled a blue envelope from her purse. Edward felt the corner of his mouth tug and his insides light up. "Here, she didn't know where to send this," Rosalie offered.

"Thank you… for everything." He took the letter from her and his fingers twitched dying to get it open.

"No problem. Give us a call once you've made up your mind."

Edward nodded in response and the couple waved as they exited the room.

As soon as the door was shut, Edward tore into the blue paper.

_Dear Edward,_

_Thank you for deciding to write to me. I am thrilled by the idea of a correspondence, after all, that is how I fell in love with you. I think your doctor is a very wise woman; to realize that this was a way that we could communicate that wouldn't cause you any stress or anxiety._

_Well, I guess I owe my brother again, since he got you to read my letters. I guess the big ogre has a heart in there somewhere. You'll have to tell me all about how that conversation went one day, since I know he won't._

Edward chuckled remembering how much they had tried to keep their relationship from Emmett so they wouldn't be indebted to him. Then he laughed even harder remembering Emmett's face when he figured it out. That sent Edward's mind flashing back to the day that he had kissed Bella so passionately in front of her family. His feelings for her couldn't be restrained any longer as he announced their relationship to the family. The feelings awakening inside of Edward while thinking about kissing Bella made him feel a wanting he hadn't felt in a long time and… he liked it.

_I want you to know how grateful I am for the phone call (well, that you at least wanted to talk to me for a moment),…_

Edward felt embarrassed for the disaster that had been and for how weak he had felt. He never wanted to feel that way with her again.

…_for the beautiful message you left me (which I am embarrassed to say is listened to frequently),…_

A smile spread across his face, knowing he'd made her happy and giddy that she still felt so strongly for him.

… _and your lovely letter._

_For the past several months I have walked through life only half way there. Without seeing, hearing, or feeling you, my life has felt incomplete. I was lost and had no idea where to go. I couldn't give up on you, but the longer I went without hearing from you the more I worried that you'd given up on me._

He'd failed her and he would spend every minute of the rest of his life making it up to her.

_The feeling ate away at my insides because I've never loved, like I've loved you. There are no terms or conditions on that. No matter your wounds, impairments, moods, or illness, I will still love you as long as you love me. So, get it out of your head now that I am going to walk away from you, and as long as I think you want me… I'm not letting you walk away either._

_However, I am going to give you the space you need to be well and be comfortable with me again. I will hate it, but I would hate it more if we rushed back into things and it made you regress. _

How on earth did he deserve such a patient and loving woman?

_I hope you know that while I may understand, I will not always be patient. I need letters from you often. I need to know of your progress. I want to know how you are feeling about me and our relationship. I need a phone call as soon as you are capable. I want to see you as soon as you are ready. My arms ache to hold you again…_

Edward arms began to feel that same pain.

… _my lips burn for yours…_

Suddenly his lips were dry and flames licked at the flesh that could only be squelched by her kiss.

…_and my heart needs you to be whole again._

Edward knew that feeling all too well. He left half of his heart in the States when he left for the Middle East and it hadn't been whole ever since. Deep in his soul, he knew it wouldn't be until he was with her again.

_I don't want to hear any of your sad stories trying to discourage me from wanting to marry you. Sorry, Bud, I am not letting you off the hook that easy. _

A snort escaped his nose. He loved her attempt at tough love.

_If it were up to me, I would meet you at the court house tomorrow and become Mrs. Edward Cullen. I know that is not a possibility, so I am content to wait. I am sure things have changed dramatically for both of us in the last several months and we will have a lot to work through and adjust to when we are together again. Once that happens, I am going to get you to the altar by gunpoint, if I have to. _

Edward's stomach started to ache. He hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He did wonder what could possibly have changed her in the last couple of months. From what he was reading she was the exact woman he'd fallen in love with.

_Thank you for sharing your experience in Afghanistan with me. I know that that must have been difficult for you to relive again. I was sick to know that you had been hurt so badly and there was nothing I could do to change the past or comfort you. I am sorry you had to go through so much pain and mental torture. I am that much more in awe of you and all of our men and women who sacrifice so much for our country. You truly are a hero. I am sorry for all of the physical injuries you have suffered. I can't wait to kiss them all better; the naughty nurse offer still stands. I know you will still be the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. Remember, chicks dig scars. _

Gloomily, Edward said quietly out loud, "Then she'll think I am extremely hot with the amount of scars I have."

_I know that together we can overcome anything, as long as you let me in. I'm here for you in any capacity you need. _

_I have researched PTSD _a lot_. The problem is there is such a spectrum of side effects, treatments, symptoms, and recovery that I have no idea what applies to you. I guess my questions for you would be: What triggers your anxiety? How bad are the night terrors? How is your progress? How does the medication help? Finally, how long will you be seeing a therapist for the disorder?_

_Please keep me updated on your progress with your cornea transplant, your knee, and your PTSD. I pray every day that you will be healthy and heal quickly._

_While I am thankful that you are not worried about my five pounds, you should be worried that it is now ten. You better trade in your queen size bed for a king. Don't worry about me; I am not ill, just routine doctor's appointments._

Again, he was smiling. He was starting to think that Bella's letters were a form of secondary therapy.

_Only three more months of school, only two more weeks of student teaching, and only six more months for your surprise. _

What surprise, he wondered?

_When you are up for it, we do need to discuss what I should do in terms of job placement. I have had several offers in a few of the different locations we had discussed previously and need to make a decision. I don't want to add any stress or burden you, but I do need to make a choice soon. If you are unsure of what you want, just let me know and I can make the decision on my own._

If anything gave him the motivation to get better it was putting a deadline on being part of a decision that would affect their future. He had no doubt he wanted her to take a job near him, but where was he going to be?

_Let me know if there is anything you need from me. I will be there. I love you so much and again I am so glad you have taken a few steps toward me again._

_All of my heart,_

_Bella_

Edward didn't think it was possible to love her more, but every time he heard from her he did.

xxx

"Hello?" Emmett's voice boomed.

"Hey, Em."

"What's up, Cullen?"

"Not much. I was wondering… is the… can I still… will it be too much…" Edward stammered. Asking for help was way out of his comfort zone.

"What time can we pick you up?"

Edward smiled. He was grateful that Emmett made it so simple for him. "You tell me."

Muffled noises sounded through the phone as Emmett checked with his wife. "We'll be there at noon."

"Okay, thanks, Emmett."

"Anytime."

xxx

"What?" Bella nearly yelled into the phone.

"He's going to stay here with us."

Bella began to cry. She felt so utterly grateful to her brother and sister-in-law. "I can't believe you did this for me, I mean for him."

Rosalie comforted, "We did it for both of you."

"How did he look? How did you convince him? Can you handle it?"

"Slow down, turbo," Rosalie said.

"I'm sorry, I'm just completely overwhelmed right now." Bella also knew she had a truck load of extra hormones making her exceedingly emotional at the moment.

"He looks… okay. He has a lot of wounds that are still healing. His entire leg is in a cast. He keeps his head tilted to one side when he talks to you. I think it's because he can't see well out of the other eye. He seems a little… skittish. It's like he isn't fully comfortable around people. He relaxed a little when Emmett came in, but not completely."

Bella felt relieved. Someone she knew and trusted was telling her that Edward was okay. On the other hand, she wanted to cry as she pictured Edward in his current state. "And he just jumped on board right away?"

"No, he said he would think about it and then called this morning and agreed. We are picking him up in a half hour."

"You know it is taking every ounce of self control not to jump in the car and come see him now," Bella said with a sob following.

"I know, honey. I wish you could too. He's going to come around. I know it," Rosalie comforted.

"I can't thank you enough for this, Rose."

"It's our pleasure. I've got to go and finish getting the guest bedroom ready for him. I love you."

"Love you, too."

xxx

**Author's Notes:** Gotta love Emmett and Rose. They have those hard exteriors but are big piles of mush on the inside.

Is it just me or are any of you freaking out about the release of Hunger Games the movie in less than a month? I can hardly wait and what makes it even more exciting is that finally there was a book and movie my husband and I could both be excited about.

Thanks Nellers for your brilliance.

Leave me a review. They are almost as good as giving Captain Cullen a sponge bath… no… nothing could be that good.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Thanks for all of your help Lynelle, you have pulled me down from the ledge many times, and I am not just talking about this story. You are a great friend.

xxx

Bella loved her job for reasons that others might find repellant. The pleasure of being encased in the smell of books that had rested on shelves for decades, silence that was only broken by the shuffling of paper or the turning of pages, running her fingers along the infinite rows of book spines, and the many quiet moments to lose herself in a new paperback. More than anything she loved introducing people into the wonderful world of reading for pleasure, and helping someone figure out the genre that would hook them for life. Too often her shift was over before she even had a moment to herself and there was rarely a moment of boredom. Typically this was a good thing.

Today was different; Bella had been tiredly shelving and locating books and dealing with students for the past four hours. She had just about hit her limit. The said four hours had seemed like an eternity, while she desperately waited for a lull. When Bella had walked to her car for work that evening, she'd checked the mail box and was elated to find a letter from Edward. Already late for her shift, Bella shoved the letter into her pocket, saving it for later, and hurried to her car.

Now with Edward's letter burning in her pocket, she was desperate for a quiet and secluded moment. She would trade her left arm for a moment to get lost in Edward's words. The atmosphere she normally found comforting had become frustrating. The information desk flooded with students working on their final school projects. Slackers tried to locate the textbook they'd never bothered to purchase. Study groups fighting over study rooms and carrels. Graduates paying off their library fees so they could walk on stage. The smell was suddenly musty, the quiet was unnerving, and the never ending isles of pages felt claustrophobic.

Finally, after eight o'clock, the students seemed to retreat to their weekend of parties and other brainless activities. The book pile had reduced from the size of a mountain to a meager mound. Mrs. Cope had gone home early for her daughter's piano recital and Bella's other co-workers were staying busy on other floors. Finding a quiet corner with a book cart at her side, Bella excitedly retrieved her letter.

_Bella,_

_I don't know what I've done to deserve you, but I know it must have been something good. Your support and understanding amazes me. The further I come along in my recovery, the more I am seeing all that I have put you through and I feel like the lowest form of pond scum. _

Never, she thought_._

_I don't know why you are standing by me. I feel like you could do so much better than a broken and confused man, but I'm grateful for your lapse in judgment. The fact that you can't possibly understand why or what I did and you still stuck with me says so much about your character. I know my behavior couldn't have made sense to you, but it was what I thought was the best way to preserve our relationship._

_Trying to explain this to someone who hasn't been through this seems near impossible. I am going to try and explain it in a way that you can understand. Imagine you were being held captive in a dark and murky cave, your captor was the vilest of creatures, and you saw no way to possibly escape. Now, imagine if Tessa was there with you. Would you keep her there with you, or would you hide her, send her away, anything to keep her from being tainted or captured herself by the nightmare? That's how I felt about my memories and feelings about you and our relationship. I was so completely engulfed by the darkness that overcame me due to PTSD, my memories of war, and the bleakness of my injuries. I was sure that if the consuming misery and my thoughts of you were to intermix, the rage, fear, and suffocation would also overtake _what we have. _To keep something as pure and precious as our relationship from being tainted, I hid it deep within the cavern of my heart._

Bella allowed the corner of her mouth to rise into a slight smile. He'd explained it perfectly and she now wholly understood what he was trying to convey.

_My love for you has never ceased. _

The smidge of insecurity that had been lingering in Bella's heart was swept away with those seven words.

_I had to keep it hidden and safe, out of reach of being contaminated. Now that I am starting to push back that dark mist, I can fill that space with my feelings for you. It is going to be an ongoing process. I don't know that the darkness will ever vanish. It may linger within me for the rest of my life, but I know that I can keep it down like a burning ember and let the flames of what we have burn in me again. _

Bella wondered why she had never before noticed Edward's talent at being so poetic and well spoken.

_Please, continue to be patient with me, I feel myself improving every day. Your letters make me smile, something that hadn't happened in a long time. Your words and love give me the strength I need to endure all that my life now requires._

There was a new tone to Edward's letter, and it gave Bella hope. She could read the difference in his attitude and thought processes. He was sounding like… the old Edward. The man she'd fallen so deeply in love with. He was making progress and it filled her with exhilaration.

_Something else I haven't felt for a long time… something that almost felt foreign as it flooded me while reading your last letter is… desire. _

Bella reread the sentence several times and then swallowed exaggeratedly to pull the extra build of saliva from her mouth.

_I shouldn't tell you that, since I have no idea how long it will be before I am ready for an intimate relationship again, but I want you to know that while those stirrings had drowned in the sea of my sadness, I find them resurfacing, begging for you as a life line._

A tear streamed down Bella's cheek in a silent cry. Bella could endure the lack of sexual intimacy, especially with the pregnancy fatigue, but she did need intimacy, his hand in hers, his eyes speaking more than words ever could, and his arms around her.

_I'm done fighting what I know is my only happiness. I will never push you away again. I may become complicated, difficult, reclusive, or hard to love, but I will never try to end the magic that we share. I've surrendered to the fact that joy has found me and it may never happen again. I will hold onto it with all of my strength._

_Bella, you will never have to drag me to the altar. Once I believe that I am worthy of you, I will put a ring on your finger, beg you to be my wife, marry you, give you a home, and one day watch you carry my children. We just need time, I can't promise you when, but I have every confidence it will happen._

Bella's countenance was engulfed in a beaming smile. While she loved his plan, she laughed internally knowing that the chronology of that plan was going to have to change. Just as quickly as the thought excited her, it just as quickly caused panic. What if he couldn't handle her or the peanut right now? What if it caused him to pull away from her?

_As I am sure you are aware, we are indebted to Emmett in a way that can never be repaid. He has given me you (twice) and now he has taken me into his home and shown me a kindness I have never experienced. He and Rosalie have allowed me to feel for the first time in my life what it is like to be part of a real family. I don't know, maybe I should give in and let Emmett give me the sponge bath he's always offering, it might make him happy. _

Bella's brows shot up in shock and a silent, "Ewww," escaped her mouth.

_I can only imagine the look on your face with that last sentence. Emmett has had an ongoing joke about him wanting to give me a sponge bath and me constantly refusing. I think it could be fun to see his shocked and terrified face if I ever agreed. Mmmm, maybe I will have to test that theory._

The image of Emmett being called on his bluff made Bella chuckle.

_Emmett has been a great friend. There have been nights that I have succumbed to night terrors and Emmett has been there to pull me from my dreams and calm me down. The thing I appreciate the most though, is that he never talks about it. He goes on as if nothing ever happened, rescuing me from my own humiliation._

Bella's heart clenched in her chest and she wished she could hug her brother.

_Rosalie is amazing. She fills me with delicious food. I have NEVER eaten this well in my life. I am probably going to exceed you in weight gain (ten pounds doesn't sound terrible, but maybe you should get back to your running as comfort instead of the ice cream. I'm literally ducking and cringing trying to escape your written wrath)._

Knowing full well the reasons for her weight gain— although, more than it should be— she wasn't offended by Edward's joke. In fact, Bella was confident Edward would embrace the gain once he knew the cause.

_I can't believe all that she is sacrificing driving me to the hospital every day. She says it's no big deal, she and Tessa go on a walk and get some daily exercise, but I know she is just being kind. Tessa has gotten so big since the last time I saw her. She was actually leery of my presence at first, but now I think she has gotten used to me. I really don't have any experience with kids, but she seems to be an exceptionally good baby. _

Silently, Bella thanked God for the rare blessing of a functional and loving family.

_Emmett and Rose's family is an example of what I want to have. I've never had a model of what a family should be before now. I have to say I am envious of the home you and Emmett must have had growing up. I hope that that is what I will one day be able to give to my children._

Sooner than you think, Buddy! Bella thought.

_I haven't heard from my mom… again. I'm not so concerned with her not writing me as much as I hope that she is still living with Tanya's mother and maintaining employment. I don't think I can mentally handle another disappearing act. Bella, sometimes I wonder if she even loves me._

Heartbreak coursed through Bella. A child should never wonder if his mother loves him. Bella gnawed on her lower lip wondering what she should reveal to Edward about her recent interactions with Esme. Bella had called and told Esme as civilly as possible that it would be best if she stayed away from Edward while he was recovering. The depressing part was that Esme didn't even try to argue Bella's request. Bella would have to think about what elucidation would cause Edward the least stress.

_Let me see if I can answer your questions regarding my recovery. My triggers? Right now it seems like everything triggers my anxiety. Basically if something gets my emotions going, raises my heart rate, or overwhelms me, it will start. If I sense it coming, I will usually use my strategies the therapist taught me and if I don't feel it working, I will take some medication. I also take medication when I know I am going to be in a stressful situation as a preventative measure. These situations are becoming less frequent and by less frequent I mean once a day… on a good day. The night terrors are every other night or so. They can be as mild as a child like nightmare just instilling some fear, or extreme as waking up screaming, covered in sweat, standing across the room from my trashed bed, or a bloody fist from hitting something. You can now begin to understand why it might be a while before I would be comfortable sharing a bed with you. _

Fear trembled through Bella at the thought of Edward having one of those nightmares with her in the bed. The peanut could be harmed. Bella had so many questions; she hoped she might possibly have the chance to talk to Edward's therapist with him one day.

_I feel myself improving every day. I feel like a different man than what I was last week. Initially, I felt like my progress was moving at the pace of a snail and now I feel like I am improving in strides. I know that most of it is due to my amazing therapist. She is brilliant and knows exactly how to help me understand all that I am going through mentally. She makes me feel like my reactions are normal or to be expected. Bella, I need you to understand that this isn't like a class, where I will go through my sessions, take my exams, and then pass or fail. I may be with a therapist the rest of my life, I may have night terrors forever, and medication may become a permanent fixture of my daily routine. I need you to fully understand that so you are aware of what you are signing up for. This is not me pushing you away; this is me helping you to understand what mine… and your life will be like._

Bella sat contemplatively. There were so many questions she needed answered. She also wondered if there was some kind of training she could go through to prepare for her future with Edward. She made a mental note to find her own therapist to work with, or maybe she could see Edward's.

_My knee is coming along well. I am walking on crutches, and going to physical therapy regularly. My cast comes off in two weeks and then I will be wearing an old man knee brace. The pain is bearable, other than right after physical therapy and sometimes when Tessa beats on my leg with a teething ring. _

Bella's spirit's lifted at the comfortable way Edward talked about Tessa and before she could tamp it down, she imagined him being taunted by their own child.

_Rosalie is a beast when I don't do my home exercises. I seriously wonder why she isn't in the military instead of Emmett. _

A vision of Rosalie in fatigues, screaming out orders at a platoon of men, and then her painfully squeezing the crotch of some soldier who thought it would be funny to make a derogatory remark toward her caused a wicked grin to come over her face. Then Bella was quickly unsettled as she imagined Rosalie being so mean and forceful with Edward.

_The doctor says I should take up swimming as a form of exercise since I can't run anymore. _

At the mental image of Edward in a Speedo, Bella was very supportive of the idea of Edward taking up swimming.

_The eye drives me insane. I still haven't adjusted to the impaired vision. I find myself frequently frustrated by it. The good news is that I am next on the list for a cornea transplant. They said that they will also see what they can do with the blurry spots in the other eye while they are operating. They said I will have to wear bandages over my eyes for a week or so and then they will remove them. My vision will still be murky, but if the transplant takes, it will improve over the following months. If it doesn't take, the loss of vision in my eye will be permanent. I'll let you know when I go in for surgery._

_I am extremely curious as to what my surprise is? I can't think of anything I could possibly want other than you. Well, maybe a Lamborghini, but I don't think I will be driving anytime soon and I don't think that is feasible on a teacher's salary._

Bella's eyes squeezed shut as she begged God to let Edward be happy about the baby. "Please, let him think this is a good surprise. I need him."

_Speaking of teacher's salary, I already know that I want you to take a job near me. Hopefully, I will be capable of having you living with me by that time. The problem is that I don't know where I am going to be. I know that I need to be here for a while. All of my recovery needs to take place at this hospital for insurance policies. I have also established a comfortable relationship with my doctors and don't want to change until I am much further in my progress. I also don't know what I am going to do in terms of employment. I have been offered several options, but until we know what is going to happen with my vision, a decision can't be made. If you have any job offers in the vicinity of Pendleton, that would be my first choice for you. However, I want you to think about what _you_ want and what will make _you_ happy._

Done! Bella knew which job she would accept without hesitation.

_How are your parents? What do they think of all that has happened? Do they want you to run as far from me as possible? How are your classes going? Are you excited or disappointed to say good-bye to your students? Are you ready to be a real grown up?_

_I love you, Bella. You are my life. Please be patient with me and know that no matter how it may seem or long it may take you and me to be together… that's my goal. That's what keeps me going every day—_

Bella was startled from her reverie, when a very boisterous voice boomed off of the book shelves. "Bella!"

Bella quickly folded up her letter and stowed it into her pocket. She looked up to find a very wasted Jake. "What are you doing here, Jake?"

"I missed you. What are you doing here locked up in the library?" Jake whined as he lazily approached. "Come out with me, it's Friday night." Jake slung his arm around Bella's neck and as his body sidled next to hers, the smell of alcohol bombarded her.

"Jake, you're drunk."

"What?" Jake asked looking shocked. "I'm not drunk."

"Yes, you are, Jake." Bella tried to shrug off Jake's arm. "You need to leave, I'm working. You're going to get me in trouble. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Bella spoke forcefully and began to push the book cart away.

"Don't be like that, Bella. You're off in a few minutes, we'll go out." His hands slithered around Bella's waist and her heart started to pound inside of her chest. She released the cart and tried to pry his hands off with her fingers.

"Let go of me!" Bella commanded as she tried to pull her way out of his hands. Jake, however, grabbed onto the waist of Bella's pants and pushed her up against the bookshelves, engulfing her body with his own.

"What are you doing? Stop!" Bella growled.

"I just need one kiss from you, Bella." Bella's stomach started to roll and she was going to be sick. "Quit fighting it, Bella. I know that one kiss from me will arouse such a passion within you, that you won't be able to deny your feelings for me anymore. Then you can let go of your wounded friend."

Bella wasn't sure what engulfed her more, rage at Jake's remark about Edward, or fear as he pressed further against her. This fright of Jake was foreign to her. She had never felt physically unsafe with him before… or any man for that matter. Her mind scrolled through all of the things she'd been taught by her dad and brother. How to fight off a man, how to avoid assault, but in that instant her terrified mind drew a blank. Her throat felt clogged. She wanted to scream but couldn't. She didn't know the Jake in front of her.

Jake pinned both of her wrists within his hand, the other forcing the back of Bella's head toward his own. With a grin on his face, Jake began to lower his face toward Bella's. She tried to turn her head away, clenched her lips shut, and tried to knee him… anywhere, but his body was too strong and too close for her small frame. Finally, she retreated within herself and became limp within Jake's arms. Moments that felt like eternity passed, while Jake kissed her and then he let her go with a triumphant grin.

With his mouth still so close to her own, Jake spoke, "You liked that, didn't you?"

"Not really, you bastard," Bella spat.

"Maybe I should try again."

Jake leaned forward and Bella clamped her lips together. Rather than fight her, Jake's lips dragged over to her neck and the hand that had been holding on to her neck slid down and cupped her breast. Without thought, Bella turned her head and bit down on Jake's ear as hard as she could. Jake yelled and released Bella from his hold.

"Dammit, Bell—" his words were cut off when Bella's fist cocked back and then slammed into Jake's unsuspecting face. Blood instantly started to ooze from Jake's nose and he cried out in agony.

An excruciating pain shot through Bella's knuckles and she felt an overwhelming need to cry. "Don't you ever come near me again!" Bella threatened with a voice full of venom. Bella turned to leave and then spun back around thrusting her fist into his abdomen and Jake dropped to his knees. Bella let out a cry of her own as the knuckles residing below her flesh felt as if they'd shattered upon contact. Bella was filled with hate as she eyed Jake slumped against the bookshelves and heard the muffled moans coming from the cupped hands around his face.

Ignoring her crippled hand, Bella spun on her heels and darted toward the library exit. As she approached the library counter, relief flooded her as she saw her co-workers clocking out. She slinked her way onto the computer, clocked herself out, grabbed her purse and jacket, and escaped. Tears welled up in Bella's eyes once locked inside the safety of her car. During Bella's drive home, she had to pull over twice. The tears spilling from her eyes caused her vision to be blurred. Bella was in physical pain, she felt betrayed, taken advantage of, and sad that she had permanently lost a friend. Once she had arrived home she sat in her car wiping away her tears and getting herself in better control. Alice was too perceptive for her own good.

As Bella walked through the front door, she was relieved at the darkness that engulfed the room, but nervous at the sight of Alice and Jasper snuggled on the couch watching a movie. Bella set her things down on the table and headed toward the kitchen.

"Hey, Bella, how was work? I still think its lame you work weekends," Alice called.

"It was… fine."

"Do you want to come and watch a movie with us?" Alice invited.

"Nah, I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed."

"The mutt came by looking for you," Alice notified in disgust.

Bella's stomach lurched and the flashing image of Jake kissing her went through her mind and she wanted to vomit. She pulled the frozen bag of peas from her freezer and retreated toward her room.

"Bella?" Jasper called as he stood from the couch. Bella paused her steps as Jasper approached her. "What happened to you?" Bella saw Alice straighten in her seat.

Bella closed her eyes in frustration. She just wanted this night to end. She was drained physically and emotionally, her hand was in excruciating pain, and she had no desire to talk about what happened. Her body ached to crawl into bed, wake in the morning and find that this whole night had been a bad dream. Now her evening would end up being spent listening to Alice go nuts, probably take a trip to the emergency room, and spend all night erasing messages that had already begun to flow in from Jake. The only consolation Bella felt was the amazing letter from Edward that sat in her pocket.

xxx

Reluctant to close himself off in his lonely bedroom, Edward chose to drop himself down on the living room couch. After an hour of having his brain and emotions picked apart and two hours of trying to make his leg work again, he felt drained.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I wish I could help you," Edward said to the woman who walked into the house with a baby dangling from one arm, a purse dropping from her shoulder, and several shopping bags in the other hand.

"Don't worry about it, Edward," Rosalie said as she blew a piece of hair out of her face. "Can you just try to distract Tessa long enough for me to bring all the groceries in? I'm pretty sure she has been plotting her great escape."

"Sure," Edward laughed. Ever since Tessa had learned to crawl she had been a ball of mischief. "Will you throw me your keys?"

Rosalie plopped Tessa down on the floor and then tossed Edward her keys. Edward's hand darted up, snatching the keys from the air. Edward looked down at the infant he had grown attached to over the previous weeks. Tessa was a truly beautiful baby. She had her mother's golden curls that fell across her forehead. Her peaches and cream skin looked like folded satin as it rolled in her chubby legs and arms. The blue and white polka dot romper she wore set off her sky blue eyes the size of saucers. The one characteristic she carried of her father was the adorable dimples that penetrated her cherubic cheeks. Tessa sat staring at Edward cooing and using her dimples full force to win over her Uncle Edward. Edward couldn't take his eyes off the little princess, and his mind wandered to latter days when he might have a beautiful baby of his own that would look at him adoringly.

Tessa's eyes left Edward and followed Rosalie as she breezed past the back of the couch to grab another load of groceries. Her lower lip began to quiver and tears brimmed her eyes.

"No, no, no, baby girl, don't cry," Edward begged in a soothing voice. Edward pulled out the keys and began dangling and shaking them in front of her eyes trying to capture her attention. "Hey, look what I have."

The little one's eyes were drawn to the noise and she smiled at the shiny, clanking, objects. Edward leaned forward dropping his hand close to the floor trying to coax Tessa over to him.

"Come here, Tessa." Edward cursed his leg under his breath and let out a frustrated groan.

Tessa leaned on her hands and began rocking her body back and forth. "Look at you big girl, come here. Come let me hold you."

As if she understood his words, Tessa cooed and crawled over to Edward's feet and giggled as Edward's hands wrapped around her ribs lifting her onto his lap.

"You're such a big girl now," Edward spoke into her hair before kissing her head. She snatched the keys from his hand and began shaking them back and forth. The tips of his fingers skimmed her back in a circular pattern— the action soothing Edward just as much as it soothed Tessa.

Edward watched Tessa as emotions flooded him. He was envious of Emmett and the family he had. A wife that was his perfect match and a daughter he adored. He felt an ache in his heart caused by his uncontrollable desire to have Bella with him. Frustration coursed through his mind at his ever impatient desire to heal quicker. He knew he was getting better, he no longer feared the idea of his life with Bella. He knew it was possible and that with patience and work, he could have all that he wanted. However, panic still started to bubble to the surface when he thought of seeing her or talking to her. He knew that being with Emmett and Rosalie had been a huge step in the right direction. When he had first arrived, he was uneasy, nervous, and felt burdensome. Only a couple of weeks later, he had started to feel as if he belonged and like the old Edward again. He wanted to be with Bella, to feel her in his arms, surrender to the warmth of her kiss, and listen to the sound of her voice for hours. The nagging feeling in his head that he had to be back to normal wouldn't leave. He was too scared of doing something wrong, scaring her off, losing control, or having a break down in front of her. His resolve and determination to get well for their relationship built with every breath he took and he knew he was close to being ready.

The sound of a feminine throat being cleared pulled Edward from his thoughts and he looked over to see Rosalie standing in the doorway.

"You're great with her you know?" Rosalie whispered as she nodded her head toward Tessa.

Edward looked down at the angel that fell asleep against his chest, pink cheeked and breathing with her mouth slightly open. "It's cause she's a great kid," Edward spoke in a hushed tone.

"You should get one of your own."

Sucking in a breath, Edward nodded his head and continued to look down at Tessa. "I agree, but… I can't yet."

"You're improving so much, so fast. I'm really proud of you, Edward."

Edward's cheeks flushed crimson. "I've still got a long way to go. I kind of have to get to the point where I can think about the act of making one of these before I can get one."

Rosalie burst into laughter and Edward raised his brows at her. Rosalie tried to control her laughter and then said, "I'm positive that as soon as you let Bella back in your presence, the whole baby making thing will come right back to you."

Embarrassment flooded Edward. He couldn't believe he was having such a casual conversation with Rosalie about something so utterly important. His heart rate picked up and he started to breathe slowly in and out of his nose, calming himself.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's okay; it's good to push myself. I'll never know what I can handle if I don't push myself past what is comfortable."

Sensing she'd pushed Edward close to his limits, Rosalie changed the subject. "How's the pain? Do you want some meds?"

Edward was determined to get off some of his medication and decided to forgo some of the pain medication even though the bastard of a physical therapist pushed him to near tears earlier. "Nah, I'm okay. Thank you though."

"What sounds good for dinner—"

The shrill of Edward's cell phone rang through the room and Tessa startled in her sleep, causing her to start crying. Rosalie walked over and took the dazed baby in her arms and headed down the hallway and Edward pulled the phone from his pocket.

"Edward Cullen," he answered.

"Hello, Edward. This is Doctor Cameron."

"How are you?"

"Great, thanks. I have some good news for you. The cornea is now available for your transplant."

Elation flooded Edward. Finally, something could be done to help him gain his vision back in his eye. He was overwhelmed by the abundance of progress he was making emotionally and physically and this news was icing on the cake. "That's fantastic."

"I'd like you to come in today or tomorrow if you are available. We need to draw some blood, do an EKG, and a physical to make sure you are healthy enough for the surgery and some eye drops to prep your eyes."

"That sounds great. I'll need to work out a ride."

"Of course. Once you have that worked out, call and speak with the receptionist and she will schedule you in as soon as you are available."

"Thank you, doctor."

"Edward, make sure you stop taking any kind of aspirin, if you are taking any."

"I'm not, Sir."

"Alright, I look forward to seeing you."

"You, too. Thank you."

Edward grinned as he dropped the phone on the cushion next to him. Things were happening. He felt like the wheels in his life were starting to turn. Once his eye was taken care of he could start to think about employment. When employment was secured, he could start to think about a future. The future he had been dreaming of with Bella. The thought made him nearly burst at the seams due to happiness.

Hoisting himself up with his crutches, Edward made his way to the kitchen and found Rosalie stowing away various vegetables in the refrigerator. "Rosalie, do you have any time available tomorrow to take me to the hospital?"

Rosalie spun around. "Is everything okay?"

Edward held his hands up in an attempt to calm Rosalie's protective concern. "Yeah, everything is great actually. They are ready for my cornea transplant and I need to go in for some preoperative stuff."

A smile spread across her face. "That's great, Edward. I'm available whenever you need tomorrow."

"Thanks, Rosalie. I don't know how I am ever possibly going to be able to repay you and Emmett for all that you are doing for me."

"Don't mention it."

Edward looked down at the wood floor and blinked away the building moisture. "No, Rosalie, you have done more to take care of me than even my own mother ever did and I am so grateful for your kindness."

Obviously uncomfortable with the immense amount of gratitude showed toward her, she looked away. "Are you going to call and tell Bella?"

Edward leaned his back against the door jam and ran his hands through his hair that had fully grown back in over the past couple of months. "I need to. She asked me to." Rosalie raised a questioning eyebrow. "I want to, the last two days I have actually been toying with the idea."

"But?" Rosalie pressed.

"But… the last time we talked it was such a disaster… _I _was such a disaster. I don't want to screw up again."

"Edward," Rosalie began in a firm motherly type voice, "You are not the same person you were a week ago, let alone weeks ago. The person I saw in the hospital was a slight resemblance of the Edward I used to know. I am sure that when you had first contacted her, you weren't even… well… you weren't you. It's you now. Sure, you might be a banged up, nervous, and emotional version of yourself, but you are Edward again. It will be alright."

Edward nodded and pulled at the back of his neck.

"She loves you, Edward, broken and all. She wants to take these steps of progress with you. You just need to reach out to her and she's going to grab on with both hands. Trust me, I tried to deter her."

"What?" Edward nearly shouted. Shocked by his own reaction, Edward sucked in a breath.

"Look, Edward, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Bella has needs too and I wanted to make sure that she wasn't being neglected and losing herself in her concern for you."

"So you told her to move on to something less complicated?"

Rosalie smirked. "Well, it's nice to see some real emotion from you regarding Bella. Other than retreat, I mean."

"Wha… what... What did she say?"

"What do you think she said? She basically told me to mind my own business and that she knew what she was doing. She's not going anywhere."

Edward turned and grabbed his anxiety pills and threw one into his mouth and then leaned over the sink and drank water right from the faucet. He dragged the back of his hand across his mouth removing the excess moisture and then clenched his hands around the edge of the counter. Keeping his eyes trained on the window in front of him he said, "I wouldn't blame her if she moved on. I would be heartbroken, but I wouldn't blame her."

"Well, lucky for your heart, she isn't going anywhere."

"I don't deserve her."

"Yes you do. Call her." Rosalie patted Edward's shoulder and left the room.

xxx

Edward spent the rest of the afternoon choreographing the conversation he wanted to have with Bella that night. What he would say, anticipating her questions and answers, things he could ask, what he would be emotionally able to share regarding his recovery, and how he would express his love for her.

Nerves had become his companion for the day. He couldn't focus on dinner conversation and when he had tried to nap, sleep wouldn't come. All Edward really wanted to do was run; the one thing that always relieved his stress and anxiety. Now that he had more stress than he had ever born in his life, his one release had been taken away from him— permanently. He knew he would have to find another outlet, but it would still be a while before he could swim, spar, or even take up the old man sport of golfing. Desperate to exert some of his frustration, Edward made his way to the garage and curled some dumbbells, pressed a bar, and strained through some crunches. A workout that would have been child's play to Edward months before was now strenuous.

Feeling defeated, Edward made his way to the bathroom and washed himself down and brushed his teeth. Staring himself down in the mirror he whispered, "You can do this. You want to do this. You need to do this." With his hands braced against the tile, Edward dropped his head down between his shoulders shaking his head, embarrassed by the fact he was talking to himself in the mirror. _Suck it up, Cullen._ He thought to himself. _You love her and she loves you._ Edward took a final cleansing breath and made his way back to his bedroom.

Edward went through the grueling challenge of trying to make himself comfortable in bed and then leaned over and turned on his lamp. His cell phone instantly consumed his entire vision— well, what little he had. Edward tentatively picked it up and spun it around and around in his large calloused hand.

Taking in one last breath, Edward dialed the one button and hit send.

Ring, ring, ring. With every ring that trilled through the phone, Edward's chest began to pound harder and his breathing became more erratic. Finally on the fourth ring, when Edward was just about to hang up, a voice he could only describe as heavenly, answered.

"Hello?" One word, one word was all it had taken to relax Edward's nerves. Even the raspy grogginess of her voice was soothing. "Hello?" She repeated.

"Hi, did I wake you?"

"Edward?" Bella gasped as her voice raised a couple of octaves.

Edward smiled hearing the surprise and elation in her voice. "Yeah. I'm sorry, were you asleep?"

"No, it's fine. Oh my gosh, is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. How are you?"

A small giggle rang through the phone. "I'm fine."

Silence dragged as Edward struggled to remember what he was going to say to her and Bella lost in the result of shock.

"Thank you—"

"I can't believe—"

They both spoke simultaneously and then stopped just as synchronized. They both laughed and with it, some of the tension was released.

"Go ahead," Edward offered.

"I just… I can't believe it's you. I'm so glad you called."

A breath of relief washed out of Edward, as is feelings confirmed that calling Bella was the right decision. "Well, I just… I knew you wanted me to keep you posted with my medical procedures and my doctor just called me to let me know that I am going to be getting my cornea transplant in the next few days."

"Oh, Edward, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. What does that mean for your recovery?"

"Well, hopefully it means I'll be able to see without feeling like I'm living in a murky swamp." Edward tried to laugh and make it seem more trivial than it was, but Bella could see right through it and her stomach hurt for him. "If I'm healthy enough, the procedure will take place in a day or two. Then if it is a successful transplant, my sight should be restored fully anywhere from a month to a year from now."

"So, will it get worse before it gets better?" Bella asked and Edward could hear concern in her voice.

"Well, for a few days my eyes will be bandaged and then I will have to wear glasses until my vision is restored. The doctor said more times than not, it is recovered in a month or two."

"That's amazing," Bella spoke hesitantly.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward was surprised how easily he was able to read her voice. The time and distance had done nothing to hinder his intuitiveness to her and that made his insides warm.

"Nothing."

Edward imagined her gnawing on her lower lip, the way she does when something is bothering her. "Bella?" Edward pushed.

"Edward… I know… I know you needed more time, but… well… there is something I really need you to see… and…. Just in case it takes more time for you to recover your vision than expected, I'd like you to see it before your surgery."

Completely puzzled by what Bella could possible need to show him… other than herself, he asked, "What is it?"

Edward could hear Bella's breaths coming through the phone erratically. "Edward, could you just trust me that it's important for you to see without me telling you what it is. I'd like to wait until we are in person."

"Is everything okay, Bella? You're worrying me." Panic slightly rose through Edward and then stopped. It was just a slight irritation as opposed to a succumbing feeling. He was grateful he had taken his medication earlier.

"I'm fine. I never want to interfere with your progress or cause you anymore stress. You know that right?"

"I know," Edward whispered.

"Edward, can I please come and see you… tomorrow?"

Edward's hands pulled on his hair and he clenched his eyes shut. All he could think was, _am I ready? Can I do this without damaging the progress we've made?_

_Xxx_

Mmmm, I wonder what Edward will say?

Thank you guys for your unbelievable support and patience, I have the best readers ever. Your messages and reviews make my day.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

You guys get to reap the benefits of me having sick kids home all weekend. Enjoy this very early chapter.

Thank you Lynelle, you're the best.

xxx

"Edward, can I please come and see you… tomorrow?" Bella flinched at the sound of her begging voice.

The silence that followed her request was nerve racking. Bella started to doubt whether Edward was ready to even see her, let alone the news she would be delivering. Edward was not himself yet, something was still off and she could hear it in his voice. His lack of confidence was palpable, his fear was unsuppressed, and his hesitance was clear. All of which were characteristics that Bella would have never before used to describe her boyfriend. Even though those were clearly a part of who he was now, beneath it all, she could still hear and feel the old Edward. The change would not be obvious to those he knew only as an acquaintance, but Bella was so in tune to Edward, she could even see it in his written word. Change or not, Bella was never one to shy away from her gut instincts, and her gut said not to let this opportunity pass. She knew that it was time; to not only see Edward, but to deliver the secret she'd been carrying for four months.

"Please," came a windless plea. Bella wasn't even aware she had vocalized her desperation.

Bella gnawed on her lip as she listened to the labored breathing from the other end of the phone. She clearly imagined his hands pulling at the back of his neck, his eyes squeezing tightly, and his elbows resting on his bouncing knees. The only thing standing between them was his own self-doubt.

Her faith in him was starting to waiver when she heard a shaky, "Okay," come from the most beautiful voice on earth.

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said in a defeated tone. "Bella, I can't… I can't make any promises that I am going to say or do the right things."

"I know," Bella interrupted.

"Let me finish."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"I am terrified of having a panic attack in front of you and you running from me as fast as your legs will take you, but I want to try. I've… I've been toying with the idea of seeing you for weeks."

"You have?" Bella almost cried.

"Yes, when I realized I was capable of being with Rosalie and Emmett with only a slight struggle in the beginning, I figured I could probably handle the emotions that would come from being with you. It's just… well… nobody pulls at my heart and desires the way you do, Bella, and that scares me… a lot." Bella felt her heart flutter. "I've been working with my therapist for months to gain control of my emotional stability. I know that when I am with you again, the damn in my heart will officially be broken and I don't know what else will freely flow besides my love for you."

"Hey, we can get through it together, if you let me." Edward didn't respond, and Bella took it as a cue to continue. "I'm not going anywhere. We can cross those bridges when we get there… jointly. One step at a time, okay?" Bella reassured.

"You're right."

Wanting to move on before Edward could over think the decision he'd made, Bella asked, "What's your schedule like tomorrow?"

"Well, let's see… I'll probably wake up whenever I feel like I can't possible stay in bed any longer. I'll have a serious political debate with Tessa over some oatmeal. Give myself a deluxe sponge bath, since I'll be having company. Then stare at the wall until either you arrive or I see my therapist at four followed by my appointment with my eye doctor. Are you jealous of my exciting life?"

Bella wanted to leap in the air at the sound of his jovial voice and playful words, but the comfort of her warm bed kept her still.

"You sounded… you sounded like you just now."

"I felt like me a moment ago. I want this… I want so badly for our time together to be amazing. Please, please don't be disappointed in me if it's not."

"Never," she answered resolutely.

"Are you going to give me any kind of hint as to what you have to show me?"

"Nope."

"I am going to assume it's something good. I don't think you'd come down here to sabotage my recovery, by breaking my heart or anything." Bella's stomach flipped as she prayed that telling Edward about the peanut would not disrupt his improvement. Bella was pulled from her fears when Edward spoke, "I know what it is."

She could tell by his playful voice he had no clue, but her stomach still flip-flopped. "Do you, now? What's that?"

"It's the ten pound weight gain, isn't it?"

Bella giggled out loud at how accurately he'd guessed. It just wasn't the way he was assuming. "Yup, that's exactly right." Bella yawned into the phone and she glanced at the clock reading ten; an hour later than she normally went to bed.

"I'll let you go, sleepy girl," Edward said.

Bella was torn between her desire to be on the phone with Edward and her pure exhaustion. She knew tomorrow would be a draining day, and she needed to be well rested. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon.

"Okay, goodnight."

"Oh, and Edward…"

"Yes?"

"Save the sponge bath for me." Edward was silent and Bella giggled. "Goodnight."

xxx

"Hello?"

"Rosalie?"

"Bella, what is it? Is something wrong?" Rosalie's voice was laced with concern. Bella cringed when she looked and saw it was after ten.

"Sorry, I didn't realize it was so late."

"No, it's fine. Most people in their early thirties are not in bed at ten. Emmett and I are just… not that cool anymore."

"No, you're just a new mother," Bella reassured.

"No, we really are lame. What's up? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, great actually. Edward called me. He told me about the surgery. I begged to come and see him. He agreed, and I'm coming tomorrow." By the time Bella stopped to take a breath, she realized that everything she had just said probably sounded like one long run on sentence.

Bella felt tears spring to her eyes and her heart thumped at an unhealthy rate. Saying it out loud, telling someone else that she was seeing Edward, made it real. Bella wasn't sure if she could believe it was really happening. What if it wasn't and it was all a dream— a horrible nightmare that would leave her distraught?

"Really? Oh, Bella, I'm so glad he called you. He's come such a long way." Bella's heart swelled at Rosalie's protective nature in regards to Edward.

"Rosalie… I need a favor," the lighthearted tone she held moments ago vanished.

"Anything."

Relief flooded Bella as she told Rosalie all about her dilemma and asked for her help to resolve the situation.

xxx

Bella stared at herself in the mirror after trying on every item of clothing she owned. Turning side to side and then staring at herself head on she let out a frustrated growl and reached to take off her cardigan.

"Don't take it off, you look great." Bella spun around to see Alice standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

"Are you sure? I feel like you can see the peanut in this one," Bella whined.

"You're being paranoid. You look great," Alice said as she walked in with her makeup bag. "Sit," she commanded as she patted a spot on the bed next to her.

Bella turned to the side again to inspect the bump.

"Bella, why does it matter anyway? The reason you are going is to tell him about the peanut."

"I know, but I don't want him to find out by looking at me. I want to _tell_ him," Bella said as she dropped down on the mattress. Bella closed her eyes as Alice began the application process.

"How are you going to explain the hand?" Alice asked as she eyed the cast on Bella's wrist and hand.

"I'm going to tell him the same thing I told Rosalie, I fell when I was running in the rain," Bella shrugged.

"Oh," Alice gave a slow, exaggerated nod. "So… you're going to lie to him."

"No, I'm… protecting him." Alice started to speak, but Bella pressed on. "Alice, he is already going to have to deal with seeing me for the first time since the accident and find out he is going to be a father. I am not going to throw raging jealousy and anger in the mix."

"I don't know, Bella, I think—" Alice's words were cut off by a knock at the front door.

"That's Rosalie." Bella jumped up and headed for the door. "I hope she brought Tessa."

Alice sauntered slowly behind Bella and stopped at the end of the hallway with a knowing smile on her face.

Bella swung the door open and simultaneously her smile fell. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Baby Girl." Bella was frozen as Emmett grabbed her into a bear hug and spun her around. "I'm so proud of you, my little boxer."

Emmett set Bella down on her feet and she blinked several times wondering what the heck was going on. "What are you doing here? Where is Rosalie?"

Emmett maneuvered his way past her and made himself comfortable on the couch. "Oh, Rosalie didn't believe a word of your story about needing a ride because you broke your hand falling during a run. She called Alice to find out the truth." Bella's eyes swung from the brother who didn't seem to have a care in the world to her friend that looked at her with a devilish smile.

"What?" Alice asked. "I promised you I would never do or say anything to Jake. I never made a promise about anyone else."

Bella's eyes became saucers and her nostrils flared. "What did you do?" She looked back and forth between the two, not exactly sure which of the two she was speaking to. Since Emmett was sitting with a gloating smile on his face, she would put him off for a while. Zeroing in on Alice, she gave her a daring look.

"You may be okay with lying to people, but I'm not. Besides, Rosalie called me, I didn't call her." Bella crossed her arms and raised a brow in challenge. Alice stomped her foot and returned the stance. "Fine! I hate that dog. I always have. What he did was wrong and he deserved more than a couple of punches from you. Plus, I am so sick of listening to the phone's constant ringing. He needed to be rid of, and who better to do that than that guy," she said directing her thumb in Emmett's direction.

Bella stared down Alice a moment longer. What could she say to that? Bella was completely against violence and did not think it was a solution to a problem— if she had she would have castrated Mike a long time ago— but a small sliver of her knew that Alice was right. Jake probably wouldn't leave her alone without a fight. His calls were incessant and she didn't know how much longer she could go ignoring them before she went insane. Bella had already decided against legal action. It was only a kiss— if it was only a kiss why did it upset her so badly? She just wanted to pretend it never happened, never see Jake again, and go on with her life. She had enough to deal with, she couldn't add to her heaping plate of life.

As her eyes steered in the direction of her big brother, she grew anxious. "What, Rosalie then told you?"

"Hell, yeah, she did."

Bella closed her eyes and shook her head. Emmett's enthusiasm over the situation made her nervous. "What did you do?"

"I paid the loser a visit," Emmett responded non-saliently as he continued to fidget with the remote.

"And?" Bella demanded.

"I threatened his life… while holding him against a wall… by his neck."

Bella's mouth fell open. "He could press charges against you."

"HA! Yeah, right, that guy doesn't have the balls. He was so pathetic, it wasn't even fun. The whole time he was apologizing telling me how horrible he felt. The dude even started to cry. I swear I think you took his man card when you broke his nose." Emmett's eyes met his sister's with a wide grin. "Which, I am very proud of you for. I knew I trained you well." Bella felt pride shoot through her; she'd defended herself and her brother was proud of her. "Call me a softy if you want, but I can't beat the crap out of a guy who is crying and already looks trashed."

"That's it?" Bella asked relieved that nobody was going to get arrested on her behalf.

"Mostly," Emmett shrugged.

"What does that mean?" Bella asked sternly as she stood between Emmett and the television.

"I may or may not have tightened my grip around his neck while I threatened him about how he is not even allowed to be in your line of vision, dial your phone number, or even think of you or… I would finish him."

"Emmett!" Bella screamed.

"Don't worry; I dropped him to the floor right when he started to turn blue."

Alice laughed from the hallway. "Emmett, I think I might be in love with you. Too bad you're already taken."

"Most chicks are, Alice. You wouldn't be the first."

Bella rolled her eyes at the both of them and headed toward her room. Just as she stepped out of sight, she called, "Thank you, Em. I'll be ready in a minute."

"What about me? Don't I get a thank you?" Alice whined.

"No, Emmett did what he did to protect me. You did what you did just because you hate the guy." Just before entering her room she turned and smiled at Alice's offended face and winked at her.

xxx

Bella's shaking hand rapped on the door. She was breathless and she literally felt like her heart was going to leap from her chest. Bella felt some relief when she learned Rosalie wasn't home and Emmett had just dropped her off. The couple would be alone for a while. She had to tell Edward about the baby before Rosalie figured it out. Said relief quickly faded the moment she knocked on the barrier standing between her and Edward, turning her into a jumble of nerves.

"Come in," his velvety voice called.

When Bella's uncontrollable shaking hand connected to the door handle, it made a creepy rattling sound. Tightening her grip, she stopped the trembling and turned the knob. Struck with awe, Bella stood unmoving. Before her eyes, was Edward propped up in his bed, Kindle in hand, and bare from the waist up. She knew she should say something instead of standing there like a mute, but no sound would pull from her vocal chords. This was real… he was real. After all this time she was finally in the same room as her beloved.

Edward too sat staring back at her with his lips slightly parted. She could see his naked chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. His Kindle fell from his hands as they curled into balls.

"Hi," Bella was finally able to rasp out as the tears flowed down her cheeks. The control over her hysteric cries was lost when she saw a single tear fall from Edward's eye.

"Hi," Edward breathed back. "Don't cry, baby," Edward said as he stretched his arm toward her.

That was the only invitation she needed. Bella was across the room and sitting at Edward's side in two strides. As her body sunk into the mattress, her body fell over Edward as she wrapped her arms around his torso and sobbed against his chest. She felt his body tense and he hesitated before engulfing her in his own strong arms. Bella didn't care that he was unsure. She had waited too long for this moment and she wouldn't let go. A swat team would have to physically pry her away from him and drag her kicking and screaming before she would depart from his presence. As Bella's emotions began to subside, she was suddenly aware of Edward's own trembling body, his fingers clinging to her shirt, and the moisture pooling in the top of her head where Edward's cheek lay. Edward and Bella were unmoving. Content in the arms of their other half and not willing to shatter the moment that finally had them reunited.

"I've missed you so much," Bella sobbed.

"I'm sorry," Edward wept. "I'm so sorry," Edward kept chanting his apologies over and over in a gentle whisper as he ran his fingers through Bella's hair.

Bella's hands started to slowly roam Edward's body. Her fingers grazed raised flesh and it reminded her that Edward had been harmed. She sat upright and looked into his wet eyes.

"Am I hurting you?" She didn't wait for his response. "I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry. I can't—"

Edward cut her off, "Bella, stop, I'm fine. I haven't been this fine in a long time."

His big, strong hands slowly slid up Bella's arms leaving a trail of gooseflesh in its wake. Bella's breath held as his fingers followed the curve of her shoulders, to her neck, and coming to rest against her face. Time stood still as she allowed her eyes to flutter open and meet his green orbs. Entranced by the intense gaze he set on her, she was unprepared when his lips met hers. Tentatively his lips brushed her own once, twice, three times, before Bella grabbed the back of his neck holding his lips against her wanting mouth. The passion that they both had kept bridled for four long months was unleashed as their kisses conveyed what their hearts were saying. In desperate need for oxygen, Bella pulled away with a light gasp. As her breaths labored, Edwards lips traveled to her cheek, eyelids, chin, forehead, ear, neck and then back again. The hold he kept over her neck and cheek caused heat to burn where their flesh was connected.

"I love you, Bella, so much," Edward panted before reclaiming her lips again.

Bella's fingers dug into the flesh of his ribcage and she was once again reminded of the wounds Edward carried and she pulled away from him. Her fingers rubbed gently at the wound at his side and her eyes moved to see what her hands had discovered. His raised flesh still held the marks of stitches. Her eyes moved a mere two inches before she found another. In a game of connect the dots, Bella's eyes and fingers explored the new markings that Edward wore over his body. As she explored and traveled, Edward collapsed back against his pillow and sucked in a lungful of air every time Bella kissed a scar before moving on to another. The moment of intimacy was one neither had ever experienced; Bella almost felt as if it were sacred. When Bella reached his battered face, she spent extra time examining his wounded eyes. She watched the way one followed her movement and how the other didn't and it reminded her of why it was so important she come to him.

"It's disgusting, I know." Edward said with eyelids downcast.

"No, you're perfect."

"Bella—" he began to protest.

"Don't," she begged. "You're perfect for _me_." Their eyes spoke what neither could say and then Bella broke the silence with a simple, "I love you."

Edward kissed her again and then withdrew. "I don't want you out of my arms, but I need you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"Grab me my water and one of the pills in the large prescription bottle for me?" Edward nodded in the direction of the dresser a few feet away.

"Are you in pain?" Bella asked as she rose from the bed.

"No."

"Then why—" Bella stopped herself when she realized that the medication was for his anxiety and not his physical ailment.

Edward's voice sounded at her back, "I'm okay right now, but I can feel it bubbling just below the surface. I want to try and contain it. I know this kind of killed the moment, but I figured it would be worse if I waited."

"The moment isn't ruined." Bella turned to see him watching her and continued, "You're still here. We're together. That's all I care about." She handed him his pill and water and watched with a broken heart as he swallowed it down. Wishing she could make everything better for him, she felt engulfed with uselessness.

Edward handed the water bottle back to her. "What happened to your hand?" Bella tugged at the sleeve that had kept the majority of her cast covered.

"Uh, I fell when I was running. I… fractured my hand when… I tried to break my fall."

Edward's laugh rumbled behind her and she spun around to see Edward with his arms crossed over his chest. "Do you want to try that again?"

"What?" Bella asked confused.

"You're lying to me, Bella. What happened to your hand?"

Bella ran her fingers through her hair and let out a defeated groan. "Am I the worst liar on the earth?"

"Pretty much, what happened?"

"I fractured my knuckles and wrist…" Bella trailed off.

"Doing?"

Bella wished he would let it go. She knew he was going to be upset by what she confessed and she didn't want to end the bliss she was feeling with him. "I hit someone." Edward intently watched her, challenging her to continue. "Jake kind of—"

"What did he do?" Edward roared, as he sat himself more erect. Bella could see the muscles in his jaw and stomach coiling.

"He was drunk, he didn't—"

"What! Did! He! Do?" Edward demanded.

"He showed up at my work drunk and he…"

"What?" Edward was becoming extremely impatient.

"He forced himself against me and kissed me." Bella observed Edward's reaction through the tops of her lids and he was fuming. She plowed forward with the story hoping once he saw the situation had been resolved he would calm down. "As soon as he let go, I punched him—I think I broke his nose— and then I punched him in the gut and ran."

Edward grabbed her good hand and pulled her down next to him again. His hands caressed her face and then he reached down and took her plastered arm in his hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Is that all that happened? He didn't… I mean did he…"

"He only kissed me."

"But… it was… it was against your own will?"

Bella nodded.

"I'll kill him." Bella knew this was no empty threat.

"Emmett took care of that."

Edward's gaze flashed back at her. "What did he do?"

"He settled it. Jake won't be coming around anymore."

"That doesn't mean I won't destroy him if I ever lay eyes on him."

"Let's not talk about this anymore." She placed a consoling hand against his cheek. "I'm fine. I don't want Jake tainting our time together."

Edward shook his head.

"I'm fine, I promise," Bella whispered closely as she let her tongue skim the shell of his ear.

He shivered against her and his fingers continued to toy with her cast and then said, "You're right. So, what did you want me to see? I don't think it was the ten pounds, because you look even better than I remember."

Bella forced a smile as her heart stuttered. Had the moment already come? She wondered how long it took for Edward's medication to take effect. Mustering up her strength, Bella stood back up from the bed and made her way to Edward's dresser.

"Can I borrow this?" She asked pointing at his closed laptop.

With brows creased, he nodded his head.

"What I want to show you… I'm going to pull it up on the computer." Bella took a long breath before retreating toward the door. "I just need to get something out of my bag."

When Bella returned to the room with flash drive in hand, she found Edward sitting at the desk booting up the computer. "You didn't need to get up."

"It's fine," he waved her off.

"Oh… okay… I just need… I need to open some files…" she stammered. Bella's nerves were getting the better of her.

Edward nodded and opened his right arm to her. When she approached, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap in one swift motion.

Bella gasped, "Edward you're leg."

"My right leg's fine. Go ahead," he commanded as his arm remained wrapped around her in an iron grip.

Bella inserted the flash drive, quickly clicked on different files, turned up the volume, and expanded a video image on the screen.

"What's this?" Edward asked.

Bella prayed to God that she would have the strength to do this, to push the play button, to endure whatever Edward did or said, and to stay calm and composed as she told Edward the truth. She was comforted when Edward's thumb caressed her thigh in a rhythmic motion. With trembling hand, she guided the mouse toward the triangle play button and with one final inhale, clicked on it.

xxx

Bella's smiling face and her body laying back on white paper was the image that filled the screen. Then the camera spun on a pixie like face that Edward didn't recognize. She grinned into the camera and then squealed.

"Is that Alice?" Edward asked.

"Yes," Bella croaked.

Edward was worried about Bella's nervous state, but turned his attention from her and focused back on the video before him when a male's voice sounded through the computer. "Are you ready, Miss McCarty?" The camera was back on Bella as she gnawed away on her lip. Edward's stomach compressed wondering what would have Bella so worried, and it was now clear to him that she was in a doctor's office.

"Bella, you told me you were fine," Edward grumbled as his hand tightened around her leg.

"I am fine," Bella reassured, as her hand dropped down over his. Instinctively, he flipped his hand over and intertwined their fingers.

The camera focused in on a monitor that was black, with Bella's name in the corner. Before Edward had a chance to discern why the screen held Bella's name, it shifted into a grainy gray. The sound coming from the little speaker sounded like a cross between quick ocean waves and galloping horses. The image on the monitor began to change into different swirls of gray and black until he saw something moving to the same rhythm as the noise filling his ears. Edward had no idea what was before him, but whatever it was, it was pulling at the strings in his chest.

"There's the heartbeat," the same baritone voice Edward had heard before broke through the silence. Bella's voice followed, "Oh my goodness, I can see it."

Edward could feel the wheels in his head spinning as he tried to understand what Bella was showing him. But he couldn't think as the man's voice went on, "Here's the head, let me get a quick measurement."

Alice's sing song voice rang through next, "Oh, Bella, I can't believe it. This feels so real now."

"I know," Bella's voice sobbed.

Suddenly so many pieces seemed to come together in his head. Bella's letters telling him about how she wasn't going to participate in the marathon, her weight gain, her tiredness, the surprise coming in August, "_we_ need you", and her desperation for him to see something before his eye surgery. Like a flash, Edward's hand released Bella's and flattened against her abdomen. Something like a choke escaped Edward's mouth as he felt the firm bump beneath his palm. One of his favorite images of Bella appeared in his mind. Bella's head pressed firmly into his pillow, her ivory skin coated in a sheen of sweat writhing against his charcoal colored sheets as his body moved against hers. Her eyes never left his own as he watched her tumble into a world of pleasure.

_Bella's having a baby… my baby!_ The voice in Edward's head screamed.

Edward opened and closed his mouth several times, but he had no words. He was pulled from the whirling thoughts in his mind when his other hand on its own accord traveled to cover the swell of Bella's belly. Beneath his embrace he felt Bella's stomach shudder with her cries. Clamping onto her waist he removed her from his lap and stood her before him. More gently than he had ever maneuvered in his life, Edward raised Bella's shirt. Her hands replaced his, keeping the fabric from hindering his view. His fingers curled beneath the elastic waist of her pants and he slid them low on her hips. He could see her stomach expanding and contracting with her arduous breaths that matched his own. Then ever so slowly he leaned forward and kissed her tight skin that stretched over a rounded abdomen, and then rested his head against the encasing of his child. A guttural cry escaped his mouth and his whole body began to quake as his arms encircled Bella's hips. When he felt her fingers weave into his hair shivers ran through his body.

He was lost; lost in the embrace of the woman he loved and lost in the idea of having a child. He couldn't think of a time in his life where he felt happier and more terrified at the exact same time.

"I'm going to be a father," he whispered against her womb.

"Yes," Bella cried softly.

Bella, the person he planned on spending all of eternity with, was carrying his child. A product of their love for each other was already in the making. He knew in that moment his life had already changed. By that simple confirmation Bella had uttered, his world was no longer about him, or even him and Bella, it was about _his_ family. He didn't know he could love something so entirely in the blink of an eye, without it even being tangible.

"Can I feel her… move?" Edward asked with his cheek still pressed against Bella's stomach.

"No." Bella's fingers continued to twine in and out of his bronze locks. "I can, but I don't think you can yet."

Out of nowhere a tidal wave crashed over Edward's happiness, wiping out all of the joy he had just been lost in, squelching the flames of bliss. The darkness that had owned him for months began to ooze through him again.

_No_, _No, No_, he begged his subconscious. He could feel himself slipping, the happiness retreated from him and was being replaced with fear. His nerves started to take over and panic began to surge. He could feel that it was being suppressed by his medication, but it wasn't enough. He began to practice the breathing exercises his therapist had taught him, he tried to retreat to a place of security, and nothing was working. The fear of being out of control only furthered his building panic.

Bella dropped to her knees in front of him. "Edward, what's happening?" She bracketed his face forcing him to look at her.

"You need to go, Bella."

"What?" She cried. "No, I'm not leaving."

Edward could feel the slight bubbling turning into a full on boil inside of him. "Bella, I don't want you to go home. I just need you to leave for a little while."

She held firmly onto his face. "No! I'm not leaving you. We can get you through this together."

Edward shook his head. "Bella, I can't… I can't do this in front of you. Please…" he whispered. "Please, just leave."

He looked into Bella's soul begging for her to do what he was asking. Her tear filled eyes nearly ripped him into pieces, but he refused to be so weak and foolish in front of her.

"Go, Bella."

She stood from the floor and silently exited the room without a word. Edward's palms covered his face as he let out the cry of a desperate man. His hands slid into his hair and pulled hard trying to extricate some the internal pain he was enduring. As the panic encased him, questions of discouragement filled his brain. How could he ever be enough for Bella? How could he care for a child when he was lame and possibly never see again? How would he support them? How could he protect them from the roller coaster of his moods and emotions? Pulling himself up onto his good leg, he hobbled toward the dresser and then with the swoop of one arm, shoved all of its contents onto the floor as a roar of frustration and pain escaped him. He turned towards his bed and was distracted by the angel standing in his doorway with a look of utter fear on her face.

xxx

So my fantasy of all Edward's has waned slightly, because of a new contestant on Dancing with the Stars. Is anyone else in awe of William Levy? He is officially at the top of my celebrity list now. Sorry Josh Duhamel, you've been replaced. If you don't know who he is, google him.

Leave me some love.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

I'm sorry about this delay. My kids and I went out of town for spring break and then I was in a, "I really miss my husband funk." Then my beta had some company and a busy schedule. Be patient with us. I won't leave this story unfinished and my beta is very generous to give her free time to me and all of you. Thank you for waiting it out, I appreciate it.

xxx

"Go, Bella," Edward commanded.

That morning, on her ride to Edward's, she'd prepared herself for this possibility. In an attempt to be equipped for such scenario, she had researched endlessly. The problem was that there were so many different methods and so many variations of the disease, it was impossible for her to know how to handle Edward exactly. Taking the few things she knew about Edward's coping mechanisms and the glimpses of what he was going through, she had narrowed it down to a few techniques to help her nerves and extinguish Edward's suffering when it roared its ugly head. And yet, here she stood staring the nightmare down and every plan oozed from her mind as she watched Edward crumble. Not knowing what else to do other than obey his command, she stood from the floor and silently walked away. Only a few steps outside the door, she heard Edward's tormented cry, triggering a painful, burning, knot in her chest. As seconds passed and the ache burned, she resolved to help this man. Her hands came to her head in an attempt to recall the information she'd found. She cursed her anxiousness and pregnancy brain for making her forget. Silently she whispered a prayer, asking God to help her know what to say and do. Abandoning Edward was not an option. She turned back toward his bedroom.

As Bella observed Edward trying to cope with his demons, she felt like she was trapped in a locked cage unable to do anything to end his pain. When Edward attempted to stand on his own, Bella took a tentative step forward. She stopped when a feral growl escaped Edward as he propelled everything off the top of his dresser. Again, she wanted to run to his aid, but was unsure of the capacity of his explosive frustration. Deep down she knew Edward would never hurt her, but she'd read studies of those diagnosed with PTSD becoming completely different people while being consumed by their fear and anger. Her priority right now is to keep the peanut safe. After all, isn't that her primary responsibility now? Her baby had to come first. Bella tugged her fingers through her hair at the frustration she was experiencing. It literally felt as if two ropes were tied around her, pulling her in two entirely different directions. One rope disappeared down the hall, pulling her away from Edward. The other, was attached to Edward, telling her not to run away from him.

Edward turned, ready to tear into something else, but stilled when he met her eyes. Refusing to break the trance between them, she really looked into Edward's green orbs. Instantly she acknowledged his torment, frustration, defeat, and emptiness that weren't there before. Compassionately, she realized her frustration was only a grain of sand, compared to the enormity of what he carried within him.

Bella's heart broke as Edward dropped his hands to his mattress, his head falling between his biceps. His muscles were pulled like taut ropes across his back. His arms tightened and then released as he began to shudder. Bella was worried that he was succumbing to rage until he spoke.

"Bella… I can't control what I'm feeling. There is no stopping it when it careens within me. I could hurt you, Bella. That's why I need you to please… just leave," he was barely able to rasp out the last words.

Salty moisture caressed Bella's lips and her tongue darted out to remove it. She hadn't realized she was crying. Her gut was telling her to go to him, but she wasn't going to deny the slight fear that weighed on her chest. She'd never seen Edward violent before, but as she looked at his large and muscular stature, combined with his military training, she knew they could combine for a lethal weapon. Bella's foot ebbed outside the doorway to make her escape. But just as quickly as she had been engulfed in fear, it receded. In its place was an overwhelming feeling of security and assurance that Edward loved her and he would not hurt her. She froze a moment to make sure that feeling wasn't fleeting. When she was confident in what her instincts were telling her, she took a step back toward the room. Bella had always been a firm believer in following personal instincts. And right now, gut feeling screamed for her to go to him.

Taking slow and measured steps toward him she spoke, "I'm not going anywhere."

Edward's head rocked from side to side, but he remained silent. It wasn't a convincing _no_. She knew the battle within him was just as strong as the one waging inside of her.

Maintaining a sense of security, but also letting Edward know she was there for him she stood on the opposite side of the bed.

"I'm not going anywhere," she repeated, answering his questioning eyes now looking up at her.

Edward turned away from her and sat down on the edge of the bed. The muscles in his back were rigid and his shoulders stretched tight. Her presence had not relieved him of his anxiety.

"Talk to me, Edward," Bella begged. "Don't push me away."

"What do you want me to say?" Edward replied with a bite.

"Help me understand. Tell me what you're feeling. What triggered this?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders. Bella could feel the mattress bouncing against her thighs as Edward's knee jerked up and down at a rapid speed.

Resigned that she would have to carry the conversation, Bella went on, "Are you upset about the baby?"

"No."

"Are you sure about that?"

Edward didn't answer right away. Her nerves coiled as she waited for his response. She wasn't sure if she could bear it if he didn't want the peanut. The silence seemed to drag on forever and tears started to fill Bella's eyes… again, and then he spoke.

"I know that I'm excited about the baby… I'm not sure if I can carry the responsibility of a family right now."

Bella didn't know the right thing to say. The responsibility of a child is overwhelming under the best of circumstances; forget adding on PTSD, unmarried, and no plans for the future. Desperate for any reassurance she could give, she spit out, "Well, the baby isn't here yet. We have a few months."

Edward groaned and Bella watched him cautiously. "Bella the things that are terrifying me aren't going to go away in a few months. Maybe not even in a year." His hands clenched into fists and pressed down into the sheets beneath him. "What if I don't get better? What if I go blind or can't walk without a cane, Bella?" Bella began to speak, but Edward spoke over her. "How could I support you? You would have to support an invalid. I would never see what kind of beauty you and I created together. I wouldn't be able to teach my kids how to dribble a soccer ball or throw a baseball. I'd never be able to look into your eyes and know if you were truly happy."

Like a flowing river, the tears continued to pour down Bella's face. Because she'd never loved anyone like she loved Edward, she had no idea the force of sadness that could overcome her as she tried to absorb Edward's pain.

There were no answers, no reassurances she could give him that everything would be alright. "We'll cross those bridges when we get there. We can't waste our time worrying over the 'what if's.' We have to live right now. How we feel about each other right now. What we want right now. What makes us happy right now," she spoke forcefully. "And the rest we will figure out as we go," she said shrugging her shoulder.

Edward rose quickly, swaying slightly on his feet. Bella began to move toward him and stopped as he yelled, "I refuse to trap you, Bella!"

Bella let out a snort. "Isn't it usually the pregnant girl that is doing the trapping?" The words had escaped her without thought and she held her breath awaiting his response.

He didn't laugh or give a retort, but she saw some of the tension leave his body. Then dejectedly he said, "You know what I mean."

Bella's anger started to pulse and she tried to tamp it down, but it refused to be controlled. "You have two choices Edward. You can tell me to leave, sit here and wallow in your sadness, and give up on life. Or you can keep working like you have been, let me be there for you, and get better. What do _you_ want to do?"

"But, what if—"

"That's not what I asked you," Bella cringed as she realized her chastising voice sounded exactly like her mother. "What do _you_ want to do?"

Spinning around to face her, Bella realized that much of his tension had already dissipated, but there was still fear in his eyes. "You know I want you! You know I want to get better!"

"Then don't push me away, let me be here for you." Edward started to shake his head. "When you told me to leave a few minutes ago, did you really think you would hurt me, or were you embarrassed to let me see you that way?"

Edward opened and closed his mouth several times and Bella waited patiently. She wanted him to really think about his answer. Not just for her, but for him.

"This was what I was afraid of," Bella could hear him fighting to control his emotions. "I never wanted you to see me so weak, to look at me so fearfully, or to question whether you should be with me." His eyes bore into hers. "You were scared… I saw it, Bella."

So many options ran through Bella's head at that moment. She was not confident in how she should reply to Edward's observation. She always wanted to be completely honest. However, she wondered if this was one of those moments where she needed to tread carefully for the benefit of his health. She took several labored breaths and tried to avoid Edward's piercing stare. Bella wished more than anything she had spoken to a professional, therapist, physician, victim, anyone that could have helped her to know how to handle a person suffering from PTSD. She wanted to claw her hands through her hair and scream. Never in her life had she felt so inadequate, unprepared, and helpless. Her gut hadn't failed her yet, so she went with what it was telling her; complete honesty.

"I _was_ scared," she whispered. "I've never seen you angry like that before. It was even worse, because I felt like I had caused that anger."

Edward's head rocked back and forth and his hands ran through his short hair. "No, it wasn't you. I was just…. I started to feel overwhelmed at the magnitude of this new responsibility, it came so quickly." His chest heaved. "And then the darkness… it took over. It made me feel out of control."

"That's another thing that scared me. I was terrified you were angry about this baby." Bella's eyes fell to the swell of her stomach.

Edward's eyes followed Bella's and he said, "That couldn't be further from the truth, Bella." Her worried eyes darted up to his seeking the truth she hoped he was giving.

The tension was slowly evaporating from the room, and Bella felt herself relax. They were overcoming this obstacle… together.

Edward looked up at Bella with anguish in his eyes. The lingering darkness and anger no longer resided in his countenance, only sadness. "I want to be the man you fell in love with, Bella. I feel him inside me somewhere," Edward said as he pressed a fist to his chest. "Sometimes I almost feel like I'm him." Bella watched as Edward struggled to explain what he was feeling. "It's like… I almost… it feels as if the real me is trapped behind bars, and to get out I have to search through a mountain of keys to open the lock. Every day I feel like the mountain is dwindling into a hill, and maybe one day it will feel like a pile, but sometimes it is happening at an excruciatingly slow pace. If I could just get through the damn keys, I could be who you once loved."

"I still love you, Edward."

"But you deserve more, Bella. The baby deserves more."

"Stop saying that!" Bella yelled. "I'm tired of you saying that. Let me decide what I want and what I deserve. You are still _you_. You just need to get better. Your soul has to heal just like your leg and your eyes. Be patient with yourself."

Edward's eyes grew startled by Bella's forcefulness. "What if my eye and leg don't get better?"

"Then we'll deal with it." Bella saw that dejected look across his face, so she pressed on. "How did we fall in love?"

One corner of Edward's mouth rose and Bella's insides did a flip-flop. "Letters," he said.

"Well, then wouldn't it be safe to say it wasn't your leg or eyes I'm in love with?"

The corner of Edward's mouth expanded a little higher and Bella felt her insides soaring. They were doing this. Together they had calmed his anxiety and chased away the stupid darkness he experienced. In Bella's mind the scoreboard read, Bella and Edward, one, PTSD, zero. She blew out a breath as she thought of the hundreds or thousands more battles to defeat together… but she knew they would. One battle at a time.

Edward's hand stretched out toward her and she thought her heart might burst in her chest. Bella raised her brows questioningly.

Edward gave a crooked half grin. "Come here. I'm okay now." Bella took tentative steps around the bed until she was at Edward's side.

Taking her fingers in his hand, Edward asked, "Bella, why are you being so supportive? Why did you even walk back in this room?" Bella could hear the lack of faith Edward had in himself and she refused to let him go back.

"Look at me," she commanded pulling his face up to look at her. "Did you not ask me to marry you?"

"Bella, I'm not going to hold you up to that. I understand—"

"Did you and do you want to marry me?" She repeated and Edward nodded. "Do you want to have this baby with me?"

"More than anything."

"Then that's all I need to know. The thought of being with you forever has never left my mind. Not for a second. That's why I'm here. The whole vow thing, till death do us part, in sickness and in health… well, I've already started abiding by those promises. I'm not going anywhere just because you are sick, injured, or even having a little bit of a pity party." She smirked. "I love you, Edward, and that's not contingent upon your ability to run a marathon or make me millions of dollars. I love you!" She gently tightened her hands on his cheeks, feeling the stubble on his face scratch her palms. "You got that?"

Dropping himself back onto the bed, Edward looked up as tears streamed down his face, "I love you, Bella. I don't deserve you, but I'll love you until the day I die."

Leaning over, Bella kissed away the tears that poured. Slowly she tried to make her way down toward his lips, but stilled when she felt Edward's hands slither under her shirt and rest on her belly. She stood frozen, bracing herself on Edward's biceps as his fingers continued to graze the bump that was the product of the intimacy the two had shared. She didn't say a word as she allowed him to have this moment with his child. Bella had had months to accept and become excited about the baby. Edward had only had a moment. She would give him all of the time he needed to understand, accept, and fall in love with their baby inside of her.

"Can you really wait for me to get back to… me?"

"Absolutely."

"How can you know that?"

Bella could see the shame and fear that filled his beautiful countenance. "Because you love me, and you're worth the wait. I don't—"

Her words were cut off as his hand pulled her neck toward hers and his lips covered her own. Bella stepped further into Edward and slid her hands around his shoulders clinging to this moment of closeness. She kissed him with a controlled passion. She tinkered between succumbing to Edward's enrapturing mouth and keeping her senses heightened to Edward's emotional state. The more she pulled herself from her own bliss, the more she became alert to the rapid changes occurring in Edward. He was already so much calmer than he had been mere seconds before. His tense body was now relaxed and molding with hers. His jaw was no longer clenched and straining. As his mouth opened and closed against her own, it became soft and bending. His hands no longer were balled into fists, but relaxed fingers dragged up and down her back. She couldn't help but smile as she absorbed the changes that overcame him… because of her.

xxx

Bella was starting to feel utterly drained. She had been nowhere near prepared for the emotional roller coaster she'd be riding today. Of course she knew that seeing Edward again would be emotional, but she hadn't been equipped for the breakdown and the recovery. She definitely wasn't prepared for the overwhelming love she would experience as she watched Edward realize he was going to be a father. She didn't know the pain she would suffer watching Edward go through excruciating torment during his physical therapy. The fear she would feel listening to the doctor talk about the surgery on Edward's eyes the next day and the risks that came along with it. The overwhelming sense of having nothing left to give emotionally engulfed her. Then she was asked to take it a mile further.

"Miss McCarty," a woman asked from the doorway Edward had walked through thirty minutes before. Bella erected her slumped body in the leather sofa she'd been occupying.

"Yes," she answered clearing her throat.

"I'm Dr. Weber, Edward's psychologist," she greeted making her way toward Bella. Bella stood and shook her hand. "I was wondering if you might join Edward and me for the remainder of his session."

Bella's heart rate accelerated. "Does… does _he_ want me to join you?"

She nodded with a sympathetic smile.

"Okay."

When Bella walked through the door she found Edward slumped in a couch identical to the one she'd just been sitting in. He extended his hand toward her and smiled. She returned the grin and slid into the leather seat next to him. He rested his hand on her thigh and she laced her fingers over his.

"Well, Bella, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you," Dr. Weber said as she crossed her leg over the other and tugged her skirt down to her knee.

Nervous eyes darted from the doctor to Edward questioningly.

Dr. Weber giggled, "Don't be worried, Bella." Edward squeezed Bella's leg in reassurance. "I understand congratulations are in order?"

Bella smiled, thrilled by the idea that Edward had told his doctor about the baby and she didn't seem to think it was a problem. "Yes, thank you."

"You must have been anxious to tell Edward about the baby."

"Yes… and no."

Edward glanced at her with brows furrowed together. "Why didn't you want to tell me?"

"Of course I was anxious for you to know, but you've been through a lot… I wasn't sure if you could handle it." Dr. Weber nodded, encouraging Bella to keep speaking. "When you wouldn't speak to me or write to me, I feared that you might have changed your mind about me, and that you weren't ready to be a father."

Edward nodded, acknowledging that he had given her reason to be untrusting of his feelings.

"Those are very typical concerns with an unplanned pregnancy. How do you feel now that you have told him?"

"Well," Bella started and then stopped when her teeth began to gnaw into her lower lip. Her flesh was relieved when Edward reached over with his thumb and released it. "I was so excited that he was happy and felt relief in having support during this pregnancy, but then I panicked watching his second reaction."

"Yes, Edward told me about his attack. Your discussion went well following and all misunderstandings seem to be cleared."

Edward and Bella both acknowledged with a nod and Edward squeezed Bella's fingers.

"But, Bella, what I'd like to ask you is. What made you decide to come back in the room when Edward told you to leave? Were there any feelings of fear, self-preservation, or panic?"

"Yes… I felt all of those things." Bella could feel Edward's head drop forward at her side. Bella hesitated, she didn't want to back pedal in their progress. However, she knew that Dr. Weber was a professional. She wouldn't have asked Bella to answer that tough question if she didn't think Edward would be okay or possibly benefit from her words. "I was scared for me and the baby, but I don't know… suddenly it was all gone and I was filled with the confidence that Edward would never hurt me. I really wanted us to try and work through it together and there was no thought in my mind other than helping to relieve some of his pain."

"You are a very brave woman, Bella. You're a lucky man, Edward."

"I know," Edward said as his eyes penetrated Bella's leaving her filled with the reassurance that she had done the right thing by being honest.

Dr. Weber re-crossed her legs and made a note on the pad that rested on her lap. "I would like to make a couple of recommendations for the two of you while you endure this trial in Edward's life and prepare for your future together." Edward and Bella both straightened in their seats ready to absorb whatever the doctor would counsel them. "I think it would be a good idea for the two of you to take a couple of weeks to establish trust in each other before you try to tackle the hard decisions you have ahead of you." Bella scrunched her brows at this advice. The entire world is constantly instilling fear in individuals that there is no time to waste. You have to be prepared and plan every detail of your life. Then suddenly, there was this professional telling them to slow down— Bella's heart warmed to the woman she already liked. However, even though she liked and trusted Edward's doctor, she couldn't help the nerves that coursed through her, constantly causing worry over what they were going to be doing about jobs, living, the baby, and Edward's recovery.

Sensing Bella's confusion, the doctor went on, "Bella you need to learn who Edward is again, learn the boundaries Edward has set, and conquer the underlying fear of not knowing what his reactions and responses will be." Dr. Weber's chocolate colored eyes shifted toward the man at Bella's side. "Edward, you need to work on trusting yourself and overcoming your own fears of hurting Bella. The more you worry, the more likely you are to trigger an episode. You also need to trust in Bella. I can sense your fear that she is going to leave you." Bella's heart clenched. Why wasn't he sure of her love and commitment to him? Had she not made her feelings clear? She shook her thoughts from her head as she heard the professional before her continue. "If I am correct, you two haven't really spent much time just being together either. It is important that the two of you take the time to enjoy each other for a few weeks, After rediscovering each other, then take on all that this complicated world has handed the two of you."

Silence filled the small office. Neither Bella nor Edward knew how to respond to this recommendation. Shouldn't they be preparing for their future so Edward wouldn't endure more stress? How do they go about building this trust when they both needed to tread so carefully around this disorder? Bella could see in Edward's expression that these same questions swam through his mind.

"I can see your uncertainty. Let me talk you through this," Dr. Weber offered. She set her notepad on the table and then leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees.

Bella let out a breath of relief. Finally, someone who understood Edward, his disease, and her personal fears, was going to talk her through these important steps of coping with Edward's terrible illness.

xxx

She'd only been asleep for mere minutes, when her brother's booming voice echoed in the house.

Edward was near sleep by the time the cab dropped them off at Emmett and Rosalie's driveway earlier that day. He'd been to the eye surgeon, physical therapist, and one marathon psychologist visit. Bella knew she was drained; she couldn't comprehend how exhausted he must have felt.

After watching her fiercely independent boyfriend make his way shakily into his room, she helped him get settled into bed. She gave him his oral medication, administered his eye drops, pulled off his shoes, and kissed him tenderly before leaving him. It finally felt good to be able to do something for him. All these months she'd felt so useless to him and envious of the people that were able to take care of him. She now was able to be the one to see to his needs and meet them.

She'd collapsed on the couch without even bothering to remove her shoes. Her last thoughts before falling asleep were, _baby steps, things will get better, one baby step at a time_.

Now, she sat up on the couch as her brother and his family filled the space around her. "Shh, Edward's sleeping. You are so unusually loud, Emmett."

Bella stood and smiled as she looked at her best friend. "I still can't figure out what you ever saw in him," she stated nodding her head in Emmett's direction.

Rosalie grinned and said, "I ask myself that all of the time." In two strides they were hugging each other. Immediately Rose pulled away wide eyed and looked down at Bella's belly and then up into her eyes again.

Emmett intruded on the unspoken conversation occurring between Rose and Bella. "She married me because she couldn't quit fantasizing about me."

Neither of the women spared a glance toward the man, let alone respond to his chiding remark.

Emmett stood in wait and then asked, "What's wrong?"

Both women looked at Emmett with tear filled eyes. Bella's mouth opened and then shut. Suddenly, she was terrified to tell her brother what he would never figure out on his own. Rosalie opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the deep voice coming from behind Bella.

"Bella's pregnant," Edward spoke proudly as he made his way to Bella's side.

Emmett's body stilled and his eyes widened. "Is it yours?"

"Emmett," Bella yelled in shock, but really not expecting any less of her blunt brother. "Of course it's his."

Emmett turned and headed down the hallway without saying a word.

"Where did he go?" Bella asked Rosalie.

"Beats me." Rose shrugged and then engulfed both Bella and Edward in a hug. "I should be crazy mad that you didn't tell me, but I'm just so happy for you both."

"Thank you," Bella cried. "It feels so good for everyone to know—"

Rosalie's expanding eyes matched the sound coming from her mouth. "Uh-oh."

Edward looked at Rosalie's terrified face in confusion. "What's—"

Before Edward was able to finish his question, Bella looked over her shoulder. She saw Emmett coming down the hallway with a gun in hand. Rosalie quickly moved to the other side of the room and sat Tessa in her pack-n-play, then made her way toward her husband. Bella placed herself between Edward and Emmett. All three actions took place in a span of ten seconds. Bella knew Emmett wouldn't be thrilled with the out of wed lock baby, but she wasn't expecting violence.

"What are you doing, Em?" Bella asked. She could feel Edward's crutch shaking against her backside and his chest not expanding with breath. Bella was grateful Edward had taken his medication just before laying down and that it seemed to be working.

Emmett barreled past Rosalie as she tried to push against his chest to stop him. But instead of heading toward Edward and Bella, he went straight for the front door. He flung the door open and then waved Edward and Bella toward him with the armed hand. The other three sets of eyes in the room looked at each other questioningly.

Rosalie was the first brave voice to speak, "Are you kicking them out?"

"No! We're going to find a minister."

"What?" Rose, Edward, and Bella all questioned.

"Come on. You two…," he pointed at Edward and Bella, "…are going to get married. Let's go."

A burst of laughter exploded from Rosalie, but Edward and Bella were still too scared to laugh at an armed Emmett.

"It's not funny, Rosalie. He knocked up my sister and now he's going to marry her."

Bella's horror faded as she realized Emmett wasn't going to kill Edward; this was just his ridiculous attempt at a shotgun wedding. She shook her head at her brother's actions. Did he think it was nineteen-ten? This was not how she had planned on her family finding out she was pregnant, and this definitely wasn't the reaction she was expecting… who was she kidding, this was mild compared to what she thought she would get from Emmett. Part of her wanted to be upset at Edward for just blurting the news out and another part of her knew it was his news to share just as much as hers. Plus, she couldn't deny the excitement that coursed through her realizing he was eager to share their news. There was no hiding from it now, she had to meet this head on and get it over with.

"Emmett, we aren't getting married today."

"Tomorrow? So Mom and Dad can be here?"

"No, Em," Bella stated factually.

Emmett's confused expression turned toward Edward. "You said you didn't sleep with her."

"I didn't." Emmett's brows rose and then he looked at Bella's mid-section and back at Edward again. "I hadn't at your parent's house, when you asked me if I had." Edward's hand slid around Bella's waist and he pressed her body against his.

Emmett's face gave away all of his thoughts. The scrunched brows gave away his attempt to figure out when the baby was conceived. Then it relaxed when he concluded it was before Edward left on assignment. When Emmett realized his plan had failed, his gun dropped to his side. Then his face saddened when he looked at Bella's stomach covered by Edward's hand. Bella understood her brother's disappointment and was sympathetic to his frustration. Of course she didn't want to be a mother before she was a wife, and she wanted this baby to be born into a family. The whoops situation was not ideal, but life doesn't always go according to plan. Bella made a choice and now she was dealing with the consequences of her actions the best way she knew how. Bella knew that she and Edward were going to eventually get married, but she wasn't going to put the pressure on Edward in his current state of health. Her reluctance was confirmed as personal inspiration when they had spoken with the therapist today. Sure, she would have married Edward immediately if that was what he wanted, but that wasn't in the cards for them right now. It pained her to know that she had let her brother down. She wanted to cry imagining the pain this would cause her parents, but she loved Edward and she already loved the peanut. She would have to face the music.

Bella searched her mind for the right words to say and kept falling short. Then Edward's words broke her thoughts.

"Emmett… I love your sister more than anything on this earth. I will marry her, but it's up to us to decide when that's going to happen."

An awkward pause lingered in the room and then Rosalie's beautiful giggle caused a cautious smirk to cover each face. "Emmett, Babe, I can't believe you thought you were going to force your little sister into a shotgun wedding." She sauntered over to her husband, caressed his cheek with one hand and kissed the other cheek. Then gently, she took the gun from her husband's hand and disappeared down the hallway.

Emmett rested his hands on his hips and looked down at the ground thoughtfully. He looked up with a crooked grin on his face. "I looked like Dad, didn't I?"

Bella nodded, trying to contain the laughter bubbling up in her throat.

"Sorry," Emmett mumbled.

Allowing the laughter to escape, Bella ran over and threw her arms around her brother. "Now that the gun isn't in your hands, it is hilarious. I love that you love me that much, Emmett. You're an amazing big brother. I'm so lucky to have you." She could feel Emmett taking in a deep breath to say something and she stopped him. "Don't make me regret saying that."

Emmett squeezed her back lifting her off the ground. "I can't believe my baby sister is having a baby."

"I know, it still feels so surreal," Bella confessed into her brother's shoulder.

"When are you due?" Rosalie asked.

Emmett lowered her to her feet and Bella turned to face her sister-in-law. "August thirtieth."

Rosalie had crossed the room and was pushing Bella's hair back behind her shoulders. "You're almost five months. Do you know what you are having?"

Bella looked down at her twiddling fingers. "No, I was waiting to see if Edward wanted to know… and… and if he wanted to be there." She looked up to meet Edward's piercing gaze and looked at him questioningly.

Maneuvering on his one crutch, he made his way to Bella and kissed her hard and fast. Then he pulled back. "I love you," he whispered. "I can't believe you've waited for me… included me… and loved me."

"Do you want to find out?"

"Do you?" Edward returned the question.

"I can't decide."

"Let's wait then. We'll wait until one of us is dying to know, or until she comes."

"You keep saying she," Bella said as she rubbed her hands up and down his forearms.

"I do?"

Bella nodded, digging her teeth into her lower lip.

"What do you say?"

"I don't think I say he or she. I call it… well, I made up this name after the first ultra sound… I call the baby, peanut."

A booming laugh erupted from Edward, a laugh she hadn't heard in nearly five months and it warmed her insides. "I love it," Edward exclaimed. "Peanut," he repeated as he rubbed Bella's womb for the thousandth time that day.

xxx

Finally the sun had set on one of the longest days of Edward and Bella's lives. Their bellies were full, the house was quiet after the McCarty family had retired to bed, and they lay snuggled in Edward's bed watching _Survivor _episodes Edward had recorded.

"You look exhausted," Edward said has he ran his fingers down the side of Bella's face.

"I'm sure I do. This is the first time I've stayed up past nine in months."

"You should go to bed."

"But, I'm cozy here." Bella pulled her body flush against the side of Edward's, sliding her arm across his bare chest, and kissing his shoulder.

"Don't tempt me, Bella," Edward pleaded through gritted teeth.

Rising up on one elbow, Bella looked into Edward's eyes. "Fine, I just want a kiss goodnight."

His hand grasped the back of her neck and he pulled her down to meet his lips. Bella didn't want just a kiss from Edward though, she wanted more. Unsure if it was the distance, time, or the extra hormones, Bella didn't care, she just knew she had to have more— more of Edward. She deepened the kiss and dug her fingers into his shoulders. Hands splayed across her back, he pulled her tighter against him and let out a groan. The muted noise was all the encouragement Bella needed as she rose to her knees, straddled Edward's hips, and lay flush against his torso. Edward's hands were everywhere in a frenzy, grabbing onto any part of her he could. Bella's enthusiasm peaked with each grope. Her mouth roamed to his neck, his chest, and back to his swollen lips. The whimpers coming from Bella's lips were only encouraging both of their wants and the flaming fire within them. Sitting up astride Edward, Bella pulled her shirt up over her head and then froze when she met Edward's face.

Edward's hands were threaded through his hair and his eyes clamped shut. His head shook from side to side in slow motion. "I want you so bad, Bella." Her smile returned to her face and she started to lean forward. "But, I can't. I told you, before you came. I can't do this yet. I don't know what can happen to me if I lose control for one minute. I won't risk it."

Bella pulled up her shirt against her chest in humiliation. Edward had warned her and explained all of this to her, but she couldn't help the feeling of rejection.

Edward's fingers curled under her chin forcing Bella to look at him. "Hey, I _want_ you… badly. But, I love you too much… and the peanut, to risk hurting either of you. It will happen, just not tonight, okay." Edward brushed a tear from Bella's face and pulled her back down into an engulfing hug and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Putting on a fake smile, Bella sat up and nodded at him. "I know, it's okay. I'm going to go to bed now."

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as Bella pulled on her shirt and crawled off of the top of him.

"Yup, I just need to be not near you right now." Edward's face contorted and he started to say something. Bella held up her hand stopping him. "Not because I'm mad, I'm just sexually frustrated right now."

Before he could say anything else, Bella leaned over and kissed him one last time, and then walked out the door.

xxx

Bella's eyes shot open as she was jolted out of her sleep by a roaring scream. She sat upright on the couch and waited to hear the sound again, there was nothing. As she was about to lay back down, the sound echoed again and she knew it was Edward. As she stood from the couch, the hall light flicked on and Bella squinted at the blinding light. She made her way to the hallway, just as Emmett was about to open Edward's door. He looked at Bella with a stern look, shook his head no, and went into Edward's room, closing the door behind him. For the first time in her life, she didn't question Emmett's command. Dropping back against the wall, Bella wrapped her arms around her torso and slid to the ground as she listened to Edward's agonizing cries and the Emmett's muffled talking. It felt like it went on for hours, but she was sure it had only been minutes when Emmett walked out of the room.

He looked down at his sister and helped her up. Keeping hold of her hand, he led her out to the living room and dropped down on the couch that was her temporary bed.

"Is he okay?" Bella asked with a trembling voice.

"Bella, I've been sympathetic to your situation with Edward since day one. I've backed you, I've told Edward he was being an idiot, and sometimes I think you deserve more. But, I agree with Edward on this." Bella looked at him questioningly. "You cannot share a bed with him and you can't go to him when he is having these night terrors. Not until he gets better."

"Emmett, I love him, we're having a baby, and we're getting married. He can't hide from me. I don't care; I won't think less of him just because he is having bad dreams."

Emmett dropped his head back on the couch and let out an exaggerated breath. "Bella, it's not about that. It's about your safety." Bella began to shake her head and Emmett wasn't going to let her ignore her reality. "Bella, you have no idea what you are dealing with. We are trained to survive in combat, no matter the cost. If Edward is dreaming of a battle in that hell hole dessert we've been fighting in, and your knee or elbow bumped into his back, what do you think will happen? Do you honestly think that will make him pull out of his dream, roll over, and wrap his arms around you?" Bella didn't say anything; she knew Emmett didn't want an answer. "No, he is going to think it's a damn terrorist with a gun at his back. What do you think his automatic reaction will be? He's going to flip over in the darkness of your bedroom and defend himself against what his mind thinks is a danger."

Bella had no words. She'd never thought of it that way. She never knew it could be that bad. They hadn't discussed Edward's night terrors in the session with Dr. Weber that day, but maybe this is what she had meant by, "accepting Edward's boundaries."

"I've never been under an attack like Edward experienced; I never thought they had bested me. And I've never been diagnosed with PTSD. However, I've suffered some emotional distress after combat. I've had those nightmares, Bella, and they are as real as you sitting here across from me. You've got to trust him when he says he could endanger you. I've watched him today, Bella. The man loves you. He knows that keeping you at arms distance for so long was a mistake. He also knows that inside of you is a whole other reason to keep him progressing and moving forward. He's working hard trying to get right for you and that baby you're carrying. He's not going to let you down again, I feel it. Give him what he needs. I'm not just talking about not sleeping in his room. Let me handle the nightmares. Give him his dignity."

"How long will they go on?"

"I don't know." Emmett rubbed at the back of his neck. "They were almost every night when he got here. Now, it's only about once or twice a week.

"Trust me, I saw the look on his face when you were rubbing all over him under the dinner table tonight. He's going to want you back in his bed as soon as he knows you will be safe." Bella's eyebrows shot up in horror and Emmett gave her a knowing look. "Yeah, you weren't hiding anything."

"Bella," Emmett's voice rasped, "This baby is going to come whether you and Edward are ready or not. She's not going to stay inside of you until he gets better and you guys map out your ten year plan." Bella smiled realizing that Emmett had referred to the peanut as a girl. "I see your struggle and I want him healthy too, but what if it takes years? Are you willing to put your life on hold waiting for him to be better, because there are no guarantees he will be."

Bella could feel a lump building in her throat. She loved Edward with all of her heart. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She was willing to wait for him to recover before getting married and moving on with their lives, but what if Emmett was right? What if that day never came? Her teeth dug into her lip, as she contemplated all of the possibilities. With tears in her eyes she looked at her big brother and said, "I just can't imagine my life without him." The sobs racked her chest and Emmett pulled her up into his bear hug of an embrace.

"Shhh," Emmett soothed.

Bella pulled from Emmett's embrace and saw Edward standing in the doorway with a broken expression and her heart wrenched.

Xxx

I found the perfect song for this story. It is one of my favorite songs right now. Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up."

Do you know what would be super awesome? If Sincerely, Lieutenant Cullen reached two thousand reviews this chapter. I would be so very grateful if you helped to make that happen. Thanks to all of you that do take the time to let me know what you think.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

I want you all to know that I am not a doctor, nor have I trained in any type of the medical field. All of my information regarding PTSD, cornea transplants, psychology sessions, physical therapy, all comes from my personal research on the internet. Under no circumstance should anyone take anything medical related in this story as fact or use it in their own lives. Remember, this is fanfiction.

Thank you for all of your reviews last chapter. We almost made my goal, we were two reviews short.

Thank you Lynelle for your making time to beta the chapter before you take off on your trip. Enjoy your time with only one child and your mom.

xxx

Nervous energy pulsed through Bella's body as she sat fretfully waiting for Edward's procedure to be completed. Her nails had been chewed down to nubs, her knee bounced furiously, and the sounds of the receptionist answering phones was grating on her nerves. She wasn't worried about Edward being harmed, per se, what worried her was Edward's state of mind if the procedure didn't go well. If Edward lost his sight, he would feel even more inadequate and she worried he would build a wall of steel between them that would never come down. They spent a beautiful time together the day before; nothing exciting to speak of, only the perfection of spending twenty-four hours with one another. The better part of the day was spent in bed talking, wrapped in each other's arms. They laughed, they cried, and confessed all that they had feared, longed for, anticipated, and were saddened by. Because it seemed to be a pattern between them as of late, Bella dreaded that with these wonderful steps forward, there was going to be a dreaded step backward. She couldn't even bask in her lingering bliss for trepidation of the inevitable set back. Dragging her fingers through her locks she pleaded in her heart, _this has to go well_. Glancing at her watch, she saw that it had only been thirty minutes since she had left Edward in the operating room.

Needing a distraction, Bella stood from her chair and exited the front entrance. The ocean breeze floating through the air was soothing against her heated flesh. The gnawing uneasiness in her chest could be reduced by half if she could step up and face the challenge she had been putting off for two days. Bella knew she needed to get it over with. Emmett couldn't be trusted to keep his mouth shut for much longer. It would be ten times worse if her parents didn't hear about the baby from her. Just thinking about making the phone call caused sweat to bead across her forehead and her teeth to attack her lower lip. Renee would cry and Charlie would be silently furious. Bella had always been the good kid; she hated the thought of disappointing them.

As her eyes searched for some seclusion to make the call, her eyes focused on a bench down at the far end of the building. She could have some privacy, but still keep an eye on the entrance to the building. Once seated and with shaky fingers, Bella retrieved her phone from her pocket and pressed down on the contact titled, _home_.

"Hello," Renee's happy-go-lucky voice flitted into Bella's ear.

"Hi, Mom."

"Bella," she sang as if Bella's voice was the greatest sound on earth.

"How are you?"

"Fine. I'm still down in San Diego with Edward."

"How's Edward?" Renee asked in a voice laced with concern.

"Um, he's in surgery right now. They are performing his cornea transplant and trying to repair some of the damage done to his other eye."

"Oh, sweetheart, he'll be fine I know it. How are you handling all of this?"

"I'm… okay. I just… I really need this operation to be a success."

"Even if it isn't, things will work out as they should."

"I'm not worried about his sight, Mom. I'm worried about how far he is going to push me away if he thinks he's not enough for me and the—" Bella cut herself off.

Never one to linger in silence too long, Renee went on, "That would be ridiculous, and you've told him you don't care, right?"

"Yes, but sometimes it's like talking to a wall. He's already made up his mind that I deserve better. We've made progress, but this is the kind of thing that could set him back again."

"Be patient, honey. You two love each other. Anyone who is near the two of you can see that. It's practically a third entity in the room with you two."

"I hope you're right," Bella spoke dejectedly.

There was lingering silence and Bella waited for Renee to fill the void. Uncharacteristically, she said nothing. Bella could have sworn it was the whole mother's intuition thing. Renee was waiting for Bella to confess her reason for calling.

Bella sucked in a deep breath and rested her forehead against her palm. "Mom, I need to tell you something important. Is Dad home?"

"No. What's wrong, baby girl?"

Feeling engulfed by more emotions than she could handle, Bella began to sob.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Renee sounded genuinely concerned.

Bella wanted to laugh at all of the things that were wrong. She was on pins and needles worried about her boyfriend's well being. She was pregnant, and unmarried. She felt guilty keeping such a huge secret from her parents. She felt like a sixteen year old girl with all of her pent up sexual frustration, increased tenfold by her out of control hormones. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. She dreaded the impending departure she would have to make tomorrow and the loads of work she had to catch up on when she got home.

Not knowing where to begin, Bella blurted out the reason she'd called, "Mom, I'm pregnant."

Silence… and more silence. The only sound was the rustling of trees above Bella's head and the thudding of her heart in her chest.

"How long have you known?"

"Just after Christmas."

"Oh, Bella."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It was really important that Edward knew first. I'm so sorry."

Only stillness came from the other end of the phone. Bella's heart broke as she imagined her mother's utter disappointment in her daughter's situation. The overwhelming weight bearing down on her chest was almost more than she could handle. In that moment, she couldn't understand how rebellious children were able to withstand the aching pain of letting down the people who created you.

"Mom… please, say something," Bella begged.

A quiet cry came through the phone, stinging Bella's heart.

"Bella, I can't believe you've been going through this alone, all this time." This was not the response Bella had expected. She thought there would be questions of whether or not she was keeping the baby, if she and Edward were getting married, expressions of frustration. Not… sympathy. "I wish I could have been there for you."

Bella's heart swelled with love from her mother and for her mother. "Oh, Mom, thank you," Bella cried. "I've needed you so much."

A great deal of time was spent between mother and daughter as Bella poured out every detail involving the pregnancy since her suspicions at Christmas. Bella discovered her pregnancy was very much the same as her mother's thus far. Bella and Renee both cried when Bella shared Edward's reaction to finding out about the baby and all that they had worked through. Renee expressed her love and admiration for Edward, but also expressed her worries and concerns for Bella. It was nothing Bella hadn't heard or thought of already. Renee made plans to come down to L.A. and spend Mother's Day with Bella in a few weeks and she suddenly felt like a little girl that desperately needed her mother.

As the conversation came to a close, Bella said, "Thank you, Mom. Thank you for not making a difficult situation worse. I'm really sorry I let you down. I swear—" Bella stopped midsentence when she saw Edward's doctor exit the glass doors. Bella's heart rate accelerated to dangerous levels and her breath began to emerge in heavy pants. "Mom, I need to go. Edward's procedure is over."

"Bella, real quick, why don't you let me tell your dad about the baby first?" Renee asked with a hesitant voice.

"Um… are you sure, I feel like that might be cowardly of me?" Bella asked as she grabbed her purse from the bench and made her way toward the man in green scrubs.

"I think it would be best, if I talk to him first."

"Okay, thanks, Mom. I've got to go, I love you."

"Love you too, sweetie. Take care of yourself and my grandchild."

The corner of Bella's mouth tilted skyward at the sound of her mother proudly calling her baby "grandchild". "I will. Bye."

With quick steps Bella made her way toward the doctor.

"Hello, Miss McCarty," His baritone voice greeted as he extended his hand.

Bella shook his hand firmly. "How is he?"

"He's in recovery. He's pretty groggy from the anesthesia, but he's asking for you. The procedure went well."

Bella's heart leapt knowing that Edward wanted her, but then her brow furrowed. "I thought he didn't need to be put under?"

"Normally we don't need more than a local anesthetic, but since he could not take his anxiety medication before the surgery, we thought it would be best if he was asleep for the process."

"Oh."

"I have every reason to believe that the transplant was a success, but only time will tell for sure. His eyes will need to be bandaged for about a week and they will need to be changed every day. I want to see him back in about five days." He looked down at the clipboard in his hand, flipped a page over, and then looked back up at Bella with a smile. "That's about it. The nurse will go over more instruction for his care and answer any other questions."

"Thank you, doctor."

The two shook hands again. "It was my pleasure," he said and then turned on his heels and disappeared back into the building.

xxx

"How is he?" Bella asked the nurse standing in the corner of the room, recording information into the computer.

Her sweet motherly eyes looked up at Bella. "He's doing fine, hun. He keeps coming in and out of the anesthesia."

"Is he in pain?"

"No, mostly just delusional. He's a funny one," the nurse laughed, shaking her head.

"What do you mean—"

"Bella?" Edward slurred out.

"Yeah, it's me," Bella soothed as she made her way toward Edward.

Edward's large hand stretched out toward her. Without hesitation she slid her hand into his and grabbed hold. He released his hold almost instantly and slid his fingers up her arm, pulling her toward him. "Come here."

Never one to turn down a kiss from Edward, she leaned forward to give him a chaste kiss, but Edward was having none of that. He deepened the kiss and moaned loudly into her mouth. Bella enjoyed the kiss, but was slightly embarrassed by the audience in the room. Bella rested her hand against his cheek as she eased away from him.

"Show me your boobs," Edward commanded.

The nurse burst into laughter and Bella stood with her mouth gaping open in shock. Even in their most intimate of moments, Edward had never demanded her to expose herself to him.

"Come on, Bella. Show me your boobs," the command turned into a whine.

Bella's face heated into a deep crimson. "Edward, your eyes are bandaged."

"Oh, yeah." He bit into his lip thoughtfully. "That's okay, I can imagine them. Let me squeeze them." Bella's eyes darted toward the nurse in humiliation, only to find the nurse quivering with laughter.

Through her mirth the nurse mouthed, "The drugs."

Bella now found herself fighting to control her own amusement. "Edward, there's a nurse in the room," she informed him assuming it would quiet him down.

"That's okay. I'm sure she's seen boobs." Then a mischievous giggle seeped out of Edward's mouth, "Boobs." In that moment Bella could have sworn she was dating a twelve year old boy in a man's body. Then just as quickly as he woke up, he was back asleep.

"Is he okay?" Bella asked the nurse at his sudden stillness.

"Yes, the anesthesia just makes him tired. It will be another half hour or so before he is fully alert."

Still embarrassed by Edward's request, Bella apologized for Edward's behavior.

"Don't fret about it. You'd be amazed how many of them have that exact same request. It never stops being comical to me."

Bella spent the next half hour listening to and taking note of the nurse's care instructions and avoiding Edward's groping hands. Bella knew that people handled anesthesia differently. She'd heard of tiredness, anger, delusions, crying, and humor. She had expected Edward to be angry, retreating, and distant, not a horny little boy. If she was being honest… she loved it. He made her laugh and made her feel desired. At one point when Edward was being particularly petulant about it, Bella pulled out her phone and recorded the begging. Bella began gathering Edward's bandages, ointments, prescriptions, and watch, throwing them into her bag.

"Bella?"

Bella could tell by the seriousness in his voice that the drugs were now fully out of his system. "I'm here."

"How did it go?" The fear in Edward's voice broke Bella's heart.

Settling herself on the side of his bed, she rested her hand on his shoulder. "He said he has every reason to believe you will have a full recovery, but only time will tell."

Edward's jaw clenched before he asked, "How long?"

"How long, what?"

"Until we know."

"He said it could be anywhere from a couple of weeks to a year. We'll just have to be patient." Reaching out, Bella let her fingers graze along Edward's jaw line.

"Okay."

Bella was startled by his easy acceptance over the amount of time his recovery would take. He had been in such a rush to move on from the hell he was living in, that added time would only have infuriated him, causing him to push Bella further away. But after their breakthrough last night, things had changed. For some reason, Edward hearing Bella express her feelings to Emmett somehow solidified in Edward's mind what Bella had been promising him all along. She loved him with all of her heart and she wasn't going anywhere. Witnessing her confession to another, finally caused him to accept that what she said was true. When she had seen his broken face, she had thrown herself in his arms and they both cried. Bella made promises of never leaving and Edward promised to trust her and accept that things wouldn't go as he had always planned, but they could get through anything, together. Doctor Weber would have congratulated them had she been there.

"What's up Stevie Wonder?" Bella shook her head from her thoughts. Only Emmett could make a joke about someone possibly going blind and not have anyone take offense.

Edward chuckled and Bella stared Emmett down with hands on her hips. Emmett stopped laughing and Edward followed suit.

"She's mad isn't she?" Edward asked Emmett.

"Yup, she's so damn protective of you."

"It's not funny," Bella whined.

Somehow Edward found her fingers and squeezed them as he entwined his own with hers. "Relax, Babe. This is what guys do."

"But—"

"He's a grown man for crying out loud," Emmett growled.

"Ha!" Bella blurted out in a high pitched yell. "You haven't been here the last twenty minutes listening to him beg to see boobs."

Emmett burst into laughter and Bella felt Edward tense under her hand.

"I did what?" Edward asked.

"That's right and I've got video proof." Bella proceeded to grab her phone and play the video of Edward begging for Bella to flash his unseeing eyes.

Emmett held his stomach hunched over in laughter. "Dude, I did the exact same thing to Rosalie when I had my ACL surgery." Emmett dropped his hand down on Edward's shoulder and wiped a tear from his eye with the other hand as he looked up at Bella. "We can't help it, Bella. We're just born that way."

Bella rolled her eyes at her brother and then tried to read what Edward was thinking. She couldn't believe how hard it was to read his reactions when she couldn't see his eyes.

"I guess the anesthesia takes me off guard and releases all of my deepest desires." Bella started to shake her head again, slightly annoyed at the immaturity of these adult men, but she couldn't deny the small part of her that delighted in Edward's playfulness. It had been too long since she'd seen him like this. "Hey, Bella, when they take off my bandages, do you know what I want to see first?"

"That's enough funny guy. Let's go home." The two men continued roll in hysterics.

xxx

"Do you think Charlie is going to kill me?" Edward asked with sincere concern in his voice.

"Maybe," Bella shrugged.

"You're not helping," Edward said as he dug his fingers into Bella's side causing her to squirm against him.

"I'm sorry; I'm not going to lie to you."

Edward grimaced.

"Let's change the subject. My ultra sound is on Tuesday. Have you decided if you want to know what we're having yet?" Bella asked drawing circles on Edward's chest with her finger.

"I can't decide. What do you want to do?"

"Part of me thinks that a surprise would be fun. The logical part of me wants to be prepared. I do know that I don't want to find out without you."

Bella's head lifted and fell with Edward's chest as he pulled a long breath beneath her. "The thing is Bella, at this point, even if I'm there; I'm not going to be able to see the image anyway. If you want to know, go ahead and find out, then call and tell me."

"Tell you what," Bella started. "Since neither of us are feeling strongly either way, we'll do this. If you get your sight back before the baby comes, we'll go to one of those 3D imaging places and find out together. If you don't, we'll find out when the peanut comes."

Edward smiled. "I like that plan, but if you decide you really want to know, go ahead and find out. I won't be upset."

"Deal."

"I'm not ready for you to leave in the morning," Edward said as he dragged his fingers down Bella's hair and to her lower back.

Bella snuggled further into Edward and said, "Me neither. It has always been this way for us. I think the longest we've been together was five days at Thanksgiving."

"Five amazing days. I think I had already fallen for you before I met you, and then when I saw you, I knew you were it for me."

"When I saw you in the kitchen that morning, I was so attracted to you that I thought I was cheating on you. You were the most amazing specimen I had ever laid eyes on."

Edward used both arms to pull her tighter against him. "Do you remember our run in the rain?"

"Hottest kiss ever!"

"Do you know how bad I wanted to take you up against that tree that day?" Bella shook her head against his chest, with a smile beaming across her face. "Bella, I had never been drawn to someone physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually before, like I was with you. That was a good day."

"I was so nervous. I thought I was going to fall on that wet asphalt and look like an idiot in front of you."

There was a lull and Bella wondered if he was getting tired.

Finally he asked so softly, "Are you sad we aren't ever going to be able to do that again?"

"What?"

Edward sighed, "Run together."

"None of this again."

"I'm serious, Bella."

Bella rolled onto her stomach and looked at him even though his beautiful green orbs were covered. "Edward, I'm pregnant, we're going to have small children for a long time, our lives are only going to get busier, and eventually we're going to get old. Running is not always going to be in the cards for me either, so looking at the big picture, that is going to be a pretty miniscule part of what makes us happy don't you think? Besides, I have to have something I can go and do without you when you are driving me crazy."

Edward smiled and Bella snuggled back against him relieved they weren't heading back down the "Bella can do better road."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

Edward rolled himself on his side, keeping her body pressed against his own and kissed her. His knuckles dragged slowly down the side of her jaw and then his fingers extended as they wrapped around the back of her neck pulling her face toward his. There was no rush to their kiss, no groping, no desperation, only a wordless dance between their mouths as they moved in perfect, delicate, synchronization. They explored each other's mouths as if they had the rest of their lives to do so… and they did. Several minutes later they both pulled away breathless, but Edward continued to hold onto the sides of Bella's face.

Bella knew what was coming. He had reached his capacity of what he could handle physically with her and it was time for her to leave. The first night he had asked her to leave it had broken her heart. The next night, she understood, but it didn't take away her burning desire for him or the slight sting of rejection. Tonight, she wanted to leave without being asked. She wanted to avoid the feeling of rejection and to communicate to him that she understood.

"I think this is when I say good-night," Bella sighed.

"Yeah," Edward mumbled as he leaned in and kissed her again. "It won't be forever, Bella. You're just… you seem… to me you're so breakable, and I don't want to hurt you. It's a risk I'm unwilling to take."

"I know. I love you." Bella leaned down and kissed him one last time before removing herself from his bed.

xxx

Bella felt like she'd hit a wall. As she took her final steps toward her couch, her legs felt like they were packed with concrete. All she could do was collapse into the couch, boots still on her feet, bag still slung over her shoulder, and keys in hand. It had been two weeks since she left Edward. She thought she knew what exhaustion was when she rolled herself out of Rosalie's car that sad afternoon, but now she knew that was nothing more than needing a catnap. Since returning, she had been student teaching, grading papers, worked three shifts at the library over the weekend, written her rough draft for her term paper, had an ultra sound, and taken a nasty three hour glucose test.

She'd barely had time to talk to Edward. Whenever she found a few minutes to spare, she would dial his number, but it seemed like her free time never coincided with his. He would be at physical therapy, with his therapist, or sleeping. Whenever he called Bella, she was at work, studying, in class, teaching, or trying to get some sleep. They had become pros at texting and voicemail, but it wasn't the same. Bella had tried to call and wake him up late at night before she went to bed, but she would literally fall asleep on the phone. Luckily, Edward was a trooper and knew that she was insanely busy and pregnant— a combination that made her in desperate need of slumber. While this wasn't' the first time they had gone an extended period of time without communicating, it didn't make it any easier.

"Bella," the muffled voice rang through Bella's sleeping ears. "Bella," it called again.

Bella turned on her back and stretched. "I'm sleeping," Bella complained.

"Bella, you're doing too much. You need to slow down. This isn't good for the baby," Alice chastised.

"I _was_ sleeping," Bella snapped.

"No, I mean really sleep. Not wearing shoes, actually in your bed, and for more than a four hour stretch."

"I couldn't agree more. You work out my schedule so I can do so, and I will be more than obliging."

"When was the last time you ate?" Alice asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"Breakfast… and then I ate a yogurt this afternoon sometime."

"Bella," Alice screamed. "You have got to take care of the peanut."

"I know," Bella began to cry. "It's too much. I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired, and… tired."

"Come on, I made you some food." Alice held her hands out to help Bella hoist herself out of the couch.

Bella sat at the table and looked at the plate full of food and thought she could inhale it all in about five seconds. Her favorite spinach, feta, walnut, and strawberry salad, grilled chicken, and crescent rolls, all accompanied by Alice's famous strawberry lemonade. Bella literally felt her mouth water. Snagging her fork from beside her plate, she dug in.

"Alice this is amazing, thank you," she spoke through a mouth full of leafy goodness.

"Someone needs to take care of you, Bella, and I'm happy to do it," Alice spoke as she gently laid her napkin across her lap and took her first tiny bite. "Now that your mouth is full and you can't argue with me, I am going to tell you what you don't want to hear." Bella's eyes darted toward her friend, but Alice refused to lose eye contact and continued on with her speech. "You need to quit your job."

Bella shook her head. "I have to work."

"I know you like being independent and all that, 'I am woman, hear me roar' crap, but your parents can help you. There is less than two months of school left. Then you and Edward can figure out whatever you are going to do, but it's too much on you Bella. I know you can endure this, but it's not healthy for the baby."

Bella knew there was no arguing with that. Part of Bella's stress, was knowing that all of the lack of sleep and food was not good for the baby. She knew her parents would help her, and that all she had to do was ask, but she liked her independence. Her hand moved to her swollen belly and she knew that she couldn't risk the baby's health because of her stubbornness.

"Or maybe Edward could help."

"No," Bella stated as if it were not up for discussion. "I'll call my parents."

Alice raised a questioning brow.

"Edward and I haven't discussed money… at all. I know he did well before the military, but his mom took a lot from him. I have no idea what he has, what he's collecting, or what his expenses are like now that he's been injured."

"Isn't that something you guys should discuss? You're going to marry the guy."

"We will."

"Well, you better talk to your parents or I will."

The thought of talking to her dad made her stomach roll. She had talked to her mom a few times, but her dad was never home. She'd asked her mom how he took the news and she said, "Better than I thought." When Bella had asked her to elaborate, she said she should talk to him. Bella had wondered a few times if her dad was avoiding her.

"I'll take care of it, Alice."

"Tonight?"

"Sure," Bella resigned.

"Bella, this isn't a game. You need to take better care of yourself."

Bella nodded her head and took another bite of chicken and then put her fork down. "I am so full."

"You barely ate half of your dinner," Alice pointed out.

"I know, it sucks, I'm hungry all of the time, but then I am full after three bites and then starving again less than an hour later."

"It's because the baby popped out this week and isn't allowing any room for your stomach."

"I know, my stomach is all of the sudden a miniature basketball."

"There's no hiding the peanut now," Alice laughed. "Can we even call it a peanut anymore?"

Bella laughed. "I know. I saw Jacob in the parking lot today."

"What?" Alice practically screamed.

"Don't worry." Bella held up her hands, trying to keep Alice calm and in her seat. "He didn't come near me, but he looked at my stomach and his eyes practically shot out of their sockets. Then he shook his head and walked the other way."

"Well it's good to know that dog has been put out for good. Speaking of, when does your cast come off?"

"Next week," Bella said as she eyed the plaster on her arm. She couldn't help but be relieved that Edward was injured when he found out what Jake had done. Every time he had looked at her wrapped up arm, his face would tense and his jaw would go rigid. He would have killed Jake and then she would only be seeing him through Plexiglas at a state prison.

"Are you still going to see Edward this weekend?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"Because you need to rest," Alice stated in a duh voice.

"Well, I have to work the two following weekends, and I am not waiting three more weeks to see him. We'll take it easy."

"You better not be working the next two weekends." Alice gave Bella a look that said she wasn't messing around.

"Even if… _When_ I talk to my parents, I will still have to give work two weeks' notice."

"Fine."

Bella stood from the table. "I need to go and get some work done before I got to bed. Thank you, Alice." Bella bent over and kissed Alice on the top of the head. "That was exactly what I needed. Thanks for watching out for me, even though it can sometimes annoy the crap out of me."

"It's what I do best."

"Take care of me, or annoy me?" Bella asked teasingly.

"Both," Alice answered in a snarky tone.

xxx

"McCarty residence," Charlie's voice rang through the phone.

"Hi, Dad," Bella said cheerily. "You're finally home."

"Yup, how are you doing, Bells?"

"I'm fine. How are you doing?" Bella hated how formal the conversation felt. She wanted to talk about what they both were aware of, but not mentioning. However, this is how her dad liked to handle things. Pretend like they never happened.

"I'm good. I caught a whole slew of fish yesterday. Now your mom says I can't bring anymore home for six months."

Bella laughed, imagining exactly how her mother would be annoyed with all of the fish filling her freezer. "Dad…"

"Yeah."

"Are we going to talk about the elephant lingering between us?"

The noise of a defeated breath sounded through the phone and Bella imagined her dad slumped in his recliner, and his fingers rubbing over his closed eyes. "I want to kill the boy, to be honest with you."

"Dad, you can't put the blame all on him."

"I know that, but I want to anyway," he said sounding like a petulant child.

In barely a whisper Bella said, "I'm sorry I let you down, Dad."

"You didn't let me down, Bells. It's just… this isn't what I had planned for you. You're so young."

"It wasn't what I had planned either. I'm not that young, Dad. I'm older than you and mom were when you got married and had Emmett."

"That's another reason I want to kill him. Why aren't you getting married?"

"Dad, this isn't 1912. "

"It doesn't matter. My grandchild deserves to have a married mother and father."

In a defeated tone Bella replied, "You're right."

"So why aren't you getting married?" Charlie asked in a raised voice. "I thought you already knew he was the one and all that love at first sight garbage."

Bella spoke out of frustration, not really thinking about who was on the other end of the phone. "Because… when I get married I want to be able to sleep in my bed alongside my husband! I want to be able to be intimate on my wedding night! I want to be able to look in his eyes— corrected or not— when I say my vows!" Suddenly, Bella stopped her rant. "I'm sorry."

"He'll get better, sweetie."

"Will he? Because right now, it feels like I'm never going to get all of him back."

"You will. You probably don't remember, but when you were a little girl I did several tours in Iraq during Desert Storm. During one of those, I was hit by a grenade just like Edward."

"Is that what the scars on your back are from?"

"Yes. My injuries were nowhere near to the degree that Edward received. I only had a few scratches on my back." Bella rolled her eyes as her father downplayed his injuries. "It was the emotional trauma, which really took a toll on me… and your mom. I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD, like Edward. They didn't really diagnose that stuff back then. They just told you not to worry and that the nightmares would eventually go away… and they did. But, Bella, it took a long time. One night, I woke up from a nightmare and found myself on my knees above your mother with my hands wrapped around her neck." Bella gasped. "The look on your mother's face… the look of utter fear… it killed a part of me inside, knowing I'd put that terrified look on her face. That knowledge almost destroyed me and your mom. I wanted to leave her so she would be safe. But your mom begged me not to go. She told me she was fine, and she slept in another room until the nightmares subsided."

Bella's insides tied into tight coils. "She did? I don't remember that." "Of course you don't. You were just a little thing then."

"But, Mom never told me." Bella was hurt that her mother had never shared that with her. Especially when she could have given Bella solace as she went through a similar situation.

"Bella, some might call me a prideful man—"

"No!" Bella said in a mockingly shocked tone.

"Yeah, yeah. Well, that was something that humiliated me. It made me feel like less of a man. Men aren't supposed to have nightmares or ever hurt their wives. I loathed myself for a long time for what happened. How could I have hurt someone I loved so much? You're mother loves me in spite of that and respected my need to keep it between her and me. She never mentions it to me or anyone else."

Bella didn't know what to say.

"Edward will get better, honey. He's not pushing you away, he loves you even more by not taking you to his… bed."

Bella knew that her father acknowledging that she and Edward were sleeping together was a hard bite to chew. "Thanks, Dad."

Neither father nor daughter knowing what to say next caused a long and awkward pause. Bella gnawed on her lip, struggling to think of something to put them at ease. Then unexpectedly her father spoke. "I'm too young to be a grandfather… again."

Bella laughed and just like that the tension was gone. "I know."

"This summer, huh?"

"Yes, August nineteenth. Dad… I need to ask you a favor… and I feel like I am not in any kind of position to ask anything of you."

"I love you, Bells. Nothing's changed. You can ask me anything."

"Dad, I'm really tired." Bella began to sob into the phone. "I'm trying to do it all, and I… I can't."

"You've always pushed yourself too hard, Bella. What do you need?"

"I've racked my brain trying to figure out what I can do to lighten my load, and nothing's optional except my job."

"How much do you need?"

"I swear I'll pay you back. It will only be for two months—"

Charlie cut her off. "That's not what asked. How much do you need?"

"About five hundred dollars a month," Bella mumbled.

"That's it? What about extra cost with the baby? Vitamins, food… or woman stuff."

Bella giggled. "No, five hundred is enough."

"I'll send eight just in case."

"No, Dad," Bella refused.

"It's non-negotiable."

His generosity, forgiveness, and kindness were more than Bella could bear and the tears flooded again. "Thank you," she was barely able to stutter out.

"I'm your father, Bella, I love you no matter what, and I'm always here to take care of you. Don't you know that?"

A hiccupped sound came from Bella's throat as she tried to speak. "I love you so much, Dad. I'm sorry I let you down."

"I don't want to hear that again. I'm proud of you, Bella. You've always been a good girl. You work hard. You're about to graduate from college. You found a good man that loves you. Shit happens, Bella. There are always consequences we risk with our actions; some are just easier to hide than others."

Bella decided right then that she would always show this kind of unconditional love, patience, and forgiveness to her children. "Thank you."

"I need to get going, baby girl. I have to meet your mom."

"Okay."

"I'll send a check tonight. Bella," Charlie spoke in a firm tone. "I'd be real upset if I ever found out you were in need and didn't come to me."

"Okay," Bella was barely able to speak overcome with emotion.

"I love you."

"Love you too."

xxx

"There's mail for you on the table," Alice's voice called as Bella walked in the door.

Flipping through the couple of envelopes on the table, Bella saw a letter from Edward and squealed like a tween meeting Robert Pattinson. She dropped all of her belongings and headed for her room. She would see him tomorrow night, but it was still exciting to get a letter from him again.

Bella's brows furrowed when she pulled out the letter and saw that it was typed instead of written.

_Dear Bella,_

_Since phone conversations are near impossible, I thought I would write and you can read it whenever you get the time. Don't feel pressured to write me back. I know that your free time is minimal. I still can't see to write, so I thought I would type. The letter will be slightly censored since Rosalie's prying eyes will be proof reading for me._

Damn. She liked uncensored letters.

_I've missed you terribly. I guess I became spoiled having you here with me those few days. Rosalie and Emmett aren't cutting it anymore. Tessa is good company, but she prefers her stuffed animals to me._

Bella laughed.

_Good news, my cast came off and I no longer have the crutches. I have a humungous titanium, plastic, and Velcro brace that covers my entire leg. I'm not complaining though, I can wear pants again, I can take a shower without my leg hanging out, and I can take walks. It is quite disturbing how skinny my leg has gotten. Now, even more good news. The bandages came off of my eyes. I can definitely see light and dark out of my left eye. I can tell when someone walks into the room, but wouldn't be able to tell you who they are. My right eye is just slightly foggy. He said in the next week that eye should completely clear up._

Bella wanted to leap of the bed and do a little dance. She knew that the quicker he healed physically, the quicker Edward would heal mentally.

_The bad news, my nightmares aren't going away. The dreams are vivid and they make me wake up covered in sweat, and out of breath. However, night terrors are subsiding. Emmett has only had to come in the room to calm me twice in the last ten days. I know that that seems like a lot, but that is big improvement. I talked to Dr. Weber about it and she said I am actually doing really well. She said the nightmares may never go away, but the night terrors should. She said that you would be safe in bed with me with the nightmares; it's the night terrors that need to decrease. Please be patient with me._

Bella's thoughts reflected back to her conversation with her father and the realism of Edward's dreams sunk in further. She would never let her feelings be hurt or be upset when he asked her to leave for the night again. He was making progress. That's all Bella cared about. She didn't need a sprint to the finish line; she just needed a steady pace. She was so proud of his progress.

_I made a new discovery on the Kindle. I'm sure you already know about it. The Kindle reads to you (not all books, but some). It sounds like a robot, but you get used to it. Anyways, I purchased, '_What to Expect When You're Expecting.' _I've been listening to it and learning a lot. It was quite interesting having the robot voice talk to me about when and what kind of sex is safe for the baby and comfortable for you. _

A nervous laugh escaped her as she thought of the robotic voice of the Kindle reading such things, then the laugh turned anxious as she thought of having sex with Edward again.

_Whenever Emmett walks past the room and hears it, he makes fun of me. There's so much to learn, Bella. I have to admit, it makes me a little terrified. There is so much to know and my experience with babies is limited to Tessa. I'm going to need your help… a lot._

They would have to learn together. A lot of this was new to Bella also. No amount of babysitting can prepare you for actual parenthood.

_I know that we aren't supposed to be making plans about the future or worrying about all of that yet, but I wanted to let you know that I have sent a current resume to my former employer at PG&E, the FBI (this one is a long shot, I don't know if they will take someone who has been diagnosed with PTSD), and positions within the military. I know that all employment is going to be contingent upon my recovery, but I thought I would try. The little peanut is going to need diapers._

Bella's brows knit together. She didn't want him stressing himself out and then having a setback.

_I love you, Bella. I hope that you know that regardless of our physical distance you are the person I want the most in this world. You are my best friend, my confidant, my peace, my goal, my satisfaction, and what keeps me going every day. You have been there for me in a way I know nobody has and nobody ever will be. I know the sacrifices you have endured to keep us afloat and I will be forever grateful to you for not giving up on me and our relationship._

Tears filled her eyes as she read Edward's words of reassurance. He was all of those things to her also. Just as he sometimes questioned her desire to stick with him, her insecurities made her wonder how a man like Edward could want her. Enduring this challenge in their lives was nothing compared to the reward of having him forever.

_I'm anxiously waiting to have you in my arms again._

She knew all too well what he was talking about. Only she wouldn't describe it as anxiousness, but an absolute thirst.

_I think of you more than I should,_

Bella smiled at his reference to one of her favorite things he had ever written to her.

_Edward._

xxx

We are nearing the end, can you feel it?

I love hearing from you guys. Let me know what you think.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

xxx

"Hello?" Edward answered groggily.

"I'm sorry," Bella sounded remorseful through the receiver. "I didn't realize how late it was. Go back to sleep."

"No, Bella, I'm awake," Edward said. He sat up in his bed rubbing the sleep from his eyes. In these moments between sleep and wakefulness, Edward would forget about his eye surgery and attempt to wipe away the blur that was sometimes accompanied when being woken. Then when his mind was more alert he would remember that the murkiness of his left eye was not going to vanish no matter how hard he scrubbed. Even though the fogginess may not ever disappear, he was excited by the near perfect sight of his other eye and the improvement in his damaged. "I want to hear your voice."

"I got your letter. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Our conflicting schedules have sucked; well, your busy schedule and my… laziness." The self-loathing was evident in Edward's voice. He wasn't down on himself like he used to be, but the feeling of inadequacy had become his constant companion.

"You're not lazy, Edward. You're recovering," Bella protested. "Besides, my schedule is going to ease slightly."

"Really? How so?"

"I'm quitting my job."

Edward's face puckered between his eyebrows. "I thought you loved working at the library?" Edward didn't understand why she would quit a job she needed and enjoyed.

"I do. I'm just…"

"I hate the gnawing feeling that you are always holding things back from me. What is it, Bella? Talk to me."

"It's just that the pregnancy… it makes me extra tired. I'm having a hard time doing it all. I'm losing weight and I'm exhausted all the time. The peanut is too important to risk, just to keep my job. It was only going to last another two months anyway."

Edward's hand clenched at his side. Bella was the most selfless person he'd ever known. She would sacrifice her own health for him or their baby. "_You're_ too important to keep your job. Did you need the money?"

"Yeah," she barely whispered.

"How much do you need for the rest of the semester? I can help you out." There was a silent pause from the other end. "Bella, how much?" Edward said in a more commanding tone.

"None."

"You just said you needed the money." Edward felt completely confused.

"I talked to my dad today. He's going to send the money." Edward now took his turn to be silent in the conversation. "Edward?"

"Why don't you come to me when you need something, Bella?" Edward wasn't angry, annoyed, or sad. He just felt useless to the most important person in his life. "You're always taking care of me, worrying about me, protecting me, and I love you for it. But, Bella, I'm getting better. You and the peanut have given me the motivation I need to progress… so that I can take care of _you_."

"Edward, you're still recovering. It has made me so happy watching you getting better. I don't want to risk you regressing. I want you healthy so we can be together again."

"I know I can't run a marathon with you. I can't kill that jackass Jake. I can't fully look into your gorgeous eyes. I can't take you to my bed and make love to you… yet. But, Bella, I can help you out financially. I can listen when you need to vent or express your frustration. I can make you take naps when you are here. Let me be there for you. Allow me to feel like you need me as much as I need you."

"You're right, I do need you. I just don't want to burden you."

"Bella! You're not a burden. You're… you're… you're my life."

Edward could hear a quiet cry in the phone. "I love you."

His crooked smile quirked up as he said, "I love you, too. Now talk to me. Tell me what you've been hiding from me."

Bella's giggle, that was like music to his ears, flowed and the pressure on Edward's chest lightened. Bella's voice began to pour through the phone releasing a flood of information and worry that she had kept damned up. She explained everything that had been going on, school, work, student teaching, pregnancy, Alice's threat, her mother's support and then her conversation with her dad.

"You're dad must hate me," Edward said.

"No, actually I think he understands what you are going through better than anyone else could." Edward only felt some reassurance, since Bella did not reveal the secret her dad entrusted her. "The only thing he's mad about is that we aren't getting married, but I explained everything."

Edward fell back against his pillow and rested his hand against his bare chest. "Really, what did you explain?"

"Well… I uh…. I just… you know… I…"

"You told him that your fiancé couldn't give you a proper honeymoon, so you wanted to wait."

"Well, not in those words."

Edward flew back up to a sitting position. "What?" Edward nearly shouted. "I was just teasing you. You really told your _dad_ that we're waiting for us to be able to have sex?"

"Would you rather me tell him that you didn't want to get married?"

"No! Man, I'm never going to be able to look your dad in the face again. He's going to think I'm a guy that knocks up his daughter, then abandons her for months, then can't take care of her needs, and then sends her asking her father for money." Edward could feel his anxiety starting to kick in. Not melt down level, just enough to make him uncomfortable.

"No, he doesn't—"

Edward cut her off. "Hang on a second, Bella."

"Okay."

Edward dropped the phone on his lap while he popped a pill in his mouth followed by a swig of water. "Sorry about that."

"Am I stressing you out?" Bella asked.

"No, _I'm_ stressing me out." He resolved that he would take care of this situation tomorrow. "How's the peanut?"

Bella didn't miss his change of subject, but followed his direction. "Getting huge. Wait until you feel my stomach. I think it tripled in size the last two weeks."

Edward's countenance radiated. Every time he thought of himself becoming a father, and that the mother of his child was Bella, he felt as if his insides might burst with joy. He was well aware that she'd said, "feel her stomach," and not, "see her stomach." He decided against reminding her he would indeed be able to _see_ her stomach… mostly. "I'm sure you look beautiful."

"How are you feeling?" Bella's voice shifting to one of worry.

Edward let out a frustrated groan. "I don't want to talk about me. I want to hear more about you."

"There's nothing to tell," Bella said through a yawn. "My life is pretty much _Groundhog's Day_." She yawned again. "Every day is the same, except every day I get bigger and more tired." This was evident to Edward when he heard another yawn.

"I think you need to go to bed."

"No," Bella whined. "We're finally connected on the phone. Who knows when it will happen again?"

"I'll see you in two days."

"That feels far away."

"I know what you mean," Edward whispered. Bella yawned. "Go to sleep, Sweet Girl."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you more. Goodnight."

Edward hung up the phone and clasped his hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, replaying all that Bella had told him. He thought of what he could do to help lighten her load. He thought about what he wanted and how to make it happen. Then, a smile spread across his face as a plan started to form in his mind.

xxx

"McCarty residence," Renee's voice fluttered into Edward's ear.

"Hello, Mrs. McCarty, this is Edward Cullen."

"Oh, Edward," she nearly cheered. "Don't you dare call me Mrs. McCarty. Call me Renee. It's so nice to hear from you. How are you doing?"

"Much better, thank you."

"I'm so glad to hear that."

An awkward silence lingered. Edward didn't really know what to say, but felt rude asking to speak with Charlie. He ran his fingers through his hair and then rested his elbows on his knees.

"Edward? What can I do for you?" Renee asked. She reminded him of the perfect television wives of old.

"I actually… I would… May I please speak to Mr. McCarty?" There. He'd said it. Okay, he'd stumbled a bit, but he'd gotten it out.

"Of course. Hang on a minute."

Edward's foot began to bounce, banging against the ground, and his shoulders were tense inside the cotton t-shirt stretched over his taut muscles.

"Hello," Charlie's unfriendly voice sounded breaking Edward from his nerves. He was relieved he had taken his anxiety medication an hour ago.

"Hello, Sir, this is… this is Edward Cullen."

"Yes, how are you, Edward?"

"Doing better, Sir." Edward noticed that Charlie didn't oppose to Edward calling him Sir, the way Renee had refused a proper title. "I wanted to talk to you about Bella… and me… and our relationship… and the baby."

"Go ahead. I'm listening." His words were void of any emotion.

Edward stood and began to slowly pace the room. Charlie wasn't going to make this easy for him. Edward knew he needed to man up and face the consequences of his actions. "First, I would like to apologize. Sir, I want you to know that I did not under any circumstance compromise your daughter in your home." Edward heard a low grunt come through the phone, but decided to press on rather than respond to it. "I want you to know that while this pregnancy was not planned, I am not upset about it either. I love your daughter, Mr. McCarty. Before I knew about the baby, I already knew I wanted Bella to be the mother of my children—"

"How about being your wife? Did you want her to be your wife too?"

"Yes, Sir. I had every intention of coming home from my last assignment and proposing to her. There is nothing more in this world I want than to have your daughter with me for the rest of my life. That's another reason I called." Edward paused while he gathered his courage. "God knows I don't deserve Bella, but I love her and I can't imagine living my life without her. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to redeem myself for all that I have put her through these last five months. I would like your permission to marry your daughter."

"I'm not convinced you would make her happy, Edward."

"Neither am I, Sir, but I am selfish enough to know I could never be happy again without her. She saved me. She saved me from myself. Any other person on earth would have walked away from me, but she refused. She loved me like nobody has ever loved me before, and I will spend every minute of every day loving her the way I should have been these last few months."

"Oh, Edward that was beautiful," Renee said, her voice breaking up through cries.

"For crying out loud, Renee, get off the phone," Charlie growled.

Edward did his best not to laugh and remained silent while the two argued.

"But Charlie, I want to know what's going on, and if I try to find out from you later, you'll either say,'I don't remember,' or, 'Everything's fine.'"

"Maybe Edward wanted this to be a private conversation. Hang up."

"No, I'm the mother; I deserve to hear this too."

"Renee," Charlie spoke firmly.

"Fine. Edward, that was beautiful and of course you can marry Bella."

"He asked me, not you. Now, hang up the phone," Charlie snapped.

It took every ounce of strength Edward had to contain the laughter that was causing his body to tremble. He felt like he was listening to a comedy session. The humor was a welcomed relief of stress.

"Sorry about that, Edward. Are you still there?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Go on."

"Sir, I'm going to marry your daughter if she'll have me. I can't live without her, but I would like to have your consent."

The short pause felt like several minutes as Edward awaited his fate. "All right, Edward, but I want you to know that it's only because I know how much she loves you."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you."

"Take care of my Baby… and yours," Charlie said, more tender than Edward thought he was capable of.

"I will. I promise."

"All right then, Edward."

"Sir." Edward jumped in before Charlie could hang up. "I wanted to talk to you about one more thing."

"Let's hear it."

"Bella told me that she had asked you for money to finish the semester so she could quit her job."

"Yeah?"

"I would like you to let me take care of that, Sir."

"Why now?"

"To be honest, Sir, I was ignorant of her circumstances before. Ever since my accident she has been highly protective of me and is afraid of burdening me."

"Sounds like Bella."

"She finally confided in me last night." Edward released a lungful of air. "Finally, she allowed me be there for her, and it felt good. I want to take care of her, Sir. That's what I'm working towards and I promise I will get there. If I had known earlier, I would have been the one to tell her to quit her job and provided for her, but I was unaware. Please know that I would have never let her work herself too hard or come to you for the money."

"Now hold on a minute, Edward. She's still my daughter. Just because she found you doesn't mean I don't exist. You're not married yet."

"All the same, Sir. I'd like to take care of this. Please allow me to begin my redemption. Let me do this." Edward's begging sounded more pathetic than he'd have liked.

"Alright."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Be good to my girl."

"I will."

"Don't you mean 'Sir?'" Charlie said with laughter hidden in his tone.

"Yes, Sir. I will, Sir."

"Was that all you needed? I'm missing the game."

"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry. Enjoy your game."

Edward was about to hang up when he heard Charlie's voice, "Welcome to the family," followed by a dial tone.

Edward released a long exhale of relief and began thinking about the next stage of his plan.

xxx

"Hey, Beautiful," Edward said when he walked into the parking lot after his therapy session and found Bella waiting with Rosalie. By the time he'd finished his words she was pressed up against him. "Mmmm, you feel good in my arms," Edward murmured against Bella's hair.

"Then keep me here," Bella said before she dove in for a kiss. Her forwardness was unexpected, but he wasn't going to complain, because her lips felt like home as they moved with his. Their mouths worked in perfect rhythm, equal in fierceness, and both erupting with passion. Edward felt like he'd been made to kiss this woman. Edward moaned into her mouth as her fingers tugged on the hair at the nape of his neck. "I've missed you," Bella said breathlessly against Edward's neck. He knew she wasn't just talking about the last two weeks. Edward was coming into himself, their comfort level was rising, and their physical drive was cruising at full speed. She'd missed _him_ and the connection they had shared before that devastating day.

"All right, enough, you two are completely disgusting." Rosalie's smirk held a level of humor.

Edward was locked in a trance with Bella when he said, "How had I forgotten how beautiful your big brown eyes are?"

"Can you see them?" Bella asked, anticipation swimming in her eyes.

Edward nodded. "Not perfectly, but enough." Bella started to sob. Edward's heart clenched and worry covered his countenance. "What is it, Bella? What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, I'm just… I'm so happy. You're looking at me, really looking at me. You're walking on your own—"

"Well, I still look like I have a peg leg when I walk," he laughed as he wiped tears from her cheeks.

"I don't care." She smacked his shoulder. "You're holding me in your arms. You're laughing, joking, smiling, and carefree. And…" Her eyes dropped to the ground. Edward slid his finger under chin, pulling it up, forcing her eyes to meet his. He looked at her encouragingly. "You seem… like you really…. like you _want_ me again."

"I've always wanted you, Bella."

"No… like… like if we were alone right now…."

"We wouldn't be dressed anymore," Edward said finishing her sentence. Bella nodded with her teeth digging into her lip. Edward had always found her nervous habit endearing and he wanted to kiss those tortured lips even more. "You read me so well, Bella. That's exactly how I'd like us to be. You have no idea of the war being waged within me. Dr. Weber seems to think we would be okay if we were to become intimate, but my mind still can't accept that you would be a hundred percent safe, even though my body is screaming green light. You are too important to jeopardize." Edward's hands slid around from her back and embraced Bella's growing belly. "Not only do I worry about you, but I worry about the peanut, which makes it even harder for me to trust myself. My physical desires can be suppressed until I can be _sure_ the two of you are safe."

"I know. I understand, but—"

The sound of a blaring car horn startled Bella and her focus was drawn to Rosalie standing outside her open car door.

"Can you two continue this at home? Tessa needs to eat, and I swear if she starts crying I am going to start leaking all over the place."

Edward's face scrunched up. He still hadn't gotten used to Rosalie's complete openness. There was nothing that woman kept inside. "I think we should go. I don't know if I could stomach Rosalie's milk everywhere."

Bella started laughing and laced her fingers with his, dragging him toward the waiting vehicle.

xxx

Bella had begged Edward to spend the morning at the beach. He'd been reluctant because the sun bothered his eyes and he was worried about whether his leg was strong enough to endure walking on the sand. He knew he needed to face these things eventually and he didn't want her worrying about him, so he kept his concerns to himself to appease her wants. It had been all about him for way too long. He wanted to do something just for her, and he was glad he had gone. It had been a beautiful morning. The skies were clear, the sun warm, the breeze gentle, and the water clear. Of course Bella was aware of Edward's discomfort and she set them up close to the parking lot to limit the amount of walking Edward had to do. With the protection of his sunglasses and closing his eyes when they weren't needed kept the discomfort minimal. It had been a beautiful and lazy day. The best part had been seeing Bella so carefree and happy. However, it left them both physically drained. The sun had depleted Bella's energy, leaving her skin tinged a glowing pink. They grabbed lunch on their way back and were now snuggled up in his bed watching a movie. Edward could feel the fall and rise of Bella's chest becoming rhythmic and slow. He knew she was exhausted and needed to rest.

He kissed the top of her head resting on his chest. "Go to sleep, Sweetheart." She started to pull away from him, but he halted her actions, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "You're okay, stay here with me. I'm not going to sleep."

Her doe eyes looked up at him, trying to see through him. Then she smiled softly and dropped back down against his body. Her arms snaked around his waist and squeezed. It was merely minutes before she was unconscious. This was Edward's signal that he could turn off the chick-flick and turn on some Sports Center.

Edward woke with a start when he heard Tessa's cries soaring through the house. Though, what startled him more was the realization of what had occurred in his bed. He didn't remember falling asleep. He'd been watching basketball playoff highlights and the next minute he was awoken by Tessa. Now he found himself lying in his bed, arms wrapped around Bella's protruding belly, her back pressed against his chest, her head tucked under his chin, and her legs intertwined with his own. It was… perfect. Perfect and terrifying. What if he'd had a night terror while he held her so close in his embrace? What if she'd moved in her sleep, startling him to react dangerously? What if he'd hurt her… or the baby. He could feel himself starting to panic, and then he halted his thoughts before they could spin out of control. Taking slow and even breaths, he closed his eyes, and thought only of Bella in his arms. He could sit here and worry over all of the could-haves, _or_ he could think about how it felt to be so close to the woman he loved. He chose the latter. He hadn't hurt her, he hadn't even had a bad dream, he had slept contently the way he'd wanted to for months and she was safe, still sleeping in his arms.

Edward pulled Bella tighter against his body, and started to cry. It was too much for him to bear. The progress was starting to happen so fast, his emotions had a hard time containing all of the joy he was feeling. She'd saved him. Sure, the medication, doctors, physical therapy, and session with Dr. Weber were healing him physically and mentally, but Bella… Bella had healed his heart. She'd brought him back to happiness, love, safety, and comfort. Edward felt that over the last weeks Bella had been bandaging the open wounds of his heart. Her words, letters, embraces, kisses, and kindness were a daily cleaning and wrapping of his wounds. Now he felt as if while they had slept she had somehow unwound all of those bandages and he was healed. His heart was healthy, healed, and full of love for her. He felt a freedom he hadn't felt for months; a freedom to love her completely, with no fear.

Edward laid awake inhaling Bella's scent, reveling the softness of Bella's skin as he dragged fingers up and down her arm, marveling at the way her body still fit perfectly against his own. Edward never closed his eyes in fear of losing this moment, the feeling of unconditional, unrestrained love and affection. Slowly, Bella began to stir in his arms.

"Shhh," Edward whispered into her ear. "Go back to sleep."

Bella's back arched away from Edward's chest, her toes pressed against the top of his feet, and her arms reached for the headboard as she stretched, causing him to loosen his hold on her. The plaster on her cast scratched Edward's arm as she extended further. When her body relaxed and fell against the mattress, she rolled over meeting his gaze.

"I can't sleep. The baby thinks there's a world cup soccer game going on in my stomach," Bella whined.

Edward looked down at the rounded barrier between them. "Does it hurt?"

"A little, but I like it. There's no emotion in the world that compares to feeling your baby moving inside of you."

Edward gazed at Bella in awe. The love for her baby already beamed off her face. She glowed. Not only was she giving him his child, but she would be a loving and selfless mother. She would be all that he wished his mother had been to him. "Is the peanut still moving?"

She nodded her head. "I bet you can feel it now."

Without hesitation or permission, Edward pulled the blankets down the bed and tugged Bella's shirt up, revealing pale, stretched, skin. She rolled onto her back and guided his hands across her flesh, resting them on the side of her lower abdomen.

"I don't feel anything," Edward said, anxious.

"Be patient."

Edward slid his body down the mattress so he was eye level with the baby bump. His senses were heightened like they were when he was in battle. His eyes were alert to the taut skin of her belly, every nerve in his hand was aware of every movement of her body, and he was completely still in fear of missing anything. The seconds ticked by like minutes and there were no goals being kicked in her womb. Bella's hand slid down over Edward's and pushed down on the firm ball. Nothing happened.

"I don't know what happened. It was non-stop action a minute ago."

Edward felt so let down that he wasn't going to feel the baby. "Maybe I scared it."

"No, maybe you soothed it," Bella comforted as she wrapped her hand around his cheek, looking at him more lovingly than he thought possible.

He was lost in those eyes, the eyes that he'd seen in his mind over and over again while he was overseas. Eyes full of love, passion, understanding, and joy. He couldn't believe he was here with her again, this way. He'd never leave her again. He knew he had to have her completely as his own, forever.

Edward was pulled from his thoughts when something small jerked underneath his hand. His eyes grew to the size of saucers, his breath stopped in his throat, and his hands tightened their hold. "I felt it," he whispered. As he spoke, the twitch flicked under his hand again and he began to laugh. Bella smiled back and started to giggle.

"Stop laughing," he said. "You're shaking your stomach and I won't be able to feel the baby."

"I'm sorry," she said stifling a laugh. She rolled her lips between her teeth trying to contain her mirth.

The baby continued to move for a minute or two and Bella beamed as she watched Edward's excitement progress with each kick. Edward closed his eyes and filed this moment away as one he would never forget. Leaning over, he kissed his protected child over and over again. Bella's fingers slid into his hair and he averted his attention up to the mother of his child.

"I love you," he spoke reverently.

"And I love you."

Without speaking they both moved to align themselves back with each other. Neither very graceful. Edward tried to move his brace-covered leg, Bella tried to maneuver with one arm, but the pregnant stomach kept them slightly apart. Finally, they came to rest with Bella's leg hitched up over Edward's hip, his arm wrapped around her shoulder with his other hand resting on her hip, Bella's arms wrapped around his neck, cast resting on the pillow and the other getting lost in his bronze locks.

Their mouths attacked each other in a fury of passion. Hands traveled, searched, pulled, rubbed, and grabbed every expanse of the other's body, but it never seemed to be enough, no matter how firmly pressed against each other they were. Regardless of how lavishly their mouths tasted each other, no matter how much their hands caressed the other, they could never satiate the unquenchable thirst for more. He rolled onto his back pulling Bella with him, her legs kneeling alongside Edward's thighs. Edward wrapped his arms around her and drew her against him. Bella sucked in a breath through clenched teeth.

"What is it?" Edward asked. "Did I hurt your arm?" His eyes darted toward her cast-covered wrist.

"No," Bella said through panting breaths. "The baby is too big now. I can't lay on you like this anymore. When you squeezed me tight, it hurt a little."

Before Bella's sentence was complete Edward had rolled her off of him, and rested her on her back. "I'm sorry, Baby," he said, looking at Bella. Then his eyes darted down to her stomach. "I'm sorry, baby," he repeated to his unborn child. He kissed her stomach, gently. His hands began to tremble and he could feel his stomach filling with nerves. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again. This had been exactly what he was afraid of. That in the heat of the passion— because there was always uncontrollable passion with Bella— he would hurt either Bella or their child. He knew he couldn't afford to lose any control with her, and he'd allowed his body to get the better of him.

As if Bella could read his mind, she bracketed his face and forced him to look up at her. "Hey," she waited until his eyes met her own. "I'm fine. The baby is fine. It was just uncomfortable."

Edward shook his head. "No, I should've been more aware of the baby."

Bella sat up and let out a frustrated sigh. "Do you know how often I wake up and find myself on my stomach?" Edward shook his head. "A lot. It's hard to break the habit of sleeping on my stomach. My belly is small enough that it doesn't prevent me from rolling onto my stomach, but big enough to get me sufficiently uncomfortable to woken up. Do you think I'm a bad mother? Or that I am endangering our child?"

"No."

"And neither are you. We are still adjusting, learning, and figuring out all of the effects of this enormous change in our life. I'm positive it's scary for every first time parent," Bella said. "Are you okay? Do you want me to get your medication?"

"No, I took some right before we laid down." Edward felt some of his anxiety lighten. He was so grateful to have Bella there to support him, shine a different light on things, and reassure him that he wasn't expected to be perfect. She was right. He would make mistakes with the baby even if he wasn't dealing with his illness. First time parents all have to learn and struggle. He took a few breaths and then smiled to himself. He felt like his anxiety had been escalating and then together he and Bella and tampered it back down.

Bella slid her fingers over Edward's scrunched eyebrows and smoothed the worry away. When he looked up at her she asked, "Are we okay?"

Edward loved that she liked to refer to them both being okay not just him. "I'm fine. There is something I wanted to talk to you about though."

Bella sat up and crossed her legs giving Edward her full attention. "What is it?"

He rolled over and reached into his nightstand. He fondled for what he was looking for and withdrew a plastic card and handed it to Bella.

"What's this?" Bella asked, confused as she took it.

"It's a debit card to my accounts." Edward watched her closely to read her reaction.

"I don't need this." Bella shook her head.

"Yes you do. I talked to your dad this week." Bella's eyes looked up at Edward in shock. "I told him that I wanted to be the one to take care of you."

Bella tilted her head to the side. "And he just said okay?"

"Well, no. We had a long talk and he agreed."

"What else did you guys talk about?"

"Oh, I'm sure you wish you knew," Edward said and then he winked at her.

"But—"

Edward cut her off. "Hey, remember when you told me that when you agreed to marry me all those months ago, that you were already living those vows?" Bella nodded. "This is me wanting to do my part in keeping those same promises. "I want to take care of you, Bella." She took opened her mouth to argue, but Edward halted her with an argument he knew she wouldn't disagree with. "It would make me happy."

Bella's eyes were cast down when she asked, "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Are you asking me if I can afford it?" Bella nodded. "Yes, _we_ can afford it. I received a large sum of money when my father died. Apparently he didn't want to be part of my life, but I was his only child. I also did pretty well before I joined the military. My stock options have plummeted with this economy, but we're fine. Bella, we'll… we'll always be… comfortable," he said in a way to reassure Bella that they would never have to want for anything without sounding conceited.

"Okay."

"I added you to my account and a card with your name should come soon. We also need to go down to the bank and get your name on the signature card soon. Or we could just wait a little while so we won't have to go back again when you need to do a name change."

Edward's heart leapt at the sight of Bella's joyful expression. He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly, but she wasn't having it. She deepened the kiss and asked, "Now, can we get back to making out like teenagers, because those were the most satisfying minutes I've had in months."

Edward smiled and closed his eyes as he leaned in to kiss Bella's aggressive lips.

"Dinner," Rosalie called through the door.

"I hate Rosalie," Bella growled.

xxx

Edward couldn't wipe the grin off his face. Things were going good, great, amazing. There was no word to explain the overwhelming joy in Edward's chest. He sat lounging on a deck chair watching the sun set behind his house.

It had been a week since Bella had left. They'd made so much progress. Edward felt as if every time he'd been with Bella since his accident, he'd reached another peak as they climbed the Everest of getting back to a normal connection. Edward knew their relationship would never be as it had been before. They had both changed. They had been through too much to ever go back to the same. However, the wounds of their broken hearts had recovered and they were back to building on that relationship, making sure they had a solid foundation before moving on.

It seemed that in the short week that Bella had been gone, Edward had made so much personal progress. His eye sight was almost fully restored. His doctor had informed him at his last visit that he would always need glasses for reading or using the computer, but that the transplant had been a success. He had every reason to believe that Edward would have his full vision restored. His leg was getting stronger, the physical therapy was less frequent, and he was able to maneuver on it much smoother. Dr. Weber told Edward that now that he was physically capable of taking care of himself, she saw no reason why he couldn't move back into his own home. And that is exactly where he had Rosalie drop him off that day.

Saying good bye and thank you to the McCarty family had been rough. Living with them had shown Edward what a family was, and what he wanted. They had given him unconditional love and support. Rosalie had done everything for him and never once acted put out. Tessa had become someone that Edward truly loved and felt protective over. She'd been his little partner in crime during the days. Emmett had been a rock and supported Edward through his trying times and never made Edward feel ashamed. The indebtedness he felt would never be alleviated. When Rosalie hugged him goodbye at the door, they both had cried. Edward never thought he'd ever see Rosalie cry, and when he looked at her baffled, she pointed her polished finger at him and threatened to break his leg again if he ever mentioned it.

He'd driven himself to the grocery store and to therapy that day. He felt the same excitement as a child going to Disneyland. He would never take his independence for granted again. He would never begrudge doing his own laundry, cooking his own meals, or cleaning his house. It was a blessing to have his life back again after his near death experience. He now understood the value of his life, his ability to live it, and he would never waste another day.

The best news of all had come earlier in the day. His former employers had a job opening for him and offered him a position. The job was in San Diego and he needed to go in for a customary interview to discuss pay and sign a contract. Edward had agreed and was going in two weeks. He was slightly nervous about going back to work, but knew that he had to jump back into his life. He couldn't sit back and wait for everything to be perfect. What thrilled him most about the position was that it was in San Diego. It would allow him to continue to see all of the doctors he'd been working with for months. He was anxious to talk to Dr. Weber about it in their session in two days. He decided against telling Bella until he'd talked to Dr. Weber, just in case she said it wasn't a good idea to start so soon.

Edward felt like before his last mission to the Middle East his life had been completed once Bella had been brought to him. Then after the accident he felt like someone had come and ripped his life apart. Now, he felt like he was becoming whole and nearly complete again. It even had an extension built on it… his baby. There was only one piece he had left to snap into place and his happiness would be complete. He wasn't going to wait any longer for that to happen.

Edward pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed a number written down on a piece of paper that was folded in his wallet.

"Hello," a voice practically sang through the phone.

"Hi, this is Edward Cullen."

"Edward," the high pitch tone screamed. "I'm so glad you're okay and that you and Bella worked everything out. Bella has told me all about the progress you've made. Your baby is going to be so gorgeous. Can you guys please find out what you're having I want to go shopping—"

"Alice," Edward interrupted. "Stop."

"Sorry."

"Is Bella around?"

"No, she's in class."

"Good," Edward said. "I'm planning something big, and I need your help."

"Oh… kay, what is it?" Alice asked.

"A proposal."

Alice screamed before Edward could continue and he had to admit he wanted to do the same.

Xxx

Hey everyone, thanks for all of your kindness and support regarding my husband being away from me the last few months. Unfortunately it's no longer needed, my husband's employer wasn't paying him (who knew that was optional), so he has returned to us and we are now back on the job hunt and having to take legal action to get a lot of money we are owed.

Thanks to Lynelle and Angie for your time and wisdom. I greatly appreciate it.

Take a minute and let me know what you think. Thanks.


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are mine.

Thanks to my Nellers, for being a super beta and friend.

Xxx

Edward opened the door and watched the steam from his long, scalding shower escape the humid bathroom. He ran his hands through disarrayed, wet hair, and picked up his bag before making his way toward the living room. The bag hit the floor at the same time his body dropped onto the couch. Edward's ears perked and his eyes darted around the apartment looking for the sprite that hadn't left his side for a second since starting their project. She was nowhere in sight. His shower had been a welcomed break from her over the top zest. He leaned over and pulled on his socks and dress shoes. Standing from the couch, Edward looked at his reflection in the mirror, the corner of his mouth raised in contentment. Dressed in slacks and an oxford shirt, not very many scars were revealed. He looked like a healthy man approaching thirty. However, his lips thinned into a rigid line as he observed his face. He could get passed the discoloration around his eyes, that would eventually heal, but not the wounds. Without thought, his fingers began to trace the scars scattered across the left side of his face— a constant reminder of the shrapnel assault only five months before.

"She should be here in about an hour," Alice announced as she strolled into the room.

Edward turned toward Alice, grateful she'd interrupted the self-loathing he was headed. Alice definitely had her faults. She was a little too excited about… everything. She was meddlesome. She was definitely too worried about her appearance— and everyone else's. But, she was a true friend to Bella and that fact could help Edward overlook her little annoyances. He was also beyond grateful her help preparing for what could end up being the most important day of his life thus far.

"You clean up real nice, Edward," Alice chirped as she rounded into the kitchen.

Edward's brows rose in shock. "Are you being serious?"

Alice's head poked back out of the door, she gave him a once over, and then nodded before retreating back in the other room. "I thought I'd have to help you out, but I approve," she yelled. "Have a seat at the table. I made some lunch for you."

Edward sat down in the dining room and admired the large portrait of the Olympic Mountain range hanging on the wall in front of him. "Is this Bella's picture?"

"Yes."

"It's great."

"I guess if you like the outdoorsy stuff," Alice said with slight disgust.

Edward wanted to laugh at Alice's response. Alice's slight reminded Edward of another reason he loved Bella, her appreciation for the earth's beauty. The clank of porcelain against wood snapped Edward from his ever lingering thoughts of Bella. He wanted to burst out with mirth when he eyed the plate Alice had placed in front of him.

"Looks like you really slaved over this lunch," Edward said facetiously still trying to control his laughter.

"Hey, I don't cook. If you don't like it, don't eat it," Alice said as she shrugged her shoulders.

"No, pizza is good actually. I just hope there's more. One slice isn't going to cut it."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Would you like me to bring out the box?"

Edward gave Alice a pleading smile and she was on her feet granting his wish.

"No wonder you have her so smitten. With a face like that, you could charm the devil himself. I guess I understand her moping now."

The amusement on Edward's face fell and he laid his food down on his plate. Removing the napkin from his lap, he wiped his mouth and hands and then clenched the paper object in his fist. "Alice, can I ask you something?"

Alice stepped back into the room resting the box on the table and then took her seat. "Of course."

"What was it like for her… while I was gone?"

"It was hard for her," Alice answered hesitantly, refusing to make eye contact.

Edward reached out and grabbed onto Alice's hand. "Please, Alice, I need to know what she went through. You know she'll never tell me."

"I know, and I understand why she won't."

Edward stood, shoving his chair away with the back of his thighs. "I wish everyone would quit handling me like I'm a damn crystal vase." His hands clawed through his hair and he began pacing the length of the dining room. "Alice, please," he begged.

"Oh… kay," Alice complied reluctantly. "Only because I think you deserve to know what an amazing woman you are getting."

Edward nodded. "Not that I don't already know that."

"She was actually fine in the beginning. She was excited when she got your letters, but completely driven in school. She stayed busy. Then… your letters quit coming and she—"

"She what?" Edward pleaded.

"I don't know. It was like a part of her disappeared right along with you."

Edward's face fell into the palms of his hand as he tried to hide his crumbling face. Emmett had hinted at the suffering Bella had gone through and he had made some assumptions, but hearing it from someone who witnessed it was harder than he thought it would be. As painful as it was, he wanted to know what he had put her through. He wanted everything exposed so he could then leave it in his past. He wouldn't ever have to wonder about it again.

"Edward?" Alice asked cautiously.

Edward sucked in a breath through his clenched teeth and forced his compressed eyes to open. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"She got over it, right? When?"

Alice wrung her hands in her lap and Edward knew that another blow was coming, because he'd never seen Alice this cautious. Her big golden eyes looked up; full of tears and Edward felt a stabbing sensation in his gut.

"Edward, it got worse before it got better. When she found out she was pregnant she was… disoriented. She wanted to be excited about the baby, but she was terrified. She wanted to keep her hopes up for you, but she was getting scared when she didn't hear from you for so long. She wanted to stay focused on her schooling and work, but wanted to retreat to her room and never come out. Her eyes, they always looked like she was about to cry."

Edward's elbows dropped to his knees and his hands gripped painfully at his neck. Tears poured from his eyes to the tan carpet below his feet. His stomach rolled and he thought he might be sick.

"When she found out you were in that hospital, but didn't want to see or hear from her, that was when any life in her seemed to retreat. She went about life like a robot. She did what she needed to and then she waited. Waited to hear from you, and then…"

Edward tried to wait patiently, but couldn't. "Say it," Edward roared.

"You broke her heart," Alice whispered.

Suddenly the air was too thin. His lungs were heaving as his mouth gasped for air. His smooth flesh was covered in a sheen of sweat. His large hands trembled as they clenched around the edge of the table. His mind flooded with his own self-chastisement. _You hurt her once and you'll do it again. You aren't capable of being a loving father and husband. You're a danger to them. She deserves better. If she's smart she'll say no when you ask her to marry her. _The demons that had been Edward's constant companion in Germany were starting to take over his mind and heart. He could feel himself being dragged down, becoming insecure, and going into protective mode.

"Edward… Edward…. Edward…" A voice filtered through his mind as if it was coming from another time.

Edward shook his head trying to dislodge the thoughts running through his mind. He couldn't breathe. His fingers tugged at the neckline of his shirt, pulling it away from his constricting throat. He needed air. He had to move. Edward stood making his way toward the door, but something was latched to his arm, and he heard the voice again.

"Edward…. Edward, no!" Two hands bracketed his face forcing him to cast his glance downward. His eyes tried to focus on the woman in front of him persistently calling his name. "Edward… Edward…. Look at me."

Using all of his inner strength, Edward focused his vision and really looked at Alice. His limbs trembled, accompanied by an erratic breath. He felt out of control.

"Where's your medication, Edward?"

"In my bag," he said as he crashed his back against the wall and slid down to the floor. His palms shoved against his eyes as he began to rock back and forth. It took all of his self-restraint not to cry like a baby. He was so frustrated with himself. And he wanted to growl out in rage when Alice's words replayed in his head, "_You broke her heart_."

"Here, Edward."

Removing his hands from his face, Edward found Alice kneeling down in front of him holding out water and a pill. He snatched the medication from her hand and tossed it in his mouth followed by a long pull of liquid. He handed the glass back to the girl looking at him wide eyed. He couldn't handle the look she gave him and dropped his forehead on the arms that were crossed over his knees.

"Are you okay?" Alice whispered.

"What do you think?" Edward snapped.

"I think your freaking out."

Edward thought, 'yeah I have been working all day on a proposal to a girl I've waited my entire life for and I know I am nowhere near good enough for her.' A groan rumbled through his ribcage.

When Edward didn't respond, Alice spoke again, "I'm going to give you a minute to collect yourself." The sound of her clicking heels grew quiet as she retreated from the room.

The medication must have started to work, because thoughts other than self-destruction started to seep into his mind. Edward's logic told him he was headed into a dark spiral and he needed to climb out. Without opening his eyes, Edward began to practice the breathing his doctor had taught him. He focused on relaxing all of his muscles, starting with his knit eyebrows down to his curled toes. He became more aware of the war being waged in his head, his insecurities and illness versus his common sense and what he knew to be true in his heart. Every time his mind recollected the love he knew Bella had freely given him, his mind would scream, _she deserves better_. As he worked to push that fear away, it was quickly replaced with another. Guilt for all that he had put her through these last months, and then his heart would scream, _Bella understands you're doing your best and she's forgiven you_. The mental battle raged for several minutes and then Edward began to see things more clearly as his medication began to disperse in his system, calming him, dissipating the panic and fear, regulating his breathing. He was coming back to himself. Pulling his head from his arms he shoved his fingers into his hair and pulled. He sat this way for several minutes until he felt like he was truly himself again, with only a pebble size of fear and regret residing in his chest.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked hesitantly from the hallway.

"I'm better. I'm sorry, Alice."

With grace Edward couldn't comprehend, Alice maneuvered herself onto the floor next to him. "I shouldn't have told you anything."

Edward shook his head in humiliation. "It's okay, Alice, I needed to know. To fully have closure from all of this, I needed to know everything and you know she would have only given me the sugar coated version."

"It's in the past, Edward. You need to accept that it's happened, vow to never do it again, and move on."

"I know."

"She's going to be home soon. Are you going to be okay?" Alice asked worriedly.

"Yes… No… She deserves better Alice."

"Edward, you only asked me about while you were gone, now I am going to tell you what she was like when you came back." Edward tried to shake his head. He wasn't sure he deserved to be relieved of his guilt so quickly. "Edward, those days you were gone it was as if someone had buried her alive, but the day you called, it was as if someone had drawn her back to the surface of her life. She was able to breathe again. She was able to see light. The sun warmed her skin again. She smiled; smiled so wide I thought her lips might crack open. You made her whole again."

Edwards's fingers brushed quickly between his cheeks wiping away the cascading tears. "Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome. She forgave you, Edward. You need to forgive yourself… completely. She loves you."

Edward nodded and smiled as a bubble of laughter tried to escape. "I love her too, you know."

Alice nudged his shoulder. "You're about to ask her to marry you, you better."

"You're sure, she's happy? Really happy… with me?"

"I don't need to answer that. What's your heart telling you?"

"We belong together," Edward said. Once he said the words, they were confirmed in every ounce of his soul.

Alice hugged him and Edward clung to her.

"Thank you, Alice, for everything."

Alice stood and said, "Of course, my best friend is in love with you. I'd do anything for you." Alice looked down at her wrist and her eyes grew in size. "She's going to be home soon. Go get your face washed off and try to do something with that unruly hair. I'll clean up lunch and then I am going to go to Jasper's for the night."

"Right," Edward turned on his heels and headed for the bathroom. He needed to get it together. He was about to ask Bella to be his wife.

Xxx

"Stop kicking me," Bella whined for the tenth time. She pulled her blinker down and turned her steering wheel to the left. "Ah, baby, that hurt. Get out of my ribs." She pressed her palm against the swell of her belly that seemed to be growing every day.

Relief flooded Bella as she pulled into her parking spot. She was finally home after a long day. She was already envisioning herself sliding into her bed after filling her stomach with the leftover lasagna sitting in the refrigerator. She slung her messenger bag over her shoulder as she hoisted herself out of her car.

In daily ritual, Bella unlocked the mailbox and held her breath as she checked for a letter. Her spirits fell when the box was empty. Her letters had become sparse now that they were seeing each other more frequently, but she always hoped for a letter from Edward. This was not a habit that would be easily broken.

A foot jabbed at her internal organs. A sigh escaped her throat and she reassured, "I know, I know, I'm hungry too, baby."

She twirled her keys one last time before inserting her key into the lock. Her hand clasped the knob and her eye caught a flick of white on the door. Her eyes focused and she realized it was an envelope with her name on it. The white envelope with red and blue slashes around its perimeter was just like the envelopes Edward's letters came in while he was overseas. Leaving her keys in the door, she retrieved the unsealed envelope.

Sliding the card from its encasing she read:

"_Do you think you will fall in love again? And, if you do, do you think you will trust her and believe that she wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with her?" – Bella McCarty_

Bella recognized the typed words. They were the words she'd asked Edward in one of her very first letters to him. Her eyes moved further down to the words written in Edward's script.

_Yes, Bella, I found love again, with you. I trust you completely and I hope that you want to be with me nearly as much as I need to be with you._

Bella felt a thrill course through her. She wanted him like she'd never wanted another. Her teeth gnawed into her lower lip as she looked the envelope over. There was no postage or address. Did Alice tape it on the door? But how would she get this from Edward? These questions scrolled through her mind as she walked into her apartment.

Completely focused on the envelope in her hand, she was startled when an envelope skimmed across the top of her head as it dangled by a ribbon from the ceiling. She looked up and tugged the envelope that matched the one in her hand. She wasted no time in removing the note card tucked inside.

"_Tanya was the only woman I had ever loved. I think that I really did love her. I can't say for sure, because I have never loved another so there is nothing for me to compare it to. If I can determine it by how devastated I was by what she did to me, I can only assume that I was completely in love with her." – Edward Cullen_

Emotions tumbled through Bella like a waterfall. Confusion… utter confusion. What were these envelopes and how did they get in her apartment? She was thrilled by the flashbacks into her correspondence with Edward. However, an insecure ache in her stomach rolled as she thought of Edward loving another. Dropping her bag to the floor she continued to read Edward's written words.

_It wasn't even close to love. I had no idea what it was to love someone with my whole heart until I found you, Bella McCarty. _

Bella grinned so wide, her cheeks cramped. Her eyes darted around the room and she gasped at the envelopes hanging from ribbons throughout the apartment. She clasped the two letters she'd read in one hand and yanked another.

"_Looking back now though, I know that the relationship wasn't right. The attraction was there, we had fun, and he understood me, but I realize he wasn't my best friend and I think for a relationship to be successful, you have to be each other's best friend. Is that strange?" – Bella McCarty_

_Not strange at all. Bella, you are my best friend, my lover, and my soul's mate_.

A bubbling giggle burst from her throat and shivers ran up her arms. "Alice, are you home?" She called. There was no answer. Her mind screamed, _What is this?_ as she made her way to the kitchen doorway and retrieved the paper.

"_P.S. I think of you more than I should." – Edward Cullen_

_Almost a year ago, I received your first letter and since then I have never been able to get you off my mind, and I don't think I ever will._

Bella couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched. "Hello?" Her trembling voice asked. Quietly she waited for a response that never came. Her attention couldn't be deterred from the game at hand. She was nearly bursting with giddiness as she made her way to the next envelope hanging in front of the balcony door.

"_I think I'm going to have to strongly disagree with you on the whole 'I'm getting the better end of the bargain' accusation. You don't seem to see yourself clearly. The things that you think make you unappealing, I find likeable. You aren't emotional; you're passionate about your interests and the people you care about. You aren't plain; you're real and natural. That's a good thing. I can't handle high-maintenance. Not that that's a bad way to be, it's just not what I want in a woman… not that you're trying to be what I want... forget it… it's a good thing to be who you are. What you consider clumsy; well, that could be free entertainment." – Edward Cullen_

_From the first letter I opened from you, I knew what a treasure you were. You are absolutely perfect for me._

Her mind was running away trying to figure out what this was all about. She knew what she thought it could be— what she hoped it would be— but didn't want to get her hopes up. This was not a proposal. Edward wasn't even here… was he?

"Edward? Are you here?" She called, full of desperation. She stood still waiting to hear his voice. Nothing. Not wanting her immense happiness to be deterred, she moved to the hallway, and tore open the message.

"_Are you a baby person? Most guys I know are weirded out by babies." – Bella McCarty_

_I thought I wasn't a baby person, but I couldn't be more excited that you're having mine._

Bella's hand fell to her little peanut and caressed her womb. She was suddenly aware that the baby had quit kicking her as soon as she read the first letter. Could the baby sense her absolute joy? Her throat clogged as she became overwhelmed by the assurance of them being a family.

"_There isn't one particular way I would want to be kissed that would make it a fantasy kiss. I guess an amazing kiss would involve the perfect kisser. That doesn't mean someone who has had loads of practice and has it down to an art. He would know me. He would know when I want it to be passionate and aggressive, or slow and cherished. Let me take charge when I want, or he would take command when I need to be controlled. Tease me when I want to be tortured in a good way. He would know my sensitive spots and when I longed and needed to be kissed there. That is the best way I can think of to explain it, because you can't be kissed the same way every time and always have the same reaction. I'm not asking for much right? Maybe that's why I've never had the perfect kiss. I would know because I would have kicked up my heel in the middle of the kiss— I'm just teasing, that's a girl joke. I will say that some of my favorite romantic movies have all had scenes where they kiss in the rain:_Say Anything, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Notebook, 50 First Dates, Pride and Prejudice_(with Keira Knightley, not my favorite version),_Spiderman, Bridget Jones' Diary 2. _I have always wanted to kiss in the rain, but never have." – Bella McCarty_

_Every kiss with you has been electrifying and I think our first kiss in the rain hits those Hollywood kisses right out of the park. I want to feel your kisses multiple times a day, every day, for the rest of our lives._

Bella's lips began to tingle. She closed her eyes and her finger tips found her lower lip. She could almost feel the unbelievable connection she felt to Edward whenever he kissed her. Her stomach was flip flopping all over the place and it had nothing to do with the growing fetus inside of her.

The bathroom door held her next treasure.

"_You're worth it_." – _Bella McCarty_

_I hope that after all you have endured as you've stood by me, that you still think I'm worth it._

Bella had to fight off the tears as she thought of all they had been through together in such a short time. Not wanting to dwell on her time without Edward, she made her way down the hall to the hanging message.

"_Now I have to answer your questions. The perfect woman? Hmm, let me think. Definitely long, brunette hair, chocolate brown eyes, fair skin, about 5'5'', small frame, full lips, and a heart shaped face." - Edward Cullen_

_It was you, Bella. From the moment I read your first words you captured me. When I saw your picture at Emmett's, I knew every other woman on earth would pale in comparison to you._

Bella remembered reading those words from him and feeling exhilarated that he had basically described her. He had been so sneaky, in setting up their first meeting. Sneaky and a dream come true. She flicked on the hall light to get a better look at the memo on her bedroom door.

"_In the future I'll have to be clearer on what my desires are from you." – Edward Cullen_

_You have no idea how clear I am about to make that._

What was he going to make clear and when? Bella's heart stuttered in her chest and she whirled around taking in her surroundings. Was Edward here? She opened her door with a trembling hand wondering if he was on the other side of the door. She twisted the knob on her lamp causing her room to come aglow. She felt a jolt of disappointment and a tear formed in the corner of her eye. Edward wasn't there. She pulled down the envelope hanging in front of her face.

"_I wish I could assure you that you will be able to fall in love again and that you will live happily ever after, but I can't make that promise." – Edward Cullen_

_I still can't make the promise of a happily ever after. But, I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to give you the happily ever after that you deserve. As long as you are mine, I know I will._

The tears now poured from her eyes and she released the cries swelling in her chest. She knew that there was still another letter on her bed resting against a bouquet of white roses and lilies. Swiping at her eyes, she did her best to clear her vision. She sat on the edge of her bed and rested the stack of envelopes she'd been carrying. Leaning over she inhaled the floral scent of the bouquet and slipped the final envelope into her hands. With trembling fingers she released the note from its confinement.

_"Marry me?" – Edward Cullen_

There wasn't an accompanying message from Edward below the quote like the others. She turned the card over, but then dropped it when a velvety voice startled her.

"Will you?"

She spun around to find Edward standing in the doorway of her room. Her heart was slamming against her rib cage, tears cascading over her cheeks, and her hand flew to her mouth to contain the heaving sobs erupting from her diaphragm.

Edward took a tentative step into the room. "You said yes to me once before, and I'm hoping you'll say it again."

Bella was speechless as Edward made his way toward Bella. He stood in front of her and Bella craned her neck back to look up at the most beautiful face she'd ever seen. He took her hands in his. Bella could feel the sweat on his palms and the quiver coursing through those perfectly large and calloused hands.

"I'm sorry that I can't get down on one knee for this," he apologized. Bella shook her head, still unable to get a word out. She tugged on his hands and pulled him down next to her on the bed. He rested a hand on her thigh and looked her straight in the eye.

"I know that you've been to hell and back with me. You have endured more than you bargained for. I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. If you'll let me try, I will spend all of my days trying to make it up to you, Bella." Edward's voice broke and tears began to engulf the green eyes Bella loved so much. "I love you with my whole heart. As long as my heart beats, I want it to be owned by you. I want to have you by my side as we walk through life. I want this…," he placed a hand on Bella's protruding stomach. "…to be the first of many we create. I want to go to bed every night and feel your warm body next to mine. I love you. Will you marry me?"

Bella looked down and found Edward's thumb and pointer finger grasping a beautiful engagement ring. The large diamond, resting on a platinum _Tiffany's_ band, shined brighter than all the stars in the sky. Its beauty took Bella's breath away. She sat mouth slack open while she stared at it.

Edward's whispered words pulled her from her admiration. "Please say yes."

Bella nodded her head and threw her arms around his neck. Edward wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her as close as the peanut would allow.

"Yes, Edward! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"I love you, Bella," Edward cried.

"I love you."

Edward pulled away from their embrace and slid the ring onto Bella's finger. As Edward watched his ring lock in place on Bella's finger, a breath slowly escaped his throat, a sigh of pure contentment.

When Edward looked up and met Bella's stare, he saw matching emotions: pure joy, love, and… desire. Minutes passed without a word being spoken as the tears on their faces dried and their gazes became more intense.

Ever so slowly, Edward's hand rose to Bella's neck. His fingers caressed her skin and he felt like he'd never touched her before this moment. Her eyes slid close with his gentle caress. He leaned forward and allowed his lips to rest on her eyelid, her cheek, her forehead, her neck, and finally her lips. The contact was so gentle it could have been a feather. His fingers trailed slowly from her neck and traced the bones of her collar. Slow pants began to escape Bella's full lips, causing one side of Edward's lips to quirk. Leisurely, he began to make work of the buttons on her shirt. As the second button released, Edward caught a glimpse of the swell of Bella's breasts rising and falling in rapid succession.

This moment, this intimacy, it felt so different than any other time he'd been with her. They had always been so desperate for each other that things had never moved this reverently. But, Edward knew, for him to stay in control, to be safe with her, he had to take this at a snail's pace.

Unhurriedly, he slid the shirt from her shoulders and dropped the fabric to the ground. Edward stood from the bed. He took the flowers and envelopes and sat them on the desk at Bella's bedside, never taking his eyes off of her brown orbs. Then just as slowly, he removed his shoes, followed by his shirt. He then bent down and detached Bella's boots from her feet. His fingers clasped her shoulders as he tenderly laid her down.

His eyes rested on her belly and then he braced his hands at her sides and allowed his lips to explore her stretched flesh. Bella's hands slid into Edward's hair and her fingernails softly scratched at his scalp. Edward looked up and gave Bella a look of complete desire and adoration. In one motion— to smooth for an injured man— Edward lay at Bella's side. His lips sought hers desperately and they kissed, deeply and slowly.

The first words spoken since touching his fiancé, was Edward's rasping voice, "Let me love you."

Bella nodded and then pulled Edward flushed against her body and found his lips.

Xxx

I have just agreed to submit a chapter to the Fandom4LLC. They are a group from the fandom raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). In September you will be able to go to their website and make contributions to LLS and in return get written work by authors from the fandom. All chapters are exclusive to this website and you won't be able to read them anywhere else. **Here is my question for you. What outtake would you want (from either of my stories), or what chapter would you like in another perspective, or if you could create any scenario with Edward and Bella and have me write a chapter for you, what would it be?** It's hard for me to know what the readers would like to read, so let me know.

Reviews always make me smile no matter how badly my kids are driving me crazy.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Notes:** I owe all of my readers my deepest apologies. I have failed all of you with the delayed ending of this story. The entire month of July I had non-stop company visiting our home. At the beginning of August, my husband accepted a job offer in another part of the state. I spent the entire month packing, moving, unpacking, and getting myself and my children adjusted to our new life. When September rolled around and I sat down to try and write, the characters had left me. I had no idea where to go. I tried several different chapters and epilogues and ended up deleting all, because they never felt right. Then the holiday season and visitors to our new home took over my life. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, Edward and Bella un-shunned me and started speaking to me again. They gave me the ending they wanted and then it took another couple of weeks for my life to slow down enough to write. I know that you are all rolling your eyes, not wanting the excuses, but I wanted you all to know that I wasn't just tired of the story or of you.

Thank you to all of my readers who messaged me and checked on me. I really appreciated your thoughtfulness.

Big love goes out to Lynelle. Who has always taken time out of her crazy busy life to proof these chapters for me. If you think you find plenty of errors now, you should see it when she gets it Love ya, girlie!

From Beta: Thanks LuvCullens! It's been fun. I too want to apologize to LuvCullens' readers. I did receive the Epilogue a couple of weeks ago. But due to children getting sick, myself getting sick, and other life circumstances, I'm afraid I caused a bit more of a delay. Please forgive me as well. But enough with the excuses and on with the story.

xxx

**Two months after the proposal.**

"Did you pick up your uniform from the cleaners?"

"Yes," Edward called, as he stretched the clear tape over the seam of a box marked "books."

"Did Emmett pick up his?"

"I reminded him, I can't vouch for whether or not that was accomplished," Edward answered with a sigh.

He knew that Bella was as type A as they come, but her constant planning over the upcoming wedding was starting to grate on his nerves. He had to remind himself daily that women anticipated their wedding day their entire lives, whereas men just want to get to the day after. Even with the constant annoyances she threw in his path, Edward's unimaginable joy— that had been building within him since the day he slid a diamond onto Bella's slender finger— hadn't diminished the slightest bit.

The night of their engagement had been magical for the both of them; one that would go down in the couple's book of life, as the pinnacle of their story. After they had made love, Edward felt like he was in heaven on earth as he fell asleep with Bella wrapped in his arms. It would have been absolute perfection, if only Edward hadn't succumbed to sleep and been dragged to his ever pressing nightmares.

"_We're under attack! Abort! Abort!" Edward commanded, as he jumped from his prostrate position in the sand._

_Running for cover, Edward began reaching down and yanking his men up off the ground by their packs. "Move your ass, soldier!" He screamed over the blasting sounds coming from all around. After sending three of his men over the crest of the hillside, he scoped his surroundings making sure no man had been left behind. When he was sure all were safe, Edward followed, making his ascent back up the knoll. His clothing drenched in perspiration, his mouth full of sand, and his heart pounded like a drum against his ribcage. The muscles in his thighs burned as if being licked by flames as he tried to climb the mountain of sand, carrying a fifty pound pack, as quickly as he could. Though exhausted, his mind was still on the alert and highly tuned in to the whistling sounds of bullets whizzing by his head. Edward's footsteps zigzagged in an attempt to avoid explosions and dismembered human- carcasses. _

_Regardless of his ingrained instincts to flee, there was one sound that could still his retreating form no matter how in jeopardy his life hung. _

"_Edward!" A gut wrenching shriek called. It was the most beautiful and horrible sound he'd ever heard. The sound of her melodic voice always soothed to his soul. Her presence could calm any fear. However, the horrific fear in her scream made him wish she was as far away from him as humanly possible. "Edward, please, please Edward, help me," she begged further._

_Edward turned around and saw his worst nightmare come to life. Only fifty feet away, stood Bella in a tattered and filthy dress. Her hair snarled all around her soiled and blood covered face. Her arms held a wiggling ball of pink flesh. With a flushed face, the baby released heart-wrenching sobs. When Edward met Bella's soulful, chocolate eyes, he could only see one thing: a desperate plea for him to saver her and their baby. _

"_Bella!" He wailed. "Don't move, Bella. I'm coming for you." Edward struggled to keep his body upright as his legs rapidly descended the sandy slopes toward his family. His eyes were zeroed in on the persons who did not belong in this dreadful place, when a sight so disturbing caused his steps to halt so quickly it almost caused him to tumble head over heels. The child's squirming body rested against a vest, engulfed in explosives, Velcroed around Bella's torso._

_Horror spread throughout his being, when a raspy voice, heavy with an accent, spoke from behind him, "She is beautiful."_

_Edward's eyes clenched shut, his teeth grit together, and his fists curled so tight his knuckles went white. Edward turned ever so slowly and was faced with the vilest creature he had ever encountered. Using every ounce of self-control, Edward kept his lethal fists at his side to keep from attacking the man toying with a minuscule detonator in his hand. He watched Edward with an evil smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Firestorms of rage surged throughout the veins of Edward's body. "Don't look at her," Edward seethed through a compressed jaw._

"_Don't worry, American, I've already had my fill," the man taunted, causing Edward's feet to lunge forward against his better judgment. "I wouldn't come any closer if I were you," the criminal spoke in a cool tenor. The villain slid his thumb over the red button threatening to end Bella and the baby's lives. Edward froze. "Good," the abominable man spoke in a bullying voice._

"_Let her go! You can keep me. Let them go," Edward begged, disregarding all that he had been trained to do._

"_Since you have caught me in a pleasant mood, I think I will give you five seconds to reach your whore. If you don't make it in time…" he slowly shrugged his shoulders, "… I'll kill them. If you do make it in time, I'll let you say good-bye to her before I kill her… and then torture you."_

_Edward didn't bother to negotiate; he saw that it would be a waste of precious seconds. He turned on his heels and ran like he'd never run in his life. "Bella! Bella! Bella!" The only word that could escape Edward's clamped throat, the sweetest word that had ever left his lips… Bella. His voice echoed of the desperate cry of a man about to lose everything._

_Just as Edward lunged into his last step in reaching his family, an explosion of fire erupted before his eyes. A blood curdling scream erupted from his lungs. "Bella!"_

"_Edward." His mind was being pulled from his nightmarish hell as Bella's voice called to him, "I'm right here, baby. I'm here, Edward. Open your eyes. It's only a dream." The desert images began to seep from Edward's mind and Bella's voice became clearer and clearer. He was suddenly aware of her caressing hands on his cheeks and the weight of her body over his torso. "Edward, look at me. I'm okay, you're okay. Edward! It's only a dream," she continued to croon. _

_Sensing Bella's presence, his hands clung to her arms tightly, reassuring himself that she was really there. Not a mirage, but a living, breathing, physical being. Bella's voice cried out in pain as his grip continued to tighten. "Edward, it's me. It's Bella. Wake up, it's a dream." _

_With a start, Edward was no longer lost in the time of his dream, but laying breathless in a darkened room without injury and Bella in his presence. His eyes snapped open. He focused in on the beautiful woman above him and he released a gasp of air, causing his chest to deflate. "Bella?" Edward's voice rasped between heavy breaths._

"_Yeah," she whispered, with a reassuring smile._

_His eyes fell to his hands bound to her arms like shackles; his fingers flew from her skin as if he'd been burned._

"_I'm sorry," he nearly cried. "Did I hurt you?" Edward cried as he sat up and engulfed her in his arms._

"_I'm fine. Look at me," her hand rested on his cheek turning him toward her gaze. "It's over."_

_Edward nodded his head slowly and fell back against the mattress. Bella began stroking his sweat covered skin in an attempt to sooth him. Edward's heightened senses were aware of the instant calming affect her touch had on his physical body. He was deeply bothered by how weak and scary he must appear to her, but she was still with him. For the first time he didn't want to escape her while he was out of control. He waited for the instinct to retreat from her to kick in, but it didn't come. When Bella's trembling hand reached the side of his stubble covered jaw, his hand covered hers and his stare penetrated her brown orbs._

"_I'm sorry," Edward's hoarse voice rasped. "Did I … Did I hurt you?"_

"_No." Bella shook her head. "I'm fine. Are you okay?"_

"_I hope so," Edward said, as he dropped her hand and pressed his palms into his eyes._

_Bella laid herself down alongside Edward and rested her hand on his heaving chest. "Hey, look at me."_

_When Edward didn't respond, Bella reached up, wrapping her slender fingers around his wrist and pulled his hand away from his face. "Look at me," she repeated more forcefully. Reluctantly, Edward dropped the other hand and complied with her command. She was beautiful with her flawless face resting against the palm of her hand, her mahogany hair cascading around her bare shoulders, as she rested against his white sheets._

"_It was only a dream. I'm okay," Bella's voice appeased. _

"_You're okay? You promise I didn't hurt you or the baby?" Edward asked as his hammering heart began to slow within his chest._

"_We're good. Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_No, but I think I probably should," Edward resigned._

"_I'm here, talk to me." Edward could hear the excitement in Bella's voice though she was truly trying to conceal it. He knew that she wanted him to open up to her. She wanted to be the one that was there for him and help him work through his trials. And engulfed by an epiphany, Edward realized with a smile, that she was._

_He took a deep breath and then proceeded to give Bella the slightly edited version of his nightmare. Bella didn't say anything; she only listened and embraced him. He loved this woman with all of his heart and thanked God that she never had to enter the hellish life he lived abroad. When he had completed his narrative, she spoke the perfect words, "I'm sorry." If she had said more or less it could have made him insecure about sharing his fears, but she had said exactly what he needed. It was the way she had always handled him since their first letter, because she knew him better than any other person on earth._

"_Bella, I can't guarantee that there won't be more nights like this. There may be times when this becomes a regular part of our nights. Are you going to regret committing to me and dealing with all of this?" Edward asked, as his hand stroked down Bella's side._

"_Not for a second," Bella answered confidently._

_Edward's eyes darted below Bella's face, suddenly aware of their state of undress. Then a different countenance overtook his face. His eyes darkened and a smirk came over his mouth as his hands gripped her hips. A giggle escaped Bella's lips sending a surge of arousal through Edward's body._

"_I love the fact that you can calm me so easily and take my mind in a different direction so quickly." Edward sat up, pulling Bella onto his lap. "I also love the fact that I can take you from sweet and comforting, to a lip gnawing, blushing, and nervous wreck with one lustful look."_

_Bella tried to push away from him playfully, but it only made him hold onto her tighter._

_His lips ghosted over hers as he asked, "So, you're still going to marry me?"_

_Bella couldn't even breathe, let alone talk, so she let her head bob once._

"_Are you sure?" Edward asked, closing his eyes._

_She gave the same reply, but allowed her hands to slide up his shoulders._

"_I love you, Bella McCarty." And then his mouth engulfed her own as he laid her on her back and gently took control of their bodies as he loved her._

Edward felt heat seeping through the skin on his face as he remembered how he and Bella had spent the rest of that weekend together as an officially engaged couple.

Unfortunately, he was snapped from his reverie when Bella yelled out again, "Did you ever get the internet set up for the new house?"

"Bella, I've got it taken care of. I told you I finished everything on my list. You don't need to keep rechecking with me." Edward released a small growl as he shoved the box aside and began taping another. "I said it was done and it's done," he snapped.

"You're right. I'm sorry," Bella pled as she exited the bathroom in a towel that barely wrapped around her belly. "I just want everything to go smoothly— the wedding, the move, the baby, and our new jobs."

Edward's emotions were on a roller coaster as the irritation he felt fled his mind at the sound of her apology. Subsequently, the sight of her in her nearly nothing attire caused his thoughts to quickly retract to where they had been only seconds before she exited the bathroom.

Bella took one look at him and laughed. "I know those eyes. Not a chance, Buddy. We have a ton to do this morning."

Edward's hands gripped the edge of the box trying to redirect his overflow of energy. "Then you better get dressed or I won't be accountable for what I might do," he warned playfully.

Bella stepped into her underclothing and jeans and was about to pull on her shirt when she sighed. "Edward," she cooed in her sweetest voice. "Will you go and get me the cocoa butter from the other bathroom."

Edward stood and kissed her forehead. "Only because my legs were starting to cramp up from sitting on that floor for so long." He winked and exited the room, returning quickly with the brown and white container.

"Lay back." He nodded his head toward the bed. "I'll rub it on your belly."

Inquisitively, she asked, "Is there an ulterior motive? I know how many babies were created because dads offered to give moms a massage."

Edward laughed, "I would love for it to head in that direction, but I promise I will only apply the cream onto your basketball."

Bella raised her brows at Edward's reference and he laughed. To Bella's annoyance, Edward had started referring to her belly as, "the basketball."

Bella jumped slightly when Edward pressed the cold cream against her flesh. "It's cold."

"It will warm up." Edward's face took on a look of concern as he put his other hand on her rounded abdomen. "Bella, your stomach is really tight."

"I know it will ease up in a minute. It's been doing that on and off all morning."

Edward's body became rigid. During his first aid training in the military, they were given a brief instruction on child birth. Luckily, for him he hadn't had to use this tidbit of information before. However, it didn't mean he had forgotten. He understood the definition of a contraction. "Bella, are you in labor?"

Bella waved off his concern. "No, it's just Braxton Hicks. I'm not due for six weeks."

"Are you sure?" As Edward asked the question, he felt her stomach slackening underneath his palms.

"Yup." She tried to answer as if she didn't have a care in the world, but Edward could read her like a book. There was fear in her eyes.

"Why don't we keep track of how frequently these Braxton Hicks are occurring?" Edward asked with unease in his expression.

Shoving his hands off her stomach, Bella got up out of the bed. "Don't be ridiculous, Edward. Everything is fine. I'm not having this baby now," she alleged with a tremble in her voice, quickly retreating to the closet and throwing on a shirt.

Edward snagged her hand before she got away from him. "Bella, look at me." Her tear filled eyes slowly met his. "Are you in labor?"

Bella's shoulders slumped and a whimper escaped her lips. "I don't know. They feel just like false contractions, but they aren't stopping." Edward's face began to beam and he opened his mouth to speak. "No, Edward! It has to stop," she begged near hysterics. "We are getting married next week. I have to be married before he is born. We are moving into our house in three days. It's too early. What if something goes wrong? He has to stay in. He has no choice," she nearly screamed.

Edward leapt from the bed and pulled his fiancé into his arms. Rocking her back and forth he slowly ran his fingers through her locks. "Shhh, shhhh." Edward didn't try to change her mind right away or force her to face the realities of what lie before them. He only consoled and comforted her until her crying had stopped and her body relaxed against his chest.

Then in the gentlest voice Edward could muster, he said, "Before we worry about anything, let's start timing your contrac—" Bella's shoulders tensed at his words. "I mean Braxton Hicks, and then we will go from there."

Bella pulled away from Edward and wiped away the moisture on her cheeks. "Okay, but I want to keep packing."

"Of course. You just tell me when the tightening starts and when it ends. I'll keep track on a notepad. We'll just do this for an hour. Okay?"

Bella nodded slowly with her face still trained on the carpet. The corner of Edward's mouth quirked up and he leaned forward kissing her forehead. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yeah," she said, a little less gloomy.

Edward retrieved his watch, a pen, and pad before dropping down on the carpet next to Bella. She was busy emptying her desk drawers and he proceeded with his taping. Within seconds, his task was interrupted by Bella's voice.

"It's starting." Edward recorded the time to the second and then returned to his job. About a minute later she informed him it ended and then continued with her work. Bella's tension was palpable. Edward kept silent as they worked, allowing Bella to work through her thoughts and pain. The only interruptions between the lingering silences between them were Bella relaying her contractions— about every two minutes. A half hour into this experiment, there was no doubt in Edward's mind Bella was in labor, but he had promised her they would wait an hour and so he would. Edward's mind was a battle of conflict. He was thrilled that the day had come for him to meet his child, but concerned since the baby wasn't quite full term. He also felt sympathy for Bella, she wasn't going to start their life together the way she had envisioned and deserved. She'd been robbed of so many choices regarding their relationship, and didn't get to plan when she would become a mother. But, nature could not be controlled, and Edward would rather embrace and enjoy this moment than be saddened by the fact that the nursery might not be ready, their wedding may have to be pushed back, and they might have a baby out of wed lock. None of these things kept him from feeling excitement; today they might welcome the tiny human being that was a part of him and Bella.

Forty-five minutes into the tracking, Bella began to give hushed moans after the trigger of pain. Edward dropped his pen and began to rub small circles on the small of Bella's back. "Is the pain getting worse?" Bella bobbed. "Are you ready to go to the hospital?" After a small hesitation, her head moved in the affirmative. "Okay, when this contraction is over, I will go and get our shoes and your bag."

Edward grabbed his tennis shoes, lacing them as quickly as his trembling fingers would allow. As he grabbed the packed bag and Bella's shoes, he felt relief that they had decided to pack the hospital bag before everything was packed into boxes. Retrieving his phone from his pocket, he called the hospital and Bella's doctor to let them know they were on their way in. Crossing the threshold of Bella's room, he found her curled up on the bed, eyes shut, and brows furrowed.

Military training had taught Edward how to cope with pain and emotions in times of crises, but no preparation could help him to cope with the agony of a loved one. His heart was full of the love he had for this woman and their unborn child. Nerves also coursed through his system. It was early for the baby, not dangerously early, but not ideal either.

Kneeling down by the bed, Edward slipped Bella's ballet flats onto her swollen feet and then began rubbing her back again. "Tell me when it ends and then we will go to the car."

Extending her arm, Bella reached over and laced her fingers with Edward's. "I am sorry everything is getting messed up. This wasn't part of the plan."

"Hey, look at me. I'm not worried about anything but you." Bella smiled as Edward went on. "I think it's about time I got to take care of you 'Miss I don't need anyone,' it's your turn to rely on me for a change."

Wrapping her fingers around his neck, she pulled him in for a kiss. He relished the feel of her full lips against his and the way it effected every cell of his body. He wondered if there would ever come a time that he would get used to kissing her, but then shook the thought away knowing that wasn't possible.

xxx

"Hello?" A comforting voice sounded through the phone.

"Hey, Rose?"

"Edward? Oh no. What does Bridezilla want us to do now?" Edward hadn't been the only victim in Bella's wedding planning. Most admired her organization and attention to detail, but when she tried to force her methods on others, they didn't always take it graciously. Especially Rosalie.

A forced chuckle escaped Edward serious expression. "No, it's not wedding stuff… well… I guess… it kind of will create a wedding issue." A slow breath released from his lungs.

Rosalie's time of taking care of Edward made her very conscious of his voice tones and breathing patterns. Immediately she sensed his anxiety and went into her nurturing role. "What happened?"

"Bella went into labor."

"What?" She cried. "The baby isn't due for six more weeks. We're coming up."

"No, Rose. Don't…" Edward's fingers pulled at his hair. "I brought her in a couple of hours ago. The doctor doesn't think the baby's lungs are fully developed yet. They've given her some medication to stop the contractions for now. They would like to hold her off for at least another week."

"Are they keeping her at the hospital?"

"Yes, probably until she delivers."

Silence carried over the line. A loss of words wasn't usually Rosalie's problem. Edward looked at his phone to see if the call had been lost.

"Rose?"

A sniffle came through the phone. "I'm here."

She didn't say anything else and Edward didn't push her. He honestly didn't know how to respond to an emotional Rosalie. Angry, yes. Sarcastic, yes. Bossy, yes. But, emotional was out of his realm with her. He patiently waited for her to be ready to speak.

"She's okay?"

"She's safe, if that's what you mean. She's upset we are going to have to postpone the wedding and the house isn't going to be ready for the little guy, but she's relieved that there was something they could do to keep him cooking a little longer."

"So, the baby is going to be okay?"

"He's fine. They are just taking extra precautions so that we can avoid putting him in the NICU."

"That poor girl. Nothing ever goes smoothly for her."

Edward's gut clenched as he thought about how much of Bella's distress in the last year had been due to him being in her life.

"Don't do that, Edward."

"What?"

"Start blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in her life. You are also the cause of everything good in her life right now." Edward's lack of response caused Rosalie to sigh in exasperation. "How are you doing?"

"Bella's safe, so I'm fine."

"You know what I mean. How are _you_ doing?"

Edward knew she was referencing his mental stability and anxiety. While he appreciated her worry and knew that it was out of love, he was frustrated that in the middle of Bella's crisis, people had to check on him.

"I'm _fine_, Rosalie."

"Well, Tessa and I will come up in a couple of hours. Emmett is gone on some overnight drill, but he can come up in the morning when his training is completed."

"No, don't come. Bella just needs to rest and I can take care of things."

"I don't know. What if you—"

"Rose," Edward spoke sharply. "I've got this. It's my turn to be there for her."

"But what about—"

Cutting her off again, Edward said, "Rosalie, I promise to call you if anything happens… or if it gets to be too much for me."

With reluctance in her voice, she responded, "Alright, so what can I do?"

"Well, we obviously need to postpone the wedding. Can you get a hold of Alice and the two of you take care of canceling everything and notifying the guests?"

"Sure, will Alice know where all of the information is?"

A sharp laugh escaped Edward's throat. "Are you kidding me? All of Bella's lists have been inspired by Alice. She's really the one in charge of this."

"Mmmm," Edward could imagine Rosalie's roll of the eyes. "What about the move?"

"I'm going to still try and get us moved in. I won't be able to decorate or anything, but I can get us settled." He laughed again. "Although, now that Alice is going to have some free time she may try and get all HGTV on our house."

"Do you promise to call if you need anything?"

"Yes, ma'am," he answered respectfully.

"Okay, take care of our girl."

"I will."

"I love you guys."

Edward's heart swelled. Besides Bella, he now had a whole family that was accepting him and even… possibly beginning to love him. "Thanks, Rose."

Ever so quietly, Edward pushed the metal door open entering Bella's hospital room. Her body needed the rest she refused to give it on her own, and now her small frame would be given the respite by force. Lying on her side, with her back facing him, the blankets draped over her hip and her hair draped over the stack of pillows, she looked tiny and perfect in that engulfing bed. Edward felt a sense of contentment, he could stand there and stare at Bella's sleeping form all day. Her presence alone gave him the peace he'd craved his whole life. In a cat like manner, her legs stretched to their full length and her arms followed over her head, while a yawn stirred from her mouth.

"Do you feel better?" His voice was unexpected and her body startled at the baritone sound.

Casting her chocolate brown eyes over her shoulder, she looked at him and Edward watched as her stunning grin illuminated her expression. "That nap was definitely needed and those contractions were tiring."

Edward closed the distance between them and stood at Bella's side. "I think that rest did you good." Dropping both hands onto her pillow, he encased her face, leaned over, and brushed her lips with his own. Then with a crooked smirk he said, "You aren't as cranky as you were before."

"I know," Bella sighed. "Was I awful before?"

Edward dropped into his seat and took her hand between his two palms. "Bella, you've been through hell, you are allowed to be cranky. In fact, I think it's to be expected."

Gratefulness flooded her face and then her teeth went to work on her lower lip. She was worrying and Edward didn't like it. Gently his fingers prodded at her chin, forcing her to look at him, and then gave her an expression of reassurance.

Giving a sigh of surrender, she spoke, "I know. I just don't want to… I'm worried if I'm too upset I might…. I don't want to trigger anything with you," she finally stuttered out.

A mix of frustration, anger, and self-loathing coursed through Edward. He didn't want to add to her burdens. Yes, the nightmares still emerged on occasion, and his leg hurt like hell from time to time, but his knowledge of how lucky he was surpassed any pity he could feel for himself. He knew he was fortunate to be alive, to have a job, to be able to walk on his own, and most of all to have Bella. With the help of his therapist and a lot of work, he was in good mental health and sometimes he wished that Bella and others in his life would quit worrying about him and let him be the strong man he was trying to be.

He saw Bella shift uncomfortably in the bed and realized that he had been glaring at this frightened creature. Tightening his hands around hers, he relaxed his expression and gave her one of his award winning, crooked smiles.

"Bella, I'm only going to say this once and then I want it to be the end of this topic… until _I _bring it up, okay." He raised his brows waiting for her acknowledgement and she delivered immediately. "I'm fine. Well… as fine as I may ever be. I'm not who I was months ago. I recognize my moods and my triggers. I know when I could possibly lose control, and I have learned to humble myself enough to ask for help, take some medication, and or remove myself from situations. I feel like I have come a long way, but it makes it hard for me to move forward, when I feel like everyone around me is waiting for disaster to strike. I can do this! I can take care of myself, and if I can't… I know I have you to turn to.

"This situation we are in sucks, having you live in this hospital for a week. Keeping you on medication so that our little boy can keep growing, delaying our wedding, delaying our move, feeling unprepared, it all sucks!" He exclaimed in a tone of agitation. "But…" Edward tugged on his hair with both of hands sending his hair in every direction as he began to pace the room. "But, I can't deny the part of me that is grateful." He turned and his eyes blazed into Bella's. "I'm grateful that you have to let _me_ take care of _you, _that _I_ can be the support that _you_ need. That our roles have been reversed and I am _finally_ the man that you need me to be." Dropping back down on his knees at her bed side, he caressed the side of her cheek, trying to take away her uncertain countenance. "I need you to _need_ me and not worry about me. Let me take care of you," Edward's pained voice pled.

With glistening tears heavy in her eyes, Bella licked her lips and then leaned forward and kissed him. Without pulling away she rested her forehead against his, and said, "I _do_ need you, more than you could ever understand. You forget how catatonic I was while we were apart. But, I promise I am going to do my best to not worry about you so much. But, what you need to realize is that this is what love is. Even if you had never been injured, I would worry about you. You are the most precious thing on earth to me. I am going to hover, and worry, and nag, and check on you, because it's in my nature, I'm a woman, and because I need you here with me almost as much as I need to breathe."

Edward kissed her… hard. Rising from his knees, he engulfed her in his arms and laid her back against her pillows, as he hovered over her body. Bella's arms wrapped around Edward's neck clinging, trying to pull him closer, all the while their mouths entangling. Their breathing escalated and their hands began roaming each other's heated bodies. Edward was ready to jump into bed with Bella and rip off her hideous gown, when the sound of a throat clearing seeped into his brain. Bella must have attuned to the same interruption, as they both released each other simultaneously.

Heads darting in the direction of the unwanted sound, they saw a large and very unhappy looking nurse filling the doorway. Chastisement was written all over her face. When she was confident she held Bella and Edward's attention, she shifted her weight to one side and rested her fist on her hip. "Now, I know you two know that we are watching both yours," she said raising her brown at Bella, "and that baby's blood pressure and heart rate. Don't make me have to come down here every time this boy," she pointed her pudgy finger at Edward as he slinked down into his chair, "tries to have his way with you. That's the whole reason you are here in the first place. Keep your hands to yourself, mister."

Both did their best to restrain their bursting laughs.

Turning away from Edward, Bella gave an expression of one who was much obliged and replied, "Thank you, Doloris, I have been trying all afternoon to keep my distance away from him, but all of these tubes leave me trapped on this bed." With a sardonic grin, she looked over at Edward shaking her head back and forth in disappointment. And as much as Bella tried to control her look of reproof, one of the corners of her mouth jumped up before she could control it again.

Edward's eyes bugged out; shocked that Bella would throw him under the bus. He winked at Bella when he figured two could play at this game. Edward cleared his throat and rolled his lips inward controlling the grin that was ready to consume his façade. "Yes, ma'am, I will do my best to keep my hands to myself. It is just very hard for me when she keeps flashing me with that very attractive hospital gown."

An explosion of giggles escaped Bella and Edward could no longer hold his stern expression and joined in Bella's belly aching laughter.

Doloris shook her head in exasperation. "You've got jokes, huh?" She said, widening her stance and quickly scribbling something down in Bella's chart. "How's this joke? This happens again, and we are going to have to cut back on Mr. Cullen's visiting hours."

Both quickly sobered up and began to apologize and beg for forgiveness from the irritated nurse's retreating figure.

"Now look what you've done. Now we're on the naughty list," Bella said, crossing her arms over her belly.

"Me?" Edward screeched, "That was all you."

Green eyes held chocolate orbs in a standoff, only a moment before the laughter reignited.

"I can't believe we got busted by the nurse for making out. She knows we aren't teenagers right?"

Edward raised his shoulders and said, "I don't know, Bella McCarty, sometimes you act like you're thirteen."

Bella tried to take a swing at Edward as he leapt out of the way.

Edward swiped the tears of laughter in the corners of his eyes. "Nice try, but you really should try to keep your hands to yourself."

Bella grabbed one of the many pillows propped behind her back and threw it at her adorable fiancé. "Get out of here."

Taking two deliberate steps toward the exit he said, "Fine."

"What?" Bella practically screamed. "I was kidding come here."

"No, I don't want to invade your space," Edward's voice dripped with sarcasm, as he held his palms out toward her.

"Get over here." When Edward didn't move, she commanded, "Now!"

"Will you be able to resist all of this, if I get any closer?"

Bella shook her head and smirked at the love of her life. "I think I can handle it… for now," she said, quirking a brow in a come-hither look.

Edward walked toward Bella, kissed her on the forehead and said, "I really like you. You know that?"

"I love you, too."

"No, that's not what I said. I said I really like you." Bella's face fell and she started to say something, but Edward's finger resting across her lips stilled her. "I do love you, but I also really like being with you. You make me happy. Happier than I've ever been."

Bella raised her head to kiss him and he retreated from her. "No way am I getting in trouble by Big Doloris again."

"Coward," Bella said, goading him to prove her wrong.

"Sure am." Stepping forward he grabbed her hand and then gently kissed it. "I am going to head out and get us some more stuff, since we are going to be here for the long haul."

"Oohh, will you bring my Kindle and all of my BBC movies?"

"Anything else your, highness?" He asked, as he rounded the table and retrieved his keys and wallet.

"Um," Bella tilted her head to one side and began gnawing on her lip as she retreated into her brain. Edward thought she was the cutest thing on the planet. "Get my lap top, more panties, some hair bands, and my cell phone charger."

Edward stood staring at her… unmoving.

"Edward?" Bella waited a moment and then repeated, "Edward?'

Edward shook himself, "Sorry, you lost me at panties.

Bella gave an exasperated eye roll and told him to get out of there. He kissed her quickly and ducked out of the room.

xxx

When Bella's eyes peeled open, she savored the image of Edward folded up in the chair next to her bed. She knew that she should feel sorry for him having to spend so much time sardined into a tiny fold out chair, but nothing pleased her more than waking up and finding him by her side. During the past week they'd spent day and night talking, playing games, watching movies, and desperately trying to come up with a name for this baby. Bella would never admit enjoying their time forced into seclusion. Edward's sacrifice only confirmed his love and commitment to her. She knew there were a million things he could be doing, and that babysitting his fiancé in a hospital for eight days wasn't anybody's ideal, but he'd done it for her. He took every precaution to make sure she was happy and safe. And as much as he tried to hide it, she could see the pain as he walked on his leg after sitting guard in that awful chair for hours on end.

They finally reached day eight and the doctor had checked the baby's lungs. He confirmed that they were fully developed— with a little help from some steroids—and were given the okay for delivery. The doctor stopped administering the Nifedipine that morning, and now it was only a matter of time until the peanut decided to make his debut.

Bella knew it wouldn't be long now. The microscopic contractions Bella had been feeling all day were becoming increasingly stronger. Hence, her deep sleep being interrupted. Bella glanced at the monitor and confirmed what she'd been feeling; the peaks on the screen had taken on a consistent and frequent pattern and had doubled in size.

The shrill of a phone ringing startled Bella and she glanced over as Edward began stirring. Quickly, she retrieved the phone before Edward woke up, he needed the sleep. Of course she knew who was at the other end. Renee had been calling every hour or so since she and Edward had let her know that they had stopped the medication. Bella now knew that had been a huge mistake. She should have waited until after the baby came before calling the family. Not only was her mom annoying her with her hourly checkups, but Rosalie and Emmett were now on their way. Emmett's booming and annoying voice was sure to keep this baby hidden inside of Bella's womb. No one in their right mind would intentionally come into the world knowing they'd have to face Emmett.

"Hello, Mom," Bella whispered.

"Why are you whispering, Bella?"

"Because Edward is asleep."

"Oh, sorry," Renee whispered, and then dove right back into her chipper and high pitched voice. "So, how's it going?" Bella could imagine her mom bouncing on the edge of the couch as she held the phone to her ear.

"Mom, I told you I would call when we had the baby."

"I know," Renee whined. "But, it's taking so long."

"Mom," Bella whined right back.

"Fine, fine, did you guys decide on the name yet?"

"We narrowed it down to two."

"What are they?"

"I'm not telling you."

"What? Why?"

"We want to look at him first and then we will know which name to use. If I tell you the names, you will give me a million reasons why it should be the name you like best and then it will be in the back of my mind while we are making the decision, and I want it to be Edward's and my choice."

"Geez, I think you and Edward win for most secretive couple… EVER."

Bella couldn't help but smile. She couldn't blame her mom for her frustration. Bella and Edward had kept their relationship hush-hush for an unusual period of time. They had been so wrapped up in each other that they forgot about others. It was that way since the very first letter. Bella should have known he was it for her with those first written words. Everything had been different with Edward than it had been with any other boyfriend she'd had. She was comfortable in her own skin with Edward, she felt like he was her own personal life line, they complimented each other, they both needed each other, and the sex…. well the sex was amazing to put it mildly. That was a whole other reason Bella could not wait for this pregnancy to be over with. Oh the things she planned to do to and with him.

"Bella!" Renee's voice yanked Bella from her revere.

She cursed her mind for getting side tracked, dang those extra hormones. "Sorry, Mom. What did you say?"

"I purchased our plane tickets; we will be there Monday, after Edward has to be back to work."

"Okay, that sounds good. Rosalie and Emmett will have left by then, too."

"I was thinking—"

Bella was no longer listening to her mom when a sharp pain surged from her back and into her abdomen. She tried to breathe through it, but by the time it had subsided, another one began.

"Mom, I need to go. The contractions are getting really uncomfortable."

"Oh," Renee squealed. "It's happening. I'm going to be a grandma again—"

"Mom," Bella interrupted sharply. "I am hanging up now."

"Oh right, sorry. I love you sweetie. Good luck."

"Thank you, I love you, too."

Just as Bella hung up the phone, the nurse walked through the door— luckily not Doloris. Edward and Bella had tried to get back on Doloris' good side, but in the end they were unsuccessful. Bella preferred Doloris' crankiness over her current nurse Irina. She was Bella's least favorite nurse. She was nice enough, but the first time she came In Bella's room Edward had said that she reminded him of Tanya. This caused instant dislike for Bella. Irina now stood at Bella's side reviewing the long strip of paper recording the activity of Bella's uterus and the peanut.

"Bella, where do you think you are at on the pain scale?"

"Um," Bella's face cringed as another one began. "Probably an eight."

Irina nodded in agreement. "I am going to check you now and see where you are at, because these contractions look like they are getting pretty nasty.

Rolling onto her back, Bella slid her knees up, and prepared for the dreaded invasion. Irina began her exam, which triggered Bella to want to scream every foul mouthed word she'd ever heard, but did her best to restrain her urges.

Irina smiled over the sheet stretched across Bella's raised knees. "You hate me right now, don't you?"

Bella bobbed in agreement.

"Will you be my friend again if I tell you that you are fully dilated and ready to push?"

"Really?" Bella practically screamed, and let out a whoosh of breath.

Edward jerked up in his chair. His hair in total disarray, his eyes hazy, and his wrinkled t-shirt twisted around his hard torso. "What? What is it? What's wrong?" Edward slurred, still half asleep.

Both women restrained a laugh when they looked at the disheveled man who was about to become a father.

Irina focused back on Bella and said, "Yes, it's go time." She stripped her rubber gloves from her hands and disposed them. "I'm going to go and page your doctor and we will be in shortly to set up.

"It's time?" Edward asked, as realization formulated in his mind. In one fluid motion he was out of his seat and clamping his hands onto the rail of Bella's bed.

Bella's face beamed as she watched Edward's countenance infuse with excitement. "We're having our peanut soon."

Bella would have burst out laughing as Edward scrambled to locate their cameras and put his shoes back on, as he chanted over and over again, "We're having a baby." That was until another contraction forced her to forget about Edward and focus on breathing.

xxx

Bella was sobbing as the pink, ball of wrinkly flesh was plopped down onto her torso. Little squeals erupted from his tiny, perfect mouth. "Hi, baby. I can't believe you're finally here," she choked.

Edward couldn't stop kissing Bella. Her hair, her temple, her shoulder, her cheek, anywhere he could find. He loved Bella, loved Bella with everything he had, but he had no idea how that love would multiply when he saw her give birth to and then hold their newborn son. His mind could not wrap around the fact that they were a family… his family… forever.

Bella looked up and kissed his lips tenderly. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too." His eyes found his son again and then he looked back at Bella. "He's definitely a Mason, isn't he?"

Her smile widened, "He sure is. Do you want to hold him?"

"Yeah," Edward rasped out, sounding like a frog was in his throat.

Edward tightened the blanket around Mason's body as he pulled him up against his chest. As he felt the warmth of that little form burn through his the cotton that lay between them, he felt everything within him constrict as he vibrated with happy tears. Dropping his head down, he pressed a kiss to his baby's fuzzy, copper colored, head. His affection for this new human being caused his heart to grow exponentially; he almost couldn't breathe for all the joy he felt. Growing up without his father and a mother who cared solely for herself, Edward had never imagined feeling this kind of kinship in his life. He had accepted this as something he was destined to be deprived of; it wasn't in the cards for him. Now, he had Bella, a son, and a group of extended family that loved him. Edward had been sure that when he had found Bella his happiness had reached its peak, but every hurdle they leapt together showed him that life was only going to get better and better as they traveled together through this journey they called life.

xxx

Bella opened her eyes, surrendering to the anti-sleep gods that had taken over her life for nearly five years. She tried, but failed to go back to sleep. Maybe it had something to do with being wedged between a toddler and an infant. Not wanting to break the cardinal rule of never wake a sleeping child, Bella did her best to reach over Lila and grab her book from her nightstand. As her fingers traveled trying to grasp the latest novel holding her captive, her fingers caressed paper instead of a hard book cover. Puzzled, she snatched it and then eyed the envelope. "Mrs. Cullen" was scribbled across the front in Edward's masculine script. Bella's heart skipped a beat. Every year for their anniversary, Edward had written her a letter reminding her of how it all began. As quietly as possible, she tore the seal apart and pulled out the folded paper.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_Five years ago today you tied yourself to me and Mason, and made me the happiest man on earth. I often wonder how it was that I got so lucky, and then I remember it was because of Emmett, and I try to dislodge that from my brain._

Bella grinned as she thought about her big brother all those years ago telling her to get over herself and write his friend in the Marines. Oh how grateful she was now for his blunt advise. "Who knew that oaf had any wisdom in that big empty head," she barely whispered.

_You've been by my side through horrific times, blissful times, trying times, lonely times, and some damn sexy times. I know that it wasn't coincidence that God blessed me with you before that horrible attack overseas. You gave me a reason to live and to get better. But, I couldn't have done it alone. I needed you to help get me through it. Thank you for rescuing me. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for loving me in spite of my flaws. _

Bella's lower lip trembled and she dug her teeth into the quivering flesh trying not to cry. She didn't want to wake a child, desperately wanting to enjoy her husband's sweet words without distraction.

_You are my rock. You are the nucleus of this family. Before you, I would have never imagined having a family, let alone a home with three little monsters ruling the roost. Mason, Ben, and Lila are perfect little beings that you and I created together. They complete my soul and I have you to thank. Thank you for being the kind of mother to them that I had always wished I had._

Finding it impossible to control, Bella allowed the crying to begin.

_Our days together have flown by and I'm glad that there is no end in sight. I will need every minute of forever with you and it still won't be enough._

_I love you, Bella Cullen!_

_Always,_

_Edward_

_P.S. I wonder if I will ever stop thinking of you more than I should._

Bella began to fold the letter when she heard the door slam open against the wall. "Mom, I'm hungry," Mason whined. The child always woke up starving, just like his dad.

Bella moaned when she became aware that Mason's very loud announcement had woken up two very tired kiddos. Ben sat up and crawled in top of Bella. "Hi, Mama'" he whispered, as he nuzzled into her neck.

"Hey, buddy. Are you hungry too?"

"Yes."

Lila began kicking her little legs inside of her layette and began rooting against Bella's arm.

"Okay, let's go get you guys some yogurt and bananas, so that I can feed your sister."

Both boys jumped from the bed and bounded down the hall. Bella pulled her baby girl into her arms and covered her cheeks with kisses. "Hi, my sweet girl. Let's go take care of those brothers of yours."

Bella was making her way down the hall when the phone rang. She quickly ran the length of the staircase, laid the baby in her swing, and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, love, happy anniversary."

Bella beamed at the sound of Edward's voice, she always had. "Thank you for your letter. I loved it."

"You're welcome. How are the kids?"

"Fine, we are about to eat some breakfast. How's work?"

"Work is work, it's not that exciting being a nerdy accountant."

"I like to think of you as a S-E-X-Y accountant."

Edward chuckled through the phone. "It just isn't the same when you have to spell it out."

"I know, welcome to the world of a very attentive five year old. If we ever get to be alone again, I won't have to spell it out, I will show you." Bella's face heated, this was as close to dirty talk as she got.

"That's good to know because I arranged for a babysitter tonight."

"So I guess you opened your present then, huh?" Bella teased as she sliced bananas into two bowls of yogurt.

"What present?"

"Have you not opened your computer bag yet?"

"No."

Bella smirked a most wicked smile. "Oh, then I'll let you go so you can do that."

"Why do you sound like you are up to something?"

"I love you, honey," she sang sweetly, and then hung up the phone.

xxx

Edward was bubbling with the enthusiasm of a fifteen year old boy. He knew that tone in her voice; she was up to something… something good. The friskiness in her voice made him want to crawl through the phone to be with her. Lila was three months old now and their time alone had been minimal since she arrived, thus his arranging an overnight babysitter. He _needed_ time alone with his wife. Sometimes he felt like an addict, he couldn't get enough of her attention. He missed their intimacy. He wanted to hold her, talk to her, and touch her. She was _his_ Bella.

His masculine hands tugged at the zipper on his bag and he grinned at the pink bag sitting inside. His mind immediately flashed back to their first night together, when she had arrived at his house with a bag just like this one.

Like a greedy child he snatched the bag and tore into its contents. Several pieces of black lace, sheer black fabric, and small pieces of black satin and ribbon, all the makings of an over the top red hot ensemble. As he pulled out the last piece of fabric— something resembling a long nylon with lace at the top— a pink envelope fell out.

He quickly snatched the card off of the floor and tore into it.

_Edward,_

_Thank you for the best five years of my life. You are my own prince charming, my dream come true, and the hero of my book. Was that cheesy enough for an anniversary card? _

Edward loved his wife's humor, and that they were still playful together.

_Thank you for being so helpful and patient since Lila was born. You've always gone above and beyond the call of partner, father, friend, and lover; changing the baby's diaper at night, taking the boys to the park, watching the kids so I can go to the gym, letting me sleep in on Sundays, treating me like I am still sexy, and keeping the kids away so I can go to the bathroom in private._

He chuckled as he began reading the other side of the card.

_I think it's only fair you are repaid for your acts of service. Inside the envelope are five coupons, one for each year you've belonged to me. I hope you enjoy them. _

Edward dug into the envelope and withdrew five coupons, read them, and grinned ear to ear.

_I love you with all of my heart and hope that I can make you as happy as you've made me._

_All my love,_

_Bella_

Edward returned all of his new possessions to his bag and dropped into his seat behind his desk. His eyes gravitated toward the picture Bella had sent him in a letter all those years ago. It now sat framed on his desk and he felt like the luckiest man alive. Their life together was far from a fairytale. Edward still battled his inner demons, and occasionally he was tormented with the feeling of him and Bella's relationship being unbalanced due to said demons. His mother had all but vanished from his life, and would never know her grandchildren. Bella could be one stubborn woman and push his patience further than any commander he had faced in the Marines. And most of the time their three munchkins made their home utter chaos. But, somehow at the end of every day he knew he wouldn't trade any of it for all the perfection in the word… and in the end that's all that matters.

**Author's Notes:**

How about one last time you click that review button and let me know what you think of these two kiddos journey.

I hope you enjoyed this little fic. I appreciate all of you that have reviewed and messaged me. Your support was amazing. My life is getting crazier and crazier as my kids get older and I go back to school (I know, I am going to be the old lady in class). There just isn't the time for me to write anymore. So this is my final chapter in the fanfiction world.

Happy Reading!


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